I'm rambling this chapter in the beginning, feel free to skip.

Bigger Person

It happens all the time.

Two people get into an argument, and not speak to each other for days. One person, in order to be the "bigger person", will apologize. But of course, the other person will say that in accepting the apology, he or she is actually being the bigger person. An argument will soon follow, and the said two people will not speak to each other again. One will try to be the bigger person, and then…

You get the picture.

It's a never-ending cycle.

But who's right?

On one hand we have the apologizer. It takes a lot of guts to admit that you're wrong, and ask for forgiveness. You'll have to swallow the immense ego that probably got you in trouble the first place, which is…well, excruciating for some people.

But on the other hand, it takes a lot to forgive as well. You have to not focus on yourself for just a second, and place yourself in the other person's shoes. And then, if you are considerate enough, you have to accept the apology and move on.

So who's better?

In the end, it doesn't really matter. If you actually care about who you're arguing with, sooner or later you'll be willing to let go of the argument. If don't like the other person…you'll get tired of arguing eventually.

But back to the age-old question: Who is the bigger person, the one who apologizes, or the one who forgives?

Maybe we should ask ourselves instead why we were petty and egotistical enough to care in the first place.

Good air in, bad air out.

Okay.

He's going to do this.

It's perfectly normal, really. He made a mistake, and now he wants to apologize. Nothing to it.

Except how he wants to run in the other direction at the mere thought of it.

But he can't. If he chickens out now, she probably won't forgive him ever again. After all, he's already disappointed her twice. Maybe third time's the charm works the other way around, too.

But he's not going to think about that, because he's going through this time. He's going to be the bigger person, and apologize.

Okay, now he wants to laugh.

Because, really, the whole thing doesn't seem too much like him. Getting jealous and wanting a girl he dumped twice? And then, wanting to apologize for yelling? It seems more of Shepherd's or Sloan's thing. The whole mess he made doesn't really match his indifferent and tough exterior.

But hey, she likes Shepherd and Sloan, right? She even called Shepherd a friend. So he figures that she'll appreciate him apologizing.

Not that he's doing it for her, of course.

He just wants to be the bigger person, that's all. The whole clear my conscience thing.

Nothing else to it.

She sees him coming, looking almost hesitant, and obviously not wanting to be seen. She sees him, and immediately engages with conversation with Mark.

It's not really a conscious thing, but some very small part of her registers the jealous act he pulled this morning as cute, and wants him to do it again.

So she talks to Mark, who looks surprised, probably because, well, since he came to Seattle she hasn't really been that talkative toward him. But obviously he's enjoying the attention, because he starts flirting again, and, to her surprise as much as his, she's flirting back.

But Mark's called away by a page before he can fully emerge, and she's left alone. So she pretends not to see him, and busies herself with a chart.

He comes up behind her, and leans in just enough to make her uncomfortable, so she says, hoping that she sounds angry, "Gonna yell at me again?"

He says nothing, so she continues, "Or, I don't know, shove Mark up a wall too because he was talking to me?"

"No."

"Then what do you want?" she pretends to scribble something on the chart, just to look busy.

"I want to apologize."

Surprise, surprise. She should've known he's going to pull something like this. "You shouldn't," she mutters, still not looking at him, "It messes with your badass persona."

"Yeah," and to her surprise he chuckles, "Yeah, I suppose it does."

"So?"

"So I'm sorry," he says, "I jumped to the wrong conclusion."

She sighs, and turns around to face him, "Yeah, you did."

"And even if I didn't, I shouldn't have acted that way," he goes on, avoiding her eyes so that he seems to be apologizing to his sneakers instead, "I'm not your boyfriend. I shouldn't be that protective. Who you're with, it's none of my business. I'm sorry," he finally looks up, and brown eyes pleading for validation, "Will you forgive me?"

She opens her mouth, but her pager rings right then, and it's an emergency. She sighs, and says to him, "I have to take this."

He nods, and lets her go. She manages to looks back only once, and sees him looking at her as well.

She sees how desperate he seems, and wonders (just for old time's sake, she's not really that much of a hater) if she really should forgive him.

But after two more patients die on the table, she decides that of course she's going to forgive him, and pulls into an on-call room some de-stressing help. The sex is good, and besides, she doesn't see any fun in bearing grudges. That's more of Derek's thing.

It's much more fun to be the bigger person and forgive.

Ah, my poor and in denial couple. So scary and damaged.

Now, I have bad news. I'm putting this story on hiatus for a while. Maybe a month, maybe two. I need to earn money, so I'll be working on a short story manuscript instead. Even a bored teenager needs money sometimes. But.

But.

But, if you review, I will stop procrastinating and work faster to write my manuscript. That way maybe you'll have to wait a shorter time for my next sucky chapters.