Her hands were clenched to my shirt, and showed no signs of releasing. Which was just fine with me. I never wanted her out of my sight again. She was shaking, and covered in dirt and blood.

That monsters blood was all over her, stuck and matted to her hair. Her face was covered in dirt, her clothes ripped and torn.

He had come so close, and God forbid if I didn't get in when I did. He would have made her his. I almost lost her today, I never want that feel that feeling again.

I have never seen this look in her eyes before. I don't even know how to describe it. Fear? Despair? Hopelessness?

Numb.

She hasn't said a word since I got to her. I picked her up and carried her 9 blocks to my apartment. I could hear Cragen shouting at me as I walked by him. I didn't care. The only thing I cared about was the broken woman who was in my arms, holding on to me for dear life. I would deal with Cragen later; right now Olivia was my only focus.

No one could have imagined that it would go down like that. No one. Including me, and most definitely not Olivia. No one actually knew the hell that Olivia had been through for the past 8 hours, but taking one look at her, it had to have been the pure hell.

I got us safely into my apartment; I don't even think she noticed. I thought she had fallen asleep when I heard her.

"Get it off of me, El...please?" I heard her whisper against my chest. She looked up at me with a sorrowful look in her eyes; it broke my heart in two.

Begging.

Olivia Benson Begging.

I knew exactly what she meant. She wanted this day over, she wanted the blood and dirt that had soiled her soul off, she needed to be clean.

I brought her to the bathroom and sat her down on the closed toilet seat. I pulled her hair from her face and looked into her devastated eyes.

Shattered.

Destroyed.

Broken.

I turned on the hot water and turned to her. Out of all the times I fantasized about showering with Olivia this is not how I imagined it.

I bent down so that I was at eye level with her, she grabbed a hold of my shirt again and pulled her body against mine, and she sobbed.

It was the first time I have seen Olivia be so vulnerable to anyone. I was honored that she allowed me to see this side of her.

She was so out of touch with reality I don't even think she realized what she asked me to do. All she knew was that she was dirty and she needed to be clean, And given her current state I don't think she could stand let alone bathe herself, and she knew it too, other wise she would have kicked my ass for what I was about to do.

I pulled her closer to my body and lifted up her shirt.

If it hadn't been for the circumstances of the night, I would have thought I had died and gone to heaven, touching her like this, but I know this was our living hell.

I successfully remove both are clothes and take her into the shower. I take the bar of soap and wash her back, bruises are definite, scrapes and abrasions cover her body. She is still clung to me, afraid to break the contact. I can't blame her, not after tonight, not after what she saw.

I grab the shampoo bottle and pour some in my hand; I rub my hands on her hair and wash it very delicately. She is like a broken winged bird that can not fly.

Her body is flushed against my naked skin, and I thank God that my body knows that this is not the time to react like it wants too.

When I had done all the 'official' cleansing, I went to turn off the water but she grabbed my hand, "No." She whimpered.

"Ok." I said and held her close as the warm water poured over us. Her skin was like silk, perfectly smooth. I could stand here forever if she wanted.

EOEOEOEO

It had been at least 20 minutes since I tried to turn off the water. It was now quickly turning cold, and I knew that if I didn't get us out of there soon we would risk hypothermia.

"Liv," I said and looked down into her eyes, "Its cold Liv. I have to get you out of here."

She looked up at me, and although she didn't say anything I knew she understood.

I turned off the water and pull back the curtain. She is still dead weight so I pick up her naked body and throw a towel over us. I walk into my bedroom and lay her down on my bed. I quickly find some boxers to throw on, as well a spare set of clothes for her.

My NYPD shirt that she always tries to steal. Thank God yesterday was laundry day. I lift her body up and pull it on her; I then take a pair of my boxers and help her into those. I know she hates this. I know that when she is out of shock, she could definitely kick my ass for babying her like this, but right now, it is what she needs, hell it is what I need.

I curl up next to her and drape my arms around her. She turns around so that we are face to face; she buries her head into my chest and closes her eyes, as she sobs uncontrollably against me. I rub circles around her back until she is sleeping peacefully.

"I love you." I whisper and kiss the top of her head.

EOEOEOEOEO

A few hours later I feel her stir, "Elliot?" She says very faintly.

I wake up immediately, "What is it?" I ask a tint of fear lingers in my voice.

She traces circles against my bare chest and looks up at me with her puppy dog brown eyes, "Thank you."

I exhale and squeeze her tight, "No problem. I would do anything for you Olivia."

"It was awful Elliot." She says and I know she is willing herself not to cry.

"He was a very sick man Liv----" I begin to stay.

"He said he killed you." She looks up at me and her fingers grip hard onto my body as if to see if I was still there. "I thought I was never going to see you again, and something inside of me broke, and I gave up. I didn't want to fight anymore if---. Oh God Elliot!" She sobbed into my chest.

"Shhh…shhh Liv. I'm right here. He didn't get me. I'm right here." I run my hand up and down her arms.

"Elliot I have to tell you something, and I have been so afraid to tell you, but I have too…"

"Liv what is it? You can tell me anything."

"I let him beat me El. I didn't even try to stop him. But I could have taken him. But once he told me that he put a bullet to your head, I just wanted to curl up and die. The beatings were nothing compared to the pain of my broken heart."

"Shhh…Liv, its ok. I'm here now." I said into her ear.

"Elliot?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you so much that I didn't want to live in this God forsaken world if you weren't in it with me."

"You love me?" I asked in shock, in hopes that I actually heard her right and I was in fact not dreaming.

"I love you more then life El…and it's ok, you don't have to say it back or anything, I know you don't feel the same way."

She amazes me.

"When I couldn't get to you, and I knew you were in there with that maniac, I cried. I bawled my eyes out like a little girl, and I had no control over it. Munch and Fin had to pull me out before Cragen saw me and took me off the case…so yeah Liv, I do have to say it, because I love you Olivia, and I have for a long time."

She looked up at me with fresh tears in her eyes. I wiped them away and placed my lips softly on hers.

"I love you with my whole heart Liv." I said and repositioned ourselves so that her head was placed on my chest. I rubbed her back until we both fell asleep.

And we slept for what seemed like days. It was the deepest sleep we had had in 8 years.