September 9th 1892: Christine
Opening my eyes slowly I saw Raoul gazing down at me expectantly. "Hmm…?" I made, suppressing a yawn. "Is something wrong?" I felt the soft mattress under my back and knew I was lying in our bed instead of the coach, while my husband sat next to me. Was it already morning and I had to get up? But no, that was impossible. The room was dark, except for the light of a lantern on the bedside table. So why did he have to wake me up?
"We need to talk," he said in a choked voice. "About him… and you… and… and everything." My eyes grew wide. ´No!´ someone inside me shouted. ´Not now! I didn´t have time to prepare myself for such a discussion. I need time… just a little more time…´ "Can´t we do this in the morning, Raoul?" I pleaded. "I´m still so tired. I have to –" "All you have to do now is answer my questions," he interrupted me. "I´m also tired, Christine, tired of waiting. I just want a few answers, then you can sleep again."
I nodded hesitantly and sat up. My arms were shaking slightly, yet compared to how weak I had felt on the graveyard my condition had improved. Raoul leaned over me to fetch his pillow and pushed it behind my back, so that I could sit more comfortably. Inwardly I breathed a sigh of relief. He was just as considerate and caring as usual. Maybe things wouldn´t be that bad after all.
Yet as he started speaking I knew it had been a mistake to rejoice this soon. "The Phantom told me he was Philippe´s teacher," he whispered, his voice sounding very hollow. "You never mentioned it with a single word. You lied to me, and I… I wonder about how many other things you lied as well. Do you remember all those nights when you were too frightened to fall asleep and I held you in my arms, repeating over and over that the Opera Ghost wouldn´t come to get you because he surely was dead? Did you already meet him behind my back at that time or did it start later?"
I couldn´t comprehend where such terrible accusations came from all of a sudden. "Yes, Erik is his teacher," I admitted. "But it´s not what you think. He only offered his services because… he has such a vast knowledge and no one to pass it on to. It would be a pity if all that was lost, wouldn´t it?" I smiled at him, hoping that somehow he´d be able to understand my reasons, yet he just gave a bitter laugh. "Oh yes! Which father wouldn´t be delighted if his son learned how to do this?" he called, tugging at the scarf he wore around his neck. As it came undone I gasped in shock, staring at the thin red line, so very similar to the one he had had more than ten years ago.
"This is what your dear friend did to me when I refused to listen to him!" Raoul cried. "I came home last night, and he sat in the living room, telling me a weird story about you running away from the opera. I didn´t believe him, so he nearly killed me… Of course it all makes sense now. I bet you had a secret meeting with him and ran away when someone saw you, right?" "No!" I whispered. "You cannot seriously believe that. It doesn´t make any sense. Why should I have gone to my father´s grave afterwards?" He shrugged. "Perhaps you wanted to tell him about the wonderful things you did with your… beloved."
That explanation made even less sense than the first one. Yet as I looked into his eyes I knew that telling him so would have been pointless. They were so full of sadness and disappointment that I nearly burst into tears. "Nothing has happened between Erik and me," I said. "Please, Raoul… you have to believe me." I stretched out my arms to embrace him, but he pushed me aside. "Any why should I do that?" he asked. "You´ve lied to me for years and years. Maybe… maybe you´ve never loved me at all. What was it then that made you marry me? The money? Weren´t 20,000 francs a month enough for you?" Uttering his last questions he had jumped up from the bed and was pacing the length of the room now. He was getting more agitated by the moment, and I had no idea what do to about it. If only Erik had been here! He could have helped me.
Watching him I muttered: "I never cared about money, and you know it. I´m here because I love you, Raoul. Did you hear it? I love you!". "Then why did you do all this behind my back?" he called "Why didn´t you come to me when the Phantom approached you with his wish to teach Philippe? We could have talked about it. We talk about everything."
Unexpectedly I felt anger well up inside me. "Since when do we talk about everything?" I cried. "You´re never home long enough to exchange more than a few sentences. The day all this started was Philippe´s fifth birthday. I begged you to stay at home, but you didn´t even ask why it was that important for me!" "So you began an affair with a man who hardly ever leaves the house at all!" he shouted "Very clever, Madame!"
"No!" I called yet again, jumping to my feet as well. The fury gave me the strength I needed. Slowly I understood why Erik had used the Punjab Lasso to make Raoul listen to him. At the moment I felt like doing the same. I marched over to my husband and seized his upper arms, thus forcing him to stop pacing. "I don´t have an affair with Erik, for Heaven´s sake!" I cried, my voice breaking. "But you have feelings for him, don´t you?" he hissed. "I can see it in your eyes."
Why did everyone have to ask that question? I was getting desperate for I simply couldn´t answer it. Letting go of him I murmured: "I´m not sure…". "Then make up your mind!" he yelled so loudly that I felt the urge to cover my ears with my hands. In the next moment he took a water jug from the table and threw it against the wall. I gave a shriek as thousands of pieces of glass flew in all directions. I looked at him in terror, afraid of what he might do next, but he only stood there, gazing at the wall. "I´m sorry, Christine. I didn´t mean to scare you," he said in a surprisingly soft voice. "It´s just… I´m so sick of all this. This isn´t a game. It´s about feelings, yours and mine and… and even…"
"…mine," Erik finished his sentence. None of us had heard him enter the room, yet with the chaos of the last minute that wasn´t astounding. "It was rather intelligent of you to let me sleep in a room that far away," he remarked. "Unfortunately it didn´t make any difference. You see, I have my very own methods of finding out what´s going on." Before he closed the door completely I could catch a glimpse of Jacqueline walking away.
I was relieved that he was with me at last. "Oh Erik, it´s so good that you´re here," I said. "Raoul wants me to make a decision about my feelings for you, but I can´t do that." I glanced at my husband, who had folded his arms in front of his chest defiantly. Suddenly I had an idea. "Couldn´t I come and stay with you for a while, just till I´m sure?" I asked Erik, ignoring Raoul´s glare.
Smiling slightly I approached my former teacher, glad that I had found a solution. Surely he´d understand why I couldn´t decide anything at the moment. He was so much more sympathetic than Raoul. Yet instead of pulling me into a comforting embrace he folded his arms in exactly the same gesture as my husband. "No, Christine," he replied. "I told you I´d help you, but I won´t support your wish to run away again. You can´t continue doing this for the rest of your life."
"But I… I thought you loved me…" I whispered. My vision grew blurred as my eyes filled with tears. Was no one on my side anymore? "Of course I love you," he said gently. "I´ve never loved anyone that much. But that´s just the point: I love you, and he… He pointed at Raoul. "… well, I guess he loves you as well." My husband nodded hastily. "If we didn´t love you, we wouldn´t care about your decision either," Erik went on. "Don´t you see, Christine? We want you to decide because it´ll make you feel better… even if it´ll be a decision against one of us." I looked from one man to the other, then to the door. Quickly Erik moved to stand in front of it. I was trapped.