XIII
To Feel Alive Again

-x- Remus Lupin & Nymphadora Tonks –x-

'And sweet,
Sweet surrender
is all that I have to give
you take me in
No questions asked
you strip away the ugliness
that surrounds me…
sweet surrender.'

It wasn't often that Remus Lupin found himself in the company of someone who was completely and totally bursting with confidence and unadulterated cheeriness. In fact, he was hard-pressed to remember another time when he had. And yet, here he was sitting in a very important Order meeting, grinning like a sixteen year-old schoolboy as the fuchsia-haired woman across the table from him scrunched up her nose, making it change with every word that Snape said as he gave his weekly report.

Nymphadora Tonks.

With a name like that, he supposed, she really had no choice but to be a handful, because her name was a mouthful all right. But name jibes aside, she really was the most unusual but fascinating woman he'd ever met, the most intriguing aspect of her character being that she didn't seem in the least bit intimidated by his werewolf issues. In actual fact, she was quite interested in them and frequently asked him questions about it in such a straightforward, unabashed manner that he found it hard to be annoyed by them.

The only other woman who had been nearly so brazen about her apparent indifference of his condition had been Lily Evans, and well, he hadn't really been able to spend time with her in recent years, so Tonks was a refreshing change. More than a refreshing change really, he thought to himself as she wriggled her nose again, she was quite a lot more than that to him.

'Will you desist?' cried Snape suddenly, startling him out of his reverie, and Remus grinned as Tonks quickly swapped an uncanny resemblance of Snape's own nose back to her own slightly upturned one with an embarrassed smile.

Remus could feel someone silently shaking with laughter behind him and he turned to see Bill hysterically laughing, apparently having silenced himself in a bid to keep from being noticed. Finding this rather humorous as well, Remus had to fake a violent coughing fit to mask his own chuckles and as he drew in breath, he realised that this had sparked a giggling fit in Tonks herself, who stood and excused herself, flashing a mischievous glance at a fuming Snape on her way out.

'Are you quite in control of yourself too Lupin or do you need to follow your lover out?' sneered Snape, seething at having been so disrespected.

A few people gasped as he said this, it had been obvious that undertones of Remus' werewolf condition had been meant to be heard in the sneered sentence, but Remus was past the point of caring. Snape had never grown up. In all the years since their time at Hogwarts, Snape had never grown up.

'I'm quite fine thank you Severus,' Remus said evenly, with a companionable smile, 'but if you'd rather I left I won't argue.'

Snape looked taken aback but said nothing, instead opting to continue on with his report as if nothing had happened.

Ten minutes passed and then the meeting was adjourned leaving Remus with the opportunity to go and find his mischievous friend, who was no doubt off with Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger somewhere, giggling with them like she wasn't six years their elder.

Sure enough, he found her in the bedroom the two younger girls shared, re-enacting the look on Snape's face when he'd realised she was mocking him. Ginny and Hermione were rolling around with laughter, clutching their stomaches and as he walked into the doorway, he felt his face split into its own smile. Amazing, the effect she had on him; he instantly felt happier in her presence.

'Remus!' she cried joyfully as he entered, the smile and her tone of voice completely unsuited to the greasy, hooked nose she had transformed her own pixie-like one into.

'Nice look,' he commented, leaning against the doorway with an amused expression.

'Oh!' she squeaked, quickly wriggling her nose so that it swapped back to its proper appearance, 'Was Snape really angry?'

'Oh, not really,' Remus said with a shrug, smiling, 'made a couple of cracks at me, nothing too drastic.'

She looked stricken.
'Oh Remus, I'm really sorry.'

'There's nothing to be sorry about,' he replied, walking into the room so that he was standing next to the bed she was kneeling on.

'We uh, we're just going to go and um, find um, Harry,' Ginny said awkwardly, and Remus started, forgetting that she and Hermione had been in the room.

'I'll tell you the rest later girls,' Tonks called as they hurried out, smiling softly as she turned back to him, 'So, do I get to make it up to you?'

'I just said there's nothing to be sorry about,' he said patiently, sitting down on the other bed so that they were facing one another.

She pouted.
'But I wanted to make it up to you… why don't you just play along for once?'

He sighed, leaning forwards so that his forearms were resting on his thighs.
'All right, all right, what are you going to do?'

She grinned, joyful that he was going to play along.
'Okay, you stay right here, close your eyes, I'll be right back.

Raising an eyebrow, he looked at her.
'Close my eyes?'

'Yes!' she said forcefully, leaping up off the bed, taking his two large hands in hers and placing them over his grey eyes, 'and no peaking!'

Laughing, he turned to where he could place her voice.
'Tonks, what are you doing?'

She didn't answer, she was already gone, the sound of her footsteps moving further and further away before there was a loud crashing sound and a squeal. Getting to his feet, Remus stuck his head around the doorframe to see her sprawled on the ground, laughing embarrassedly.

'Are you all right?' he asked.

'Yes, yes,' she sighed, getting to her feet and dusting her backside off, 'just my usual clumsiness – go back inside and close your eyes, I'll be right back.'

Rolling his eyes, he followed her orders, sitting back down on the bed and closing his eyes. It was a few more moments before he heard the shuffle of her footsteps as she came back, slightly slower this time as if she was trying to be careful not to stumble over again.

'Can I open my eyes yet?' he enquired, making to open his eyes.

'No!' she cried, sounding oddly panicky.

Frowning, he sat still, listening intently as she shuffled around in front of him for a second before getting down onto her knees in front of him.

'What're you doing?'

'Shhh.' she said patronisingly.

Nervous now, he was about to open his eyes when he felt her fingertips gently grazing his face, shaking slightly. Startled, he opened one eye, but she quickly hissed at him to close it.

'Please don't,' she said quietly, 'don't spoil it.'

He kept his eyes shut reluctantly as she continued to gently trace his face, her gentle fingertips lightly trailing across the scars on his face, the lines in his forehead, his eyebrows and eyelids… it was an amazing feeling, her warm touch on his perpetually cool face… and suddenly, her fingertips left his face and he almost groaned to have them back, so lovely did it feel.

But then they were replaced by a soft pair of lips that gently pressed themselves to his trembling ones, gently moving, sending goosebumps down his spine and making the hairs on the nape of his neck stand on end.

Now, he discovered, he didn't want to open his eyes, in case this wonderful, tender healing vanished… it was so exquisitely healing, as if all the ugliness and fear and anger was melted away, being stripped from him but in a way that made him feel more alive than he had ever felt in his life. It was invigorating.

And it was all her… Nymphadora Tonks.

A/N: lyrics used - "Sweet Surrender" by Sarah McLachlan

Deadly Hallows SPOILERS BELOW -->

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ironic, really, the title of this story? in fact, the story on a whole.. i wrote about a week and a half ago, so of course it isnt DH compliant.. but really, eerie how this turned out.. RIP Remus & Tonks... and Fred.