Chapter 3: Developing hearts
A warm breeze followed by soft shuffling of the bamboo blinds roused the girl from her slumber. All bleary and drowsy, Rin shielded her eyes from the glare of strong sunlight indicating to her that it was probably nearly noon. She blinked a few times, orientating herself. Nothing special. She was in her own room.
But… Sesshoumaru-sama….
Her hands felt the sheets around her. There was no one there. She propped herself up with one elbow examining her surroundings. The room was warming up as the noon rays reflected brightly against the walls to her bed, a gentle continuous breeze playing a soothing duet with the wind chime by her window. Her hazels fell on the covers beside her. It was unusually ruffled. Rin closed her eyes as she allowed herself to fall back on her soft pillows.
Last night… The midnight rose…. Sesshoumaru-sama… The lady… and then…
Every part of the memories from last night's incident was now only a blur. She was sure of being pricked by the thorn of the rose, the wound on her finger had only just begun to close. And Sesshoumaru-sama… he had appeared out of nowhere and the moment she saw him, a strange emotion started to stir within her. It was tingling and sweet, like the way she always felt whenever he had come near. The wind that sent his knee long silvery hair swaying also brought to her his scent. How would she describe how her lord smells like? A gust of wind from the forest, damp soil after a summer drizzle, the morning dew on cypress… in a simple word… elemental.
Rin's eyes flew open as she sniffed at her sheets. She was sure. Sesshoumaru-sama's scent was all over her bed. So last night… he did bring her back to her room. He did stay the night with her and they….
She blushed as she circled her arms round her own frame, briefly checking herself. Her night dress was intact, the ties were tightly knotted. Self-consciously, she touched her own lips. Did he really kiss her? Were they really….. or was it just a dream?
As she traced back to the occurrences the night before, she managed to confirm certain facts. Sesshoumaru could have sent her back to her bed. It was most logical. He had always been her savior since the first day she met him. And he might have stayed to make sure she had fully recovered. Her lord had always been thorough. That was his style. He would only take leave if he was sure she recovered completely.
As to all that intimacy that followed between them… could it be just a fragment of her own imagination, a hallucination following the effects of the poison from the rose… even when everything felt so real, his kisses, his touch?
Rin heaved a sigh. She knew… she could never be sure unless… she asks him…
Almost instantly, the girl shook her head violently to erase out that thought. No way…she wasn't about to ask him about it either.
She will absolutely NOT!
That would be… too embarrassing… degrading… most unladylike…
And moreover, he wasn't even around for her to implore. The girl couldn't help but sense her own disappointment. If they had really become more intimate, why hadn't he stayed till morning to assure her? Why did he choose to leave as if nothing had happened? Or is that how he truly felt, that he wished it hadn't happened? Did it really happen?
Rin shook her head again. Going round and round at it wasn't doing anything to calm her confusion. Neither did it help her to reach a conclusion. She was even beginning to feel a huge migraine emerging.
And if she meets him later in the day, how is she going to act? Like it did happen? Or like it didn't? She knew it wouldn't be easy to tell the answer from her lord's expressions either. Yeah… What expressions? We're talking about Sesshoumaru-sama here…
Rin rolled agitatedly in her sheets, trying to find a little comfort from its silky softness. She rubbed her face into her pillows, punching it with her fist. Part of her really wanted to know… She had secretly yearned for such a possibility for so long even though she knew it was more than impossible. A demon and a human… what more… Sesshoumaru…
That thought brought her back to the prick on her finger. For the first time like she had never felt before, the poison from the rose had affected her… badly. And she was more than certain it happened the moment she felt Sesshoumaru's closeness to her, his shallow breathing was the last thing she remembered on her cheeks before the pain attacked her. After that, everything went into a frenzy. On top of all her discomfort, she could remember that the more she thought of him, felt him holding her, the more it had hurt. Indeed, it was the terrible way to find out how she felt for her lord.
I…do love him…
Rin finally admitted that to herself, not that she didn't already know. She just wasn't prepared to face the consequence. The pure result of knowing, of consciously knowing that she loved him, it would be painful… even without the poison from the midnight rose.
Sesshoumaru wouldn't love her… He wouldn't…
The girl recalled all her past experiences where enemies had threatened to use her as hostage against her lord. Every time without fail, Sesshoumaru would say the same, "If you think a simple human girl like that can be used to threaten this Sesshoumaru, you must be mad." Each time without fail, he'd say that but each time too without fail, he'd save her. Rin had full confidence that he would. She had never doubted him.
But those words…. It hadn't mattered when she was a child. She had been a cheery positive kid. She still is…. just that…such unfeeling statements were beginning to hurt her in a way she couldn't stop. Her heart would ache each time she heard it, though she'd always pretended to be all smiley. And sometimes when it really hurt her a lot, she'd only dare to let herself cry about it in the dead of the night, in her bed under the covers… muted, hushed… always remembering to wash herself thoroughly after that. She was living amongst demons with the most acute senses. A brief sniff of her tears by the chamber maids and Sesshoumaru would be informed and he would implore her about it the very next day.
So… He cared enough to ask… She'd always consoled herself with that. But the truth was, it had hurt her still, and more so if she loved him.
And she did love him, no longer that of pure admiration and idolization. It was now more… she was beginning to love him like a woman would love a man.
And last night….
Rin sighed, long and deep. She was determined to shove all internal debates of what happened between Sesshoumaru and her aside. Flipping the covers, she hopped out of bed as the door opened.
"Rin-chan, ohayo…"
"Ohayo, Rika…" The girl flashed a smile at the demoness now placing a tray of food on her table. As the years passed, Rika had become more of a close friend rather than a chamber maid. In the most practiced manner, Rin ran her fingers through her hair then took half of it, fix it up into a crooked bun. She strolled to the tray, picking a fresh flower from the ornamental vase, pinning it to her hair. "What's for breakfast?"
The fox demoness chuckled as she helped the girl adjust the cream colored lily to the best angle. "Rin-chan, it's more like lunch."
"I know, I've overslept." Something dawned on the girl. "Oh no! I haven't watered the plants in the garden!" She dashed toward her wardrobe, skimming through her yukatas and quickly pulled out a white number with prints of summer blossoms.
"Rin!" The demoness stopped her immediately. "Don't you already know?"
"Know what?" The girl carried on dressing herself.
"Sesshoumaru-sama has given orders for you not to tend to the lady's garden anymore." Rika whispered. "And I heard the lady wasn't pleased at all with that. Now, Chiyo is put in charged of the garden." She held out the girl's hand singling that injured finger. "And I have a hunch it has got something to do with this."
Rin withdrew her finger instantly. "It's just a prick, nothing serious."
Roka laughed. "Nothing serious? I heard you almost died!"
"That… is highly exaggerated."
"Really? Weren't you with your…" She winked. "…lover?"
Rin choked on her miso soup, coughing out loudly. Gossips already? "I wasn't with my lover!!! I was with…" She stopped, feeling extremely self conscious.
The demoness shook her head. "You were with Sesshoumaru-sama, weren't you?"
"Precisely!" The girl tried to sound bold and composed. "It was Sesshoumaru-sama, not a lover."
"Ah ha! Precisely! If our Rin-chan has a lover, it would most likely be…."
"Stop it!!!!" Rin dashed forward to stop the last word, that most familiar name. Truly, Rika would have known the secrets of her heart more than anyone else in this western court.
"Ses… shou….." The demoness giggled as she dodged, heading for the door. Surely, a human can't be faster than a demon.
"Don't say it!" Greatly embarrassed, the girl persisted in the chase as they detoured from the door to her bed. She jumped on the demoness and soon, the two were laughing and rolling around in the sheets.
"Rin…" Rika shook loose of the girl, hugging one pillow and suddenly turning more serious. "You know… you're different today. I can't put a finger to it but… you smell different."
"I smell different?" The girl took a few sniffs of herself. Maybe she needed a bath.
"No… I mean… It's like… you've been done…" She narrowed her eyes at the girl suspiciously. "What did you do last night with you-know-who?"
"W-Who?" The redness emerging from her cheeks was giving her away and Rin was trying her best to fan it down. Moreover, she still wasn't sure if it really happened.
"You know…"
"I don't."
"Yes, you do…"
"I don't."
"You still have his scent on you…."
"I do?" Rin's eyes flew open. No way! Sesshoumaru's scent is on me? So, did we really… "Rika, don't bluff… I don't know who you're talking about."
"Really?" The demoness could tell a lie from the girl any day. Rin's a pitiful liar. "Then, I guess it's alright for me to shout out his name then."
"NOOOOOooooo!"
The chase began again as the girls jumped out of bed and after a few rounds in the room, Rika was heading towards the exit. "Ses…shou…." She stopped short at the door when it swung open, a tall white figure standing regally before her. "…maru-sama…" She gulped as she finished that last bit in a whisper, adjusting to tidy herself, then bowed respectfully. "M-My lord."
Rin herself bumped into the demoness as she panted, equally caught by surprised. "Sesshoumaru-sama…" And she realized. He wasn't looking particularly pleased.
"Did I not instruct you that the girl has to stay in bed?" His ire was not directed at her, Rin noted. The one who was bearing the consequence of their little mischief was her friend. Rika fell to her knees in great fear as she trembled. "Yes My lord. I had overlooked that. Please… forgive me."
"It wasn't Rika's fault… I…" She wasn't given the chance to finish that. Before she knew it, she was lifted up, swept by one powerful muscled arm till her head lay against his chest. He did not speak a word as he headed for her bed and she dared not continue with hers.
Carefully, the demon lord placed the girl in his arm back into her bed, then replacing the covers on her. He did not look her in the eye, just coolly signaling Rika to bring forward the food tray. He also asked for the medicine box before sending the terrified maid off.
Quietly, Rin watched as Sesshoumaru tended to her wound, spreading a thin layer of ointment on it then bandaging it up. He did not look straight at her still, just intoning rather plainly. "You should be in bed. After taking the antinode, it is wise not to get up and over exert yourself. My mother once told me that the antinode itself is a deadly poison. When taking it, you're in actual fact, fighting poison with poison. It takes only a little off the right amount to kill you instantly."
The girl gulped. "Is that why you're not allowing me to take care of the garden anymore?"
"A human cannot take the antinode more than three times, a demon ten. If you do, even if the poison of the rose did not kill you, its antinode will. It is not something to be fooling around with, Rin."
It was a good piece of advice but the girl couldn't help but feel a little dishearten. Sesshoumaru's tone was so stern, chiding her as if she was still a little girl, like he'd always been. That made her even more confused. If their relationship had advanced since last night, he should be… well… at least a bit nicer.
She hated it every time her lord used that sort of tone on her. She knew she was like his ward and he, her guardian. But still, she was no longer a child.
I'd be sixteen in two months, she mused sadly. Will he ever see me as a lady rather than a kid? Will he ever hold me, touch me, kiss me like a man would to a woman? Or did he already…last night?
Rin didn't know she was sighing and grunting to herself rather obviously but the demon lord himself did not miss it. Neither was it that he didn't know what was bothering her. It was just that.. he was still trying to come to terms with what he did the night before.
Everything happened so quickly. Before he had control of it, he had gone too far. Well, not far enough to have taken her but still, he had gone beyond what he should, as an honorable male, as a respectable lord …and as her guardian.
He couldn't deny feeling strangely elated though, but he was trying extremely hard to throw that thought off his mind. Especially when looking at Rin now in her bed like where she had been when he had kissed her, his control was put to the ultimate test. She looked… simply… enticing…for a girl not even sixteen. He sneaked a peek of her from head to toe, the memories coming in like waves… how she'd smelt, how her skin had felt, how her lips had tasted…. He probably had imagined it a hundred times before but after last night, the demon lord was mesmerized, though he tried hard to conceal it.
He was… in love?
And how long had he been loving her, he wouldn't know. Perhaps… longer than he dare think…. Perhaps sooner than he should have, considering her tender age.
However, this was a relationship he needed to put more thoughts on, with his mind rather than his heart. It would be unfair for Rin… but it was necessary. They weren't living in the world just on their own. There was still the court, his empire, his legions, his allies, his mother…
"Does it still hurt?" He gently caressed the girl's finger. His tone was calm but he was in fact, desperately trying to console her. He knew she was upset he hadn't stayed with her till morning but he couldn't. Before he found that best way to present this relationship to his court, he couldn't risk having a vicious gossip ruin it.
And it worked. Rin looked up, touched by this gesture of concern. "I-It's alright now. It doesn't hurt anymore."
The demon lord nodded.
"Erm… Sesshoumaru-sama?"
"What is it?"
"The lady… Will she be displeased if I don't attend to her garden any longer?"
"Were she particularly pleased when you did?" The demon lord's lids were half shut, almost seeming that he had flashed a grin, unusual, but whenever it concerned his mother, somehow, he would have a sudden flare of cold humor.
"You've got a point there." The girl stifled a giggle
"Now eat. You have already missed breakfast. You need to be nourished." As she was served personally by her lord, watching as he placed the tray before her and pouring her tea, Rin couldn't help but smile. It was always moments like this that she couldn't miss the fact that he possibly cared … or even more… bear some special feelings for her.
"Will you join me, Sesshoumaru-sama?" She was about to pour him some tea when she felt his hand holding hers, stopping her actions. She gasped at the contact.
"Sesshoumaru." He said rather coolly after a slight sigh.
"What?" The girl was baffled.
"Just Sesshoumaru, especially when there's only us."
Rin trembled with joy. He was asking her to lose the formality. He… He was treating her as his equal? Was it because of what happened last night? So, it DID happen! She took a deep calming breath. "Sesshoumaru…"
She stopped when his finger touched her lips to silence her and she let her eyes close as she felt his hand running across her cheek. The demon lord fretted when he took note of the fine purple undertone on the girl's cheeks. The poisons in her body still needed time to resolve completely even when she didn't feel the effects of the rose anymore.
Rin waited in anticipation. Is he going to kiss me again?
"Rin…"
The girl opened her eyes, half surprised and half in disappointment. She noted Sesshoumaru's stern look.
"Eat. I will not be joining you. There are matters I have to attend to." Even when he spoke, he tried to gage her reactions.
Matters to attend to? The girl thought to herself in dismay. Sesshoumaru had always been like this. Just when they were about to start a nice conversation or when they were about to have some quiet time together, he would take leave. It was almost like… he was afraid to be close… to her… to anyone. At least, that was how he made her feel.
"My mother is expecting… erm… guests tonight." The demon lord stopped at the door, attempting to explain himself, though he did not wish to elaborate, the main reason being that the so-called guests would no doubt bring her stress. "Rest well after you finish your food. I-I …. I will be coming by later to check on you."
Check on me? Rin pouted. She wished he had used something… well… gentler, perhaps… the word 'visit' would be more appropriate for a lady.
"Rin…"
The girl looked up out of courtesy rather than she really wished to. However, when she did, she was pleasantly surprised. Sesshoumaru had strolled back to her side, gently placing a kiss on her forehead. She gasped at the contact. "Sesshoumaru…." She lifted her chin higher in anticipation till her lips were only an inch away from his.
She was so very close and he'd only need to reach forward to bestow upon her a kiss that would inevitably bring them back to the passion they felt the night before. He was tempted… but something inside him prevented him from actualizing that thought.
"I need to go." He tickled her slightly on her cheek coupled with a somewhat forced smile.
And he left.
As Rin watched the screen door flung shut, she let off a sigh. She didn't get the kiss she'd hoped for. He didn't give it.
Well, he did give kiss me…She argued in his defense.
But that wasn't how she'd hoped it to be. She picked up the pair of chopsticks and started on her lunch, though she wasn't at all paying much attention to what she was chewing on. Sesshoumaru had insisted she finish eating. He'd make sure, by probably enquiring the maids. Their relationship was at its budding stage and the last thing she'd wish was for him to think she's still behaving like a kid.
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At his private study, the demon lord lay back against the wall behind him, taking a break from the task at his hand. His cousin, the lady Suki would arrive this evening together with her friend, the lord Kohan of the northern mountains. He'd always welcome Suki whenever she wished to pay them a visit; He'd always treated her like a little sister. She'd always been that sibling he'd hoped to have, well, rather than Inuyasha.
Lord Kohan, on the other hand, was a totally different issue. It wasn't that he had anything against the demon; It was more for…. Rin.
From the very first time she'd met him, the girl was uncomfortable. In fact, the demon lord would guess that she was frightened of him…. for obvious reasons. The fellow was a wolf descent, a distant relative of Koga and a much more powerful one. She had only met the wolf demon on two occasions, both when she was still a child and both times, she was hiding behind him, her hands wrapped tightly round his leg. Even after the wolf had left, Rin had suffered two whole weeks of constant nightmares. She would wake up screaming many times within one night and could only be comforted in his embrace.
That was precisely why he didn't wish to let the girl know of the visit as yet. She was still recovering and this piece of unfortunate information would not do anything to help her or to calm her nerves. He also knew that his mother would be throwing them a welcome feast this night. He'd hoped that Rin wouldn't have to attend… perhaps, he'd used her condition as an excuse.
He had enquired about Rin from Rika during a break time and got to know that she ate little.
That would have been the side effects of the antinode, he concluded.
And if the girl come to know of Kohan's visit, that would spoil her appetite for the next ten days no doubt. Perhaps, he should pay her a visit, like he'd promised earlier in at noon. He had thought of her the entire day even though he had been busy…. as well as the possibility of continuing with that kiss he had withdrawn.
Yes, he should check on her condition, and perhaps, stay a little while to chat with her, that is, if she was not resting.
Sesshoumaru's lips curved a subtle smile. Knowing Rin, it'd be a chore to stay in bed the entire day, even by his strict orders. She'd have been bored stiff by now. He could only imagine how delighted she'd be if he dropped by.
With that, he made a decision. He got up, flicking loose strains of his hair aside and a knock on the door was heard.
"What is it?"
"My lord, your cousin and the lord Kohan has arrived. The lady wishes you to join her in welcoming them."
Sesshoumaru sighed with immense disappointment.
Rin… would have to wait.
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"Rin-chan…" A slight knock on the door was heard and the demoness popped her head in for a peak as she whispered. "Are you… asleep?"
"I wish." The girl propped her head with one elbow, turning toward the direction of the doorway. "I've already slept fourteen hours. I think I'm feeling a headache coming up from over resting… can't believe that can actually happen."
Rika laughed. "We fox demons hibernate during some winters. Sleeping is a skill, my dear…."
"…which I'm not very interested to pursue. Life's too beautiful to be wasted like that." Rin rebutted with a chuckle.
The demoness noticed the girl trying to squint her eyes to see behind her. She laughed again, knowing exactly what Rin was looking for. "He's not here."
"Who?"
"You know who. He'd been busy the entire day, even now."
"Oh." Rin let out a sigh, mumbling to herself. "He promised he'd come by…"
"Rin…" The fox demoness frowned at the message she was instructed to relay. "Erm…You're expected to attend the dinner tonight, by orders of the lady."
The girl's eyes lit up with glee. "Really? Does this mean I can be out of my room? Does Sesshoumaru… erm… I mean Sesshoumaru-sama knows about it?" Obviously, she did not know better.
But the demoness knew. She had been with Rin long enough to learn about her history, how she had died in the hands of wolves and was revived by Tenseiga, how she dreaded the visits of the wolf demon. "Rin, Sesshoumaru-sama had objected to you attending the dinner."
"He did?"
"He had your interest in mind."
"But I've rested enough. I feel perfectly fine."
"Lord Kohan and Lady Suki will be at dinner tonight. They're expected to stay for the next two weeks or so, apparently to discuss about the alliance between the north and the west." The demoness had not even finished and she already noted that Rin was stiffened up, her cheeks turning suddenly pale.
"L-Lord K-Kohan you said?" The girl hugged her pillow, her fingers squeezed tightly onto the soft fabric.
"Now you know. Sesshoumaru-sama only wished to protect you. He almost got into an argument with the lady over this."
Rin convulsed. Whenever that creepy name was mentioned, she would not be able to control the shivers that run down her spine. She closed her eyes, pondering and half trying to calm herself down.
"So, Rin-chan, are you going to the dinner?" Seeing that the girl did not answer immediately, Rika gave her honest opinion. "You know, if Sesshoumaru-sama had fought for you already, perhaps, you should listen to him. The lady couldn't be too mad. It's Sesshoumaru-sama's orders anyways."
True enough. Rin also agreed internally. But the last thing she wished was to cause unhappiness between the lady and her lord. She was after all…his hahaue. Moreover, she's all grown up now. She should learn to face her fears.
"I'm going." She got out of bed and started looking through her wardrobe for something appropriate for a formal occasion.
Rika's brows rose with astonishment, though she could understand fully the reasons why. Rin was considering for Sesshoumaru, just as he had done the same for her. The demoness stifled a smile. If she'd dare to make a bet, she'd say that she was now waiting on the next lady of the west. She walked up to the girl, her fingers reached into the cupboard to pull out a dark blue kimono and white cherry blossoms prints.
"This one suits you perfectly."
Rin smiled. That was a present from Sesshoumaru last winter. He had it tailored for her and she hadn't a chance to wear it as yet. "That would be perfect."
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Sesshoumaru's nose wriggled at a scent so familiar to him. Even above all the smells of the food, wine and the assortments of demons in the dining hall, he could pick that particular one out without a doubt. It was such a subtle sweetness, the one whom the scent belonged to was coming near. He put down his cup and stood up, heading swiftly to the door and out. At the corner of her eyes, the lady took in everything as she continued chatting with her favorite niece.
Suki… was everything she wanted in a daughter-in-law, that was, if she had a say in it. Her prince, her only son had not shown interest in her even when they had known and played with each other since they were young. She had brought the idea of an arranged marriage to her late husband many times but the late Taisho seemed to have other plans for their son. At some point in time, the Taisho had started to dispute the idea that the bloodline of the phantom dog Taiyoukais had to remain pure.
All because of that… human woman…. Izayoi…. The lady smirked. She wasn't particularly jealous that her husband was shared. It was not uncommon that warlords acquire concubines or have a fling once in a while. But she'd prefer a demoness instead of a human … plus… she'd really preferred if he hadn't conceived a son with her.
Still, what's done cannot be undone.
But in Sesshoumaru's case, could she do something about it, especially when her son's only focus had been on that little human girl. Or… should she obey her husband's instructions just before his death?
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The girl was about to reach the entry of the dining hall when a white figure emerged from inside. Her eyes beamed with joy at the sight of her lord but she noted too, he wasn't that pleased to see her.
"Rin, what are you doing here?" He reached her side, pulling her to one corner of the walkway till her back was against a wall. "I thought I gave you instructions to stay in your room."
"Sesshoumaru-sa… I mean.. Sesshoumaru…" She smiled up at his worried face. "I know… about Lord Kohan. I'll be alright, really. Don't worry."
"If you know my intentions are to protect you, then, you should have obeyed them." He chided sternly though he also noted that Rin had seemed better. Her cheeks had returned to her usually youthful pink glow.
"The lady wouldn't be pleased if I missed the dinner." Rin tried to explain.
"This Sesshoumaru does not care."
"I can't avoid him forever. He's going to be here for two weeks."
That statement struck a chord in the demon lord. If Lord Kohan was here only for a casual visit, he'd have contemplated to take the girl away to his summer fortress. But he couldn't. It was not a social visit. The northern empires had wishes to make allies with the west and Kohan was sent as the representative. "This Sesshoumaru wishes there was a way…" He sighed.
Touched by his concern, Rin let her hand stroke on his magenta stripped cheek gently. "I know you care about me…"
"Then do as I say…. At least for now…" He pressed up on her till his hair hid them from unwanted attention. Then, he lurched forward and their lips met.
Rin gasped, half trying to recover from the shock and half still tingling in the sensation that one short kiss had brought. She looked up, feeling his clawed fingers run down her hair, bringing the thick wavy locks to the back.
"Go back to your room, at least for tonight." His expressions were so sincere, so soft. "Let me deal with hahaue."
Rin knew she couldn't reject him. She didn't wish to either, since Sesshoumaru was so insistent. Moreover, he had kissed her. She nodded obediently, smiling.
Sesshoumaru returned that show of obedience with a slight uplift of the corner of his lips. His expressions darkened almost instantly after, his amber eyes showed a flash of red. He had picked up something… someone he was too late to avoid.
"Sesshoumaru…"
Rin shrieked as she caught sight of who the voice belonged to.
It was Kohan.
Instantly, Sesshoumaru released the girl, standing in front of her purposefully. "Kohan…"
"Am I interrupting something?" The wolf demon's eyes traveled between the two in front of him, then back to the girl he could hardly see now that she was somewhat hidden from his sight. "Who might this lovely little lady be?"
Sesshoumaru was fretfully silent and Rin knew it was time she plucked up her courage. She came round and bowed respectfully. "We've met before but perhaps you do not remember. I am Rin."
"Rin?" The image of a child appeared to remind the wolf demon her identity. He laughed heartily. "Yes, the little human. You were so small when I last saw you." He made an eye at the demon lord. "Sesshoumaru, these ningens…. They grow so fast."
"We should be returning to dinner." Sesshoumaru turned to the girl, taking her hand to pull her along her way. "Go back to your room. That's an order." His tone had sounded harsh but this time, there was no misunderstanding. Rin knew he had done that on purpose, only because Kohan was there. Hidden from public eyes, his fingers were gently stroking, comforting hers even when he spoke.
Rin bowed again before she hurried away.
"But Sesshoumaru, wouldn't it be nice that little Rin joins us?" Kohan was following the back of the girl with much interest…. too much interest.
"She is unwell." His tone was plain.
"I see." His voice hinted that he was somewhat disappointed. "I guess we'll meet later in the week then…. Rin eh?" He turned to the demon lord. "She's growing to be the prettiest little thing."
Sesshoumaru's brows flare at the simple comment. There was something in that complement that made him strangely irritated. He would have to think of a way to make Kohan's visit shorter.
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The night had seemed really long for the girl once she had returned to the comforts of her own bedroom. Comforts? Well, not quite. She had tried her best to display her bravest self but deep inside, she could not stop herself from being haunted by her past encounter with these vicious wolves. She had suffered under their ruthless attacks, watching as they sank their sharp fangs into her flesh. She recalled being flung from one animal to the next, each having a bit of her. She felt the excruciating pain from her neck and her abdomen. She saw her own blood scattered everywhere. Soon, the pain had made her more numb, her visions got blurrier, her consciousness fleeting. At that moment, she knew, even as a child, she knew she was going to die.
And she did.
But somewhere between life and death, she was being called back. She had felt a touch of a hand, lifting her soul from the realms of hell, away from the huge piles of bones and remains.
She was revived!
And the first person she saw the moment she opened her eyes… was not a person. It was pair of warm amber eyes, a warm arm supporting her. At that moment, she knew, that was her savoir. HE… was her savior.
If she had a choice, she wouldn't want to have any form of contact with those creatures. Even when she had been revived by the Tenseiga, her scars had remained, most obviously at her neck and at her abdomen. But the real scars that ran deepest was still in her mind.
Rin screamed as she awoke from yet another of those nightmares, one that reminded her death. She panted, catching her breath and wiped her forehead of the beads of perspiration with her trembling fingers.
Sesshoumaru… where are you?
She had expected him to visit after the dinner but he was nowhere to be seen. The moon was up, showing how night it might have been already. Perhaps, he had long gotten into bed to rest, forgetting about her completely. Rin dried her tears, which had built themselves up as she thought about him. Oh how she wished he was by her side. She would just toss herself into his embrace and cry her heart out …if he were here.
What was that?
Rin jumped as she heard a sort of screeching sound echoing through the hallway outside her room. She gulped. It sounded like claws on the wooden flooring.
She shook her head wildly. No. she was imaging it all. She would do that sometimes, in the dead of the night, especially after a nightmare of wolves. Being all alone on her bed wasn't helping it either. Perhaps, she would be safer elsewhere….
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The wooden screen of the girl's room parted lightly, a white shadow appearing at the entryway. The demon lord stepped in, knowing instantly that the girl wasn't at her bed even without looking that direction.
He closed his eyes, his nose catching her scent in the room. Rin is here.
With a soft sigh, he paced toward her wardrobe, stopping outside for a short moment. Rin, she was still affected by Kohan's visit, just as he'd expected. Since she was a child, every time the wolf demon visited, she'd hide herself in her wardrobe at night. She'd have continuous nightmares, sometimes lasting long after Kohan had left. Every of those times, she would not be consoled by anything else by him. Only when he'd stayed with her in bed, only in his arms she'd get some real rest.
With careful fingers, Sesshoumaru moved the cupboard door open, revealing the girl at one corner, all scrunched up as she circled her arms tightly around her knees in her sleep. She wasn't awake but the demon lord could tell… she wasn't in peaceful slumber as well.
As gently as he could, the demon lord moved her hands away, letting her fall into his arms. He lifted her as he got up, heading straight for the bed. Flipping the covers, he placed the girl in it, then getting in himself to lay beside her, pulling her closely to him. He could have come earlier… He should have… but after dinner, Kohan had suggested they start with the discussions of the merger. He couldn't reject that. The earlier they were done with that, the earlier Kohan would take leave.
His thoughts were broken as he looked down. Rin was clinging onto him tightly. Her eyes were closed still but her lips were moving, muttering some words humans would never make out.
But Sesshoumaru knew. Rin had called his name.
He closed his own eyes, trying to get some sleep of his own as his fingers stroked her hair rhythmically. The softness of it, of her, together with her soft sweet scent, had always managed to bring him peace. Even Rin herself had calmed down significantly. She was in a much quieter state of rest.
He picked up her rising pulse, knowing immediately that she was able to wake. And true enough, when he looked down at her, she had already half opened her eyes, staring back at his own.
"Sesshoumaru…." She tried to pull herself up but he stopped her, holding her to him firmly. "You… came…"
"Yes… The dinner ended late." He felt her shudder.
Just realizing that she had been brought back into her bed, the girl hid a contented grin as she sank into his chest.
"This Sesshoumaru wishes he'd come sooner…" There was a hint of regret in his tone and the girl smiled.
"It's okay. I'm alright on my own."
"So you say." She heard him smirk. "I found you in the closet."
"Well…" A little self conscious, the girl chuckled. "I was perfectly alright on my own in the closet."
"These wolves… Do they still bother you like they do in the past?"
"I know I'm no longer child, Sesshoumaru… and… I shouldn't be…but…." The girl defended herself, feeling indignant. She didn't wish for her lord to think of her as one who was weak. Never.
"Yes, I would have thought so… if I hadn't found you in the closet." He was merely attempting a joke but he could sense her displeasure. Perhaps, he'd really gone too far. She was going to be sixteen soon. Moreover, Rin had gone all silent. "Rin…"
"Sesshoumaru…" She lifted her head to meet his gaze and the demon lord instantly confirmed that she was genuinely upset by his remark. "Am I no more than a child to you?"
"Rin…It was not my intention to make you think that."
"Will you ever see me as … a lady?"
"Rin…."
"If you don't, then why did you…." Her words were lost as she felt her lips being covered by his. He did not bother to wait, just sank in to kiss her thoroughly. Trembling as she responded to him, her hands clinging nervously onto the corners of the sleeves of his night kimono.
They didn't know how long they'd kissed but when it ended, both had to take a while to recover from the heat.
"Sesshoumaru…." Rin's face was still flushed as she caught her breath.
"Yes?"
"You shouldn't be doing that with a child."
The demon lord smirked. By gosh… his Rin was still mad at his previous remark. He couldn't help but to smile. "Do you wish me to stop?"
That question proved to be a tricky one for the girl. If she'd answered 'yes', Sesshoumaru would never try to make advancements on her anymore. That was definitely NOT what she wished. But if she'd answered 'no', she'd have sounded really… really …well… unladylike…. Desperate. Rin bit her lips, unable to decide.
Sesshoumaru took in all of this smugly, his fingers did not stop caressing her. He knew the girl could never win him in these battles of wit and tongue. But, he felt her dilemma, and he felt how tensed she'd become. He had at first meant to merely tease her, but it turned out to have become quite tormenting for the girl. That was not what he intended. "Rin…"
The demon lord frowned. Rin wasn't answering, and neither was she looking him in the eye. She was having an internal struggle and though he felt bad for making her this way, he could not help but to want to wait for her reply.
Her reply was important. It would mean her courage to admit to how she felt. And he wished that from her. He wished to know how she felt about him. It wasn't that he did not know how much Rin had adored him all this while. He merely wanted to hear it directly from her mouth. Perhaps… Perhaps then, he would also have an answer of his own about her… about them… about the possibility of their future together.
"No…."
His brows lifted, his lips curved a slight smile.
"I'm sorry."
Sesshoumaru frowned again. Why was Rin apologizing?
Her lord was silent and the girl had never been so tormented in her entire life! She had never said such bold audacious words, especially not before him. Rin felt her cheeks heating up rapidly, the immensely growing wave of anxiety and shame was causing tears to shimmer at her lids.
"Rin…"
"I'm sorry…" She blurted in her rush. "…for being so….." The next word hung at the tip of her tongue for a moment. She found it too difficult to have it voiced. As her eyes began to water up, the demon lord realized he had to do something to appease her.
"Rin…"
"I know…." She intercepted him again, as though she was afraid that he spoke first. "I know it's really horrible of me to utter such…" She stopped before that hurting word. "shameless…." It came out in nothing more than a whisper.
"Rin, this Sesshoumaru do not think that of you."
Somehow, the girl had missed that sentence all together in her nervousness. "I-I'll never bear such thoughts again… I…"
Then he kissed her, cutting and canceling out all the fears and burden of her girlish pride. Indeed, such admissions must have been frightening for a young girl of her age. He had been too careless in his words this time. He didn't know how long the kiss lasted but he knew when he broke away, Rin had calmed down significantly. He watched her pant and gasped silently for breath, her eyes still not daring to meet his.
"Rin…"
The girl looked up finally and he brushed away gently a thin line of tears that left a trail down her redden cheeks. She scanned his expressions, waiting for him to continue.
"Are you alright?"
With a new grin, Rin nodded, sniffing a little. She had her answer. She knew now. Sesshoumaru felt the same. These feelings… they were mutual. She snuggled further into his chest and enjoyed a long moment while neither spoke. Rin pulled to her his hanging sleeve where his left hand used to have been and began to draw little circles. Her lord had lost this arm and though she had not witnessed it personally, she had heard many times that it had been severed by Inuyasha. Even though Sesshoumaru had never admitted that he missed that limb, she knew, he would have been more perfect and informidable if he'd still have it. "Sesshoumaru…."
"Yes?"
"Your hand, your left hand…." She stuttered, half wondering if she'd overstepped her boundaries again.
"What about it?" His tone was still calm. Obviously, he wasn't that bothered by her question as she thought.
"Does it still hurt?" Immediately after she had voiced it, she thought she was the greatest fool. Sesshoumaru was a powerful Taiyoukai with amazing healing abilities. Of course, it wouldn't have hurt by now.
But the demon lord knew what was underlying in her question. It was more of the emotional wound she was referring to.
"If you're referring to the fact that it was severed by the likes of a hanyou, yes, this Sesshoumaru had been affected for a while." He paused a while. "But the lost of this limb had only made me stronger." He smiled, as though recalling something important. "I'll miss not having it when it grows back."
Surprised, the girl shifted to gaze up at him. "Grow back? You mean your hand is going to grow back?"
The demon lord chuckled, seeing that his last statement had definitely interested the girl. "Yes, Rin. But it will take a significant amount of time, a hundred years or so perhaps."
"Oh…" A sudden unknown wave of sadness flooded in her. A hundred years eh? She'd have died by then…. She'd never have the chance to see his full recovery.
Sesshoumaru knew instantly what was bothering the girl. He held her to him firmly, not quite knowing how to comfort her. The only way Rin could outlived her human lifespan was…. He sighed. It was something he still could not somehow decide.
"Sesshoumaru…."
"Yes?"
"What is happening to us?"
That was a difficult question to answer but the demon lord knew…. It was only fair if he'd at least to give his honest opinion. "I believe the correct word is …. Courting…. We're… courting…"
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Hi everyone, I know it has been really long. I hope you've been well. I've been away for the summer and my guess is you all are too. Anyway, I've left it hanging for so long. I guess I've been too lazy… plus I haven't got the time to read through this chapter before posting it either… sorri if you spotted glaring mistakes in grammar… will try to do that soon.
Well, R & R pls.