Disclaimer: so do not own Gundam Wing…wouldn't that be great though? But I just write fan fiction…very self-explanatory title: Fan Fiction.

Here we go! Another chapter…finally. Had a little problem with this one, but I made the time and sat down and finished it! Really, REALLY sorry it's so late, fall is all downhill when you work in retail! Also marks the end of classes.

Scars

Part eight: Missed Chances

Duo walked down the stairs, he had on boots this time. The carpet felt deeper with shoes on, he felt as if he bounced down the stairs rather than walked. He smiled easily as he pulled on a sweater he'd found in his closet and headed for the back door in the kitchen, it was the closest one to the carport.

He'd already checked the mansion for Quatre and Heero, Quatre was in his office upstairs and Heero was nowhere to be found inside. Which meant he was outside, probably in the garage.

Duo opened the door and stepped out into the overcast day. It was sometime in the afternoon, still early, but you couldn't tell by looking at the sky. Duo wished for the sun a bit, but having avoided it for so long, he wondered if he might start to feel anxious if it did break through the clouds.

Duo quickly made his way through the house and then briskly walked out the kitchen door and towards the garage. Duo was about to open the side door when he froze with his hand on the doorknob. If he stopped and actually thought about this…how was he going to pull off just waltzing on in there, after the earlier incident, and working with Heero on a project where he probably wasn't even welcome?

The same way he did everything else, Duo decided, blindly with pure dumb luck! Duo pushed open the door and strutted into the garage that was filled with the sound of tools, the smell of oil and what appeared to be half a car. Duo walked around it, looking at what parts were there and which weren't as he made his way around it. He found Heero's legs sticking out on the far side of the car where he was reaching for a wrench and had parts of an old axel strewn about him.

Duo knew that Heero knew he was there. Duo hadn't bothered to be quiet and Heero was to good of a solider to miss anyone's entrance while he was stuck halfway under a car. Duo nudged the wrench with his foot so that it was within Heero's reach and Heero crapped his hand around it and pulled it under the car to where he was working. Duo listened to the sound of him tightening something and waited. He put the ball in Heero's court as to what to do now.

Heero finally rolled out from under the car and pulled an oil rag from his back pocket and wiped his hands before he stood up to face Duo. He wore jeans that were mission one knee and maybe one size too big for him with many stains on them. His shirt had obviously once been a t-shirt that had lost it's sleeves and collar to the cause with it's front pocket gone and only square, less faded area where it had once been. Duo felt over dressed in his black pants and sweater. He was wearing a tank top underneath, but he didn't plan to take off the sweater. His boots were the only part of him that fit into this environment anymore.

Heero wiped the rag across his forehead, despite the weather it was rather warm in the garage, and looked Duo up and down. Duo didn't like being looked at but he pushed that away as best he could and gave Heero his best smile. He thought he saw something flicker in Heero's eyes before he moved past Duo to a rolling cart of draws that were brimming with tools and parts.

"How do you feel?" Heero asked.

Duo followed him and leaned against a bare part of wall. "I'm better, that nap really helped!" Duo smiled, and he found that this time, it was easier. Felt a bit more familiar.

"Good." Heero's words seemed to be coming out more liked barks than human words.

"What are you working on?" Duo asked, then felt stupid for asking. He felt his shoulders start to hunch up and his back slouch. It was obvious what he was working on, Duo could see it plain as day, what he didn't see was what came next.

"I'm fixing this car so that it will run on artificial fuel and ride as easily as others out on the market now. I'm using some parts that I have altered myself and some I bought in town. It's an older model and once it's in working order Quatre will sell it to one of his clients and I will start on another." It was as if Heero had just made an award winning speech and Duo would have been less surprised if a dog had walked in playing The Nutcracker on an accordion.

"Oh." He relaxed and looked at the car with a different eye. "Having fun?" He smiled without realizing it, without forcing it and Heero next to him tensed up in the arms.

"It is enjoyable work, and I find it relaxing. It is something to do rather than sit behind a desk all day. Such monotonous work can wear on the soul after too long." Heero commented in a low voice.

Duo laughed beside him and Heero jerked, startled at the abrupt and almost unfamiliar sound. "OK! I know you didn't come up with that one. That has Quatre written all over it" Duo sighed and quieted down before he approached the open engine.

"Looks good so far, need help?" Duo didn't look it, but his heart stopped and his jumped into his throat in the moments that passed while Heero assessed his question.

"Yes, I could use some assistance with the fuel line and then combustion gears." Heero nodded and turned to gather certain tools. Duo let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding and felt instant relief and joy. He didn't let Heero see it, so he just turned until the silly grin left his face and pulled up another scooter along side Heero's.

They worked at removing the old and degrading fuel line and were about to put in the new one when Duo saw that he'd already gotten some grunge on the sweater from Quatre. He grumbled and before he realized what he was really doing he'd rolled back out from under the car and stripped off the sweater. He threw it through the open window of the car and paused. It was now that he realized his problem, the tank top.

It showed a lot of his neck, back, shoulders and all of his arms. He felt a twitch in his right eye and a catch in his lungs. He was on the verge of panic when Heero's voice broke though to him.

"Hand me the small black screws to your left and bring back a Phillips head." Duo just stopped. He stopped the rising nausea in his stomach and grabbed what Heero wanted. He shoved himself back under the car and tried to force himself to forget his current situation. He stripped two screws of their ribs before he finally did forget and started to concentrate on the work.

Duo and Heero got the line set and cleaned most of the gears when Heero called a break and went inside to grab sodas. He returned to find Duo standing over the engine black and his heart beat hard against his chest. Duo, silhouetted against the florescent lights, almost seemed like a dream. He looked as if he were suspended there by a dieing will. As if he would fade away at any moment. Heero set down the soda on the workbench and walked quietly toward Duo, afraid the slightest sound would send him off into oblivion.

Duo was so scared, his whole body, like before, in the apartment. Heero still remembered his horror and anger when he'd seen Duo lain out before him on the bed. Then he'd screamed and Heero had felt his insides twist and wrench. Now Duo was a foot away, but he still felt like he hadn't found him yet. For Heero it was like he was still searching for Duo, the Duo he'd last seen at the end of the war. The one that had jovially waved at him after the celebration and promised to call him; But the call had never come, he'd simply disappeared. If he'd fallen off the face of the Earth it might've been easier to find him, but Duo was smart, his genius with computers had hidden him on Earth, in society, not away from it.

Heero had wondered about that when'd he'd found Duo and tracked him to the beach, why there? But he hadn't dwelled on it long with the impending difficulties at hand. Duo had transformed, out of Heero's reach he'd become something that Heero didn't recognize and even now, he was so distant.

Heero tentivly reached out a hand, longed to touch him. But there at his fingertips was a scar. A long jagged burn across his back left shoulder blade. It was shiny and slick, Heero had a lingering thought about what it must feel like before he actually reached out and touched it. He hadn't really meant to, but it was too late to take it back now.

Duo reacted to the touch in a way Heero hadn't meant for him too. Duo's muscles all jerked at the same time and he turned instantly. Heero was shocked by his speed as Duo found him standing there with his hand out. Duo's momentum was too much though, and his urgency to back away from what had touched his scar too strong. He stumbled backwards and fell into the tool cart. It rolled, or rather slammed back until it hit the wall and stopped. Duo grimaced from the pain of its edge in his back but his wide, panic-stricken eyes, stayed on Heero.

He was stranded between shock and anger. Heero of all people should have known that he didn't want to be touched. Duo was breathing hard and shallow at the same time so that he felt dizzy and flustered. He gasped and finally got out some words, thought not in the order he would have liked.

"Heero?...Why did you…don't want…Don't Ever Do That Again!" Duo finally snapped. He decided that anger was good, but not in thought, the anger made him feel better, safer.

Heero seemed dumbstruck and brought his hand down quick to his side.

"I'm sorry." It was somewhere between a mutter and a mumble, but still clear.

Duo didn't know what to do next, he was still breathing hard, but the look on Heero's face told him clearly that there was no real danger that he should feel threatened by. He took deeper breaths and strived to calm down his racing heart.

Heero did a back track and grabbed the two sodas. He slowly approached Duo and made sure both his hands were visible and stayed a respectable distance away. He held out he soda and kept his eyes empty and void of the turmoil raging inside him.

"Thank you." Duo was glad his voice came out steady as he eased up off the cart and took the soda, though he made sure no part of him touched Heero again. And though he longed for the sweater behind Heero in the car, he forced himself to do without. Quatre was right in that he needed to stop hiding behind long sleeved and coats when they weren't needed and uncomfortable anyway.

Heero and Duo sipped quietly and the tension in the air eased till they were both comfortable with each other's presence again.

Duo started to suggest they get back to work when he caught Heero's eyes. The tension built again, but this time it seemed more intimate. The look in Heero's eyes held something Duo didn't recognize. But he did know that Heero had something he needed to get off his chest and Duo couldn't do anything to avoid what was coming next.

"Five years is a long time." The words were so abrupt and unexpected that Duo was left gaping at Heero. How was he supposed to respond to that? Make a joke of how fast the years had gone by, comment in a similar fashion, or not say anything at all? There was nothing to say to that which might make up for the years he'd avoided Heero, no way to take any of it back or explain why. Duo knew his confusion must be showing, no, screaming on his face. He was glad when Heero went on but tried not to let his relief show.

"I didn't understand what had happened at first. You just vanished. I found your…your apartment empty." Duo was shocked at the feeling that was coming out behind Heero's words. But he just listened silently; he had to see this through. "I thought maybe OZ…but then Quatre said he'd talked to you."

Duo remembered how he'd packed in a hurry, how he'd rented the truck and stuffed everything he'd owned in the back as fast as was possible in his condition. The incident Heero was talking about had happened earlier that day. Duo had been just checking out of the hospital. Quatre, as usual, had been the one to hear he'd been attacked and rushed over with flowers and concern.

He'd rushed into Duo's room just after he had pulled on his shirt. Duo had already gotten his papers signed and was just leaving and Quatre was standing there in the doorway. That hadn't been the first time he'd felt it, seen it. He'd witnessed it all with the doctors and nurses and already he hated it. But he smiled at Quatre and turned the hate inside, he'd feel it later, let it out later. But later had never really come.

What first showed up on the faces of the doctors and nurses faces and now Quatre's face soon appeared everywhere Duo looked. It had been terrible at first but it got worse when he healed and the bandages came off. The horror, the pity, the disgust. Faces turned away from him is shame, children wouldn't look away, and soldiers would look through him. Duo began to feel as if he were going mad. He would flinch when people looked at him, turn away before they could, then he just started to avoid them. Going out later and later, avoiding busy streets, busy stores, and nightclubs. Duo eventually found himself avoiding everyone completely by staying in his apartment all the time.

But that first day, that day when Quatre had stood there looking at him with tears in his eyes Duo had felt something inside of him twist and contort into something unnatural. He'd been in pain, nauseous, and a throbbing migraine had made him sensitive to the morning light. He'd seen it all in Quatre's face, how bad it was, how bad it would always be. He wasn't just ugly, he was disfigures, a victim of war, just like all the others. He was and forever would be now, a pity case. A lost cause. A mad hero.

Duo had exploded. Of all people he found himself yelling at it was Quatre. Ever caring, ever understanding, ever forgiving. And all Duo wanted was for him to yell back, to hit him, to tell him he was being stupid and foolish and that things wouldn't change even if he did look completely different, even if he was scared.

But Quatre hadn't given him that. Quatre had stood there, trying to understand what Duo was feeling and Duo hated him for it. He'd screamed and then his mind just wanted to get away. He'd screamed over and over that he was leaving and Quatre should not follow him, should make no attempt of finding him, to tell no one. He had stormed out of the hospital as best he could and walked all the way to the truck rental and decided right then and there that he was moving and not looking back.

He hadn't meant to leave for five years, not really. Maybe in some part of his mind he thought he would go and cool down and then return eventually, after he fully recovered. But months turned into a year, and a year turned into five years, and Duo found that he couldn't bare the thought of going back. Of seeing their faces, contorted, like everyone else. Duo found he didn't want to be touched, to be showed any compassion and that he grew hard and cold and hid himself more thoroughly as a result.

"You wouldn't tell Quatre anything except that you were leaving and you didn't want to be followed." Heero said, "So he let you go, I don't think he realized what you meant when you said you were leaving."

Duo nodded, he'd known it then too. He'd known that Quatre would give him a few days rest at home, leave him be and then visit again when he felt Duo had calmed down and healed. And Duo had made it a point not to be there when he showed up.

"Why did you feel you had to leave? What was so bad that we couldn't have helped you with?" Heero asked out right. "During the war, you said that when it was all over you would remain my friend, no matter the consequences or outcome."

"Look Heero, I know what I said." Duo felt that contortion in his gut again. Was it the HGL's? Maybe it was just anxiety. "But things happened, things I couldn't have foreseen. We were kids. How could I have known…" Duo felt sick of himself, he knew he was running away again…running from Heero, from the truth. But there was no way he could explain this to Heero, he wouldn't understand. Couldn't understand.

"We were supposed to go drinking, celebrate the end of the war." Heero suddenly wouldn't look at Duo. "We were supposed to-" Heero cut himself off.

"Looks like a shit load of missed chances to me. Shoulda, coulda, woulda…" Duo felt himself turning in again, closing off, and shutting out Heero. It was too painful, knowing that Heero would never love him…never… "Kids stuff. Dreams. Not real." Duo snapped.

Heero looked taken aback. Hurt even. Duo looked away and turned around so he couldn't even see Heero at the edge of his eyes. "I want to help with the car Heero. Can I?" Duo felt like shit for asking, for not even looking at Heero when he asked. But he had too, he couldn't loose that now. Even if he felt like he was slipping away again he had to throw back at least one lifeline before he screwed up and lost it all.

Heero was silent for what felt like hours, but in the end he said yes. Duo took that as his cue to leave and all but ran out the door into the growing dark. He rushed into the kitchen and through all the empty rooms to the stairs. Duo felt sick again, but this time it felt less like his heart being strangled and more like his stomach shrinking.

Duo trotted up the stairs and was about to disappear into his room for the evening when he heard Quatre laugh. He didn't want to hear what came next, but his name popping up where it shouldn't always brought out the eavesdropper in him.

"I remember when Duo came out of that building, not covered in explosives and debris, but in food! I still can't believe he stopped for a snack before escaping an exploding building." Quatre laughed and Duo recognized what could only be a phone call. He could hear his heart beat and crept a little closer to the door that stood ajar further down the hallway.

"Yes, I think he's doing better." Quatre's chipper voice projected out into the hallway, most likely unintentional, but Duo still felt like this was too easy. "He's eating more now, he's still so skinny, unhealthy skinny."

So he'd lost some weight, he was still in top shape! He wasn't a bird that needed to be force-fed. Duo felt indignation color his cheeks.

"I'm not sure, hold back a little longer. I don't think he's ready to see you just yet." Quatre let worry seep into his voice at this. Duo held his breath.

"Yes, it's too soon. Wait a few more days and I'll call you." Quatre started to wind down the conversation and Duo started to skirt back to his room.

"Bye Trowa, love you." Quatre's voice echoed down the hallway and in Duo's ears. The loud click of the phone going back on the cradle was the last thing Duo heard before quietly closing his door. He heard Quatre walk by and finally let out a loud sigh of relief. Trowa?

Duo shivered at the thought. That tall one-eyed evaluation glare. Trowa always saw everything, especially things you were trying t -o hide. Quiet and observant and always there; Trowa was coming? Duo started to crawl out of his cloths and walked into the bathroom. He took care of himself and then crawled into bed.

He wasn't sure how he felt about Trowa, could he handle anyone like that now? Could he keep it together? Duo checked his watch and set the bedside alarm for five hours later. He could take another HGL then.

Duo curled up under the covers. He's just skip dinner, he'd eat tomorrow. For now the conversation he'd just had with Heero began to run around his head. Duo heard for the first time the words he had said. He hadn't really stopped to think about what he was saying when he had said it. Now it all played out in his head and he felt like an ass.

He'd been a jerk, cruel even. He'd shot down Heero at every turn. And now Duo saw it, Heero wanted their friendship back.

"And I blew it again. Good going Maxwell, way to sabotage my own love life." Duo curled up tighter and ground his teeth till it hurt. He finally lay still and let sleep take him from all this hurt. Maybe if he slept on it, tomorrow he could apologize in a way that didn't make his seem like more of a jerk. Maybe he could make up for today's mistakes.

And maybe all my scars will disappear in the dark. Duo silently drifted and didn't stir when Quatre came to get him for dinner or when Heero came to check on him. But Duo did get up to take another HGL five hours later.