I Chapter One I
Brian's POV
Every night, he comes home. And every night, right before going to bed, he goes into the bathroom, locks the door, and stays in there for like a split second before coming out. And every morning, he does the same thing. It's like a fucking routine. So, is it a sin that I let my curiosity get the better of me?
Brian Kinney...Curious...? Not exactly a word you'd describe me as. But, I just couldn't fucking remain blind on this one. So, I took it upon myself to follow him to the door right after he closed it and listen to whatever the fuck he does in there one night.
As I leant on the wall and listened, all I could hear was a bottle rattling with pills and a hard gulp. Then, I took a casual step back as Justin unlocked the door and went straight for the bed, not even noticing me. I raised an eyebrow, but asked no questions. That's just not my style. Whatever he's doing is fine with me. If it's illegal, fuck...I'd be a hypocrite if I were to confront him on such a thing. Which is why I lay low and just forget it all. But every night and every morning anew just tickles my curiosity even further. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to ignore it.
His mood seems to have changed a bit, I noticed. He's a bit more moody and anxious...as though he'd hiding something, which makes me suspicious. He's out while I'm at work, but I don't know where. Classes or work, maybe? But, not all the time. This has been going on for about three months. And every month, on the 23rd, he comes home at specifically 1:02 in the morning with a small bag of god-know's-what and tries to hide it from my eyes. Does he really think I'm that blind? Christ.
But, I don't ask him anything.
I never ask him anything. What good will it do? He'll just roll his eyes and say it's nothing and that I'm overreacting. Then, I'd yell at him or pin him in a corner and try to get him to talk because whence I start something I finish it no matter what it takes. And then he'd give me that look that tells me to stop acting so radical and that he's totally fine even though I can distinctly tell he's not. He does that a lot when he's either stressed or just getting over one of his panic attacks. He tells me in the most gentle and mature way known to man to just fuck off. I normally do when it gets to that point. And I fucking hate that.
Which is why I don't ever question him...or anybody, for that matter.
But, tonight is different. Tonight is the 23rd of October and it's 1:01am. Tonight, my curiosity ends and so does all this bullshit he's been pulling on me. I sit on the floor taking a drag on the cigarette between my fingers. As I let smoke flow from my mouth, the clock strikes 1:02 and in walks Justin, holding that little bag between his left fist. But, there's a twist tonight, it seems.
I had this all fucking planned out. The second he walked in, I would take him down with words. I'd tell him to stop and come the fuck over here so I could see what the hell he brings home every 23rd of the month. But, when I saw him, he had something else under his arm. Two white slabs of hand-done small-scale artwork. And everything I had planned subsided into pure shock.
Justin doesn't do small scale anymore. Not after the bashing. What the fuck? That can't be Justin's work...It just can't!
But, when he puts the bag down and the two peices, I see him grab onto his right hand as his face contorts in pain.
I take a drag on the cigarette. Well, this is definitely fucked.
"Hey," I finally say something. He jumps as though I shouldn't be in my own damn loft at this hour of night. He probably thought I was sleeping. Justin turns to look at me and gives a weak smile.
"Hey," He returns lightly, dropping his hands to his sides in an attempt to give me no reason to confront him any further. But, I've already seen quite enough to have more than a few reasons to confront him now. I'm not fucking backing down. I'm no fucking pussy- I think everyone in Pittsburgh knows that. "What?" He asks innocently, his smile dropping as I get to my feet and walk to him. When I reach out to pull him to me, he takes a step back as though he's scared of me. I want to laugh that bittersweet chuckle that tells him I'm highly amused by this, but keep that to myself.
"Can't I give you a fucking hug?" I scoff. He averts his eyes as though I'm the fucking plague in human form.
"Sorry," He mumbles. Tch. As if that's any comfort.
"Well? Can't I?" I ask even though I don't really want to know. I'm just biding my time to think of something to say that'll make him tell me everything with no questions asked. We both fucked my other plan up.
He looks up at me for a second, then comes at me for a hug. I just got a new plan. One that doesn't need words.
Right before he hugs me, I stop him by grabbing him by the wrist and holding his limp hand up between us. I don't say anything, but merely raise an eyebrow at him. When our eyes meet, they lock. And neither of us says anything for some time.
"Well?" I prod, stretching the word a bit in a throaty tone that tells him I'm getting impatient with his silence. It hasn't been that long, but it doesn't take long at all to get me to lose my patience with someone. He sighs.
"It's nothing. You're overreacting," He says, shaking his head. I knew it. I fucking knew it. That was the denial. Now comes...
"Fuck, Justin, I'm not overreacting! What the hell're you hiding!?" The yelling. Then...
"Nothing! I'm fine... would you please stop acting so radical and just drop this? I'm fine, Brian, really. I'm not hiding anything from you." The 'telling-Brian-to-fuck-off-in-the-maturist-way-known-to-man' bit. Fuck. This's where I normally back down. This's where I always back down. But, not tonight.
As he yanks his wrist from my grasp, he heads around me to bed. But, I don't let him and stand directly in front of him. He gives me a look of disbeleif and steps to the right to go around me. I step to the right, too. He gives me a slight glare. His temper is rising. He steps to the left this time. I mimic him once more.
"Fuck, Brian, would you just leave me the hell alone? I told you I'm fine!" He's pissed. "Don't you trust me?" Oh, shit...Now he's fucking gonna try to send me on a guilt trip? Well, sorry, Sunshine, but it's not gonna happen. Ever.
"No." I say apathetically as I block him yet again as he tries to go around me from the right again. Why lie? I don't fucking trust him. Especially when he's acting like this. We're now locked in a waltz to the rhythm of our own aggravated emotions. He steps left, I step left. He steps right, I step right. He's not getting past me.
"Brian!" He hisses. I can tell he's getting fed up with this. Well, hate to break it to you, but I am too.
"Yes?" I ask, as though I don't understand why he just yelled at me. I'm not smiling, but my tone is drizzling with sarcastic enjoyment. That just pisses him off even more.
"I said I'm fine," He growls through clenched teeth, glaring at me directly. This's what I mean about him being moody and anxious. He normally would be more mature about this. What the fuck's going on?
"No. You're not," I say simply. He looks at me, I look right back at him. We stay silent for about a full minute, neither of us blinking or looking away even once. Then, Justin breaks our locked gaze and makes a dash around me. He's quick, but not quick enough. I snag him around the belly and pull him back to me. "Wanna try that again?" I ask, my tone coming from sickeningly sweet to aggravatingly annoyed.
This isn't the Justin I know and love.
Justin's POV
He's got me pinned. I hate it when he does this to me... It just shows he doesn't trust me! And that makes me just want to curl up and cry. I feel his grip tighten around me. He know's something's up. I know something's up. But...why provoke this any further?
"Brian, please..." I beg, not struggling at all. I hear my words come out more desperate than I thought. It doesn't surprise me, though. I tried forcing my way away from him. That obviously didn't work out. I figure that, logically, if I try a few other ways, he might just give in. "Brian..." I whimper.
"I don't have any fucking sympathy for you, so quit it," I hear him say in an undertone. He's not angry...he's just tired of this. Maybe he knew something was up sooner than tonight? Well, whatever it may be, I'm not ready to tell him.
"Please, Brian. I told you I'm fine. And I honestly am! It's just been a slightly stressful week, that's all. Why don't we go to bed..." I'm trying everything. Though that wasn't a total lie, it was a total understatement. Stressful week? Try stressful life... "Please."
He seems to be contemplating it. This might actually work. Maybe... I see him sigh and shake his head.
"Tell me why you drew those." Brian demands, eyes closed in agony. I'm almost confused, but then realize he's talking about the two small scale's I did. If I told him the real reason, he'd completely freak on me and I know it, even if his form of "freaking" wouldn't be like anyone elses. No, Brian has his own way of freaking out. And, in my opinion, not being able to tell what someone's thinking or feeling is a lot scarier than the yelling and screaming most people would do. Sometimes, I actually find myself wishing Brian could just be more like normal people. It'd be so much easier to read him.
"I just felt like it," I lie to him. He cocks an eyebrow.
"You haven't done that kind of work in years," He whispers, pulling me closer to him and whispering in my ear. I try to push back from him, but he keeps me pressed to his body. I can hear his heart beating and I feel my breath slow. I'm nervous and I know it. "Tell me the truth," He whispers. I feel his grip tighten around me. He can tell I just tensed.
"I-..." My words fade. I start to shake. Fuck... This's bad. "Brian, I'm fine," I protest unconvincingly. My voice broke midway. His grip tightens even more, helping me to slow my shivering. I want to lean into him. I want to feel comforted by him more than ever before. But, I don't.
To my surprise, I feel Brian let me go. He doesn't say anything...he doesn't look at me. He just walks around me and goes to the bed, as though nothing just happens. I stand there, blinking in pure confusion. I don't understand... Why didn't he press the questioning? No...the real question is why do I suddenly feel guilty?
"Coming?" I hear his voice from the bed, but I don't look at him.
"..."
"Justin?" When I don't answer him, I hear him sigh and the bed move while he situates himself into a sleeping position.
He's given up...for tonight.
Michael's POV
"Yo, Mikey."
I turn towards the casual voice after the bell to the shop sings it's tune with the door closing. I expect to see him smirking at me as usual, but he's not. Only a friend who's known him as long as I have would be able to see beneath the front he's put up. There's something wrong. I can sense it. But, I know no one else probably notices it.
"Hey," I say, giving a weak smile over the counter. He looks around as though he's actually looking for something. I think sometimes he knows that I know there's something wrong, but he wants me to say something so he can deny it and act...well...like Brian Kinney would act. My smile fades as his eyes suddenly drift to mine, expecting me to ask him what's wrong. I don't think he realizes he does that. Nevertheless, I play along. "Brian? You alright?" I ask after a bit of silence. He looks at me with that fake 'I-never-expected-you-to-ask-me-something-like-that' stare and leans on the counter. He sighs and scoffs a sarcastic laugh in spite of himself.
"Alright? Yeah, just fucking peachy," Every syllable just drips with sarcasm. Then, his voice drops back to normal. "Fuck, Mikey...Something's fucking wrong with fucking Justin..."
Excessive use of the word 'fuck'- one of the many signs there's something desperately wrong, even if Brian won't admit it to be that big of a problem. He never admits anything to be a big problem.
"Justin? What's going on? You two have a fight?" I ask. He shakes his head.
"No...well...kind of..." He sighs in aggravation and looks right at me. "I think Justin's on drugs."
"What!?" Okay, that was...wow. Really not what I was expecting. I thought, as usual, this would be all Brian's fault. But, my God... "Brian, why the hell would you think-"
"Because of how he's been fucking acting."
I just stare at him in disbeleif. I can't believe what I'm hearing. 'Justin' and 'drugs' just don't go together. But, before I can ask anything else, I hear Brian mumble something about Lindsay and walk towards the door. Which was when I closed up early and ran straight over to the Diner's.
Debbie's POV
"Hey, Sweety," I chime as I see my son waltz through the doors. Somethings off as he smiles to me. "Alright, what's wrong?" I ask directly, coming around the counter. His brow furrows above his smile.
"Wrong?" He asks, as though he thinks I don't know. I take his face in my hands and give him a good slap on the cheek.
"I know when something's wrong with my son and don't think I don't. Now, you're gonna tell me what's wrong." I demand.
"Where's Justin?" He asks me innocently after sighing impatiently.
"Jesus, would you quit avoiding the question?" I ask. When he doesn't answer, I roll my eyes and release him. "Back there," I say, pointing not far behind the counter.
Michael's POV
I feel my mom let me go and walk around behind her, looking to where she had just pointed. I see a head of blonde pop around the corner, looking perfectly normal.
"Justin," I call, sounding a bit different than myself. He looks over and, when he sees me, flashes a smile and continues towards the cash register. I follow him from the other side of the counter. "Do you have a minute?" I ask.
He looks up to me as though I had just asked him to have sex with me. His brow furrows, but he goes right back to work.
"Sorry, Michael, but I've got a lot to-"
"Just for a second," I plead. He looks back to me again. His crystal blue eyes search me up and down. He looks a bit apprehensive. Then again, me and Justin don't really "click" like a condom and a penis, if you catch my drift. He sighs and shrugs.
"Alright..." He says slowly, putting down everything and coming to me. "What?" He asks, trying to hide his apathetic tone. I roll my eyes.
"Look. I just want an honest answer from you. It'll only take a second. But, you've gotta promise me you're gonna tell me the truth," I say. I know it won't help if he really is on some kind of drug, but it just gives me a bit of reassurance. His brow furrows once more.
"Uh, okay...I guess," He says, shrugging once more. I take a deep breath and gain my confidence.
"Are you on drugs?" I ask straight out. His mouth drops wide open. He gives me the biggest look of disbeleif I've ever seen.
"Excuse me?" He asks, laughing. "Drugs? Michael, where the hell did you hear that?" He asks me. I debate for a second whether I should tell him the truth or not. I realize, though, that if I lie here, it could screw everything up.
"Brian," I answer. His laughing stops and his smile drops.
"Brian?" He asks me surprisedly. I nod.
"Yeah. He thinks you're on drugs."
His brow furrows for the third time today. He looks like he can't believe what he's hearing. Maybe Brian was wrong...Then again, maybe Justin's just acting. But, this really doesn't look like acting. I may not get along with Justin as well as the next guy, but I know him well enough to get a good idea of when he's lieing and when he's not. And, right now, he looks like he's not.
"Justin, wait!" I call suddenly, noticing for the first time that he's headed around the counter and for the door. I hear my mom call 'Sunshine?' in a confused voice and that's when he walks right out on the job.
"What the hell just happened!?" Mom asks. I shake my head. Looks like I'll have to explain everything to her...Great.
Justin's POV
I can't believe Brian would think something like that! I honestly can't even imagine why! Do I look like the kind of person who'd be an addict? Christ, what the hell's gotten into him?
"Brian!" I call as I approach the door. My tone sounds a bit more pissed than I imagined it sounding, but I don't take any more notice than that. "Brian!" I demand again as I pull on the handle. The door slides to the right and I walk inside, not even shutting it behind me. "Hey!" I yell, looking around for him. To my surprise, he's not here. But, where the hell could he be? Perfect. Just fucking perfect.
Lindsay's POV
I hear the doorbell ring and giggle into Mel's stomach, which I've been massaging with my tongue. She smiles at me and whisper's 'I'll get it' in my ear. So, I roll off her and onto the fluffy bed, watching as she pulls a bathrobe over herself. I love watching her dress and undress. There's just something sexy about it that I just can never put my finger on. She gives me a wink before walking out of the bedroom and down the stairs to the door. I relax and wait.
"Linds!" I hear from downstairs. Mel sounds slightly pissed. I have a feeling it must be Brian, so I sigh and pull a bathrobe around myself and come downstairs. Sure enough, Brian's standing in the doorway. Mel immediately goes into the living room to leave us alone.
"Hello," I greet, wondering why he's here.
"Hey," He responds, closing the front door behind him. It looks like he's not going to tell me why he's here after all...
"What's the occasion?" I ask, laughing. Whenever I get done playing with Melanie, it just puts me in a lighthearted mood. I can't help it. He rolls his eyes.
"You two having fun up there?" He asks in a low tone, looking up the stairs. I smile and give him that fake 'I-am-so-offended!' tone when I answer.
"Oh, would you quit interfereing with our personal lives?" I laugh.
"PLEASE!" I hear Mel growl from the living room. Brian and I both roll our eyes. I don't think she'll ever get over that.
"So, really..." I start again. "What're you here for?" I see him sigh and shrug.
"Just thought I'd drop by," He says in that mellow tone that tells me he's not here for a pleasure visit no matter what he said.
"What's wrong?" I ask, adding concern into my voice. He gives me this look of disbeleif.
"Why the hell does every-fucking-body think there's something wrong?" He asks me, sounding a bit tweeked. I wince at his sharp tone.
"I'm sorry," I say. "I just thought-"
"Well, you thought wrong," He says. That's when I know something's up. I also know he definitely doesn't want to talk about it.
"Okay," I respond in a small voice. It's quiet for a little bit. I'm still curious as to why he's here, but I don't want to provoke him any further. After a bit, he shakes his head, pokes his tongue into his cheek, and rumages in his coat pocket for something. I stare as he pulls a peice of paper out, suddenly realizing it's that time of month.
"Here," He says in a whisper as to not let Melanie hear. I look at the paper. It's a check- for $1,000. I shake my head.
"I don't need it this time," I say. Now that Mel and I have a healthy income we don't need his "secret" help anymore. "You don't need to help us out anymore." He doesn't push the issue and, like the selfish bastard he is, rips the check up and looks at me.
"Alright. If that's what you want," He says. I nod and kiss him on the cheek.
"That's what I want," I whisper lovingly.
"Ahem," I hear and look over to see Melanie leaning on the frame of the arch to our living room. I smile at her and she shakes her head.
"I'll just be going then," Brian says nonchalantly, and turns to open the door. Right as the knob turns and door swings open, a fist that was going to be knocking on the wood of the door comes to knock on Brian's chest.
I look around Brian to see who it is and recognize that blonde hair immediately.
Justin.
Brian's POV
Fuck. He found me...
"Well, if you just stand there I have no way of getting home," I say, implying that he's in my way.
"Drugs?" He asks me right away, eyes locked on mine in a pertubed fury. I raise an eyebrow.
"Drugs?" I repeat.
"You know what the fuck I'm talking about!" He scoffs angrily. I really don't...
"No...I don't," I say truthfully. He looks like he's about to fucking cry, but is too angry to do it.
"Brian, you told Michael I was on drugs!" He screams at me. Oh, shit. I forgot to tell Mikey not to tell Justin. Fuck.
"No, I told him that I thought you were on drugs," I correct. I feel Lindsay and Melanie breathing down my neck.
"You thought what!? You asshole!" Melanie explodes. I try to explain, but Lindsay cuts me off.
"Why the hell would you think that?" She says in that accusing motherly tone. I sigh. I know they're not done, but I'm not gonna let them continue.
"Alright, alright, enough!" I yell, stopping everyone. They all get quiet. I turn to Mel and Linds. "This's our problem. Fuck off." I tell them, turning back to Justin and pushing him backwards out the door frame and slamming the door shut in both of their faces. I know they won't come after us, but the next time I see them things are going to be testy. However, right now, I don't care. I push Justin up against the side of the house. He's still glaring at me, trying to hold back tears. "What? If you wanna cry, then fucking cry," I tell him, not dropping the gaze. He shakes his head.
"Fuck, Brian, just tell me why you'd think that," He says, his voice no longer flowing with anger, but with weakness. I sigh in aggravation.
"I heard you," I say, not explaining myself. I know he won't understand. When his brow furrows, I roll my eyes. "If you're not on drugs, then what kind of pills are you taking every fucking morning and every fucking night?" I immediately feel his body tense and I know now that he didn't know I knew. His glare that turned to a look of concern turns now to a look of defeat. He purses his lips. He won't tell me. "Justin?" I ask. He pulls away from my grip, but I don't pursue him. I know he's not going to run away from me. He stops a little way from me, but doesn't turn back.
"It's nothing," He says.
"Bullshit," I growl, walking towards him. I hear him sigh. He's definitely aggravated.
"It's a perscription drug, there's nothing to worry about, alright?" He says in a small voice. I stop.
"A perscription drug?" I ask, surprised. The only perscription drugs he's on is those pain killers for his hand. But, this's new. When he says nothing, I narrow my eyes and fill the gap with my own voice. "What kind of perscription drugs?" I ask suspiciously. He turns to me and I can see he's getting impatient.
"The kind that the doctors give you," He says sarcastically. "Geez, Brian, would you just lay off it?" He asks. I look at him incredulously.
"No, I will not. Now tell me what kind, dammit," I hiss. He shakes his head and turns to go. I'm quicker than that and grab him by the wrist, squeezing. I see him wince and let up slightly.
"Let me go," He growls, turned away from me once more. I roll my eyes.
"Tell me what kind of perscription drug and I'll let you go. Okay?" I try to compromise.
It's silent for near to a full minute. But, I don't push the answer. I know he needs time.
"Let me go and I'll tell you," He asks silently. I think about this for a moment. When I realize he's not going to tell me unless I do, I let his wrist drop.
"Alright. You're free. Now fucking tell me," I demand. I see a shiver go down his spine and can just feel him gulp. "Well?" I pursue.
He doesn't say anything for a second. I take a step towards him, ready to grab him if he tries to run. But, he doesn't. I wouldn't have been able to grab him anyways. The answer he gave me shocked me enough to make my entire body freeze.
"Anti-depressants."
- TBC (To Be Continued) -