Gathering Lucius' things from the room didn't take long. What took long was trying to get his things out of Contraband.

"Exactly how much did you bring with you, Lucius?" Gilderoy complained. Lucius ignored him; he was too busy arguing with Natalie about the fact that one of his belongings was still missing.

"For the love of God, woman, it's a black stick with a silver snake's head on it. Exactly how many of those do you have in there?"

"I'm telling you, I don't have it!"

"And I'm telling you that I'm not leaving without it."

"Well, then you'll just have to wait until –"

"You're still here," said Marlene flatly as she came up behind Natalie, making the other woman jump. "Why are you still here? You were supposed to be gone half an hour ago."

"I love you too, Marlene."

She gave Lucius a hard look, then turned and noticed Gilderoy, nearly doing a double take. "You're leaving with him?" she said skeptically. "I can just see how that'll go."

"Don't remind me. Now where in hell is my –"

Marlene turned and went into her office behind the desk they were standing at. She returned a few moments later with the stick Lucius had been describing earlier.

"This yours?" she said in a tone of voice that said she knew what the answer would be.

"Finally, someone who knows what the hell they're doing," Lucius said.

"It looks like a pimp cane," Gilderoy observed. Lucius gave him a dirty look. "Well, it does."

Marlene handed the stick to Gilderoy. "You take it. I don't trust him with it until he's off the premises. If you want to give it to him later, fine. But not while he's still here."

"Why?" Gilderoy looked it over until he noticed a catch beneath the snake's head that wasn't obvious until he was looking right at it. He released the catch and pulled, expecting a blade. What came out was –

"You keep your wand in here?"

"Is that what it looks like?" Lucius said, rolling his eyes.

"Yes."

"There you go, then."

"And you do this because…?"

"…I can," Lucius finished dryly. "Come on." He started down the hall, robes swishing behind him. Gilderoy and Marlene followed him. Marlene opened the door leading from the locked ward to the outside hall. Lucius brushed past her and stood in the corridor to wait. Gilderoy followed behind him, still clutching the stick.

"Goodbye," he said to Marlene. Marlene nodded slightly; making a soft noise of acknowledgement, she shut the door behind them. Gilderoy heard the lock slide back into place.

"I'm going to need my wand," Lucius said as they stepped outside.

"Why?"

"Apparation," Lucius said in a this-is-obvious tone of voice.

Gilderoy blinked. "What?"

"…No.'

"Sorry?"

"Never mind. How, exactly, are we getting to…wherever it is we're going?"

"Bus."

"Charming," Lucius said dryly. "Do you plan on calling it, or should I?"

"Calling it?"

"You mean you took one of the city buses here?" Lucius asked, looking appalled.

"Of course I did, Lucius!" Gilderoy said, laughing slightly. "You don't mean we have our own bus system –"

Apparently that was what Lucius did mean, as the Knight Bus suddenly was idling in front of them.

"I wish you had told me you get motion sickness," Gilderoy said half an hour later as Lucius staggered off the bus, looking paler than usual. Gilderoy was already standing on the lawn in front of his home, Lucius' things piled around him.

"I didn't tell you," Lucius replied, "because I didn't know, until I got on that thing." He jerked his head back in the direction of the Knight Bus, which disappeared less than a second later.

"Well, it was an experience, anyway."

"Indeed it was. One I wouldn't care to repeat anytime soon."

"I thought you'd been on it before," Gilderoy said. "You made it sound like that, and I assumed -"

"You assume far too much for your own good."

By this time they had made their way up the front walk. Gilderoy unlocked the front door and let them both inside.

"So…this is it," Lucius said.

"This is…it?" Gilderoy said incredulously. He liked to think it was a rather large residence, and -

"This is where you live, right?" Lucius asked, turning to him. Gilderoy nodded. "Then this is it. Where is my room?"

"Upstairs, second door on the left," said Gilderoy, feeling slightly foolish.

"And I suppose it would be pointless for me to ask you for my stick back?"

"You'll get it in time, Lucius, don't worry."

"Then have my things sent up, and for the love of all things sacred don't drop any of it."

Lucius turned and started up the stairs. Gilderoy called after him. "You'll be down for dinner, right?"

"Do you really want to feel as badly as I do right now, Gilderoy?"

"No -"

"Then don't mention food in my presence for at least another hour." Then he was gone around the corner. A few moments later Gilderoy heard his door slam.

Gilderoy made his way into the sitting room, suddenly feeling exhausted and not knowing why. He threw himself into one of the large chairs in front of the fireplace and fell asleep almost immediately.

He woke up nearly three hours later. The sunlight was no longer streaming through the bay windows, as it had been when he had fallen asleep. It registered that there was a fire going in the hearth, and he sat up quickly, trying to figure out who had started it. His eyes fell on Lucius, who was sitting on the sofa across the room. Gilderoy got up and joined him.

"I was wondering when you were going to wake up," Lucius said.

"Oh, you wanted to talk?"

"I wanted to know a few things."

"I want to know a few things from you, too," Gilderoy said without thinking.

Lucius considered that for a moment. "Well, I suppose we could trade off," he said finally.

"All right. I'll start. What was I like in school?"

"Annoying."

"Come on, Lucius!"

"Oh, fine," Lucius said sulkily. "You were in the year below mine. You liked to follow my friends and I around, constantly banging on about something or other that had happened to you that you felt was important enough to share. You were a decent student, most of the teachers liked you for some reason or another, even though you cheated quite a bit on homework. As I've told you, you had a certain gift for Memory Charms. You were in Slytherin, of course. Anything else?"

"That's fine, Lucius," Gilderoy said, thinking all of that over. "It's your go."

"What do you really think of me, first of all? "

"I think you're very proud."

"And?"

"…and very insulting at times."

"Do you really think I'm beautiful?"

"Yes. And that makes it two questions."

"Damn."

Gilderoy thought for a moment. "Do you really hate me as much as you say you do?"

"Yes," Lucius said immediately.

"Then why did you come here with me?"

"Because no matter what I may say, Lockhart," Lucius said, "I would rather be here with you and with no locked doors than locked in a room by myself for an indefinite period of time. Now I want you to tell me why you came back for me at all."

"I told you, because I need you to -"

"Don't give me that."

"What does it matter, Lucius?" Gilderoy said, laughing nervously.

"It matters. Now tell me."

"Because I've been thinking about you constantly for the last few days, I didn't like the idea of you still in that place, and I wanted to protect you from…"

"From what?"

"Oh, Lucius, I don't know!" Gilderoy exclaimed.

"You don't think I can take care of myself, Gilderoy?"

"You certainly don't seem to be able to."

Lucius stood up. "What do you mean by that?"

Gilderoy stood up too. "You don't eat, you sleep all the time, you cut yourself…do I need to keep going, because I will!"

Lucius lashed out and punched Gilderoy in the face so hard that he tasted blood. His hand moved up and he discovered that his lip had split. He looked wide-eyed at Lucius, who was glaring back at him.

"I'm sorry," was all he could think of to say.

Lucius didn't respond, but instead turned military-style and left the room. Gilderoy heard the door to his room slam not long after.