September 14th 1892: Christine
Although I had been a bit reluctant at first, I had to admit that I was rather excited about going to the opera. There was a little nervousness involved in it, too, but mainly it was a positive feeling. The music, the people – it was something one simply didn't get in the theatre or on a concert. Those events had never made my body tingle the way it did while I stood in front of my wardrobe, trying to decide what to wear.
It was a first night, so formal dress was required. But then, I dressed like that most of the time anyway. It was expected from a countess. As a consequence I possessed several dozens of dresses that would suit the occasion. I couldn't help being a little jealous of Raoul. For him it was much easier: He grabbed the next best suit dark and left it to me to pick a tie that went with the colour of my clothes. Was it any wonder that he was already finished and had gone to look after our daughter, while I was still in my dressing-gown?
Antoinette… of course! It occurred to me that I had to check what Jacqueline had chosen for her to wear. After all, the whole family had to fit together. So I made my way to her room. Yet it turned out that I didn't have to walk that far. I had barely left my bedroom when my daughter came running towards me. "Can we go now, Maman? Can we?" she asked, dancing around me like an overly excited butterfly. "Papa said we can go when you're finished. But you're not finished, are you? You're still wearing your dressing-gown."
Trying to follow her with my eyes I almost grew dizzy. As she hadn't calmed down after one or two minutes I seized her hand and held onto it, making her stand still. "I'm not dressed yet because I wanted to see what you wear first, my dear," I explained. "So let me have a look at you." "Of course, Maman," she muttered with a meek smile. "I'll do anything if it helps us leave more quickly."
I shook my head about her eagerness, but I smiled as well. I couldn't blame her for being excited. The prospect of attending a real performance had nearly made her faint with delight as I had told her about it when she had returned from her teacher. If I had had any doubts that my decision to go there had been right, they'd have vanished when I had seen her face. For her, it was a wish coming true.
She looked very pretty in her light blue silk dress. Only her hair was still an unruly mass of curls. I could easily guess that she had escaped from the maid before she had had the chance to braid it. Antoinette preferred her hair to hang loosely over her shoulders. Yet of course it couldn't stay like that for an evening at the opera. So I told her: "You look lovely. But you'll look even lovelier once Jacqueline has made you a nice plait. Go back to your room now, and I'll hurry with getting dressed, I promise.". She nodded, turned on her heel and ran away again, her hair fluttering. I looked after her for a moment, then returned to my bedroom.
Seeing my daughter had given me an idea what to wear, just as I had intended. Opening the second door of the wardrobe I spotted it at once: It was a long blue dress, a shade darker than Antoinette's. I had bought it for a dinner with Raoul's business partners about half a year ago, but only worn it two or three times because it was too elegant for most occasions. Yet it was perfect for the opera. Moreover, my husband had a tie that would go with it very nicely. Taking the dress out of the wardrobe I gave a sigh of relief. At last I had made a decision.
"That's something I've never understood about women: Don't you think it strange to spend more time searching for a dress than attending the actual event?" a male voice behind me asked. It was quickly followed by two hands being placed on my shoulders. I didn't have to turn around to know whom they belonged to. "And don't you think it strange to wander off and let me do all the work instead of at least giving me advice?" I whispered, tilting my head slightly as Raoul kissed the side of my neck.
He chuckled softly, his breath tickling me. "I'm afraid I'd be a very bad adviser," he told me. "I like you best when you're not wearing anything at all." "But would you really want me to go to the opera in the nude?" I wanted to know teasingly, running my hand through his hair. "Imagine all those men staring at me…" Placing the next kiss on my cheek he replied: "You're right. Then I'll better leave you in peace, so that you can get dressed. I met Antoinette on my way here. She's so excited that she'll probably go alone if we're not ready in five minutes.". Smiling I pulled the right tie out of one of the drawers and handed it over my shoulder.
Since Raoul stood in front of the mirror, I hid behind the door of the wardrobe to change. I didn't want to give him the chance to make more comments about how he liked me best. It was not that I didn't like him talking about me like that, but I was afraid it might lead to something we really didn't have enough time for now. The idea that our daughter could come into the room, only to find her parents engaged in a very private activity made me giggle.
"What are you doing? Can I come and join you?" my husband asked. "That's impossible," I answered. "But I'm almost finished dressing anyway." Quickly I slipped out of my dressing gown. Fortunately I was already wearing my underskirts and the corset. Jacqueline had helped me put it on before she had gone to Antoinette. So there wasn't much left for me to do. Just a few minutes later I closed the last button and stepped out from behind the door to look at myself in the mirror.
Yet Raoul was still standing in front of it. His eyes grew wide as he saw me. "If I ever forget what a beautiful wife I have, I'll just have to recall this moment," he whispered, looking at me in something closely resembling awe. "Thank you," I said, beaming at him. It never ceased to amaze me how few words he needed to make me feel cherished. We shared a loving kiss. Once more I thought how much more affectionate he had become in the last days. Maybe it was true that even disasters could have positive consequences.
"Will you leave your hair like that?" he wanted to know, tugging at a strand playfully. "Of course not," I replied, feeling as if I was talking to my daughter again. "In our circles that would be almost as bad as going to the opera in the nude," I went on, winking at him. "Why don't you go and tell Antoinette I'm nearly finished?" I then suggested. "Maybe you can already take her downstairs, so that Jacqueline has a little time for herself. After all, this is a special evening for her as well." "All right," he agreed. "But don't make us wait too long!" With these words he left, closing the door behind him.
Knowing I had to hurry I sat down at my dressing table. Within moments I tied my hair up in a bun with a dark blue silk ribbon. Vaguely I wondered what Philippe would be wearing. I knew which clothes were missing from his wardrobe, but I could only guess what he'd choose. Like so many boys, he sometimes had a rather peculiar taste in clothing.
When my make-up was finished as well, I took a few moments to admire myself in the mirror. Raoul had been right: I looked pretty. Would Erik like my dress, too? The thought was gone as quickly as it had appeared, still it left me shaking from head to toe. Why had Erik come to my mind all of a sudden? I hadn't thought of him in quite a while, and I hadn't missed anything… had I?
Moreover, if he could affect me that much without even being here, what would happen if I actually met him? I had to hold onto the frame of the mirror for support as I tried my best to remain calm. I'd simply use other thoughts to fight those of Erik. With all my will-power I conjured the most pleasant memory of my holiday: Raoul and I taking a stroll at the beach on a glorious day. It had almost been sunset, and the water had glittered like a box filled with the most wonderful jewels.
It started working instantly. I felt much better. Now I knew what I'd have to do if I was reminded of Erik: I'd recall that memory and be safe. Before I left the room to join my family, I smiled at my reflection, glad about having found a solution. It never occurred to me to ask myself whether I maybe wanted to think of him.