Chapter Nineteen
(5 months later, Elspeth's Wedding Day)
"I can't do this! I can't do this! There is no way I can get married."
Jen slapped Elspeth
"Els you are not Alanna!"
"Thanks I needed that. You're right, I am not Alanna"
"Who's not Alanna?"
"Alanna you look gorgeous."
"Yeah, right."
"No really you look exquisite…"
"Roger told you to say that, didn't he?"
"No…wait what did Roger do."
(In Alex's rooms)
Jon and Garry were helping Alex get dressed for his wedding
"Alanna is driving me insane!"
Roger stormed into the room
"Welcome to the word of pregnancy"
"Hey, she's right on time" Jon said
"How do you two know so much?" Roger demanded
"We have our ways"
"In other words…?"
"In other words, they were eavesdropping" Alex said
"You weren't supposed to tell them!" Jon and Gary shouted
"Sorry… can we please get back to the problem."
"Sure… Now Roger what did you do."
"I didn't do anything…"
"did you say that to …"
"Yes…"
"Idiot!"
"What?"
"You never ever say that!"
"Why not? It's true! I didn't do anything wrong"
"But if a pregnant woman says you did something wrong, you are suppose to apologize"
"BUT I DIDN'T!"
"We know you apologize anyway."
"For what?"
"For anything, she's always right."
"How do you…"
"Like Alex said we eavesdrop."
" Gary! You weren't supposed to tell anyone!"
"No, Alex wasn't suppose to tell anyone"
"Neither were you!"
"You never said that."
"I didn't think I had to! I am clearly the smart cousin here"
"Oh Jon!"
"I thought she would have left by now"
"He's in here Cecily!" Garry said
"I'm going to kill you Garry!"
"Jon! There you are! Good news! You know how I am suppose to go home in an hour?"
"Yes"
Thank the gods
"Well, my parents talked to your parents, and I can stay for another month!"
"That's…"
Horrible! Absolutely horrible! Why are my parents trying kill me!"
"That's great"
"Really? You're parents were a little skeptical about you liking the idea"
"Really? I wonder why?"
"Do you want to go for ride later on?"
"You know, I would, but I need to help Alex get ready for his wedding today"
"Ok, we'll go after the wedding"
"Yeah…I would be happy to go, but I am suppose to give the best man speech, so I have to stay for the banquet and as prince, I have to stay for the ball that follows. By the time the ball is done, I'm going to want to go to bed"
"Alright, I understand" Cecily said
"You know Jon, if you talked to Uncle Roald and Aunt Lianne, I'm sure they would relieve you of your princely duties"
Shut up Garry!
"I would feel guilty if I missed this ball, I was born a prince, and nothing should interfere with my duties"
"I understand perhaps later."
"Yes I think that would be good."
"I'll see you at the wedding then."
"Right."
Cecily walked out and down to her rooms.
"Finally, I thought she would never leave" Jon said
"Come on Jon, give her a chance" Alex said
"Why?"
"She's drop dead gorgeous"
"Why Sir Alexander, I hope that is your soon-to-be wife you are talking about"
"Of course it is" Alex said
"Jen, what are you doing here?"
"Just a little warning, Elspeth is starting to get nervous"
"Oh great"
"Not to worry, I left her with Alanna"
"Don't worry Alex, Elspeth will either get over her cold feet on her own, or Alanna will drive her crazy until she gets over it"
Jen turned to Roger
"Trouble in paradise?"
"Like you didn't know?"
"She's pregnant, give her a break"
"When do I get a break?"
"Four months from now."
"Great" Roger said sarcastically
"Ok, I have to go rescue Elspeth from Alanna, see you all in 2 hours at the wedding"
"Right, wait two hours? I thought is was four hours!"
Jen's jaw dropped "Alexander, how can you not know when your own-"
Alex, Jon, and Gary were laughing
"Relax Jen, I was kidding"
Jen glared at Alex before walking over and slapping him in the head "Alexander, that wasn't funny!"
"I don't know we thought it was cousin."
"Are you using the 'royal we' or are you talking about more than one person?"
"Both"
"Ok…one more thing before I leave"
"What?"
"Don't make me hurt you"
Jen turned and left
(Back in Elspeth's room)
"Elspeth, you very close to being a widow before you were even married"
"What! Is Alex alright?"
"Thanks Jen!" Alanna snapped "I just got her calmed down!"
"What did you do to Alex?"
"I slapped him"
"Why?"
"He didn't know when the wedding was starting"
"What! He doesn't love me does he? He's going to leave me at the alter isn't he?"
"Elspeth! Don't make me slap you again!" Alanna said
"Elspeth, Elspeth, calm down, he had been joking. That was why he almost died, he had been joking" Jen said, "and I almost hit Jon and my idiot brother."
"Same reason?"
Jen nodded
"Jen, you are one of my best friends" Alanna said "But if you make Elspeth freak out one more time, I swear by all of the great gods and goddesses that I will kill you. Slowly and painfully, I will kill you"
"Don't take her to seriously Jen, she been using that threat on my daily for the past 4 months and I'm still here"
"hey the rules of anger management don't apply remember?"
"I never liked that rule"
"You'll love it when you're pregnant."
"Possibility but not right now, now I hate it."
"So how much longer?"
"About an hour and a half."
"Oh my god, Oh my god, I can't do this, I can't."
"Els snap out of it."
"Yes you love each other which is more than I can say for me and my husband."
"No moping on Elspeth's wedding day!"
"I am pregnant; and I'll mope if I want to"
"Hey that could totally be a song."
"That idea is as stupid as the idea of a song that starts It's my party and I'll cry if I want to"
"I guess it is"
"I still like it."
"Fine you like the stupid song idea can we please just get finished."
"I second that."
"Fine… lets go now Alanna you need you're hair done and a touch up on the make-up, Els… Dress and make up good…that's all I guess."
As Jen led Alanna out of the room, Alanna turned around
"Elspeth, if I hear of you panicking one more time…"
"I know, I know, you kill me slowly and painfully"
"Am I that predictable?"
"Yes!"
"Els! Dress! Make-up! Now!"
"Yes mother"
"Don't make me cut a switch for you!"
"What does that mean?"
"I'm not sure I just heard someone say that once and always wanted to use it."
About and hour later
"Wow y'all look pretty I'm just an ugly fat lady."
"You are neither ugly nor fat."
"you have to say that…"
"where did you get that messed logic… remember that time that we told you, you looked horrible in pink, we would tell you."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Okie dokie."
"Okie, dokie, is that what you learn at the convent? I don't want our daughter to ever go there."
"Good we're in total agreement."
Roger chuckled, "I'm glad, now lets go and let your friend finish getting ready."
"But I-"
"I promise Alanna, I won't panic"
Alanna raised her eyebrows at her friends
"I promise"
"I'm holding you to that"
"Okie dokie"
"That is my line! No stealy my linies!... and no touchie my monkey!"
"Four year old… wait monkey?"
"Four year old?" Elspeth asked rhetorically
"Yep and now you are married to me."
"Oh joy… oh rapture…What monkey?"
"Oh lets go."
"No, wait, WHAT MONKEY!"
Alanna just left, laughing hysterically
At the wedding.
Elspeth stood next to Alex and she could almost hear Roger whisper "what monkey?"
Jen stomped on his foot
"Ow!" He whispered a bit louder "What monkey!"
Alex spun around
"Duke Roger, your grace, I mean this with the deepest respect…SHUT UP!"
"You dare talk to me like that?"
"Yes"
"Ok…what monkey?"
"Monkey?"
"Alanna mentioned a monkey, and I can't forget about it"
"Alanna, what is he talking about?"
"My mom gave me a stuffed monkey when I was born, and Elspeth has had her eye on it ever since she saw it at the convent"
"You interrupted my wedding for a stuffed monkey!"
"I didn't know it was fake!"
"It's my monkey…Momo isn't fake"
"Whatever you say dear" Roger said
"Can we please go back to my wedding!" Alex snapped
"Sure, go ahead" Roger said
"Where was I, a yes. Do you Alexander of Tregan take Elspeth of Leagan to be you're lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold…as long as you both shall live?"
"I do."
"Do you Elspeth of Leagan take Alexander of Tregan to be you're lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold…as long as you both shall live?"
"I do"
Later after the reception, in the Duke and Duchess of Conte's room
"You made me interrupt a wedding for a fake monkey?"
"Momo is not fake!"
"Then what is Momo?"
"He's my monkey boy you are slow."
"I'm slow am I?" Roger said walking towards Alanna. "So does your brother have a monkey?"
"Yup… its name is… or was Sien… he used to run around singing… 'Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like Sien?' it was funny."
"I always thought your brother was a little weird."
"Only a little?"
"Touché"
"So…what are we going to name our child?"
"I don't know…we don't know if it is a boy or girl yet."
"Contingency Plans Roger"
"Well…what would you name a boy?"
"Hmmm…Sien…"
"You would name your son after your brother's stuffed monkey?"
"I don't see you coming up with any brilliant ideas!"
"Jason, Roger, Marc, Anthony…."
"Ok, ok, so you do give names"
"How about a girl"
"Gabriella, Nery, Brenda…"
"How about Emily, Danielle, Stephanie…Susan, Sara(h)"
"Susan and Sara(h)? those are awful names."
"Hey" said a voice from the sky…
"Who was?"
"OOOO you got the writers mad…"
"Shut up Rogy"
"Rogy?"
"You can't talk to me like that!"
"Would you rather have a piano dropped on your head in the next chapter?"
"No"
"Then shut up"
"eh hem… Now on with the feature presentation."
"Sue, I wasn't finished!"
"On with the feature presentation darn it."
"Ok…that was weird" Alanna said
"DON'T MAKE US COME DOWN THERE!"
"And Roger, get those sick thoughts out of your head, you're a married man!"
"Just what were you thinking?" Alanna asked
"On with names!"
"Fine…but just because that is what I wanted"
"I say we should name our girls Susan or Sarah, just to appease the writers"
"Or Emily or Gabriella"
"Boys will be Sien, Marc, or Anthony"
"Good, we agree…now, I need to go talk with Uncle"
"Why?'
"None of your business"
"Why?"
"None of your business"
"Why?"
"Writers! A little help"
A small voice answered "Susan and Sarah are unavailable to come to the aide of their characters, if you would like to leave a name, chapter, and page, we will eventually get back to you-if you're lucky"
"Fine Alanna, I must talk about my mage students"
"Why?"
Roger stormed out
ok here there it was I, Susan, would like to dedicate this chapter to my friends Sien and Gaby... sorry I forgot to mention I used your name. I hope you enjoyed it.