Chapter Five
August 7th 1887: Christine
I stared at Meg for what seemed like hours. Her face was flushed, and she tried to wind out of my grasp, but I didn´t let her escape. I had never suspected her of lying to me, yet now that I had asked the question nagging doubts had captured my mind. Getting rid of them was impossible.
"Christine…", she finally muttered. "It´s not that easy. I´m not allowed to tell you. I promised…" Squeezing her hand with so much force that she gave a little yelp of pain I pleaded: "Just answer this one question: Is he still there?". I couldn´t bring myself to utter Erik´s name. It seemed like a stupid thing to do, like a way of calling out to him. I gasped in shock as I remembered that I had used his name this very morning. What if Erik had somehow heard my whisper and thought I wanted him at my side? What if he would come here right now?
Suddenly I felt two hands seize my shoulders and shake me. "What´s the matter with you?", Meg cried anxiously. "Hmmmm…?", I made. Why was everything so dark? I realised that my eyes were closed, yet I couldn´t recall having done so. Opening them I saw that my friend´s cheeks, which had been so rosy before, were white as chalk. "You started trembling all of a sudden, and you were muttering under your breath.", she replied hastily.
I noticed a liquid trickle down my face. Reaching up I felt that my forehead was damp with sweat. "It´s not important.", I said not very convincingly. "I just… remembered something that made me a little upset… Could you fetch that cloth from the bedside table, please?" I felt very faint, and passing out on the way to the bed wouldn´t underline my statement that I was fine. Meg nodded and came back with the cloth a moment later. Cautiously she used it to wipe my forehead.
"I´m sorry.", she whispered, as if she feared a loud word could make my state even worse. Putting it on the table between us and settling down again she went on: "You´re still weak from the birth, and I simply came here and surprised you with my visit. That wasn´t very thoughtful of me. But I didn´t know it just happened yesterday.". I couldn´t help noticing the slight accusing undertone that had crept into her voice. Now it was my turn to apologise. "I wanted to send you a message, but I fell asleep afterwards, and when I woke up, it was already night.", I explained with a smile.
Meg shrugged. "It doesn´t matter anymore.", she told me. "I´m much more worried about you. What terrible thought made you shake like a leaf? For a second I was afraid you might faint, right there in your chair." She looked at me questioningly, but I shook my head. Erik had never explicitly forbidden me to talk about the promise. Yet some things simply went without saying. If my friend knew about that big mistake, she´d surely inform her mother and they´d try to do something against it. And when Erik was in one of his moods they could easily meet the same fate as little Philippe´s namesake. "I can´t tell you. It would mean putting your life at risk. But you have to tell me… please!" I threw her a pleading glance.
She only managed to resist me for a few moments before giving in. "All right.", she said with a long sigh. "Yes, the Opera Ghost is still there, doing the same things he has always done. There was maybe a month´s silence after… that night, then the managers got a new letter. And since that day they give him everything he asks for: his salary, Box Five… everything." I felt as if my heart had been stabbed with a sharp knife. "N-no…", I stammered. "You´re only making it up, don´t you? It´s just like those stories you used to tell me when we were younger… He can´t still be there. I… I checked the newspaper every morning, and there was not a single article about him."
Meg placed her warm dry hand on top of my sweaty shaking one, explaining: "That´s because nothing extraordinary happened. I´m not sure, but according to a rumour I´ve heard the managers pay money to the newspaper as well to keep everyone quiet.". "And who paid you to keep quiet?" The words were out before I could hold them back. I could have sworn that she hesitated for a second before replying: "Nobody. I just didn´t want you to be upset. You were so happy with Raoul, and when you were with child it wouldn´t have been right either. There just wasn´t the right moment. But you were bound to find it out sooner or later.".
I nodded automatically. So he was indeed alive. Once Erik had told me that certain angels would die if their student left them. Apparently this had been a lie as well. He had not died. But what was I thinking? He wasn´t an angel, just a human being like myself. Or had he by renouncing humankind also renounced being mortal? It was a bizarre situation: A part of my mind longed for the time when Erik had known the answers to all my questions and the solutions to all my problems. And the other part kept reminding me that Erik was my problem.
In addition to my aching heart I could feel a pounding headache now. "Would you mind leaving?", I whispered. "Maybe you were right and it was too early to visit me…" "I´m your best friend, Christine.", she said softly, giving my hand a final pat. "If there´s anything you want to talk about… anything at all…" "No.", I mumbled. "Please go…" Without another word of protest she complied. "Goodbye!", she called as she reached the door. "Goodbye!", I gave back. "And don´t worry about me." I heard a strange sound, like a bitter laugh, then she was gone. The snapping shut of the door echoed in my head like a thunderclap.
At once I stood up and hurried to the cradle. I took out my peacefully sleeping baby and pressed it against my chest. A wave of fierce protectiveness washed over me. This was my child, mine and Raoul´s. Erik was alive. So what? He´d never get Philippe. I´d fight for him till my last breath.