Severus patiently ushered his son up to his bedroom, ready to drop into bed and sleep for the next week himself after the busy day that his son had planned. After an incredibly long muggle dodge ball game that evidently had no ending point aside from whenever Tallis declared the game over, Tallis had decided that they needed to go on a picnic halfway across their bloody property. Then he wanted to go exploring in the woods near the manor. Then he wanted to play knights and dragons, a game that he made up when he caught sight of some of the ceremonial sabers that were displayed on the wall in his Father's study. Severus found himself insanely grateful that his son was as old as he was and that he would soon be done with this stage. He couldn't wait to have his 17 year old son back. The six year old was killing him.
He was grateful though that, for the most part, Tallis had been a bright and cheerful boy today. He saw relatively little of the child that the Dursleys must have seen. Tallis only occasionally got nervous about being surrounded by so many men but he seemed to quickly calm down with either a reassuring look from his Father or Hermione. Severus prayed that it continued. Dealing with his son at his true age was difficult enough with all of the issues that he had (not that he would trade him for the world) but trying to deal with those same issues in a child would be impossibly difficult.
"Come on, Tallis, it is time for bed."
Tallis dragged his feet slowly up the stairs. "Can't I stay up a bit more?"
"No, Tallis. It's bedtime."
Tallis looked sadly into the guestrooms. Ron and Hermione were sharing a room and Bill and Draco were as well. "How come I can't have a sleep over too?" he asked forlornly.
Severus sighed. "They aren't having sleepovers, Tallis" he explained patiently. "We don't have any other rooms cleaned and opened for guests right now. They have to share rooms in order to sleep."
Tallis didn't look at all comforted. He sat on his bed petulantly, still angry that he couldn't play with the boys anymore. Hermione wasn't half bad either, for a girl.
Severus fought to keep his voice calm but firm. He wanted nothing more than a long bath and a warm bed and dealing with an irritable seventeen year old was not high on his list of priorities. "Come on. Let's get into some pajamas."
Tallis instantly was on guard, backing away from him slightly. He peeked out at him from under his thick hair. "I can do it myself," he said, a rather pitiful attempt at bravado that made his Father's heart clench.
"As you wish," Severus said, backing out of the door. "You need to be changed in five minutes, Tallis, when I come to check on you." He closed the door behind himself and sighed. That trial couldn't come quickly enough for him. He wouldn't feel better until he knew that Dursley was safely behind bars for the rest of his wretched life. The wretched woman too. There was no way she was oblivious to what was going on in her own house. It was simply not possible to be that stupid.
He reentered the room to find his son sitting in his pajamas on the bed, still outside the covers, kicking his feet that were still in his sneakers. "Are you sure it's bedtime?" he asked, hoping that his Father would let him stay up later.
"Yes," Severus said, stamping down his impatience as well as he could. Merlin, all those times he had wished for a younger son he had been absolutely mad. There was no way he could handle it every day. "Take off your sneakers and get into bed."
Tallis' feet abruptly stopped kicking. The wary expression was back on his face, making the potion master's heart twist again. His Tallis hadn't looked at him like that since the very beginning and even then he had trusted his Father more than he did right now. Tallis finally spoke, almost whispering his answer. "I like to keep them on."
"You can't sleep in your shoes," Severus argued impatiently.
Hermione poked her head in the door. "How's everything going?"
Severus sighed. "Tallis was just taking his shoes off and going to bed," he said, not taking his eyes off his son, trying to encourage him to follow the directions without resorting to ordering him.
Tallis grew even more agitated, twisting his hands together.
Hermione stepped into the room. "Tallis likes to sleep in his shoes sometimes, Professor. It's best to let him," she said slowly, making sure that he understood her silent message to back the hell off of Tallis.
Severus turned to her quickly, staring at her. After a moment he nodded. "Of course." He turned back to Tallis. "Into bed, young man." Tallis scrambled under the covers, his eyes never leaving his Father's figure. "Would you like someone to tell you a bedtime story?"
Tallis nodded hesitantly. "Can Mione?" he asked quietly.
"Sure, Tallis," she said, settling down on the edge of his bed, grateful to see that he didn't immediately back away from her. He was evidently a bit spooked but not completely unaware of where he was and who he was with.
"Goodnight, Tallis," Severus said softly, closing the door behind him.
"Night Daddy," Tallis called after him, calm once more now that he knew that his Father had no intention of joining him in the bed.
Severus closed the door and rested his head against it for a moment, trying to get his emotions back under control. What the hell had just happened? He made his way toward Bill and Draco's room, not surprised to see Ron in it as well talking to his brother. "Explain something to me," he said abruptly.
All of the young men looked up in surprise. "What happened?" Ron asked.
"I stupidly suggested helping Tallis get ready for bed which set him off to begin with. That, I understand. I should know better than to do that by now. What I don't understand though was what happened when I returned. He had changed into pajamas but kept his shoes on. When I told him to take them off he panicked. Granger came in and essentially told me to leave it. What the hell is going on?"
Ron and Bill had turned pale when they heard that Severus ordered his son to take the shoes off. Ron hurried to explain. "They're his escape plan."
"What?" Severus asked, completely confused as to what the hell Weasley was talking about.
"When he was little he used to wear his shoes to bed so that he could run away when…well, when he needed to. When he was almost eleven though he decided to stop doing it, realizing that he was always caught and that the punishments were even worse than if he just stayed still. So he stopped wearing them. They were his escape plan before he knew that he was a wizard—before the tattoos. He told Mione and I about it a few years back when we noticed him go to sleep in his sneakers after a partial flashback."
Severus paled. "Merlin, I'm an idiot. No wonder I terrified him, especially after my earlier comment."
"It's ok, you weren't to know," Bill said softly. "Almost all of the things that come across as quirky or eccentric are rooted in things that the Dursleys used to do to him. His complete inability to ask for help when he needs it, his utter disregard for the rules, his disrespect of authority figures…they all lead back to the Dursleys."
"How?" Draco asked softly, speaking for the first time since he had entered the bedroom.
Bill sighed. "I'm sure you can guess the fact that the Dursleys would have died before helping Tallis with anything, ever. When he spilled something, he cleaned it up. When he cut himself, he bandaged it. When he had a broken bone, he fixed it himself. His constant rule breaking comes from living in a situation where the rules were always changing. Whatever he did was wrong and against the latest absurd rule, thereby earning him another punishment. He learned that rules are arbitrary and that it doesn't matter whether you follow them or not because you'll still be punished. His disrespect for authority figures is clearly rooted in his Uncle and Aunt and strengthened through the only other adult figure in his life who should have been able to be respected but wasn't—Dumbledore."
Severus sat heavily on one of the chairs by the fire. "I never thought of it all like that. No wonder I mess up so often with him."
"You really don't, Professor," Ron said. "We've known him for six years and have had a much greater opportunity to learn how he works. Not only have we known him much longer than you, but we also knew him in a time that he wasn't able to conceal as much. What seem to be personality quirks now used to be blatant issues that were immediately noticeable. You know him incredibly well considering how thick his walls are and how hesitant he is to trust anyone. You're great at reading him—most of the time better than the rest of us."
Severus scrubbed his face roughly with his hands. "Gods, I hope he wakes up himself tomorrow. I don't know if I can take another day like this one. I thought it would be wonderful to see him as a child but it is just disturbing."
"Madam Pomfrey told me that it would likely be a few days," Draco said. "She figures that he'll advance a bit with each day. I assume that means he'll believe himself to be eight or nine tomorrow." Severus and the Weasleys paled, exchanging long looks. "What?" Draco asked innocently.
"That's when the muggle started raping him," Bill muttered.
"When he was nine?" Draco asked incredulously.
"Eight," Severus whispered. Draco was too shocked to say anything else.
"He'll be hell to deal with tomorrow," Bill continued. "Maybe we should try to stay out of sight some, let Hermione work with him. He might be calmer with her around. She is a major calming force on him even when he is in his right mind."
"We'll see how he is in the morning," Severus said heavily. "If it is very bad then I'll send Hermione and Tallis out to the greenhouse for the morning to keep him distracted while we come up with a plan. We can only pray that he stays calm around her."
"Maybe he'll be ok," Ron said hopefully. Severus glared at him. "No, really. I mean look at him today. His uncle was already hurting him at this age, albeit it wasn't full rape. Look at how well he did though! He seems to have some of his current memories or knowledge mixed in with the old. He might be ok, just a bit skittish."
"We can only pray," Bill said sadly, turning to the window and staring out into the night.
SDSDSDSDSDSDSDSDSD
Tallis woke with a start when he sensed someone in his room. He peeked hesitantly out from behind his blanket, calming only slightly when he caught sight of his doctor from the day before. "Good morning, Tallis," she said pleasantly. "Do you remember me?"
"You're Doctor Poppy," he said softly.
"Very good, Tallis. I have a few questions for you today. Do you think you can answer them?" Tallis nodded his head, remaining silent. "Alright. What is your name?"
Tallis looked at her strangely. "Tallis Snape. You already know that."
"So I do," she smiled warmly at him. "I have to ask you it anyway. How old are you?"
"Nine and a half," Tallis said, his voice almost silent.
Poppy studied him quietly for a brief moment, silently taking in his incredibly tense posture and his wary expression. "I believe that will be enough questions for today, Tallis. Why don't you get dressed? Someone will be along to collect you for breakfast in about ten minutes." She didn't want to push him any further. It was clear that he was not going to respond well to questioning and she didn't want to start his day off with a panic attack. Frankly, she didn't want to discover what would happen if Tallis had a panic attack while in this state. She quickly left the room closing the door behind her.
Tallis looked hesitantly around the room, making sure that he truly was alone. Once he was sure he was safe he scrambled out of bed and made his way to the closet, staring at the door in fear for a moment before deciding to brave it. He pulled the door open roughly and dashed inside, pulling clothes down from the racks without even looking at them and dashed back out into the open. He looked down at what he had grabbed. A pair of khaki green trousers and a bright green T-shirt. Not too bad he decided. Definitely not worth braving the closet again to get anything better.
He sat quietly in front of the window once he dressed, waiting to be called to make breakfast. He jumped when he heard a knock at the door which soon opened to reveal his Father's face. Tallis stood up quickly, practically tripping over his own feet in his haste. "Yes, sir?"
Severus smiled what he hoped was a comforting smile, largely rooted in his son's choice of clothing this morning. Merlin, no wonder the boy thought that Molly Weasley's sweaters were wonderful if this was the outfit he would have put together at age 9. "It's time for breakfast."
"Yes sir. What would you like me to make?"
Severus stood in silence for a moment, unsure of how to deal with this. "It is all made already, Tallis. You just need to come and eat it." Tallis stared at him, clearly shocked and unable to understand what he was saying. "Come along, the food's getting cold."
This, Tallis could understand. He did much better with orders since there was less to misinterpret and thus, less chance for punishment. He hurried to the door, coming to a halt just out of range of his Father, which Severus did not fail to notice.
When he entered the dining room he paused just inside the door and watched as his Father took his seat at the head of the table. He stared at the large table and the five people sitting there in silence.
Ron recognized the problem, having seen similar behavior the first time that his friend visited the Burrow. "Come on, mate, pull up a seat."
Tallis looked at him incredulously.
"Go ahead and sit down, Tallis," Bill said. "Your food will get cold."
Tallis slid onto the edge of the seat cautiously, still ready to run at any moment. The others pretended to ignore his jumpiness and continue with breakfast without comment. The dishes were all passed around, everyone heaping their plates high except for Tallis who merely took the piece of toast that looked the most burnt.
As Severus went to start his meal he noticed what his son was eating and sighed. "Why don't you have some fruit, Tallis?" he asked, knowing that was one of his son's favorite breakfast foods when he was himself.
Tallis looked eagerly at the bowl of fruit but didn't move toward it. Draco grabbed the bowl and spooned a healthy portion onto his plate and then handed him a grapefruit as well. Tallis stared at his plate silently before hesitantly popping a grape in his mouth, eyes watching his Father warily the entire time, waiting for his punishment.
When he realized that none was coming he started eating faster, quickly clearing his plate. He still held the grapefruit in his hands, reverently touching the chilled, pinkish skin. Hermione, who sat on his other side, noticed. "Tallis, do you want me to help you peel your grapefruit?"
He looked up in shock at the question and quickly hid the fruit as best he could. "No ma'am. Thank you," he whispered.
"You don't need to call me that," she said kindly. "I'm just Hermione, remember?"
Tallis nodded warily but didn't speak again. When the others began to stand he grabbed his prize and dashed off to his room to hide it. Who knew when he would get to eat again, especially after they had given him so much for breakfast? He hid the grapefruit under his bed, smiling happily when he saw it there, waiting for him to eat tonight. Tonight, at least, he wouldn't be hungry.
"Sorry we didn't warn you, Professor," Ron said when Tallis had left the room, leaving Severus staring after him in shock. "Tallis didn't stop hoarding food until well into his third year."
"Too many years of starvation…" Hermione added quietly before fading away. It was times like these that she felt like an idiot. "Why did we not tell anyone?" she asked desperately, turning toward Ron. "Why did we stay quiet?"
"We told my parents," he reminded her. "Dumbledore spelled them quiet. Looking at all of the signs that he gave us though, we were idiots for thinking it wasn't all that bad for that first year or two."
"When did you guys realize the truth?" Draco asked.
"It seems like every time we think we understand what it was like for him something else happens to reveal our stupidity and we learn that it was much, much worse than we can ever imagine," Hermione said sadly. "I guess we first realized it a bit before Tallis came to us with his plan for the tattoos. We didn't question him on it because we thought we knew the purpose."
"What did you think it was?"
Ron laughed harshly. "We thought that maybe his uncle slapped him around a bit. Merlin, we were idiots. Did you guys realize?" he asked Bill, knowing that those who were older than them might have realized it sooner.
"A bit. The first time I met him I knew that he was being sexually abused but I wasn't aware of the extent of it until I started dating him."
"Should I bother trying to stop him from hiding food in his room?" Severus asked, already weary although the day had just begun.
"I wouldn't, Severus," Bill said. "It will probably only last today and maybe tomorrow and it clearly makes him feel more comfortable with the situation. I'd just let it go. If he were still doing this while he was perfectly well then I would recommend a talk but I just don't think that the use will outweigh the panic and fear you will create in him."
Severus nodded. "Very well. Miss Granger, please go see if Tallis would like to visit the library and read for a bit or else play in the greenhouse. I believe it might be best for us to stay away for a bit and allow him to calm down again."
"Of course, Professor. Send a house elf if you need us," she said, walking off to her friend's room.