September 18th 1892: Erik
Watching me walk to the middle of the room, Estella inhaled sharply. I was used to such reactions to seeing me, but usually people only behaved like that when they saw me without the mask, and that was what I had spared the girl. After all, I only wanted her to be intimidated, not to run out of the room, screaming in terror. I could only guess that her reaction was caused by the fact that as long as she hadn't seen me, she had built up an illusion of me in her head, which had been shattered now.
Well, there was no doubt about the fact that she was indeed intimidated, so the rest didn't matter to me. She wasn't trembling, but her eyes were wide as she gazed up at my masked face. Fortunately she was a rather short girl, which made my height only more imposing. I towered over her, looking down like a hawk eyeing a mouse.
"So… you were talking about making me enjoy myself," I reminded her pleasantly, seemingly oblivious to the state she was in.
"Yes…" she whispered timidly. Her voice made it clear that she had hoped I had forgotten it.
"Then do so," I encouraged her. "Now. I don't have all day, and you know I'm not a patient man." I gave the last word a special stress, making her wince as if I had beaten her. I couldn't help smiling a little. Seeing thise self-confident dancer being reduced to an anxious little girl was a pleasure. It was a feeling of power in its purest form.
It was then that I realised with a start that this was exactly what I wanted. I didn't need Estella to give me anything else. Moreover, I didn't want her to give me anything else. I was a man. I had power. Yet exercising that power by making little chorus girls seduce me, although they'd obviously rather eat up their own costumes, was beneath me. That would have been the wrong kind of power, the one that came with an unpleasant taste.
By the time I had drawn that conclusion, it was almost too late. While I had been lost in thought, Estella seemed to have decided that getting over with it quickly was the best solution. She obviously was a supporter of the very direct approach to the subject, for I caught her by the wrist inches away from my private parts.
"What do you think you're doing?" I snarled.
"I… I…" she mumbled, staring up at me with her big, fearful eyes. I noticed with a certain sense of satisfaction that nothing stirred inside me. Christine was the only one who could cause longing in my body.
"I thought you wanted to make me enjoy myself," I prompted.
"Yes, but… but I wanted to… do that… just now…" she stammered, gesturing with her free hand at the one I was still holding.
"You won't get away that easily," I said grimly. "A few minutes of biting back your disgust, then it's over – that was what you wanted, wasn't it? No, no, no. I want something that'll last much longer." I let go of her hand, which she pulled back quickly.
Letting my hands brush over her shoulders deliberately, making her shudder, I leaned down.
"Do you know what I enjoy most?" I asked her in a whisper. She shook her head slightly, her lips pressed together firmly. "I enjoy it when people get what they deserve," I answered my own question. With these words I pushed her back abruptly. She threw me a puzzled glance. Slowly she seemed to realise that I wasn't interested in her on a physical level, but she had no idea what to do, now that her one plan had failed.
"What do you want me to do then? What is it I deserve?" she asked after a few moments, showing an almost admirable amount of courage.
"I thought that was obvious," I replied casually. "I want you to go to Meg Giry and apologise for having been so horrid to her. You will tell her that she's an excellent dancer and that her status in the corps de ballet has nothing to do with her mother, but only with her talent."
Estella frowned. The sudden change of topic had obviously been too much for her. It took her a while to recover enough to speak.
"Of course I'll do that, Monsieur," she said readily. Apparently she had realised that this kind of favour was much more simple than the physical kind. Or so she thought. "I'll wait outside her dressing room, and – "
I shook my head.
"That's not the way I want it." I said. "I want you to tell her now – on the stage."
"In front of everyone?" she asked faintly. "But no! It would ruin my reputation."
"Your reputation as an arrogant, despicable person?" I gave back. "I'm sure you'll manage to live without it. You'll have to change rather radically anyway.You see, if I hear one more negative word about Meg from you, I'll make you pay. And the same goes for your friends. So make sure they know about it as well."
"Meg's a lucky girl," Estella muttered bitterly. "With both the ballet mistress and the Opera Ghost on her side…"
"This isn't a matter of who is on whose side," I stated. "It's a matter of who's right and who's only jealous. And you are jealous of Meg, aren't you?"
"Well… yes," she admitted. "A little. When I came to the opera, everyone admired her. I was just one of the new girls… nothing special…"
"But instead of trying to become someone special by working hard, you started discrediting Meg," I analysed. "A despicable approach to your problem, if I'm allowed to say so… and of course I'm allowed to."
"What else should I have done?" she asked. By now, she was no longer looking up at me in fear, but there was something else in her eyes. It seemed that she was truly interested in my advice.
I, on the other hand, wasn't that much interested in her. But I knew that if I didn't help Estella with her problem, she wouldn't change. She wouldn't dare be unfriendly to Meg again, I'd see to that, but maybe she'd look for another girl as the outlet of her anger and frustration. To me, who basically wanted everything at the opera to work in an acceptable manner, that idea was terrible. Besides, I also had Mme.Giry to consider. A woman of her age shouldn't have to deal with constant fights among the chorus girls.
So I replied:
"You should have done what I suggested a minute ago: You should have worked hard on you dancing, perhaps even seen what you could have learned from Meg. You should have been a friendly girl instead of being the one to gossip about others. But it's not too late. I can assure you that Mme.Giry is a very fair woman. If you make good progress, she'll give you bigger parts. But if you choose to focus your energy on vicious rumours…". I shrugged, indicating that in this case, every piece of advice would have been in vain.
Estella gave me a wry smile. Apparently she'd have preferred a method that didn't involve hard work.
"Thank you very much, Monsieur," she said with false enthusiasm. "I'll… I'll certainly think about it."
"Do that," I muttered. "But make sure the result will be the right one. This was the first and the last time I've discussed this subject with you." She nodded and was about to turn around, hen I held her back. "Before we go, I'd like to ask you one more question: Do you know anything more about the attacks on the de Chagny family?"
"No, Monsieur," she answered. "I only know what the friends of my parents told me. There are a few rumours, of course, but I won't add any more, I promise. I know why you're so interested in the subject, but you don't have to worry. Even if I was absolutely sure that you're the one doing it, I wouldn't tell anyone." She gave me a last smile and left the room. I followed her.
It seemed that I had a new suspect: me. Well, in a way that was making things easier. At least I had found a person I could rule out right away, for I happened to know that I wasn't planning or carrying out attacks of any kind. But then, I still had to be careful. If there really were rumours about me, it could easily become dangerous. What if a neighbour saw me walking around the house, looking for intruders, and alerted the police? Or hadn't Estella meant it like that? Had she only wanted to say that she wouldn't spread rumours anymore, no matter about whom?
Well, I was almost certain she wouldn't feel like gossiping in the next time, especially not about me. So I didn't have to expect anything from her side. But if the rumours already existed, there was nothing I could do, except for keeping my head down and hoping that the neighbours hadn't spotted me yet. This only made me more desperate to catch the person responsible quickly. I rather enjoyed getting a little attention from others, but I had no desire to find myself in the headlines. I was simply growing too old for that nonsense.
I was so busy thinking that I almost didn't notice the fact that we reached the stage. Only the chatting of the chorus girls pulled me out of my reverie. Quickly I hid behind a curtain. I knew how some of the girls reacted to seeing me, and a chaos would have drawn the attention away from Estella. For once, I wanted her to be in the limelight.