August 6th 1892: Christine
"Another half a mile, Madame!", the coachman called. Having my question answered I leaned back again in my seat, watching the trees move past the coach to the right and left. Usually I enjoyed the way to Meg´s home, but today it was only long, much too long for my impatient mind. Now that I had decided to let my best friend in on my secret, I couldn´t wait to get over with it before I became too scared and changed my mind a second time.
I reminded myself that I simply had to tell someone the whole story and ask for advice, then my situation would become much better. Otherwise I´d probably go insane. Already I was feeling as if my promise stuck in my throat, making it hard to breathe. If I didn´t get it out soon, I´d suffocate. At last I had realised that I needed help, and I needed it fast. Although it was summer, the sun would go down sooner or later, of course, and by ten in the evening it would be dark.
"We´re there, Madame.", the coachman´s voice interrupted my pondering. "We´ve reached the Tavoire estate." Not for the first time I thought it one of the luckiest twists of fate that Meg, who had been sure no man of wealth and honour would look at her twice because of her profession´s bad reputation, had married a man like Jean. He was kind, generous and loved her as much as on the first day they had met, after a performance about four years ago. Although I didn´t know him too well, I always enjoyed his presence and was looking forward to meeting him, if only briefly. Of course I wanted to discuss my private matters with Meg alone.
Since a servant had already gone into the house to tell everyone about my arrival, I left the coach quickly, expecting to see Meg waiting for me at the door by the time I´d had walked up the stairs. Yet the only person I could see there was the housekeeper. "Bonjour, Mme. de Chagny.", she greeted me, curtseying. "It is a pleasure to welcome you as our guest. But I have to tell you that neither M. nor Mme.Tavoire are at home presently. He has gone into town to make a few visits, and she has left early in the morning to travel south. She´ll meet half a dozen girls who are applying as members of the opera´s chorus."
"Do you know when she´ll be back?", I asked urgently. Maybe she´d return in the afternoon, and I´d be able to come back then. Yet the housekeeper´s reply destroyed that hope. "Not until tomorrow, I´m afraid.", she informed me. "She´ll spend the night in a hotel in Nice." I could hardly keep myself from uttering a few swearwords. But as I didn´t want to make the elderly woman embarrassed, I kept my mouth shut. I must have grown a little pale, though, for she offered: "Would you like to come in and have a cup of tea before you make you way back? I daresay you don´t look too healthy.".
I merely shook my head. "Thank you.", I muttered. "But I don´t think I have enough time for drinking tea." At the same moment I realised that it was a weak excuse for someone who had just come all the way here for a visit, yet I couldn´t think of a better one. Ever since I had found the note this morning, my mind didn´t seem to be working properly. How else could it be explained that I had left my son on his birthday to go to a friend instead of simply sending her a message, asking her to come to us?
My whole body seemed to be in a very strange condition. I felt as if it was filled with water that was almost boiling, pushing my secret more and more to the top. If I couldn´t talk to someone trustworthy soon, I´d probably just spill it out for everybody to hear. Mme.Giry! The thought came to my mind quite suddenly. Yes, that was the right person. She´d surely find a solution. Giving the housekeeper a slight smile I said: "When Meg comes back tomorrow, could you tell her that I´ve spoken to her mother about something very important? She can fill her daughter in on the details.". Though I wanted Meg to know about it as well, I doubted I´d be able to re-tell the whole story for her. Once would be hard enough.
The woman looked at me in amazement and… Was it pity? "I´m afraid that won´t be possible. You see, Mme.Giry accompanies Mme.Tavoir. As far as I know the managers insisted on both their ballet mistress and their leading ballerina to meet the potential chorus girls. But I´m sure you´ll be able to talk to them tomorrow." "Thank you for the information.", I whispered. Tomorrow! I didn´t need help tomorrow – I needed it now! Turning around I shuffled back to the coach. I heard the housekeeper calling something, but I couldn´t muster the energy to do as much as cast a glance over my shoulder.
As I slumped onto the bench of the coach I asked myself why I wasn´t upset rather than sad. After all, my plan had just been shattered. Yet somehow it didn´t come as a surprise. On this day absolutely everything was going wrong. Maybe I simply had to accept the fact that no one would stand at my side in this battle. Still I could, and I would, fight.
The coachman arrived a few moments later, probably alerted by the housekeeper, and I told him to drive back home . He seemed to be a little astonished about this order after not more than five minutes of being here, but eventually he complied. As I didn´t want to look at the landscape again I opened today´s newspaper, which I had brought with me out of sheer habit.
In the first anxious minutes I skimmed page after page, yet the opera wasn´t mentioned a single time. With a contended sigh I leaned back and continued reading. After a little while I arrived at the announcements, and something caught my eye. I blinked in a irritated way, but it was still there: The largest announcement, right at the centre, had Philippe´s name in it! We would like to express our congratulations to Philippe Charles de Changy, who celebrates his fifth birthday today. He is an extraordinary child and will once inherit a magnificent empire. Good wishes also to his parents, Christine Countess de Chagny (née Daaé) and Raoul Count de Chagny, who is unfortunately not staying in Paris at the moment. A single sob escaped my lips. Did this man know everything about my family?