To Hell and back just for the craic

Chapter 6: Enter the Snoogles

Tseng was undergoing mixed emotions while thinking about the next part of the report. Although exceedingly pleased about the operation he was not exactly thrilled the their main fighting force consisted of kids and Moogles. Tseng was for lack of a better word…disgusted.

Incident Report:Form Z9MGD666

Reporting officers name: Tseng

Date: 32/9/3503

Shinra Division: The Turks.

Report:

Now shocked as you probably are, reading and seeing this sir, I can assure you that it happened. Trust me there really was no other way to do this. Thankfully you will be pleased to hear that we were at the front lines. Hojo had supplied us with Cait Sith Turk units. Embarrassing as it was, the Turk units looked the best out of the whole platoon.

Getting in was not easy as there were quite a few sniper units lost in the first skirmish. Since then the Golden Devil had put them to use. They shot down a few of the Cait Sith in the 3rd team. This not only cut off five teams of troops but it trapped our unit along with two others on the other side. This meant that we only had two Cait Sith units and a full compliment of Snoogles. It was kind of funny as they only had water pistols filled with esuna potion but they meant business. They were too cute to succomb to the feartroops and so were the perfect weapons against them.

The Turks resolved to taking out the snipers and ferrying across more Cait Sith units via the helicopter while the Snoogles cleared the entrance. As you can see from the security feeds the Golden Devil was safely tucked away in the Halloween hotel. We resolved to work the other sections and leaving that one until last. The Snoogle leader, who for reasons beyond comprehension looks like me, burst through the doors with controlled sprays of esuna. He cleared a few troops before calling in the Snoogle Elena, Rude and Reno.

Using hand signals they carried out the mission just like us, quickly and professionally. My counterpart and Elena's worked on the ground troops while Reno's and Rude's worked on the chocobos. The chocobos wasted no time in coming for them. The two Snoogles leapt into the air and created a shower of esuna around them while they grabbed onto the chocobos necks and swung onto their backs. When the chocobos were hit they returned back to normal. The two tore off on the chocobos squirting all around them.

Tseng cringed as he watched his counterpart and Elena's have a little kiss after curing the ground troops. 'Oh God,' Tseng thought, 'Elena must not see this. Hojo said that they were meant to copy us in nearly every way. If she knew…I wouldn't lead as effectively. I'd be out of the Turks and never see her again. I'd rather be a cold leader or even just a friend, so long as I can be near her. Tseng hardened his heart to the constant ache once again and maintained his calm composure before getting back to watching the video.

The two Snoogles separated, giving themselves one last look of longing, before disappearing into different sections. Meanwhile Tseng and the Turks had begun controlling their Cait Sith units in order to get the Shinra Soldiers back on track and up to date in order for them to provide ground support for any evacuation attempts or airlifts. With that taken care of the Turks moved their units into the chocobo pens. Their Cait Sith units were destroyed in seconds.

Tseng growled in frustration,

"I've had it with this technology crap. There is no way the suits are better than us. These birds need a roasting and besides the guy is part of the team and we have to save him, despite what anyone else says." Rude smiled. Elena fought to hold in an "Aww." Tseng quenched the sentiment.

"If you mention a word of this to that raving lunatic I'll string you up from Junon Canon and leave you to rot." The two Turks patted him on the back but stopped when he started to twitch.

"Lets go." He said through gritted teeth.

They started to walk out of the chopper and into the main entrance with weapons drawn. The Shinra troops gathered saluted them as they went past.

"Ok Rude what have you got?"

"How did you…?"

"Quickly. I want this moron back doing paperwork before the day is out." Rude sighed and opened the right side of his jacket to show six grenades hanging neatly in order of colour. He picked out a white one.

"Esunaga grenade. One. Only for emergencies. I was going to take him on face to face."

"Birds first. Where's the spare?" Rude looked offended. Tseng did not blink. After a while he raised his eyebrows as if he were rolling his eyes behind those sunglasses. He flicked his left wrist and another grenade rolled out to his palm.

"Better. Let's cook these turkeys." Elena slapped her head.

"I can't believe you just said that."

"Not another word. Let's just go."

They ran into the chocobo racers compound.

"Elena, Rude go to either side of the lanes. I'm going to try something I haven't done in a long time and when I give the word, roll a grenade into the pen. There were three chocobos occupying the track. They all raised their heads when Tseng walked down the middle. He walked with his arms out at his sides. He flicked his wrists and a portion of gyshal greens appeared at each hand.

"You can't scare me. My fear can't materialize unless I fail." The lead chocobo smiled.

"Tseng loves Elena." Elena not sharing this fear heard nothing of course as this was not her fear but the chant was enough to drive Tseng insane.

"Dumb bird. Shut the hell up. Come here and eat your greens."

The leader accepted the challenge. It charged towards him chanting "Tseng loves Elena." Tseng closed it out of his mind concentrating on which way the bird would go so he could dodge the attack. 'For her,' he thought, 'remember you're here for her. It has to stay this way. Don't screw this up.' The birds beak was an inch away from Tseng's face when he dropped to the ground and performed a low sweeping kick. The bird tumbled and he dived on it, grabbing its neck before it got up. Then the real fun began. Unbeknownst to anyone in Shinra Tseng had been a ranch hand for a time and had tamed wild chocobo while he was there. It was one of his many hidden talents.

He emptied a little of his own esuna gun onto the gyshal green and waved his hand in front of its beak. When the chocobo tried to bite it he used his fingertips to flick the food into the birds mouth. The leader slowly turned back to its normal state. When Tseng was happy he rode it into the pen the other two following swiftly behind.

"Now." Tseng shouted as he jumped off. After three rounds of rock, paper, scissors it was decided that Elena should throw it. Her aim was spot on and in seconds the pen was awash with white light and water. When everything settled down the chocobos had returned to normal, acting as if nothing had been out of the ordinary.

The three Turks ran to the assembly hall where they met a contingent of Shinra troops as well as an army of Cait Siths and some very smug looking Snoogles. Tseng walked over to his counterpart.

"Just the hotel to go then?"

"Yes, kupo, but we still have one problem. There are still twelve Shinra troops left."

"What's the problem with that?"

"They are second class soldiers."

"Oh." Tseng's face fell when he heard that. He gathered himself again before looking into his counterpart's eyes.

"You ready?"

"For her, kupo."

"Shh you stupid sonova… She might hear." The counterpart pressed his point, if a little more quietly.

"For her, kupo." Tseng nodded. The nod was all that was needed. In that instant the two acted as one, leading a charge as if it were the last thing they would ever do. The charge lead into the Halloween hotels graveyard where the twelve soldiers awaited them.

A tear of pride welled up in Tseng's eye as he typed.

While you read and watch this sir I am not afraid to go on record saying that the charge with my counterpart was one of the proudest moments I have had in Shinra.

Tseng looked at the last part before erasing it and carrying on. 'I'd never hear the end of it,' he thought.