September 9th 1892: Erik
A moment later we were kneeling on either side of Christine´s small body, calling her name and shaking her shoulders. With every second that passed we grew more desperate. My mind was racing, but I simply couldn´t think of the right thing to do. I had accumulated so much knowledge over the years, and still nothing of it was useful in this situation.
The Vicomte seemed to feel just the same helplessness. A steady trickle of tears was running down his face, and he didn´t make an attempt to wipe them away or hide them from me. It was the latter fact that made me really worried. He apparently had lost even the most basic defence mechanisms. I was close to crying myself, but at least the tears had the decency not to leave my eyes yet.
At long last something happened: Her eyelids twitched ever so slightly. I wouldn´t have believed that such a small motion had the power to make two people so happy. "She´s waking up!", we assured each other breathlessly, smiling for the first time. Agonisingly slowly Christine opened her eyes. My head nearly bumped against my companion´s as we both leaned over her at the same moment.
She was looking to the right, so she saw me first. "Erik?", she whispered. "Yes, I´m here.", I replied, seizing her hand from under the cloak and squeezing it gently. "Christine, I´m so – " "I´m here as well.", the Vicomte called and grabbed her other hand. She moved her head into the other direction, muttering: "Raoul? You´re both here? But why?". "We were worried about you.", he explained, kissing her hand in a sweetish gesture that made me feel sick. "No one knew where you had gone and why you had left Antoinette behind."
Hearing her daughter´s name Christine seemed re-gain a little of her old energy. "Where is she?", she asked. "And where is Philippe? Did you bring them with you?" "Of course not.", I replied. "It´s past midnight. They´re at my house. Mme.Giry and Meg care for them." "Oh… that´s good…", she murmured, closing her eyes again. The short conversation seemed to have made her exhausted. "Then I can go back to sleep, can´t I?"
"No!", the Vicomte and I cried, almost at the same time. "You mustn´t fall asleep, Christine!" "…far too dangerous!" "Try to stay awake!" "It´s very important!" She obviously was rather confused by our anxious shouts, yet her eyes were open again. If I had been her, I wouldn´t have understood too much of them either, but she seemed to get at least the basic idea of what we tried to tell her. "I´m so cold…", she breathed. "It wasn´t that cold while I was sleeping…"
I exchanged a knowing glance with my companion. "We´ll get you to the coach now.", I said. "You can lie down there again and feel much warmer, I promise." Since we were both holding her hands we tried to pull her to her feet, only to discover that her legs were shaking too much to support her weight. She collapsed between us, the picture of misery. The solution was apparent: One of us had to carry her. She wasn´t very heavy, so it shouldn´t have been a big problem. Yet who would be the lucky one to carry her? I was aware that this question would be more complicated to answer.
"You´ll take the lantern, and I´ll take Christine.", he decided quickly. I was about to argue that I was capable of carrying her as well, but held myself back. Our stupid discussion on the way here had cost us precious minutes; I wouldn´t let that happen a second time. So I just nodded and helped him pick her up from the ground. She was heavier that I´d have thought. The tiredness seemed to be in her every bone, pulling her downwards. When I was sure he held her in his arms securely I seized the lantern and led the way back.
Not turning around I advised him: "Don´t let her fall asleep! Talk to her… tell her anything you want.". As soon as he started speaking, I regretted my words. "Why have you been at the opera? You haven´t been there for the last ten years. And why have you come here afterwards? If you felt like visiting your father´s grave, we could have done so together at day-time…"
I suppressed the strong urge to slap him in the face. Every time I thought he couldn´t act more foolishly he proved me wrong. The only way in which I could keep myself from pulling out the Punjab Lasso was telling myself that watching her husband die a violent death wouldn´t improve Christine´s health. "Do you really think those are the right topics now?", I asked through gritted teeth. "Shouldn´t you wait with all that till she´s feeling better?"
At least he seemed to understand a broad hint, for he changed the subject at once and began to ask questions about what their children liked playing at the moment. This was truly something he could need some pieces of information about. I could have answered as well, yet for some reason I doubted he´d have liked to have my replies. Christine´s condition was improving. I could hear her talk in a low, but steady voice. So she didn´t threaten to fall asleep again.
I should have been relieved, yet just the opposite was the case: The longer I listened to them, the more miserable I became. I felt lonely and left out. They were a couple, husband and wife, father and mother, and I was… no one, only the man holding the lantern. There was so much that made them belong together. But what made Christine and me belong together? Was there anything at all?
ChristineI felt better with every moment. My limbs were less numb; I could move my fingers without difficulties. And the chaos in my head was growing less as well. When I had been woken up I could have hardly thought straight, let alone formed coherent sentences. But now I could talk normally about everything I wanted, which made me incredibly relieved. Not being able to express myself had been a terrible feeling.
Snuggling up to Raoul as closely as possible I enjoyed the warmth coming from his body. I couldn´t see his face in the darkness, yet something in his voice told me he had cried. Certainly it had been a shock for Erik and him to find me like that. It occurred to me that I probably owed my life to the coachman because he had given me his cloak. I wouldn´t have believed how quickly a warm day could turn into a cold night.
Yet why both men were here was still a mystery to me. Erik had surely been alerted by Meg or Mme.Giry. But what about Raoul? Had the two women gone to him as well to get as much help as possible? Or had Erik…? Never! They hated each other. Mme.Giry had probably persuaded them to search for me together. Everyone knew how stubborn the ballet teacher could be.
Still there were so many things unclear, and my husband wasn´t the right person to ask. I wasn´t sure how much he knew himself. Judging by his questions about the opera and the idle chatting about our children Erik hadn´t let him in on our secret. Or had he done so and Raoul only wanted to hear it in my own words because he didn´t trust my former teacher? I simply couldn´t be certain about it.
"Christine?" Raoul´s voice made me stop pondering. "You haven´t spoken a word for minutes. Is everything all right? Are you still very tired? We´ve almost reached the coach." Indeed I could see the outline of the gate, illuminated by the lantern Erik carried. He opened it and let us pass before closing it behind himself. Erik… That was the solution. I reached out to touch his shoulder. "Erik? Could I talk to you for a moment? Alone?", I asked with a shy smile.
It was amazing how quickly the expression on his face could change: It had been serious before, but now he simply looked very pleased. "Of course.", he answered. Addressing Raoul he added: "You can lay her down in the coach and go to fetch the horse afterwards.". For a moment I was sure my husband would give a very unfriendly reply, yet he merely nodded and brought me to the coach without another word. I glanced at him apologetically, but he didn´t meet my eye.
When he was gone, Erik sat down next to me. "We don´t have much time.", I said urgently, whispering despite the fact that Raoul wasn´t here anymore. "How much did you tell him… about us?" "Nothing.", he replied simply. "That´s your job. I can help you, but at the end of the day no one else can do it for you." It was exactly the answer I had secretly dreaded.