A/N: It's been a while, hasn't it? No kicks! Ouch! OK, I guess I deserve some kicks, just to keep my lazy ass working…

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership to Hellsing or any of its characters. All the characters in this fanfic are owned by Kouta Hirano. If you sue me Alucard will eat your puppies!

Title: Read at top…

Rating: As previously mentioned, there will be blood… (M)

Summary: Newly turned vampire Pip really gives his master (mistress?) a hard time…let's see how she deals with him, ne?

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Seras rushed up the stairs of the now empty (and quite trashed) Hellsing Manor. She was panting when she reached him, which in its own way was quite strange as she technically didn't need to breathe to survive. When she reached the body of the mercenary captain she hoped would be standing by now (after all she had heard his laugh not long ago, however it had come to an abrupt end when she neared the stairs), he was still sitting in a pool of his own blood, head down and with a gigantic hole in his belly where some unknown artillery shot had hit him. As Seras neared him she spoke to him, hoping that he would hear her voice.

"Pip? Pip, it's me, Seras. Pip, can you hear me? Pip…" she looked at what she thought was his dead corpse when the 'corpse' suddenly spoke to her.

"I…will…not…drink…ze…blood…" Seras frowned at this, but didn't say anything. Suddenly Pip jerked up his head and flashed a toothy grin, and continued: "Until I get a kiiiizzz!"

Seras backed away from the French as he tried to lip-lock with her right there and then. She then smashed the barrel of her Harconnen straight down his head. Seeing her fledgling lying sprawled out on the floor wondering what in the seven names of hell had happened to him indeed gave her some amount of satisfaction, but she now seriously began to worry about him. She knew she had had an issue about drinking blood, but she'd gotten over it as she was turned into Nosferatu this night and all she felt now by the sight of all blood was a great, great hunger. She slowly bent down by Pip's side and took a long lick along the floor, filling her mouth with blood. Then she took hold of the still whining ex-captain's head and tilted it up before kissing him softly. Pip's eyes widened first at the sensation of her lips, which to his surprise wasn't cold (like he'd expected) and very soft. She tastes of blood and battle, and by the devil, how I love that taste he thought, then he felt something slipping down his throat. Blood, he thought, mon dieu, she's feeding me blood THIS way? What happened to innocent little Police Girl?

She is still in there, Soldier Boy, but I thought you might appreciate this little gesture of mine.

Pip looked baffled for a moment, and then he sighed and let his shoulders fall in a perfect picture of resignation. "I should have guessed you could peak into my mind just like Big Red, non? Well zen, no more naughty thoughts for poor Pip in a while." he paused as if to think for a moment, then looked her in the eyes and said with a lecherous smile, "Unless you like me thinking about those boobs in a naughty way, mademoiselle."

"Keep that up Soldier Boy", she said, unfazed by his comment, "and I'll show you just how naughty you have been and what punishment there is required for it. And trust me when I say you won't like it one bit."

Pip whined. He wasn't normally a whiny guy, but when a good looking gal like Seras turned al cold on him after saving him from death, he just couldn't help it.

"Whose idea was it to call me Soldier Boy anyways?"

"Actually, it was mine, but I can imagine that Alucard is somewhere laughing his ass of right now since he got to see your new uniform a couple of minutes ago."

"My new WHAT?!"

Pip was speechless. And that's something. He was watching his new, so-called uniform, a black mess that consisted of mostly straps and dark leather.

"Am I going to wear THIS?"

"Yes." Seras stated, laughter evident in her voice, "Don't worry Pip, I'm sure it'll fit right onto you." With those words she broke into a fit of hysterical laughter that was soon followed by the loud, rumbling chuckle of a certain red-clad No Life King that had the talent to always turn up on exactly the wrong occasions.

"But…but I'm going to look like some rent boy from a S&M club…mignonette…" Pip was in full whine-mode now, and his both superior vampires found it hilarious.

"Have you told him yet that he's going to fight without guns, Seras?" Alucard asked his former fledgling.

"WHAAAAAT?!"

An hour later, after repeated bashing to the head with his mistress huge cannon-like weapon and numerous verbal taunts from her former master, Pip felt like he would explode. And to top it all of, he had now gotten to know what would seem to be the worst of it all. His swords. Twin blades, forged in a mixture of steel and silver, blessed enough to make the devil afraid and sharp enough to cut through steel; they were the epitome of Japanese craftsmanship. When he asked why he was given two short katanas instead of a couple of rapiers like Integra the answer had been somewhat avoiding with the main point being that the rapier after all was a nobleman's (or woman's) weapon, so naturally he couldn't have one of those. But the fact that they were top-notch quality didn't help, because, as Pip said himself:

"I. Have. Never. Fought. With. Swords. How the fuck am I going to learn zis in just zese few dayz?"

"Don't worry to much, little one." Alucard mused. It was one of his favourite pastimes, pestering fledglings, and he wouldn't let Pip off easily. "The skills come to you naturally; all you have to think about is to defend yourself."

"Speaking of fighting", it was Seras coming around again after she'd been to Integra's office. "We have a mission, approximately ten targets, ex-vatican turned vamp. We're moving out in ten, so you better jump your gear Soldier Boy."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

"Awwww…"

As they headed out, the cries and whines from a particular French vampire could still be heard…

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End notes: So, waddaya think? I kinda overdid the humour-part, mostly because I thought last chapter went to serious. Again, it is the plot bunny that needs a kick. I guess I should try to update more often -.-', once every fifth month won't do…

Big thanks to FallenGoddessOfBattle, Kanashii.Umi and Witcher Co. Glad someone still believes in me -.-'

Ja mata!