For Love?
Is there any point? Is there really any point at all? Sometimes, I ask myself that. But I know the answer. I've got to keep going, seeing as I 'm the only one who can. It's a hard life but I have to be selfless, with all that happened before … I owe it to the world.
I still remember … it can be a blessing … but also a curse. Their pale, cold, dead bodies all lying on the damp ground. Piled above each other, like old, useless rubbish. And the worst part for me was … although it didn't happen, I could always see it. Almost as if a warning of what would come, if I didn't protect him. I would see … Harry's body, lying at the top of the pile. His jade eyes gleaming glassily at me. His pale skin, now leathery and cold. His tousled black hair, matted against his face with blood. His limbs, bent into impossible positions, pointlessly hanging off him.
It was all my fault. That time, was all my fault. Maybe not technically, but I knew deep down, I should've been there. Great Dumbledore, the invincible Dumbledore hadn't saved them. They were all waiting for me, the poor kids. They expected me to come. What else could they do? They were only first years, against Death Eaters. But no, I didn't come. I couldn't come. I had to choose between them and the school.
I chose the school. Waiting for an attack, which never came. When nothing happened, I knew it was a scam. They were never going to come near Hogwarts … it was beyond them. Hogwarts' was protected too well. Then I knew … I should've gone to the first years. I tried to get there as soon as I could, but I was too late. When I arrived … there was only the bodies … dead. I screamed in anguish and fury … 'No! Leave them! Give them back! Take me instead!', but they'd gone … they were dead, I was too late.
My life was never much of a life. It was more of a continuous war, if that was possible. Me vs. what I should be. I wanted to help, I wanted to do well. But … I never did. I'm always trying to live up to everyone's expectations. There's so much I have to do. Sometimes I just want to stop. To leave. To just say no. But hey who are you kidding Albus? If you stopped there's no chance at all. Everyone would be finished. Finito.
It would be so much nicer to just die. Why prolong my life? Why not just die? Death is a peaceful haven. I should just die. But as I have said many times, my burden never stops over-shadowing me. It's always there, like a menacing shadow.
But I knew the time had come, when I stood there, facing Draco. Harry would go as far as to give his life for mine. At least I had that boon in life. The boon of love. Harry doesn't know it now, he doesn't understand, but it would be love that would save him in the end. It would be love.
I placed a body-bind on Harry. My soiled soul isn't worth it. I greeted death happily. My peacetime had come at last. I hadn't yet re-paid what I had lost. I hadn't yet made up for all those children's deaths', but I had been given a one-way ticket, which I would take gladly. Draco wouldn't do it, I knew he couldn't. The poor thing.
Severus came, I begged him to. He did. The green light shot out his wand. Slowly, spanning the great distance between him and me. Finally it hit me. My old, frail body flew off the building. I felt the air, whiz past me. I fell. I hit the ground in reality, but continued to fall in fantasy. Hell; here comes Albus Dumbledore.
Who died for love?
For love?
Love?