Cheers
Wolf
To Hell and back just for the craic
Chapter 3: Reno and the Reaper
Tseng was not happy as he typed up the next part of the report because he had to take Reno's word for it. He knew he would have to edit it but there were no other witnesses to corroborate what he put together. He only hoped that Rufus would accept it and with an even greater hope he prayed that his job would still be intact. After all this was an incident so big that a separate type of form had to be created to explain it and after spending two years in Shinra admin Tseng knew how big a deal that was. He sighed as he began.
"Here goes nothing."
Incident Report Form: Z9MGD666
Reporting officers name: Reno
Date: I dunno
Shinra Division: I was dead so technically I was on a career break.
Report:
So there I was totally deaded. Is that a word? It is now. Why? Because I am Reno the mighty (Tseng edit. He goes on like this for a bit. It is just best to take it that "deaded" is indeed a word or he will rant again). I was in a fiery place with no fun and a mountain of paperwork. I got bored and started to make paper darts out of them. I threw them at the little red guys that were running about everywhere. I don't know what the paper was made of but it stuck into them as if they were knives. It was so funny. I got one of them in the butt and he (Tseng edit. You don't want to know the details of this part sir. Trust me I lost a lunch over it).
After I pulled the remainder of them off me and wiped myself down this guy in a black robe appeared. At first I thought it was one of those Sephiroth clones. I remembered that you could get away with pranking those guys pretty good and they would get back up as if nothing happened to search for Sephiroth. So I took his scythe and cracked him good over the back of the head before laughing at him. I proceeded to take it one further and put the scythe in his hand before (Tseng edit. Lets just say he has a lengthy game of "Stop hitting yourself" and leave it at that).
There were two strange red lights coming from behind the cloak before a massive voice came out. Trust me it was so loud that it almost messed up my hair and that's saying something.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? THIS IS MY OFFICE?" I saw a sign above the desk saying.
"Mr G. Reaper." It was then I realized that I was neck deep in chocobo crap. Heh kind of like (Tseng edit. More drivel).
Tseng wiped his brow as he edited over the last line. 'If Rufus saw this report not only would I not have a job but my head would be on a stick'. He resumed reading.
So I told him
"This is hell right?" The dude threw off his hood and guess what it was. A skull. Totally freaky. It could have been Hojo's granddad.
"THIS IS NOT HELL BUT I SEE THAT AT LEAST YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING."
"Only if you can catch me" I said before kneeing him in the crotch and diving into the mound of paperwork. There was so much there that the little red guys had built a civilization inside of it. Quite spacious and it made the perfect getaway tunnel. I could hear the reaper behind me slicing through ream upon ream of paper. Something rustled in the distance. The little red guy with the dart stuck in his ass had got a bunch of his friends to gang up against me so I picked them up by the horns and flung them into the Reaper's path.
Soon they were running as quickly as I was. I heard a lot of screaming as the pace of the shredding increased. I looked around to see the dude had switched to using sickles. One in each hand. I was now being chased by the ultimate combine harvester. Then I felt a draft and checked my back. The dude had ripped a large tear out of it the dirty (Tseng edit. Put it this way he got really annoyed at this point and spent a whole three pages cursing. Some were made up and some didn't even make sense but that's what he did).
Sorry got a bit carried away there but the dude messed with my threads. So I got real angry and suddenly something weird happened. I was covered with a red light and my entire body got covered with gold. I know I had red eyes though as that was the only colour I could see. Oh and red hair too except that it was all glowy now. I could feel horns poking out as well two on my forehead and all down my arms. I stopped running and turned around.
There was an almighty "Clang" as the sickles bounced off me. I pointed at the reaper and shouted "Fear" at him. Although it was more like something else shouting out of me. Anyway old bony features stopped altogether. Something weird was happening to him. He was covered in pink stuff that (Tseng edit. How can one guy be so gross?) By the end of it the Reaper understood what had happened.
"Flesh? Nooo. How can I have flesh? Get it off. Get it off." He tried taking it off but more grew back in its place. The now fleshy Death gave me a look that could kill.
"YOU! GET OUT NOW." With a swipe of his palm he punched me so hard I ended up going through the roof. I heard the sounds of an arcade and smelled sweet candy floss and popcorn before I passed out.
Tseng stopped typing for a while so he could have another swig of coffee. There was a short, sharp knock on the door.
"Come in." Rude popped his head around the door and gave a single nod.
"Oh its you. Come in. What's happened?"
"There's a group of moogles downstairs Sir. It seems they want compensation for their services in the incident."
"And if they don't get it?"
"Then they are going to report to Rufus directly."
"Damn it fine. Pay them but not too much. I have to explain where the money went."
"As you wish sir." Tseng felt like shooting something at that point. The door creaked and a head of red hair started to peek around the door with a
"Hiya Sir. Hows it going?" The head ducked out quickly as two bullets hit the doorframe letting the Turks know that Tseng would be occupied with this for a little while longer. Tseng smiled cruelly before getting back to looking at more reports.
That's it for this chaper hope you enjoyed it. Please R&R.
Cheers
Wolf