A/n I know these past couple of posts have been short, but it'll all get better, I promise. And as I've told some people, this is just coming to me all at once, I have sort of an idea for how this is going to go, but how I get there is an entirely different reason, lol. Thanks for the reviews, R/R, enjoy!
February 15, 2001
Dear Diary,
I have a little more time today than yesterday, but not much. My mom was crying last night, a lot too. She kept saying something like, no one cared for her, and she'd wind up bitter and alone. I tried to comfort her, but she just shooed me away. The sooner she realizes that I'm here, the sooner she'll realize that she doesn't have to be alone. That's her problem right now though, not mine. If she doesn't acknowledge me, I won't think about her. I'll think about my dad, and Ryan of course.
Speaking of my dad, I found out where he is. He apparently moved to L.A. and is trying to find a job. I wonder how that's going. He keeps calling from a payphone, since he lost his cell phone. I really miss him. I'd be able to talk to him about things dealing with Ryan, but since he's not here, I have no one. Summer is still gone, and I'm beginning to miss her. I still can't call her, my mom's making sure of that.
So I have no one to talk to about Ryan. Good thing I have this diary, or I don't know how I'd last. Speaking of Ryan, I decided to copy my note to him down into here, so here it is….
Dear Ryan,
I know me and you are good friends, and I really love that. But there's something else I'd like to tell you, something I can't tell you to your face. I think I'm in love with you, there, I said it. Please don't freak out or anything, but I really do. Because when I see you, I get really happy, and when I'm not with you, I get really sad. And I tell you things that I don't dare tell anyone else, because I know that only you understand me. So, that's how I feel, and I really hope you feel the same way.
Marissa
P.S. If you don't, forget that I ever said this, but if you do…….tell me, please.
…..hmm, meaningful, huh? I'm not planning on ever letting him see it. It would be way too awkward if he didn't feel the same way. I don't know what it is about him that makes me feel this way….it just does.
Luke found out about the other carnations, and he's made it clear to everyone before never to come near me. Maybe he'll find out who sent them to me, and I can be with that person, and finally get over Ryan. Who knows though. I have to go…..mom's calling me again.
Marissa