A/N I like this songfic better than the rest. I just find it really funny and normally I can't stand my stuff.
YVJ: That last song sure was beautiful it almost brought a tear to my eye…true love is a wonderful thing
SAFB: It was a great song but all I'm saying is that there are different ways to tell a story. It keeps things from getting boring.
YVJ: The eternal love and understanding between two soul mates is boring to you? What universe are you living in?
FG: Guys be nice!
YVJ: It's all good. While me and Simon won't agree on everything, we do agree on one thing Bonnie has gone up three notches on the hottie meter since Season 4 started.
SAFB: En Fuego!
YVJ: Muy En Fuego Simon….Muy En Fugo….which leads me to this song. And it's requested by the biggest Bonniephile out there…..the legendary Canadian Zaratan……
SAFB: Seriously he called like thirty times in the last hour for this song
YVJ: Here it is for all your brunette lovers out there. It's Bonnielicious…….
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Somewhere in the halls of Middleton High: Just before lunch
Diane: Hey Becky isn't that Jeff?
Becky: Jeff? Where?"
Diane: Right there, talking too Bonnie
Becky: Oh my god you're right that is Jeff and can his eyes be anymore glued to her chest?
Diane: Looks like Bonnie stuck her claws into another one
Becky: Jill is going to be so pissed when she hears about this
The sound of bubble gum popping
Diane: What's so great about Bonnie anyway? She's totally not so special
Becky: Well when you throw your stuff around like that, of course you're going to be popular with the guys.
Diane: She's thinks she's all that and a bag of Fritos….someone should teach her a lesson.
Beck: Yeah someone should
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Middleton High Auditorium
"Bonnie" Kim smiled politely as the brunette nonchalantly filed her nails "Although I'm flattered you chose me to be your lawyer. I can't help but wonder why you chose me to be your lawyer."
"Well you're into all that law and order stuff aren't you?" Bonnie said without looking up from her nails.
"Yea sort of "Kim nodded "but Bonnie……uh maybe you haven't picked up on it but um I don't like you"
Bonnie stopped filing and looked up at her "Kim I don't like you either, but if I lose this "case" she said with complimentary air quotes "those jealous hags are going to shave off my beautiful, bouncy and splint end free hair…I hate to say it but I need your help"
"You don't get it; if I wanted to I could sabotage this case"
Bonnie rolled her eyes "come on K you're too much of a saint to do that and besides sabotaging the case means you'd lose, now I know, you know and even your loyal puppy here….
"Wow she finally acknowledged I'm in the same room as her" Ron said
"……..Knows that you hate losing" Bonnie continued.
Kim sighed "I guess you do have a point"
"Of course I do" Bonnie said cheerfully "anyway I…." she was suddenly interrupted by the loud banging of a gavel coming from the stage.
A low buzz began among the mostly female senior audience as Justine Flanner stepped onto the stage wearing a dark robe. She held up a piece of paper in front of her face.
"The defendant Bonnie Rockwaller has been accused by her fellow female seniors of being a conniving, skanky, dirty, low down, back stabbing, man stealing hussy"…..pause for effect…. "If she is found guilty of these charges her head is to be shaven and she will be forced to spend the rest of the term bald."
It was impossible to ignore the clamor from the audience "You hear that you tart" Jill Peters shouted gleefully from the front rows as she raised a buzzing electric shaver in the air "Let's see how popular you are with the guys when you're bald!"
"Can you be anymore jealous" Bonnie exclaimed. She turned to Kim "you better get me out of this"
"Don't worry BonBon" Ron said with vigor "I'm sure Kim will beat them down with so much Habeas corpuses they won't know what him them. Right KP"
"Thanks for the vote of confidence Ron and I think I know a way out of this mess but I'll need your help….and maybe some help from the cheer squad too" she told him.
Bonnie threw her hands in the air "how is this happening I'm a cheerleader for God's sake"
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Boom box under his arm Ron silently tiptoed into the audience and took a seat behind Monique in the back rows.
"What took you so long?" she whispered to him "Bonnie is on the stand right now"
"It took me awhile to convince the AV club to lend me this baby and burn me the song…..So how's it looking so far"
"Not too good, your girl's trying but the prosecution is tough, things are really stacked up against Bonnie. For her sake Kim's plan better work, bald is not a good look this year."
"Ms Rockwaller' Kim said as she paced back and forth before the stage podium/witness stand. "Can you identify the two individuals in exhibit A?"
Exhibit A was a large blown up photo shot by a camera phone of Bonnie engaged in a seemingly flirtatious conversation with fellow senior Jeff Andrews. The large photo was being held up by two girls for the audience to see.
Bonnie cleared her throat before pulling the microphone closer "That's me leaning against the locker twirling strands of my luxurious hair between my fingers."
"And the other individual?"
"That's Jeff Andrews trying to work his surprisingly weak game on me"
"Hah she admits it" Jill cried from the front row. "Shave that tramp's head down to the roots!"
"Order in the court" Justine demanded "anymore outbreaks like that and I'll declare a mistrial…..Ms. Possible please continue."
"Thank you, your honor…….Tell us Ms Rockwaller do you have any romantic interest in Mr. Andrews?"
"No I don't…but he is the break out star of the basketball team this year. As a cheerleader I have to at least feign interest, it's the rules."
"The rules you say"
"Yes the rules of the food chain"
"Now Ms Rockwaller would you say, that the school's social hierarchy is based upon these rules."
"Yes I would say that."
"So most of the students follow would adhere to these rules…..am I correct in saying that?"
Bonnie smiled mischievously "well from my personal experience the sane ones follow the rules anyway."
"Hey I think that was a shot" Ron cried from way in the back.
"Now Ms. Rockwaller," Kim said ignoring Bonnie's comments "did you by any chance seek out the companionship of Mr. Andrews?"
"Please" Bonnie scoffed "I don't go to the boys the boys come to me"
"Interesting……..Interesting indeed…..If we are to understand you…..what you are saying is that you did not seek out or care to converse with Mr. Andrews."
"Yes that is correct"
"Ladies and gentleman she did not even go out of her way to speak to Jill Peter's so called boyfriend." Kim quickly turned to Bonnie "So tell us what, did you two converse about?"
"Oh you know Jeff was trying to subtly hint in his own special way that his parents were going to be away for the weekend. It was actually kind of cute he was like a little kid asking his mommy for candy."
"Ms Rockwaller did Jeff Andrews at any point refer to his current GF Jill Peters?"
Bonnie put her hand to her cheek and smiled "that was the funny thing her name never came up….I thought that was weird."
"Ms Rockwaller did you accept Jeff Andrews' invitation?"
Bonnie laughed "let me put it this way, the quest for the Holy Grail is a hard and expensive one, only the best of the best will be able to survive its trials and be rewarded. Flavors of the semester like Jeff need not apply."
"Please tell us then Ms. Rockwaller do you believe you have any control over boys like Jeff Andrews?"
"I'm sorry to say I don't" Bonnie pushed away from the podium walked to the edge of the stage and jumped off "The problem is I'm too Bonnielicious" she said as she strutted down the aisle towards the exit.
Murmurs of excitement flashed through the audience.
"What's going on?"
"Your honor" Kim started "this is a vital part of our case to prove my client's innocence" she turned to the audience "now everyone please follow Bonnie out the door…..Ron now!"
Ron pushed play on the boom box and raised it into the air as Bonnie walked past him. "Listen up ya'll, 'cause this is it….The beat that I'm bangin' is de-li-cious." He sang
Bonnie pushed through the doors of the auditorium and stepped into the hallways of the school. The first thing she spotted was a classmate of hers who was passing by as he spoke into his cell phone.
"Hey!" he shouted as she snatched the phone from his hand and quickly accessed the picture menu
"Bonnilicious definition make them boys go loco, they want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo."
Bonnie threw the phone towards Kim. Kim caught the phone and looked down to see a single shot of Bonnie, sweat pouring down her body as she practiced her cheers. Acting quickly Kim began to show the phone to the girls from the auditorium.
"I can explain" the boy stammered.
Bonnie nodded as if she understood completely "You could see me, you can't squeeze me. I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy." She ran her index finger along the boy's chest as she bit her bottom lip "I got reasons why I tease 'em. Boys just come and go like seasons."
"I'm Bonnielicious" she said before gently shoving him backwards into a nearby locker.
"So delicious" the boy whispered softly as Bonnie sauntered past with a gentle wiggle of her hips.
Bonnie turned her attention back to Kim and the other girls "But I ain't promiscuous. And if you was suspicious, All that stuff is fictitious."
"I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)" She did a quick 180 and blew the kiss in the general direction of two curious nerds who had just entered the hallway to see what all the commotion was about.
Both nerds reached out to catch the imaginary kiss and tripped over their own feet. "You idiot you made me miss my kiss" said one
"Are you crazy? That kiss was clearly meant for me!" cried the other.
The two nerds wrestled along the floor as Bonnie casually walked over them "I put them boys on rock, rock. And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got"
Every male head in the school library turned when Bonnie entered. Still being followed by the crowd of her peers and Ron, she snatched a dictionary off the shelf.
She opened the book pretending to skim through it
Bonnielicious def-,
Bonnielicious def-,
Bonnielicious definition make them boys go crazy. They always claim they know me, Comin' to me call me baby…."Hey baby" crowed a male freshman as he ran a tiny comb through his hair.
Bonnie put her finger up to his lip to shut him up. Then she just strutted past him "I'm the B to the O, N, N, the I, the E. And can't no other lady put it down like me." She flicked her hair at his face as she passed.
"I'm Bonnielicious."
"So delicious" the freshman whimpered.
"My body stay vicious" Bonnie sang out as she busted into the gymnasium. The rest of the cheer squad and immediately took notice of her arrival. Bonnie bent over seductively to her touch her toes "I be up in the gym just working on my fitness" she looked over her shoulders at the cheer squad "they're my witness"
"GO BONNIE" they cheered
She arrogantly glanced at Jill Peters "I put yo' boy on rock, rock, and he be lining down the block just to watch what I got"
"Bonnie's coming!" a sophomore shouted in the cafeteria a second before she arrived. She sauntered over to a table and put both her hands out. Two boys immediately grabbed her hands and helped her onto the table. The table was surrounded by guys in just a few nanoseconds.
"Baby, baby, baby," she sang as she ran her hands alluringly up and down her body "If you really want me, honey get some patience." She dipped her body low, a dance move commonly known as…..tooshie popping "maybe then you'll get a taste." She placed a finger on he lip and gave a look of entrancing innocence 'I'll be tasty, tasty; I'll be laced with lacey. It's so tasty, tasty, it'll make you crazy."
The cheer squad who had followed along jumped into formation "T to the A, to the S T E Y - Bonnie, you're tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y - Bonnie, you're tasty
"D to the E, to the L I C I O U S, to the D, to the E, to the, to the, to the,"
"Hit it Bonnie" Ron exclaimed
Bonnie stepped off the table to the leers of her male following "All the time I turn around guys gather round always looking at me up and down looking at my" she paused in front of Jill Peters "I just wanna say it now - I ain't trying to round up drama little mama I don't wanna take your man."
Then she once again addressed the other girls "And I know I'm coming off just a little bit conceited and I keep on repeating how the boys wanna eat it." She wagged her finger at them "But I'm tryin' to tell, that I can't be treated like clientele" She put her hand on her hip and turned to the boys "Cause they say she..."
"Delicious" They said in trancelike unison "So delicious" Ron concurred which led to Kim giving him a dirty look.
"But I ain't promiscuous, and if you was suspicious. All that stuff is fictitious….I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)" Everyone turned to see Jeff Andrews suddenly appear, snatch the kiss out of the air and placed it on his own lips. He was so enamored that he failed to see his now ex girlfriend winding up a vicious slap that would redden his left cheek for days to come.
"I put them boys on rock, rock. And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got"
To the delight of the male populace Bonnie did a split to show off her flexibility "My body stay vicious, I be up in the gym just working on my fitness." Using only her leg strength she smoothly and deftly pushed herself back up from the split into a standing position "they're my witness"
"GO BONNIE!"
She waved her hand along the crowd "I put your' boys on rock, rock, and they be lining down the block just to watch what I got!"
"I'm Boonielicious, and I'm t-t-t-t-t tasty, tasty"
Bonnie ran through a melody of her best cheer routines as the cheer squad performed behind her.
T to the A, to the S T E Y - Bonnie, you're tasty. T to the A, to the S T E Y - girl, you're tasty
T to the A, to the S T E Y - Bonnie, you're tasty. T to the A, to the, to the
D to the E, to the L I C I O U S, to the D, to the, E to the, L I C I O U S, to the
D to the E, to the L I C I O U S, to the D, to the E, to the, to the, to the
"I'm Bonnielicious" Bonnie sang with absolute defiance to the other girls just as Ron clicked off the boom box.
"Your honor" Kim quickly stepped in front of Bonnie "In closing I refer to the case of Tiffany v the Flag Girls of Lowerton Middle School in which the winning defendant said and I quote "don't hate me because I'm beautiful."
Justine frowned "that was a rather extravagant don't you think…..Ms Possible"
"Extravagant, yet overwhelmingly relevant to the case your honor"
Justine's frown turned into a smirk "Well I've heard arguments from both sides…..I'll have my judgment before the closing bell"
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Justine cleared her throat before speaking into the microphone "With the evidence that we have been presented here today. We must all recall the ruling of the 1971 case of Samantha v the Tennessee Comprehensive High school that stated "If you've got it flaunt it." I believe that this is the ideal in the society we live today and it is still very much the standard…In accordance with that ruling I dismiss all charges against the defendant Bonnie Rockwaller."
"No!" Jill Peters cried above the uproar of the audience "this can't be happening!"
Bonnie grinned happily before turning to Kim "well K your plan worked. You saved my hair……And as much as it makes me sick to do so. I have to say thank you."
Kim grinned herself "as much as it makes me sick too, I have to say your welcome. And Bonnie I hope you've learned your lesson."
"Yes I have, but it'll be hard to turn down my natural radiance and how I unlike you ooze with femininity and sexuality."
"Of course" Kim said through her teeth "But remember baby steps"
"Well K" Bonnie said as she glanced at her watch "I've got to go plan my revenge against those tarts who tried to set me up….nobody crosses a Rockwaller and gets away with it…….so toodles" she said brightly before walking off
"Well she's still a ray of sunshine" Ron quipped "So Kim how does winning the big case fee…." He stopped when he noticed Kim giving him a look that would stop a bullet "something wrong…….honey."
"So delicious" she growled.
"Oh….oh…..ooohh boooyyyy" Ron stammered "Kim, baby……Bonnie may be delicious but you're…uh…um ……palatable….no wait….
"You're in big trouble mister" she said as she turned away from him and walked away.
Wait Kim I meant……ambrosial….yummy….delectable….gratifying…..mouthwatering…nectarous….well-seasoned. Oh come KP I'm sorry….Kim….KIM!!!!"
A/V That was a KP verse remix of the song Fergielicious by thew Duchess herself Fergie...Did you like it?...Yes or no leave a review