To Hell and back just for the craic

Chapter 4: Death and Candyfloss

Tseng watched with a grimace from his window as a clan of grinning moogles walked away from the Shinra building. Each carried a large sack. One of them tripped and spilled some of their reward onto the pavement. It was a load of kupo nuts. 'Rude you genius', Tseng thought as he smirked. He quickly wrote "Give Rude a bonus this month for quick thinking," on a post-it and set it to one side. Rude had provided the moogles with a reward of beer nuts that the Shinra Corp received for free from Kupo Co as payment for providing them with electricity. Content that the situation was not a complete disaster and that there was only one numbskull on his team to "think outside the box," he got back to writing his report.

Incident Report Form Z9MGD666

Reporting officer's name: Tseng

Date: 32/9/3503

Shinra Division: The Turks

Report:

Finally I can get back to a story I can verify. From the Golden Saucer's security tapes it shows that a fiery pit opened up in the main hall scaring the Fat Chocobo mascot out of his suit. Reno in a golden form with glowing red hair and eyes was indeed thrown through it and landed on the floor where he promptly passed out. When staff were informed of his presence they sent in a Cait Sith unit to assess the situation in case this golden creature was dangerous.

The fiery hole was by now sealed and it appeared as if it never existed. The unit padded in and poked Reno with its foot. No response. It held out a candyfloss in front of his nose and he twitched. Now as you and I know, giving Reno any form of sugar is an extremely bad idea. This was no exception. Within seconds the Cait Sith was missing a candyfloss and the arm that was attached to it.

The creature that I will now refer to as Golden Devil began its rampage. The red glow flared up and it moved at such a speed that only the gold and red blur could be seen. First it went to the roller coaster on what must have been a recon mission. There was definitely purpose to its movement. However it did not get on the coaster before getting the cute attendants phone number. He won the top prize as well after flying through every target. After the ride the creature howled that it wasn't fast enough and it tweaked with the controls until the coaster ride lasted five seconds instead of five minutes. Victims of the ride are currently receiving treatment at the psychiatric ward of Midgar Hospital. Most of their statements were illegible; the ones I could make out had "blender" and "new underwear" as prominent themes.

The Golden Devil proceeded on to the battle square where it beat the top score by a clear 5000 points. The square witnessed a rare event where it had to close for lack of monsters and opponents. The visitors that complained within the Golden Devil's earshot were knocked out simply when he poked them. Seeing that this was going to be a bigger problem then the Cait Siths could handle the manager called in Shinra. The call was brought to my attention to which you will remember I notified you of it as soon as I heard.

While we had a meeting to discuss how we could best deal with the situation the Golden Devil blitzed through the arcade, moving so fast that most of the machines couldn't handle it and blew up. One of the machines that didn't blow up was the House of Moogle. This proved to be a key turning point to bring about the end of the incident. After Golden Devil trashed the amusements he set about racing the chocobos on foot. He caused massive panic on the track by singing this song in chocobo talk. See attached sound file.

Tseng played it in the office while working on a literal translation from his language database. The chocobo section was provided courtesy of Chocobo Joe. Golden Devil's voice was in tune but still resonated pure mischief. "Kwaarrkawarkarka Kewahh…" Tseng was not surprised at the panic caused when the literal translation came up.

"I like the chocobocochocoboco chocobos but only when they're well done. I'm gonna get me a chocobocochocoboco chocobo and shoot it with my gun." Tseng resumed his typing.

Let me point out at this point in time that no chocobos were harmed but the Golden Devil did have a purpose. His goal was achieved when the riders were flung from their mounts and onto the ground where they ran screaming for their lives. The chocobos ran as fast as they could but not away from the Golden Devil. They ran towards him thinking that as a group they could peck him into submission. The creature laughed like a maniac and waited for them with his arms outstretched. When one came to peck him he flicked it on the beak with impossible speed. The chocobos underwent a transformation where their feathers shone like gold and their eyes became as red as the former Turk's now were. He whispered to them and they departed to unknown places on an unknown purpose.

Unfortunately we learned the purpose when we arrived. By now the Golden Saucer was empty of children and the Golden Devil was now making his way towards the haunted house. As you can see from the attached tape this is where we entered the Golden Devils little game.

Tseng took a break as his brain was working overtime. The next part of the report was crucial to his survival as well as that of the Turks.

Thats it for this chapter. Hope you enjoyed it. Please R&R. TTFN.
Cheers
Wolf