Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews, guys. Keep it up, yes? And Falling April, I pretty much freaking adore you. Hahah, thank you for your honesty and advice. I hope I can make you like this story! This is for youuuuu.
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"He in?"
"Yeah. He's in." Mark and I emerged from Roger's room to meet the stares of Collins and Angel. Collins stood and shouldered Mark, then wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
"Whadja say?" Collins inquired.
"Nothing. He did the talking." I answered up to him.
"Why do I find that hard to believe?" He chuckled.
"The same reason I did." Mark rolled his eyes and smiled, slumping onto the couch besides Angel. Collins and I followed his lead.
"Roger said he'd be out in a few minutes."
"You trust him?" Collins asked me.
"For now." I smirked.
Mark stood and treaded to the fire escape and looked down onto the street. He saw Benny shooing some homeless man from an alley; all he had left.
"The tin man strikes again." Mark mumbled. We half-smiled in sympathy.
"New York City…" Angel began.
"Uh-huh." Mark turned away from the fire escape and leaned on the back of the couch.
"Center of the Universe."
"Sing it, girl." Collins urged. He leaned back contentedly.
"Times are shitty, but I'm pretty sure they can't get worse."
"I hear ya." Mark sighed.
"Ain't it true?" I inserted.
"It's a comfort to know, while you're singin' the hit-the-road blues, that anywhere else you could possibly go after New York would be a pleasure cruise."
The four of us smiled despite ourselves as we indulged in four different dreams.
"Now you're talkin!" Collins exclaimed. He jumped up on top of the coffee table to tell his story. Mark leaned forward against my back, Angel and I giggling beside each other.
"Well, I'm thwarted by a metaphysic puzzle, and I'm sick of grading papers that I know. I'm shouting in my sleep; I need a muzzle! And all this misery pays no salary so…"
"So!?" Angel shouted from her spot on the couch.
"So, let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe." Collins proposed, jumping down from the coffee table, dancing around the room in a playful strut.
"Sunny Santa Fe would be nice…" Mark reasoned to himself.
"Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe and leave this to the roaches and mice!"
"You teach?" Angel questioned, crossing her legs. Collins bounded back in front of us and squatted to meet her eye-level.
"I teach. Computer-age philosophy. But my students would rather watch TV…"
"America." Angel said, disapprovingly.
"America!" We chorused.
"You're a sensitive aesthete – brush the sauce onto the meet…" He placed a finger on Mark's nose, lovingly.
"You could make the menu sparkle with rhyme." He placed his palms on my thighs and pushed off me.
"You could drum a gentle drum!" He had Angel stand and twirled her beneath his arm.
"And I could seat guests as they come!" Collins and Angel danced lightheartedly around the room, making their plans and indulging in the fantasy of leaving New York behind. I spun around to see Mark as we joined in, the dream making him all too pleased. I nudged my head towards his camera and he smiled gratefully.
"We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe-"
"-forget this cold bohemian hell!" Mark called out, filming Collins' and Angel's playful steps. I leaped from the couch and felt Mark's camera in my face as I joined in with Collins and Angel. We roped Mark in with us, our laughter and giddiness warming up the entire loft. The four of us collapsed in pure joy on the couch and we heard a voice come from the hallway.
"Do you know the way to Santa Fe?" Roger stood with his hands resting in his leather jacket's pockets, a playful smile dancing across his lips. I had to bite my lip to control my own smile from taking over.
"Ya know, tumbleweeds…" Collins continued, gesturing Roger over.
"…Prairie dogs…" Roger offered, collapsing in between Collins and I.
We all closed our eyes and leant back into each other, forgetting the bitterness of winter and the harsh reality we all lived in. We all just felt each other, the warmth generating in that tiny space in that tiny moment of time that was enough for us for the rest of our lives. It didn't matter that none of us had enough inside us to really get up and leave, forgetting everything we'd made for ourselves. It didn't matter we had no idea how to get to Santa Fe, that it was just a dream-like place we retreated to for a mental escape. Nothing mattered when it was the five of us; the five of us all in the same place for one brief moment.
Together, we all sighed, "Yeah…"
St. Mark's was much more intense then I could have ever imagined.
There were a million bodies passing me every second, so many people with so many stories with so many hearts. It hurt to think of everything I was missing in just one glance at that place. But I looked up at Mark, Collins, Angel and Roger, all at my side, and decided it couldn't be too much.
We paced through the busy center aimlessly, the chill intensifying.
"Damn, it's cold." Collins shuddered.
Angel looked up at him compassionately, eyeing a coat vendor nearby.
"I'll get you a coat."
"You don't have to do this…" He protested.
"Hush your mouth, it's Christmas." I felt the warmth radiating from her.
"I do not deserve you Angel. Give, give, all you do is give. Give me some way to show how you've touched me so."
She smiled at him with so much love, it pained my heart.
"Kiss me, it's beginning to snow." They wandered off.
Roger's big eyes were gleaming as he took everything in. He looked rejuvenated, like being outside after so long had reminded him what life was again. A pack of junkies stumbled besides us.
"Watch it, Mia." Mark wrapped an arm around me to move me out of their path. As I watched them pass, I tried to imagine Roger in this herd only so long ago. I tried to imagine Roger, who had so much inside him and so many things to say and teach, being nothing but a statistic. One more using. One more dying. He meant more then 'one more'.
And then I saw Mimi in the pack. She staggered into Roger's back. He finally spun around, and his face lit up.
"Hey." Mark smiled down at me and I returned it. We watched the exchange.
"Hey." She answered slowly.
"I just wanna say I'm sorry for the way -"
"Forget it." She held up a hand to cut him off and turned away slightly.
"- I blew up. Can I make it up to you?" He offered her his hand.
"How?" She asked slyly, turning back to him. She lifted her sunglasses from her eyes.
"Dinner party?"
"That'll do." She took his outstretched hand.
"Mission accomplished." Mark whispered to me as we watched Roger shake a dealer from Mimi's side.
"Don't we know it?" I answered, ecstatic.
"Mark, this is Mimi." Roger was at our feet and I finally saw Mimi in all her glory. Sporting the electric blue pants I knew so well and the leopard-print coat, I had never seen anyone so stunningly beautiful. And so effortlessly.
"Hi." They both greeted.
"You've met Mia." When Roger looked up at me, he smiled in a way that made me feel like he was thanking me. I couldn't recall what I had done, or how any of this could be attributed to me, but I accepted it and smiled back at him.
"Yes. Hi, I'm Mimi." She gave me her hand and I took it gingerly. It was trembling, and I felt chills racing up my spine. I tried to imagine the trembles coming from Roger's hand, which I was certainly sure they had.
And then I saw his face. His eyes started to regain something. So, I let it go.
"I think we've met…" Mark spoke, studying Mimi's features.
"That's what he said." She looked down to her feet, hiding her eyes; those eyes that almost anyone could find someone in.
"Let's go to the lot – Maureen's performing." I said.
"Who's Maureen?" Mimi asked.
"His ex." Roger couldn't stifle his laughter.
"But I am over her." Mark assured her, glaring fiercely at Roger. He shrugged playfully, punching Mark in the arm. Mark didn't feel too playful.
Mimi reached for Roger's fingers, and he pulled away.
"Let's not hold hands yet." He spoke into her hair.
"Is that a warning?" She replaced a hurt look with one of anger. How well I knew that play.
I scanned the scene for Collins and Angel to find them both scurrying towards us, Collins dressed in a new leather coat.
Roger whispered more to her, "I should tell you, I -"
Collins, at our feet, interrupted, "Hey, it's beginning to -"
We all whipped our heads when we heard a motorcycle engine's roar. A striking woman straddled the bike, the headlights blinding. She removed her helmet and shook out her hair. Her voice came out like she was singing.
"Joanne, which way to the stage?"
Mark gulped.
Roger chuckled.
Collins smiled.
"Snow." I whispered.
If there was only one thing in the universe I was sure of, it was that nothing in the entire city could be even as remotely beautiful as we were that night.
Striding down the street, shouldering one another and dancing on street corners, our voices echoing through the alleys – there was something so perfect about each one of us. Mimi on the edge, shoving herself into Roger's hip to get his attention; Roger, always avoiding anything and everything, punching Mark and chuckling lightly to himself; Mark in the middle, his sheepish smile growing every time Maureen spoke; Maureen was beside him, Joanne's arm at her waist; Angel and Collins treaded in front of the group, stumbling as they walked backwards with their fingertips laced. And I stood between Mark and Roger where, for that one brief moment in time, I belonged.
The cold didn't hurt so much with the warmth they all radiated. The Life Café was merely a block away, but I think we could have walked even farther. I was sure I'd walk to the end of the world and back with these people, make a billion promises I would be sure to keep; anything they could have asked of me, I would have given up. It may seem crazy, to pledge so much of myself after only a few hours, but there was something more real in those few hours then there'd ever been in my entire life. I finally understood how they could all feel so much passion so quickly, as I'd seen on stage so many times. When you lived it, it was that much more beautiful.
"Maureen, you're fucking incredible!" Collins voice boomed after he swallowed some residual laughter. "Fucking in-CRED-I-BLE!"
Maureen fluffed her hair playfully and replied in her best accent, "Thanks, you're a doll."
"I mean, we all knew you were annoying, but you made a large group of people riot? Now that's no small feat!" Collins declared.
Maureen slapped him on the arm, "Joke's over."
"Hey, hey!" Collins winced, "watch it. You should be thanking your lucky stars for that one Maureen, because it got you on TV, did it not?"
A smile erupted on her face, "All thanks to Marky!" She squealed, grabbing his arm. Mark's insides squirmed; it showed on his face. We were at the Life Café, which saved Mark from having to form any words. The eight of us stumbled into the doorway.
"Ay, Gordo!" Collins hollered across the restaurant. Mark looked to me and rolled his eyes. I thanked him with my smile.
"Hey Leo," Roger yelped to the man seating people, who he seemed to know. 'Leo' seemed to know Roger too; you could tell by the look of horror that ran across his face. "Put us up, will ya?" Roger demanded.
"No, not tonight." Leo groaned, pained. "Please no, can't you -"
"Whattaya mean?" Maureen demanded, "We want a table and we want it now!"
"I said no, important customer," He growled through clenched teeth at us, as he politely greeted someone coming in the door.
"What am I, just a blur?" Mark yelped.
"You sit all night, and you never buy!" Leo insisted.
"That's a lie, that's a lie," Mark went on, "I had a tea the other day!"
Leo's face fell. "You couldn't pay." He said flatly.
Mark thought back a moment, "Oh yeah."
Angel reached down her shirt and pulled out some cash, "Tonight, we eat!" She waved the money in front of him, dancing at his feet.
"Benjamin Coffin III, here?!" Collins called over Leo, striding to the massive table in the center of the restaurant.
"Oh no." Leo mumbled, shaking his head.
I knew this part. "Wine and beer!"
"The enemy of Avenue A – we'll stay," Maureen decided for us all, as we took our seats. I had been dreading this part; where do I belong? But Mark pulled out the chair beside him for me, and I knew exactly.
"What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Café?" Collins questioned, standing in his seat.
I patted Mark's arm and he turned away from the action. "How are you?" I asked. His face softened at my voice, as if no one had ever asked him. I started to wonder if anyone ever had.
"I'm okay." I smiled slightly, my eyes whispering, I know you're not and it's okay.
"That's Benny," he went on, changing the subject. "Our ex-roommate."
"I know." I answered automatically. Fuck, Mia.
"You know." Mark repeated, speaking down to me.
"I saw the picture in his room." I explained.
"Oh." He didn't believe me, but I told myself he did.
"Why'd he leave?" I asked, suddenly absorbed in everything that ever happened in their world. The things I hadn't seen onstage.
"If you stick around, I'll tell you." I smiled and let out a giggle.
"I'm not going anywhere until I get something to eat." I assured him. Mark looked to the floor and then back up at me.
"That's not what I meant." He sucked on his teeth and then turned back to the scene. Desperate for him to say more, I considered reaching for his arm and shaking it out of him. But I let it be and turned to Mimi beside me. She smiled through her curls.
"Mimi-" Benny roared. She turned away from me. "I'm surprised. A bright and charming girl like you hangs out with these slackers, who don't adhere to deals. They make fun…yet I am the one attempting to do some good."
I saw why they didn't like Benny. If I had adored him before, he made me hate him right now. I defensively crossed my arms at my chest.
"Bohemia, Bohemia's a fallacy in your head," he sing-songed. "This is Calcutta, Bohemia is dead."
It seemed as if Mark sprung to life at those few words. Before anyone could react, he bounded onto the table; the lights overhead making his body seem thirty feet tall as I glared up at him above me. I could make out a scar on his jaw line; I made a mental note to ask him about it.
"Dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes…" And with that, Mark exploded into something I'd been dying to see. I watched him dance across the table, strolling down its polished face and jumping around as if something was biting him in the ass. This was Mark, I knew then. This person that was dancing across table-tops and singing about a carefree life and existence. Weather or not that existed or he even believed in it was one thing, but that night at the Life Café I saw who Mark was. And in the time I was with those people, I never forgot the true essence of Mark. He was the preacher; he told the stories. He told you what you should believe in. Most believed followed him willingly. And as I watched him that night, he got me to believe in him too. Of all the different things Mark was, I knew that what I was seeing right then, the person who was smiling down at me, was more of Mark then anything else I'd ever see.
The next few minutes were a blur; a crazy, electrifying blur that I got sucked up in. A whirlpool; us all pulsing through this existence following one another, hoping one of us knew the way out of this endless circle. We were screaming and dancing and hoping and praying and shouting and dreaming and preaching. We knew what life was in that moment, even if tomorrow we'd be unsure again. We danced on the table tops, pranced around the room, screamed at the top of our lungs – all the things I had been dying to do in my lifetime and couldn't until I escaped where I came from. We "stuck it to man", screaming at Benny but really proving it to ourselves. I don't remember what we said; just images. I can see Maureen dropping her pants and fingering the zipper slowly as she pulled them back up. I can see her and Joanne groping each other on the table and then declaring they were "sisters". I can see us all hollering "wine and beer!" to anyone who would listen. I can see Mark and his mock-masturbation. I can see Roger leaping onto the table besides Collins as they introduced each other as "Lenny Bruce" and "Langston Hughes". I can see us all leaning into the table and swearing to fight AIDS as my heart burnt. I can see all of it. Because that's what life has always been made of. Not the things that you say, but how you prove them. And that night, we proved them all by living.
Somewhere in the midst of our tirade, I saw Mimi and Roger slipping out into the alleyway behind the Life. I tugged Mark by the shirt, hollering into his ear, "Mimi and Roger disappeared."
"What?" He screamed, his voice eaten by the intoning around us.
I changed my mind, released his shirt from my grip and shook my head. He bounded off to chant some more as I glared around the restaurant. No one would notice I was gone. I slipped out the back door.
I padded into the snow quietly, hoping my boots didn't make much sound. I glared around the corner to see Roger stroking Mimi's face, their voices hushed to match their surroundings.
"How did we get here?" He whispered lovingly. Mark's words, my head said.
"Where are you Roger?" She asked of him.
"I'm here," He answered baffled.
"No." She pressed into him. "Where are you?" He seemed to understand what she meant.
"You don't know," he trailed off, kicking at the snow as he stalked the other direction.
"You won't let me." She whispered, grabbing hold of his shoulder.
"Mimi -" He started, his fear melting into the snow at his feet at the sight of her eyes. He started with the words I knew.
"I should tell you, I'm disaster. I forget how to begin it."
"Let's just make this part go faster," Mimi pleaded, clutching his forearm, "I have yet to be in it."
"I should tell you,"
"I should tell you,"
"I should tell you…" I felt my insides clutching; their words so sincere and raw. The look in Roger's eyes, Mimi's calm, hard face; sights so beautiful in the twilight. This was there moment, I knew. I was here for something, I decided. But this wasn't it. Not this song. Another movement, another time. I slipped back into the door to find Mark. He needed me.
"Mia?" The moment I slithered back into the café I heard Angel's voice.
"Yeah?" I asked, brushing the snow off my shoulders.
"Where were you?" Collins asked, always at Angel's side.
"Stepped out for some air."
Before the two of them could say anything, we heard Maureen's shrill voice.
"Guys," Joanne whipped around to all of us. Collins and Angel waved me over with them and we stood beside Mark who was coming down from the high of the evening. "You should see, they padlocked your building and they're rioting on Avenue B!" Joanne declared. "Benny called the cops," she snarled.
"That fuck!" Maureen erupted. Joanne slid her gaze to her and rolled her eyes.
"They don't know what they're doing. The cops are sweeping the lot, but no one's leaving. They're just sitting there…mooing." Her eyes lit up. Maureen screamed and Collins laughed contentedly.
"To dance!" The room exploded. As quick as anything, the table was jam packed with people dancing across its surface again. Nothing like a story of a padlocked loft and cops to get people riled up. Mark bounded on top of the table, grabbing my arm and pulling me besides him, Collins and Angel. Maureen giggled beside me, squeezing my arm in a way of greeting.
The next thing I remember is us all leaning into each other and screaming, "To people living with, living with, living with – not dying from disease!" The five of us looked around, locking eyes with one another. We made a promise right there; no words exchanged, just glances. This was life, our eyes said. And as long as it's ours, this is what it's going to be. I wanted that to be carried out. I made my own promise then, to make sure that was exactly what happened in the time I was there. What made me want to change lives? What made me want to stay besides them all and help them see the light? I still don't remember what I thought at the time. But I think it had something to do with how they had done the same for me. Things like that you can never repay. But you can try.
"Is anyone out of the mainstream?" Mark hollered, shoving me to get my attention. He threw his arms out to direct his question at me, "Is anyone in the mainstream?"
"Anyone alive with a sex drive?" I questioned him back, and his face exploded in approval.
"Tear down the wall, aren't we all!" He hopped around me to Collins and Angel, who were grinding on the table. "The opposite of war isn't peace,"
"It's creation!" I filled in. He watched me for a moment and then fell into a smile. That meant yes.
I heard the door open then. Roger and Mimi were leaning against it, as he slowly pressed his lips against hers. As soon as they broke apart, Roger's intense emerald eyes found mine immediately, as if I were the only point of focus in the room. His face looked hard for a moment, then scared, and then somehow he smiled. I figure that whatever Roger had just stepped in to, it was going to give him a taste of the highs and lows of all three. As the entire room exploded with the next few words, Roger and I only kept our eyes on each other. A million voices chorused, and Roger and I mouthed on the same airwave,
"Viva La Vie Boheme!"
His eyes said something, too. More then his lips. They said, I promise.
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Yeah, this kinda suckedddddd. But whatev, you do what you can. Please review? It'd make this author very happy. And I have the most amazing idea for next chapter. TRUST MEEEEEE, you wanna see this one! Love you all, thank you so much.