Disclaimer: so do not own Gundam Wing…wouldn't that be great though? But I just write fan fiction…very self-explanatory title: Fan Fiction.
Wow, I never thought the fic would live to be this long! Here we go with another chapter, my hours at work got cut back so I thought I'd do another chapter; Very random thing. That and it's two in the morning! Reviews please!
Scars
Part thirteen: Screaming
"Get Out!" Duo screamed and threw the alarm clock on his bedside table at Quatre who closed the door just in time! "Get Out and Stay Out!"
Duo backed himself up into the corner of the room. He'd thrown off all his cloths by then except a pair of black shorts. He was too hot, too cold, and too angry to care. Duo slid down the wall and clutched his knees to his chest, holding on as tight as he could. His fingernails bit into his skin and blood oozed out. He had other scratches, nothings serious, but between the dried blood and the red welts on his arms, legs, back, stomach and chest he looked like he'd been dragged across a bed of barbed wire. He was also running out of room while trying to hold on to enough of his sanity to keep from going over a scratch more than once.
Fear kept him from going deep enough to scar himself again, but the withdrawal kept his hands clawing for something to hold onto. Duo shivered and wiped the sweat from his face with abrupt and fierce movements. He pushed his bangs away from his face in anger and shoved his back against the wall, hard.
Duo felt the bruises already there sting and felt new ones blossoming against his spine and rib cage. He was getting thinner, thinner than he had been when he'd been closed up in his apartment by the sea. Gods, how he missed the sea!
Duo ignored the knocking at his door, it wasn't locked, but Quatre had stopped coming in uninvited. Duo had kicked out the servants first; he couldn't stand their faces. And they never brought him what he really wanted, just food, fresh blankets, ice packs and hot water bottles. Duo rocked a little, the pain was mounting, the shaking wouldn't stop, and another wave was coming.
Duo had started to ask Quatre for more pills the day after he'd kicked out all the servants and enforced that by biting one of them. The painkillers were taking the edge off his constant headache, but they were doing little else.
"Duo, you shouldn't have bit Gill, he was only bringing you jello." Quatre adjusted his blankets to try and help Duo stop shivering.
"Hey Quatre, if I tell you how, will you get me something?" Duo asked, trying to act casual about it, but failing to keep the desperation from his voice.
"What is it Duo?" Quatre asked, looking at him in surprise, Duo hadn't asked for anything since he'd gotten back from the hospital three days ago.
"I need you to turn on my computer, I'll tell you the passwords and how to find the page I want." Quatre started to walk over to his desk but stopped halfway there and turned to Duo in horror.
"Duo…" Quatre looked so sad. It made Duo angry.
"Come on Quat, don't look at me like that, it's not what you think." Duo tried to hide his anger, shoved it away from him and smiled.
"Then what is it Duo." Quatre asked, his face going serious.
"Look, I'll only buy half a bottle, I can go on it again to stop all this shit while the doctors analyze the contents of the pills and-WHAT?" Duo yelled as Quatre closed his eyes and slowly shook his head.
"Duo, the doctors have already seen the pills," Duo gripped the pillow he was laying on; he could feel his hand through the stuffing, ripping at the cover and casing. "The only way to quit is to go cold turkey, they can't help you bypass this. They're a long way from even creating a cure for some of its side effects."
"Bull Shit!" Duo cursed at him. "Side effects…is that what these are, Fucking Side Effects?" Duo threw his pillow across the room and hit the desk behind Quatre who jumped in surprise.
"Duo, calm down, I'll go get-" Quatre started for the door.
"No, you get back here and get me those pills!" Duo started to get out of bed.
"Duo Stop!" Quatre rushed back and tried to force Duo back down into the bed.
"Let go Quatre!" Duo shoved at him, but his arms wouldn't work the way that he wanted them to, he was clumsy and half his strength was just gone.
"Duo, just wait. Wait, Heero will be back soon." Quatre got him to sit on the bed.
"Shut Up!" Duo rolled back over the bed, kicking Quatre in the process. "I don't need Heero, I just need those pills!" Duo cowered on the floor.
"Duo?" Quatre walked slowly around the bed, rubbing his chin.
"I'm sorry!" Duo sobbed. "I'm sorry, please, just one more. It's all I need, then I'll stop, I promise."
"Oh, Duo." Quatre's hands quivered in the air just above Duo's back.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to kick you, didn't mean to yell." Duo looked up at him pleadingly with tears fresh in his eyes and spilling down his cheeks. "Please, I can't eat, I'm not even hungry. Can't sleep, can't sit still! I'm so cold Quatre!"
"Duo, please, just get back into bed, I'll bring you more blankets." Quatre tried to coax him back into the bed.
"NO!" Duo screamed and bucked away from Quatre's hands. "Don't touch me!" Quatre stumbled back and hit the wall.
"I'll get them myself!" Duo crashed past him and tried to get to his laptop.
"Duo!" Quatre darted ahead of him and grabbed the laptop, ignoring the snap of wires and the clatter of the Rank.
"Hand it over Quatre." Duo said in a dangerously low voice that made Quatre fear him more.
"I'm sorry Duo, I'll give it back when Heero comes back." Quatre promised and ran from the room, shutting and locking the door behind him. He heard Duo crash into the door behind him and scream. Quatre cringed and cried as Duo beat the door with his fists, kicked it and slammed his shoulder into it again and again. He put the computer in his own room and collapsed in his chair, he held his face in his hands and sobbed.
"Trowa…"
Duo had stopped letting anyone past the doorframe after that, he threw things at any face that peeked in on him. He'd tried to get out the windows a few times, but Gill had showed up and nailed them shut. Duo had spent hours trying to open them till some of his fingernails ripped off and his skin bleed raw.
Duo didn't try his door, he knew there were people on the other side, even a few doctors had showed up, but Duo had nearly chocked one to death and that was the end of those visits. He'd heard Quatre order everyone to stay out till Heero could get back, and Duo had cried silently in a corner. Duo had started to lose track of the days and how often he slept. He refused food all together and drank water when he could keep it down from the sink in his bathroom.
Duo passed out from time to time and that only deteriorated his sense of time further as day and night blended together. He just tried to stop shaking and burrowed under a blanket when he got too cold to stand it any longer, but that never really helped.
Duo screamed, he screamed when he was hungry and knew he couldn't eat food, screamed when his stomach rejected water and his thirst grew stronger, he screamed when the windows wouldn't open and his computer was still gone. But more than that, Duo screamed each time he woke and Heero was not there.
Heero sat as still as he could in the helicopter, waiting for it to take off. His shoulder was wrapped from the knife would and graze from bullets on his legs bit under his pants, but he was ready to get out and run all the way back to Duo if he had too. Trowa finally climbed in after saying his goodbye to Wu Fei and signaled the pilot to take off.
Their mission had not gone smoothly. The warehouses had been stock full of weapons, stolen, developed, black market and prototypes. Scrap had been just what Duo had predicted, kids. They were young men and women who had retaliated with force when they'd realized the troops had infiltrated their base. The fight had quickly gone from long range to hand to hand combat when Scrap had been isolated to one warehouse and some of their prototype weapons had faltered in their hands. For a while it had looked like Wu Fei's team would be victorious and then a young boy had found a crate full of black market guns.
Heero had been hit in the shoulder form an earlier conflict and was slow to move from his position when the gun swung around the hit him. Trowa had grabbed him and hauled him along as they ran for better cover, but both men had been grazed by a rain of bullets aimed for their legs.
It wasn't until Wu Fei got some men round to flank Scrap that the kids ran out of ammo and surrendered in fear. Duo and Trowa as well as most of the troop were flown to a hospital and Heero had cursed his every moment there as a waste when none of his wounds were serious. Trowa and Wu Fei had tried to calm him down but Heero still refused to lay there quietly while waiting for the doctors to release him.
Wu Fei had distracted him a little with reports for Scrap and some reports from his other cases, But Heero's mind was never far from Duo. He tried to call a couple of times, but several times no one picked up the phones, which almost had Heero jumping out the window, but then there were a few times when a man or woman would answer, give him the roundabout about a bad time and hang up before he even said his name.
Heero was sure that he was going mad, he could swear he could hear Duo yelling at him for leaving him all alone, it was a near constant guilt trip that made him itchy to move. Heero probably would have paced the room had an IV not tied him down and had his shoulder not ached so.
When the doctor finally gave him the release papers to sign, Heero stumbled out of bed and ran into Wu Fei on the way out.
"I knew you would be in a hurry to return to…your home." Wu Fei said, infuriating Heero with another obstacle between him and Duo and he barely restrained himself from making Wu Fei get out of his way. "A transport is waiting for you."
Heero could barely believe his ears as Trowa trotted up behind him. "This way." Wu Fei led them to a car that sped off to a helicopter pad.
"Thank you Wu Fei." Heero swallowed hard and kept his head down, knotting his fingers painfully in an attempt not to yell at Wu Fei to drive faster. This had been exactly how he'd gotten slashed in the first place; his mind would not stay focused while the rest of him yearned to fly to Duo's side.
"You helped me first." Heero wasn't sure but he thought he heard a bite to that 'helped' but let it go, Wu Fei was helping him get to Duo. "You will tell Maxwell that I will be visiting soon and I expect to see him healthy and I don't want to hear any whining."
Heero nodded and leapt from the car and ducked towards the helicopter. Trowa turned to Wu Fei a little slower on his feet, "We'll check in once we reach Quatre's mansion."
Wu Fei nodded and stood back while Trowa got in the helicopter and they took off into the air in a steady arch up. Heero watched Wu Fei shrink and get left behind as they started the flight back home. Heero found his fingers in anxious knots again as he fought to sit still. Trowa spoke calmly across the headsets.
"I'm sure you've no reason to worry. Quatre has everything under control, ETA is two hours." Heero nodded silently, mentally berating Trowa's tranquil manner. He watched out the window for the mansion to come into sight thought it was still miles and miles away.
Duo screamed again, he slammed into the door, trying to threaten Quatre into giving him his laptop back, but it wasn't working. What he needed was a weapon! Duo searched around the room for a weapon, anything he could use to get his laptop back. Briefly a thought flicked across his mind, a joke. Here he was fighting tooth and nail for his laptop back when Heero was the one who was obsessed with the small computers. Duo felt a twinge and as soon as it popped into his head, it left and he was in his closet.
Duo ripped down cloths and grabbed a hanger swinging off the wooden rod suspended there. He bent the wire, snarled in frustration when it didn't shape itself to his will automatically, but he kept at it and stretched out it's shape till he had a long wire with the hook still set in the end.
Duo twitched and tried to still his shaking hands, he went back to the door and silently crouched down next to it. He was poised there for some time, but his training kept him from moving, even under the strain of his withdrawal. He waited and was rewarded, when the silence had gone on for a while Quatre got worried and opened the door to look in.
Duo lunged at him and raked his weapon across Quatre's arm that held the door open. Shouts broke out and Quatre automatically put up his arms to protect himself as Duo attacked again. Gill sprang forward and used his height and weight against Duo, he slammed him back into the room and Quatre sprang forward to pry the hanger from Duo's grasp. He yelled at one of the maids who slipped into the room and took all of the hangers and slipped out again. Duo screamed in rage and pulled at Gill's hair who didn't seem to notice. He just held Duo down until Quatre backed out of the room and gave his ok to let him up. Gill dashed out of the room and Duo slammed into the door Quatre closed after him and locked.
Quatre winced as Duo beat himself against the door and screamed till his voice went ragged and started to give out.
"I'm sorry Duo." Quatre said though Duo couldn't possibly hear him over his own ravings. "Just hold out, it's just the withdrawal. You'll be better soon." Quatre hung his head as Gill took his arm and began to examine it.
"These cuts are deep, you may need stitches." Gill frowned and flashed his eyes at the door where Duo had fallen against and was just hitting with a fist now, sort of feebly. He'd near worn himself out again, but he would start up again, soon.
"It's not his fault Gill, he doesn't mean it." Quatre felt the tears starting again, he fought against them, but they won out in the end. "He's my best friend, he's not like this. This isn't really Duo, it's the drugs."
"Yes." Gill agreed quietly, though he thought that by now even Master Quatre doubted his own words. "Let me clean this." He sent maids to get a first aide kit but didn't bother to try and get Quatre to move from the door, he already knew that he would not.
Another day passed and Duo didn't notice, he beat the door till both his fists were near raw and no sound would come from his vocal cords anymore. He lay on the floor, exhausted to the point where all he could manage was too lay still and breathe. Each breath a labor that made tears seep out between his crusted lids. His face was hallowed and his eyes looked as if they'd been stained permanently from the dark circles round them. He shivered, cold and hot on the bare floor, the blanket across the room so far away.
He jerked every now and then with spasms of pain, his head a constant source of nausea and ache since he no longer had the mild painkillers. His stomach would knot and unknot every hour or so and he would whimper from the stabbing punctured feeling, for that was all he muster at that point.
Any coherent thought in his head prayed for death, but his body still fought, as if waiting for something, but he couldn't remember what. If only he could remember.
Heero shoved the front doors open, no one had come to meet them at the helicopter pad and that worried him to no end. There were a few cars parked haphazardly in the front drive, but no one was walking round or busy with anything he could see.
"DUO!" Heero yelled into the empty entry. Trowa came in behind him, fear and anger edging in on his mind as well now. He needed to see Quatre, needed to see him now and know that everything really was ok, like he'd known it would be only moments ago. Now…now it didn't seem as if it was.
"Who are you?" A tall man came down the stairs, glaring at them.
"Where's Duo?"
"Where's Quatre?" Both men asked at the same time.
"Who are you?" The man asked again, obviously not going to let them go further until they stated their identities.
"Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton." Heero said furiously as he shoved himself past the man and climbed the stairs two at a time. "DUO?"
"Heero?" Heero found Quatre sitting in a chair outside of Duo's room, his arms were wrapped in bandages and he looked worn down to the bone. His eyes were heavy from lack of sleep and it looked as if he hadn't been eating. "Heero!" Quatre stood fast and wobbled from dizziness. "Thank God! Please Heero, I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to do, Duo's…he's…" Quatre looked ready to collapse, but his words cut at Heero and he ran to Duo's door and turned the handle.
When it wouldn't open he turned to Quatre in fear. "What's-"
Quatre was fumbling with a key; Heero reached over and snatched it out of his hands as Trowa caught Quatre in his arms and held him tightly.
"Trowa." Quatre breathed and took in his lovers sent and let himself be held.
"What has happened to your arms?" Trowa held Quatre's arm up lightly, staring at it with a frown of concern.
"It's Duo, he's become irrational, I took away his computer and he attacked me!" Quatre wept and turned in Trowa's arms till he could burry his face against his chest.
Heero finally got the door open and pushed it in, it instantly stopped, something blocking it. Heero had to push it to get in and found Duo lying at his feet.
"DUO!" Heero fell to his knees and pulled Duo into his lap. He began a systematic check of Duo as he held him tightly in his arms. He was bleeding form numerous cuts and wounds on his arms and hands. His back, shoulders and hips were covered in bruises and his knees were bruised as well as his nails and fingernails being ripped to shreds. He was shivering and convulsing with pain and fever and he was covered in sweat.
"Duo? Duo! Can you hear me?" Heero asked, checking Duo's pupils in his bloodshot eyes that looked more like empty eye sockets in a skull. "His fever is dangerous, he can't get warm. His body is in shock."
Heero scooped him up as if he weighed nothing and walked into the bathroom. Trowa followed with Quatre who couldn't look away as Heero began to tend to Duo.
"Fill the tub with warm, almost hot water." Heero ordered Trowa as he stripped Duo of his boxers and set him up on the counter so he could rest Duo's head against his shoulder and keep him sitting up. He began to take off his own cloths carefully, keeping Duo's body secure against his own.
"What are you doing?" Quatre asked, worrying his hands in the doorframe.
"His body's too cold, I'm going to raise it." Heero said, testing the water as he held Duo against him. "Good." He said and Trowa turned off the water.
Heero carefully lowered himself and then Duo into the water with Trowa's help. He cradled Duo closely and put him under the water till it lapped at his chin. He kept him that way for a while and then brought him up to sit in his lap. He untied Duo's braid and combed it out with his fingers. He pooled water in his hand and poured it over Duo's hair again and again till it washed clean of the sweat and blood and moved in the water like a living being. It started to gain luster back and Heero carefully washed out his bangs.
Quatre fetched a washcloth form under the sink and handed it to Heero who gently washed Duo's face and neck. He used soap to clean off his hands gently and his shoulders where open wounds and blisters were exposed to infection. Heero used a little shampoo in Duo's hair with Quatre's help and they got it to a manageable state.
"He looks better already." Quatre whispered. "I'm sorry Heero!" Quatre sat down hard on the bathroom floor. "I'm sorry! He wouldn't stop screaming, he threw things, he tried to get out the windows! We had to nail them shut. He nearly killed Dr. Evans! I couldn't…he attacked me and…" Quatre sobbed, no more tears to shed and choked on his breath.
"It's ok Quatre, Duo is a Gundam pilot, he didn't feel safe and he was disoriented. He wouldn't have attacked you if he'd been conscious of those thoughts." Heero felt the water cooling down.
Trowa held Quatre tightly but then stood to help Heero stand and get Duo out of the tub. He helped Heero dry him off and wrap his long hair in a towel. Heero carried him to his bed and collected his blanket from the floor.
Trowa returned and picked up Quatre in his arms and carried him from the room. He turned back once to look at Heero.
"You'll be ok?" Heero nodded once and Trowa left.
Heero climbed in beside Duo and pulled him up against him. Duo's body shook a little, but it quieted down in Heero's arms. His eyes fluttered and fought to open but stayed closed in the end.
"Heero?" Duo asked the darkness around them, shivering at the closeness of the body behind him.
"Yes. Safe, I've got you." Heero whispered into his ear. Duo snuggled down into the blanket and pillows and pressed himself back into Heero. He was safe again. Heero had come back for him. Heero loved him. Safe.