Disclaimer: Must I go through this again? Don't own them – never will. (Although I kidnapped Guy Burnet and he's currently living in my wardrobe.)
Thanks for your patience with me writing. I hope you enjoy this
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Almost a week had passed without any contact between the two boys. Okay, so perhaps Craig staying in his room the whole time may have had something to do with it, but he'd phoned John Paul that night so really coming round was the least his friend could do. Oh, and he wasn't moping. That was just something Darren was saying to try to annoy him, which wasn't working at all: no, definitely not. He was in his room because he wanted to be and there was no other reason.
He hadn't even gone to see Sarah. He knew that he had told John Paul that he would break up with her, but after the reaction he had got, it almost seemed as though JP didn't want him to. Then again, maybe it was a test and if he broke up with her anyway, John Paul would realise he was serious. Yes, that would be it… except that wasn't what he was like. JP wouldn't play games like that, no matter how much he had changed. Craig flopped dejectedly down onto his bed. It just wasn't fair that when he'd finally sorted out his own feelings and what he wanted, John Paul had already moved on.
There had been no need for Craig to have avoided going into the village in case he had bumped into John Paul that week however, as the boy in question had spent most of that week either at his own house with Spike, or at Spike's house with Spike. After the initial difficulties of discovering and dealing with John Paul's infidelity, the couple had found that afterwards they were a lot closer. Where there had once been a huge hole in JP's life where Craig – his best friend – should have been, Spike was slowly filling the gap. He was funny, smart, great to talk to and best of all he was safe: he wasn't going to break his heart.
Today however, they had decided to go to the dog. Well, Spike had decided that they would and so John Paul was going along with that. "Why are we here, again?" he asked Spike as they approached the door.
Spike turned around and smirked at his boyfriend. "Well it might be because I threatened not to finish what I started if you didn't agree…" he teased, loving the blush that appeared on John Paul's cheeks at the memory.
That wasn't what he'd meant, but John Paul decided to leave it for now, instead laughing slightly before giving the other boy a mock-glare. "That was quite mean of you, you know?" he scolded.
Spike remained unfazed by this and grinned, taking a step forwards. "Yeah, I know," he said softly before running his hands behind his boyfriend's head to pull him closer and whispering "but I think I more than made up for it aft--"
"John Paul!" They heard a voice calling and heavy footsteps running up the street. John Paul jumped away from Spike before he ducked his head and bit his lip, turning to face the person who had interrupted them. "Oh god, I'm so sorry – I couldn't see from back there, I didn't realise I was interrupting anything…" Sarah continued.
"Sarah, hi." John Paul replied. "Umm… how have er… how've you been?" he continued, trying to work out exactly how much she knew. He didn't have to wait long.
After being assured by the two boys that they didn't mind her joining them for a few drinks, Sarah pushed the door open and stepped inside, giving them a couple more seconds alone before they joined her; completely oblivious to what they were really talking about.
Spike wrapped his arms around JP once again and gazed into his eyes. Once again he was entranced by the beautiful brilliance of them, making him feel so proud that the boy in his arms was his, even if it was only for a short while. When the eyes grew a slightly questioning look, Spike remembered what he was going to say. "You don't need to look so guilty you know – you haven't done anything wrong," he reassured him.
John Paul went to open his mouth, but quickly found it covered by Spike's. The retort that was on his lips was swiftly swept away by the passion he could feel in the kiss. "Come on," Spike said after finally pulling away, grabbing John Paul's hand and leading him into the pub. Sarah had already bought the drinks and found them a place to sit so she smiled and waved at them when they finally walked in.
As he sat there, Spike couldn't help noticing how tense the atmosphere was. John Paul was looking anywhere but Sarah, while biting his lip in an utterly adorable way that made Spike want to kiss him. Sarah on the other hand was also fidgeting slightly, looking worried and as though something was seriously bothering her. Noticing that neither were about to start a conversation, he began with an opener to inspire the other two to speak. "So what have you been up to recently, Sarah? Now exams are over I bet you have a lot of free time."
Sarah appeared grateful for the break in the silence and she immediately grew a smile; Spike noticed however that this happy look did not quite reach her eyes. "Yeah – to be honest I've just been relaxing. It's been great to not have to do anything… then again it's been pretty lonely. Hannah's met some guy called Kevin so I haven't seen her all week, and Nancy's busy with Charlie as always."
Her failure to mention Craig was not lost on the two boys, although only Spike noted that her body language showed she did not seem upset, but more worried about what she had not yet revealed. Placing a hand on John Paul's arm to calm the blonde's nerves, Spike asked a final probing question. He knew that it would once again raise the tensions, but he also knew that it had to be asked. "What about Craig?"
At Craig's name, John Paul froze and shot his boyfriend a stricken look, luckily one which remained unnoticed by Sarah whose reaction had been to look at the floor. "We haven't… I mean I haven't seen him, at all since Saturday morning. That's what I wanted to ask you – if you'd seen or spoken to him since then because he won't talk to me. He won't answer his phone. I even tried going up to see him but his door was locked and he wouldn't let me in. He just ignored me and didn't say anything." Her voice was starting to sound cracked, almost as if she was about to cry. "I just want to know what I've done wrong. Do you know anything?"
Sarah had really been the only one of John Paul's friends who had liked Spike, the other two turning out to be jealous of his place as JP's boyfriend. This had formed a slight bond between the two, as Spike was desperately searching for allies in a group where he was making more and more enemies. For this reason, he was torn between doing all he could to help her, and doing what he could to ensure John Paul didn't get hurt. Unfortunately, the two seemed to be complete opposites. Eventually he decided to say as little as possible while answering the question. After all, Craig was the one who needed to tell her. "He phoned John Paul that evening but since then we haven't had any more contact with him, I'm afraid."
Sarah bit her lip as if she was deciding whether to say something or not. Finally deciding she should, she pressed ahead. "He said something about having had a fight with you earlier that day…" she paused as the two boys shared a look. "But he didn't say what it was about," she continued, noticing how John Paul seemed to sigh in relief at this. "Do you think that might have had something to do with it? It's just I know how you two get when you fall out and he seems really cut up about it." Seeing that John Paul and Spike obviously needed to talk about this, she offered to buy another round of drinks. 'It's probably Craig's homophobia again', she thought to herself. It was such a shame that he just couldn't get over the fact that a person's sexuality did not define the person.
As soon as Sarah had left, Spike tilted his boyfriend's head up to look at him. "Calm down – I told you, you have nothing to feel guilty about," he whispered gently.
At this, John Paul snapped his head away, taking away any contact between the two. "Nothing to feel guilty about? Spike, I slept with her boyfriend. I have everything to feel guilty about."
Spike shook his head to show John Paul that he really wasn't to blame. "But he--" he started
"And yeah, he initiated it but that has nothing to do with it. I could have said no; I should have said no, and I didn't. I'm as much to blame for this as he is, no matter how much you try to build me up as some guy who can do no wrong. I cheated on you and I lied to Sarah; and then when she comes back I'm going to have to lie again and I can't take it Spike, I just can't." After choking out the final few words, John Paul walked as quickly as he could without drawing attention to himself to the toilets, unwilling to let anyone see him crying.
Spike walked over to where Sarah was to let her know where he was going before following his boyfriend. "John Paul!" he called softly, trying to figure out where he had gone. "I'm sorry – you were right. I was just trying to--"
A muffled sob from one of the cubicles cut him off and he knocked softly on the door. "John Paul," he called again. "Is that you?"
Behind the door, John Paul wiped his eyes and berated himself for his behaviour. Only a week ago Spike had forgiven him for something that most people would class as unforgivable, and now here was John Paul making him feel guilty about it! He wanted to say something, but for that the words stuck in his throat.
Meanwhile, Spike was also mentally scolding himself. He was the worst boyfriend ever. Memories of what Daniel had told him came flooding back. Deep down, he knew that he probably should have told John Paul the truth about what had really happened between the two, but his fear of losing him had held him back. Besides, he had always told himself that Daniel was wrong about it, although he had been very careful to stay out of long term relationships since then… until now.
Choosing his words carefully, John Paul finally began to speak. "Look, I'm sorry for going off at you out there. I was completely out of order. It's just I'm so… I don't know. I'm so affected by this place and I know that's not any excuse or anything but…" he left the sentence hanging, hoping that Spike would understand what he meant.
Spike on the other hand had barely heard a word of what was said; instead thinking of what he was going to say next. "You should go and talk to Craig," he blurted out.
John Paul blinked, unsure that his hearing wasn't wonky or something. "You what?" he asked, too surprised to think of something slightly more eloquent.
"I said I think you should talk to Craig," came the reply. "You heard Sarah – she's really worried about him and we all know you're the only one he's going to be willing to talk to. Besides, you miss him," John Paul went to interrupt at the point, but closed his mouth realising that Spike needed to say all of this. "He was your best friend for god knows how many months and Sarah's right: you aren't the same when you're not talking to him, and it's not right of me to say who you can and can't be friends with just because I'm jealous."
Taking a moment to take in everything that had been said, John Paul had to admit that parts of it were true, however there was one major flaw in the logic. "You never said I couldn't be friends with him, Spike. That was my decision and I don't regret it. I want to be with you completely and I personally feel that I can't do that and be friends with him. Not after what we did… what he did."
Spike listened, not really taking in the words spoken rather than the words he heard echoed in his head. 'Keeping me away from him is just going to make things worse for you. You know that, right? If you don't let me talk to him now, he'll come round again and that won't be just as friends.' He pushed this voice away and tried to concentrate on what his current boyfriend was saying, but the memories kept pushing their way back.
"Sarah wants to know what's going on and it can't be healthy for him to be stuck in his room. I just don't want to make things worse… for anybody." He murmured, not exactly sure of what he was saying, but knowing that what he did say was very important.
"Spike, I don't understand," John Paul exclaimed, confused. "Do you want me to cheat on you or something?"
'You caused this! It's because of you that I did it. Maybe if you weren't so clingy and oppressive it wouldn't have happened.' 'You disgust me, flaunting your body in front of other men. Now you know what it feels like to have to share.' Spike's mind was whirring with the memories that one line had suddenly brought back. 'If you don't do this, you know I'll get it from elsewhere. Do you want me to cheat on you again? See that's what you're doing here – you're forcing me to do this. You made me do this.'
John Paul opened the door slowly, wondering why everything had gone quiet. His last words had been quite harsh when he thought about it, but he hadn't meant them to be. Peering out of the cubicle, he saw his boyfriend rocking on the floor; eyes wide with his arms wrapped around his legs. It was a rather strange sight to see, as he had always considered Spike to be very secure within himself, to the point where Craig had described him as arrogant… although that was probably just the jealousy talking. Still, he wasn't the type of person to be found sobbing on the floor and John Paul knew that he had been the cause of it; a realisation which made him feel sick to the pit of his stomach.
"Spike," he whispered, gently caressing the face in front of him. "You know I wouldn't, right? It was a stupid thing to say and I'm really sorry."
Spike blinked, taking another look at the boy kneeling in front of him with a look of utter concern across his face. "John Paul," he murmured, mostly to himself. This wasn't Daniel – this was John Paul. The nightmare was over and there was no way Spike was going to let Daniel continue to ruin his life, even after he had thought he'd escaped him.
"Who were you expecting?" John Paul joked, trying to make light of the situation. When Spike laughed, he smiled back and kissed him gently.
"I trust you," Spike said simply, looking right into John Paul's eyes as he did so.
So they were back to serious. John Paul wanted leave it there and for that to be all, but he felt he owed Spike the truth. "I don't," he replied. At Spike's questioning glance, he expanded on this statement. "When it comes to Craig, I don't trust myself. He has this… this power over me and I'm really scared that if I go and talk to him alone, something would happen. I could never forgive myself if I did that to you again." John Paul stared into his boyfriend's eyes, willing the sincerity to show through in his words. No matter what he felt for Craig, there could never be anything between them as Craig was just looking for someone to experiment with and John Paul wanted a serious relationship; the one thing that Spike was offering. There was no way he was going to let this slip away from him.
John Paul stood up, giving his hand to Spike to help him do the same. After dusting himself off, Spike put his arms around John Paul's shoulders. "Go talk to him and if you're not back down in ten, I'll come looking, okay?" He suggested, keeping the mood light despite the seriousness of the topic.
"Go with five and we have a deal, as long as you make it up to me later," Taking his cue from Spike, John Paul did the same, whilst adding a slight suggestive leer at the end.
Spike pressed himself up against John Paul; his mouth next to the younger boy's ear, sending shivers down John Paul's spine. "Oh, believe me I will, I'll--"
Exactly what Spike planned to do to 'make it up to him' wasn't discovered however, as at that exact point Darren came around the corner and almost walked into them. "Oh, hello," he started. John Paul jumped back, waiting for some homophobic remark from the pub manager and incredibly surprised when none arrived. "You gonna go talk to that mate of yours?" was instead what was addressed to John Paul. "He's been moping in that room of his for days."
After the two had left, Darren thought about what he had just heard, having come in a minute or so ago and stayed around the corner when he discovered what the subject of the discussion was. "Craig and John Paul, eh?" he mused.