Disclaimer: so do not own Gundam Wing…wouldn't that be great though? But I just write fan fiction…very self-explanatory title: Fan Fiction.
Ok, retail is no fun during the holidays! But even with 50 hours a week, at least I can get this started…and finished! Thank god that's over. Oh, and if you have the chance, pop over and read my other fic I just started. Locked Doors. Hopefully this one won't have so many holes!
Scars
Part nine: Under the Glass
Duo really wanted the orange juice sitting in front of him. Condensation already dripping down the sides of the glass and a light foam around the edge. His body craved it, wanted the vitamin C and his mouth longed for that tangy after taste. But Duo didn't move to take a sip, he'd finally discovered a balance for the HGL's after two more days of trial and error. He had to forego food for a couple of hours after taking the pills, then after he calmed down it would be ok to eat. Just not really heavy food.
Duo stood and took his food to the kitchen. He wrapped it up in plastic wrap for later…he was almost accustomed to eating meals later than he was used to, and alone. But it was the price to pay for all he'd gained in these last two days. Duo had helped Heero both days in the garage as long as he could. That meant the first day until he couldn't take the strained silence anymore, and the second until Quatre came out and dragged them in.
The first day had been all about the car, but the second day Duo had finally just started asking Heero questions about the last five years. He'd reached desperation after just one day of silence. Maybe back in the war he had put up with it, but there was no war now and there was just too much that Duo wanted to know. He'd had fun bounding around the garage. Handing Heero things he needed and then just pestering him with more questions. When he'd started fixing old cars, did he have pets, his own house or apartment somewhere, where he shopped for groceries, did he have any tattoos…just about anything that popped into his head.
Duo felt life in himself, something he hadn't remembered he had. It was like before, when the rest of his life had been lain out before him and he was ready to just jump. Just before it had happened, Duo remembered having a vague thought about years to come when he could get closer to Heero, get his own place, put down roots, and then everything after that was surrounded in haze and fuzzy. Mostly pain and anger.
Duo walked out to the garage. Heero never waited for him to finish his food. Duo was glad of this, he didn't want him to notice his odd eating habits. Duo spent another day with Heero, popping off to eat and bring food for Heero. Bouncing around as much as he could without hurting himself and asking more questions.
"Heero?"
"Hn."
"Have you been celebrating the holidays?"
"Quatre invites me to his Thanksgiving and Christmas every year." Heero snapped something and then asked for a wire cutter.
"Yeah, but what about the other ones? Like Halloween?"
"I have handed out candy to children previous years." Heero snapped a couple of wires and Duo stared down at him through the engine. If he moved his head just a certain way, Heero was framed by the battery and the oil.
"But do you dress up?" Duo smiled big at the thought of Heero in costume.
"No." Heero got a small frown line between his eye brows.
"HA! I knew it!" Duo laughed.
"Have you?" Heero countered to him and Duo froze. Heero paused, looking back up at Duo and looked about ready to take back his words, but Duo spoke before he lost his nerve.
"I did…the first couple of years, but it didn't help. I could never cover myself up enough, and no make up hid…" Duo swallowed hard. "People still saw, they saw through everything, saw that they were real…my…scars." Duo breathed deeply and pressed on.
"They remembered me from other nights and the previous years, and they treated me just the same. I don't remember many people who even really ever looked me in the eyes."
Heero stared at him, put down what he was working on. He wished he wasn't under the car.
"I'm sorry Duo…" Heero started to say, but Duo pushed away from the car.
"S'not your fault." Duo slurred and gathered his composure away from Heero's piercing gaze.
Duo ate as much as he could at dinner, but it wasn't very much. Sort of talked without thinking, whatever sounded good came out of his mouth and he ignored the beginnings of a headache. Quatre watched him, unsure if Duo didn't like the food or if he was feeling ill again. Heero was staring openly.
"Guess I'm not that hungry." Duo gave a feeble attempt at a laugh.
"Are you feeling ok Duo?" Quatre asked.
"Yeah, just tired I guess." Duo shrugged. "I think I'll go to bed early." Duo excused himself and tracked up to his room. He rubbed his neck and swung onto his bed. Something in his stomach twitched and Duo sat right back up. Duo shoved off the bed and went to the window seat where he dug out his pills and to Duo's dismay he suddenly realized that he was down to eight pills. Duo popped one and then began to worry. What if he ran out, what if he skipped one.
He hadn't tried it yet…but after the reaction he'd had for just getting on them, he was terrified to stop. Duo jumped into his desk chair and booted up his laptop. In the beginning Duo had only wanted the pills to pull himself out of depression, but now he feared that if he stopped he'd just make a big u-turn and dive right back in; Maybe even deeper this time. What if he never felt this again? This lightness inside himself, a familiar feeling, how he used to feel all the time. Like he could fly. But in the war it was less, he'd had to come back down and be serious from time to time. But if he kept a hold onto this feeling, he could go back to being Duo, easy going, care free, happy-go-lucky Duo. The jester everyone loved.
Duo signed on and began to search.
Shinigamii: Harmony, you here?
Harmony45: Hey, there you are! What's up?
Shinigamii: I need help, how do I find her again?
Harmony 45: You out?
Shinigamii: Almost
Harmony45: Just go into town, she's hanging near the C store.
Shinigamii: Just hanging around?
Harmony45: yeah, no delivery this time, but she'll be there
Shinigamii: Thanks!
Harmony45: no problem, just remember the cash
Shinigamii: Right, I gotta go
Harmony45: Don't be a stranger, you're still king here, reign supreme!
Shinigamii: Yeah, right.
Harmony45: no kidding man! You should pop in more often.
Harmony45: you don't know it, but a lot 'o us respect you
Duo stared at the screen. He couldn't believe what he was reading. They were following him, monitoring his jobs probably, and learning from his viruses. Mimicking him? That could be dangerous. But anyone who was posing was probably shot down right away by the others.
Still, Duo couldn't tear his eyes away from the screen. He was about to type something back when he heard a knock at the door. It was soft, almost in audible, testing to see if he was still awake. Duo shot his laptop quickly and launched himself across the room. He'd had the H.G.L.'s sitting on the desk next to him while he talked to Harmony45. Duo fervently stashed away the pills and fought with the cushion to resettle correctly.
"Come in." Duo called over his shoulder as he finally set the cushion in place and turned in one motion to sit on the window seat. Duo watched the door open and reveal Heero standing before him.
"Hi Heero! You need something?" Duo tried to slow his rushed heartbeat and his heavy breathing. His stomach pinched at his side from the sudden and excessive movement.
"I came to tell you…" Heero stretched out eh words and Duo was extremely aware of the cushion beneath him. He could see it in his mind, askew and Heero seeing through his act. But Heero only seemed to be hesitant. "I won't be working on the car tomorrow."
"Why not?" Duo felt his heart sink. He didn't like the feeling and wondered if Heero could hear it in his voice.
"I have to go into town for parts." Heero wouldn't look Duo in the eyes.
"That's perfect, I have to go into town too! Can I come?" Duo saw opportunity falling out before his eyes.
Duo suddenly gasped for air as he saw Heero's eyes come up sharp and his expression change dramatically and drastically. "You want to come into town with me?"
Duo felt his heart shoot up to several beats per second, or what felt like it. He had just voice an urge to go into a busy town in the middle of the day, where people would see him. The thought alone made his sick; People's eyes, staring. Duo shivered and folded his arms in an attempt to hide the fact that he was holding onto himself to stop the shaking.
"Uh…well…" Duo racked his brain for an excuse for his sudden outburst. "I can go out…I just need my coat." Duo tried to talk about it casually, but he was sure he was failing. "As long as they don't stare…I'll be ok."
Heero looked at him, doubt plastered all over his face. HE wasn't buying Duo's act.
"Heero, I need to get out of this house for a while." Duo saw a thread, the end of a rope to tug on. "I mean, even at my apartment I managed to go out and get some air every few days. I need a change of scenery." Duo put need into his eyes. As far as he knew Heero still couldn't read minds, so it didn't matter that the need Heero saw for a small taste of freedom was really a need fro something else entirely.
Duo saw it working, saw Heero falter in the face of Duo's lie. Duo felt a pang of guilt as he saw Heero caving. But he needed this, so he pushed just a little more, just to assure victory.
He looked away, letting his bangs fall and cover his eyes, a picture of vulnerability. "Do…do you mind going later in the afternoon?" Duo let the need flow into his words, wrapping them in cold water of reality and fear. A fear he knew all too well, and had sworn not to show…but he needed it now. To make sure that Heero was assured of his confession.
Heero saw it, grasped it, and Duo triumphed. If they went later in the afternoon, when people were home eating dinner and winding down from work, they would be out in a thinner crowd of people shopping. It was the perfect excuse and a great cover. Heero would shop, Duo would lag behind, and while Heero was purchasing, Duo would slip a new bottle of pills right into his pocket.
It was only temporary after all, he'd finish recovering and then he'd give up the pills. He just had to get over this one hill. Duo hid it all behind his mask as he watched the cogs work in Heero's head.
"I don't mind." Heero had lost this round, whither he knew it or not.
Duo got his coat from Quatre; he'd had to talk his way out of that one too. Quatre wanted him to go in just a sweater, but sweaters didn't have collars, or over all of him completely. Duo had done a quick step around each barrier Quatre put up and finally got him to had over the black trench coat that he loved so. It had been cleaned, but it was deffinantly his coat. The edges frayed, stitched Duo had done by hand to the lining, a hidden pocket that still had a candy wrapper in it. Duo smiled to himself and knew he loved this coat for a reason.
Duo slipped it on over his shoulders right before they left. He ignored Quatre's concerned looks and followed Heero out the door. His nerves were taunt and strained and he was jumpy as all hell. But he had a perfect picture in his mind of Melinda, and he was sure he could find her again, if what Harmony45 said was true, which it usually was.
Duo climbed into the passenger seat of a SUV and Heero started it up when Duo buckled his sea belt. The car ride was silent, Duo was far too nervous to speak the words that were on his mind. He was racing around in his head faster than the speed of light. He saw hundreds of scenarios that could play out with one mistake; he could hear hundreds of conversations that he really hoped would never take place. He was worried that if he started talking out, the words in his head would form in his mouth on their own and everything would come spilling out. So Duo sat there staring out the window and Heero sat there concentrating on the road in front of him. They wound through the green hills in a dark atmosphere, but a nice light drizzle that promised more later, but not a real threat to their trip.
When they did arrive at the border of the town, Duo snapped out of his daze to look around and began to memorize all that he could see. The buildings were all two or three stores and all built into the sides of the hills. The valley they were nestled into was not too steep, but all the roads were driven into the sides of the hills and platforms of land were carved into small nestles of light. Duo watched as they drove past home, stores, a small park, a large gym that he suspected also held a pool. A resort and a convenience store; It was the last that interested him the most.
As they drove by and up into the parking lot of a garage with one open stall left, Duo saw a bright red convertible turned dark by the weather parked in front of the convenience store. Duo jumped out and followed Heero into the warmth of the garage office. Duo shook small rain droplets from his bangs and hiked up his collar till his face only showed unmarred skin. He looked around and found a tall man with a goatee and a messy ponytail of red hair. He had a jumpsuit tied off around his waist and a wife beater that was smeared to hell with grease.
"Hey, Heero!" The guy looked up from a computer with a plastic cover over the keys that made Duo cringe. "I got your parts!" They guy came out from behind the counter and shook Heero's hand. And Duo noticed for the first time, the fingernails of the two men matched. Both were grease stained black, permanently, the stains that were almost gone completely from Duo's hands that came form working with engines and machinery.
Duo stuffed his hands in his pockets; almost ashamed that he didn't have grime to match and then told himself he was being stupid. He followed behind Heero like a shadow as the tall man led Heero back into the closed off part of the garage and to a small stack of boxed.
"Just got them yesterday off the truck. Looks like everything made it this time." Heero looked down at the boxed and Duo could see him checking off a mental list and almost laughed out loud.
"Who're you?" The tall man suddenly had his eyes on Duo and the ex-solider froze. He saw the eyes try and see his face completely and searching for what he thought Duo was hiding, which wasn't what he was hiding at all.
"This is Duo, he's…" Duo cringed at Heero's hesitation. He would have to fill in the blank himself.
"Duo Maxwell, I'm an ex-solider, I fought with Heero in the war." Duo tried to make his voice sound like more than it was from behind the collar of his coat.
"You're…you're Maxwell?" The guy nearly stuttered at his name. Duo saw respect fill his eyes and hated it. He was being looked at like he was of the same caliber as Heero, which he wasn't. He didn't like that this guy had already put him on a pedestal before even having one conversation with him. He was used to having to earn respect, but that the moment, he wasn't really in the mood for those people that saw him as a war hero when he'd only ever been a terrorist. Sure, he'd been the kind of terrorist that saved people, but that was only recognized after the war was over.
"I'm Rivee." The name stumped Duo and he realized the guy was talking to him. "I run this garage, my wife works at the Fast Fix on the corner. Ember." He smiled wildly at Duo and held out his hand.
Heero looked to Duo, saw the fear that he was sure Rivee didn't see. He waited; he could still save this if Duo wouldn't-
Duo pulled his hand out of his pocket and shook Rivee's hand. He did it light and quick and then stuffed his hand back into his pocket and then looked to Heero. Heero took his cue and started talking to Rivee about the parts he'd received.
Duo had to play this part just right, he walked around, looked at everything he could, stretched his legs and even eventually took his hands out of his pocket to pick stuff up and look at it. He acted more and more relaxed, drowning out Heero's voice and examined tools with mild interest. He hoped Heero remembered how easily he got bored and made his move.
"Rivee?" Duo interrupted the man, but acted as if he was still distracted, turning his face to the open garage door that he was standing in front of.
"Yeah?" Rivee and Heero had looked up and over at him.
"Your wife carry those cupcakes with the cream filling?" Duo acted distracted as if he might leave without even hearing the answer. Let more of his face show as if he'd forgotten.
"Yeah. They get flown in." Rivee confirmed what Duo knew would probably be true.
"Heero?" Duo turned to him with a smile. He saw Heero's shoulders relax and felt a little pang of guilt, and then shoved it away.
"Hn." Heero replied to inform Duo he was listening.
"I'm going to go and get snacks. Quatre doesn't have nearly enough junk food in the house." Duo smiled bigger.
"You need money?" Heero asked, looking a little distracted and Duo knew he'd interrupted at just the right moment. Heero's mind was still on the parts.
"Naw, I got it." Duo gave him a small wave and strutted out into the rain. Duo hiked up his collar again and walked quickly to the Fast Fix. He blew into the doors and stopped, looking right up at his own face on video surveillance.
"Hi." The voice snapped him back as he turned to his left and meet bright green eyes. He widened his vision and saw a name tag that said Ember. She had long black hair pulled up into a ponytail and a gray button down shirt that hugged her figure and showed off just the barest hints of a tattoo on her right arm.
"Hi." Duo nodded to her and then looked around the store. He saw the coffee and started for it. It was steaming and the smell was that of fresh beans, not the stuff that was freeze-dried.
"You new in town or just passing through?" Ember asked him. She ignored her magazine open out in front of her on the counter and watched him pour coffee for himself.
"I'm new." Duo answered and then put a lid on the coffee and watched the steam float up through the little hole. "I just meet your husband. Rivee."
"Oh yeah, you up at the garage?" Ember smiled and Duo felt his heart stings strain. There was something in her smile that he envied, something he was jealous of completely.
"Yeah, Heero introduced me to him just a few minute ago." Duo took the chance that Heero and Rivee were good friends from the way they acted with each other.
"Oh yeah? You moved in with Heero and Quatre?" He was right.
"Yeah. Just got there a few days ago." Duo walked through the short isles and picked out snacks, chips, cupcakes, candy bars and some gum. He brought his stash up to the counter and leaned against it while Ember casually rung him up.
"They're good men. You a war hero too?" Ember asked, her eyes on the computer screen that Duo couldn't see.
"I've been called worse." Duo felt at ease with this woman, admired her wedding band with three small diamonds set into it.
"I remember you boys from the war, I lived because of you." Ember suddenly looked up at him and Duo was taken aback by the ferocity in her eyes. "You killed all of those men that day, those OZ soldiers. I was able to escape. I was very young, but I made it out while they fired at you."
Duo swallowed and felt as if all the water had been sucked out of his body. He wanted to look away, but couldn't break away from her eyes. Anxiety began to seep into his mind as she stared; she was looking at him for too long. He couldn't take it.
A lone ping sounded form the door and Melinda walked in just in time to save Duo from Ember, or the other way around. She looked them over, seeing Ember with dead eyes, and Duo with slight interest. She didn't seem to recognize him at all, but Duo saw the act for what it was. He was used to the little games that the dealers played. Her short hair bobbed around her neck and the black tear shone as night against her pale skin.
She had on a similar dress to the red one she'd worn that day, but this one was bright green and a little longer, but with slits. She swayed on heels and pulled energy drinks out of the back freezer. She came back up to the front just as Duo pulled out his money to pay Ember.
He saw Ember eyeing Melinda closely, suspiciously. Duo suspected that Ember knew exactly what Melinda was up too; she had certain knowledge in her eyes that betrayed her innocent expression. Ember handed Duo his change and then quickly rang up Melinda.
"Fourteen seventy-two." She told Melinda in a dull voice.
"Oh come on Ember, why can't we be friends? Everyone's got to make a living. Don't see why mine's no different than yours. Supply and demand you know." Melinda swept back her hair and flipped it in a way that Duo was sure to notice. She turned her eyes to Duo, "You wouldn't blame a girl for just trying making a living, would you?"
"Stay away fro him Melinda, he doesn't need what you're selling." Ember thrust change and receipt into Melinda's hand and put enough force behind it so that Melinda had to take a step back.
The door Pinged again and a guy walked in with a heavy brown coat. Ember tilted her head to the door, telling Melinda to get out silently.
"This is a public place of business, I can linger to trade friendly banter with other civilians if I want." Melinda barked at her, scooping up an energy drink and popping the top.
"Not if I say you don't!" Ember leaned far over he counter. "It's my business, and I have my rights too, the right to refuse you! You're lucky I haven't yet banned you from my store!"
Duo backed up a little, he could just see Ember launching herself over the counter at Melinda, and there was enough venom and malice in her voice to suggest that this vision wasn't too far off. He was stressed about how to get alone with Melinda, or close enough to make a quick trade off when he heard a familiar sound that made every muscle in his body come alive.
There was no mistaking the sound of a gun being cocked. Duo hated that sound, it was only for show anyway, no gun really needed to be cocked. It was just a way to get people's attention, and when that sound happened, people did pay attention.
The man in the brown jacket instantly had everyone's attention. He had pulled on an old baseball cap that was mostly faded so that the color was indistinct anymore. His sandy brown hair stuck out in strands that screamed unwashed. They were limp and thick strands that reached his neck and didn't really hide the needle marks there that were heavily bruised and swollen.
"Shit." Melinda cursed as she raised her hands up in the face of a loaded gun. Duo and Ember mimicked her. Ember's face set into a mask that Duo knew his own face had. Emotionless and set.
"Give them to me Melinda, everythin' ya got!" His hands shook visibly and his voce was strained and hoarse. "And you, everthin' outta the register!" He motioned at Ember with his gun.
"Eve thing's in my car honey, just come outside with me and I'll give you my whole inventory." Melinda voice was coated with honey fresh form the bees and her hips moved as she put weight onto her right leg. Duo could only guess what this guy saw when she did that.
"N-No! You got something on ya! I know you, I know you!" They guy wiped sweat from his face.
"He's right about that." Ember scoffed, she hadn't moved. "Come on Cody, drop the mugger act, we know it's you, no use in hiding that."
"No! You hold still!"
"I haven't moved!"
"So don't!" Cody waved his gun from Melinda to Ember, to Melinda, to Duo.
"You won't be getting out of her alive if you don't put that gun down Cody." Ember put emphasis into her words and especially on the word 'down'. "My husband's expecting me home soon, and the police are just down the street now, they usually come in for coffee just about now. I always put on a fresh pot for them before I close." Ember glared at the Cody.
"Just give me the money!" Cody screamed at her, she jumped slightly and then gave a loud and exasperated sigh and put down her hand to the keys on the register.
"All right already, just hold on." Ember took her gaze form Cody to the register, but as she did, she raked her eyes across Duo and they flashed bright green.
Duo made a split second decision, he could wait for the cops or for Heero and Rivee, and he knew Ember was telling the truth on both accounts, or he could do something stupid.
Stupid won out. Duo pitched forward, he shoved against the floor and launched his body at Melinda and used her to swing his legs around. As they went down his foot kicked in Cody's knee cap and bullets hit the floor where Duo had been, on of the back freezers and then twice into the ceiling. Melinda screamed and Duo saw Ember vault over the counter, she went into a roll and came up kneeling in front of Cody with a rifle to his chin. He had been yelling about the pain, but was now wholly focused on not getting his head shot off. Ember cursed at him and adjusted until she was in a steady position to remain on him for hours.
"You two ok?" Ember asked, not looking away from Cody. Duo hadn't realized how skilled she was, he suspected that from her little encounter with Gundam pilots she'd then learned to defend herself properly, so it never happened again.
"I'm ok," Duo confirmed and then turned to Melinda. She looked a little shocked, but adjusted her skirt and stood up.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Melinda ran her nails through her hair. Duo was bout to ask Ember whom he could call when sirens broke the rest of the quiet town.
"Told you they weren't far off." Ember scoffed at Cody, his eyes got shifty and wild, Duo took three easy strides and was at the doors, blocking his escape as the squad cars finally pulled into the parking lot.
The cops came in, took Cody kicking and screaming into custody. Melinda stood close to Duo and Ember waited a few feet off.
"Ah, here's Rivee and Duo." Ember said and Duo felt a hip thrust into him.
"Thank you so much for saving me! I was so scared!" Melinda slipped her arm around Duo's hips and squeezed.
"Get off of him Melinda!" Ember strode over and began to swat at Melinda who just laughed at the shorter girl. Just before she separated herself from him, Duo felt expert hands slip into his pocket, take something and then deposit something.
"Call me?" Melinda winked at him while Ember strove to get between them.
"No he won't!" Ember snapped. "Now go talk to the nice police man about that stash in your car!"
"Duo?" Heero's voice made Duo look around, even as he took the pill bottle from his pocket and moved it so that it was hidden among the lining of the hidden pocket. "Duo! Are you ok?" Heero grabbed Duo's arms and stared at him in earnest.
"Yeah Heero, it's ok. I'm ok." Duo smiled at him, reassuringly, or manically, he wasn't sure at this point, adrenaline was still pumping his heart.
He saw Rivee and Ember meet in an embrace that meshed Gray and white together till Duo could barely see Ember anymore.
"That's my girl!" Rivee laughed. Duo smiled at them, Ember's ruffled hair and small arms were just about all he could see of her.
"You shoulda see the roll Rivee, it was beautiful, let me get the security tape!" Ember giggled and broke away from him.
"We'll need to stay for questioning." Heero said to Duo who turned his attention back to the worried face. " Are you ok?" Duo interpreted the deeper meaning behind those words. Was he ok to stay and have people questioning him and staring at him and expecting explanations.
"Yeah." Duo admitted after some thought. "I'm ok."
"I was lying, obviously!" Melinda's voice broke the privacy of their conversation. "I just told him what he wanted to hear, try and get him to calm down. Did you see the boys neck?" Melinda was standing a little away from her car as officers searched the interior lining.
"Come on Melinda, everyone know what you do!" Ember shouted at her.
"Oh, very funny!" Melinda stuck her tongue out at Ember.
"Who is that?" Heero asked, sticking close to Duo's side.
"Local drug dealer." Rivee answered. "It's a small town, everyone knows. The only reason she's not been shipped out of here, is that they've never caught her with a thing on her. I think it's all done via Internet. Whatever she does, wherever she hides it, she's good."
"She sells drugs?" Duo asked. He pretended to look her over. "Where would she carry them?" He asked as if astounded.
"I know huh." Rivee gave a sharp laugh. "She always dresses that way too. Wasn't a time I don't remember her like this." Ember elbowed him and then was taken aside for questioning but a cop she seemed to know.
"A dealer…" Heero whispered it so that Duo almost didn't hear, and he pretended not too.
"Maybe she's wearing a wig." Duo suggested, knowing full well where the last of her stash for the night was.
Heero looked at him, shrugged and grabbed his unspilled coffee from its spot on the counter and handed it to him. "Hopefully we won't get caught in a storm on the way back. This could take a while."
"Yeah," Duo yawned after he took a sip of coffee. "And I'm getting tired." Duo looked away from Heero, he could feel searching eyes on him. He knew Heero was worried, probably angry too, and Heero was always best at putting clues together. But he wouldn't see this, he just couldn't. Duo hugged himself with once arm and stared at the ground. He'd gotten the pills, they were in his pocket now, and all he had to do was get them back safely. He wouldn't need anymore, he was sure of it.