Disclaimer: so do not own Gundam Wing…wouldn't that be great though? But I just write fan fiction…very self-explanatory title: Fan Fiction.

Yaye for my new apartment! I renamed this chapter, like, 3 times! Very frustrating, but in the end this is how things turned out. And for those of you paying extra close attention, I post current information and chapters on my profile. So if I don't post for a while, check the profile and see what's up. I try not to leave you hanging without an explanation.

Scars

Part fourteen: Breathe

It wasn't until the next day that Heero fully assessed Duo's state. But during the night Duo had turned around and wrapped himself around Heero's body. Heero had woken when he'd begun to have trouble breathing. He had tried to sit up first, found that he couldn't, and then pulled back the blanket to find Duo curled around him.

Heero tried to lessen the pressure by untangling himself form Duo, but that only brought small, painful noises from Duo that cut at his heart. Heero woke Duo with no options left. Duo woke instantly and his hands lost their death grip on Heero.

"What? Heero?" Duo blinked up at Heero who tried to give him an encouraging smile but found that as soon as the pressure from Duo's hands on his back were gone, a tight stinging sensation and soreness replaced them.

"Sorry, you were holding on to me too tight, I couldn't get you to let go." Heero explained as he reached over his shoulder to feel his back.

"Oh, sorry." Duo said quietly, it was still dark, sometime in the early morning, Duo began to feel cold and crept back under the covers, only to find that both he and Heero were naked.

Heero was surprised to find scratches and welts under his calloused fingers when he touched his back. He hadn't even noticed when Duo had given them to him. He tenderly searched with his fingers to try and discover the extent of the damage. They only ranged the top half of his back; the lower half had been left alone.

Heero looked to Duo to ask if he remembered giving them to him, or if he'd been dreaming and found Duo looking decisively away at the floor and with his knees up against his chest. Duo's ears were bright red and his whole face was turning pink.

"Duo?" Heero asked, suddenly worried that his fever was spiking again.

"Um…uh…where…where are my cloths?" Duo's voice was barely audible, but they instantly made Heero's cheeks flush with fresh blood.

"You went into shock, I had to raise your body temperature. So I put you in a hot bath and your shorts were left in the bathroom. It was all you were wearing when I came home." Heero tried to hide his embarrassment under fact.

"Oh." Was Duo's only reply.

"I will get them for you." Heero started to get out of bed, but Duo stopped him.

"No! Don't get out," Duo surprised himself, he didn't know his own reasoning for what he'd just reacted to, but now he needed an excuse. "You'll let out all the warmth." Even to him that sounded lame, but Heero just nodded and lay back down on the bed, pulling the blanket up around him.

Duo snuggled down, but kept his distance. He peeked out at Heero over the top of the blanket, unsure now. Was he still welcome in Heero's arms, or was it weird now that he'd brought it up.

"Come here, you need to stay warm." Heero said abruptly. Duo hesitated, trying to see if Heero was lying by looking him fiercely in the eyes. In the end, he moved closer and rolled over so Heero could spoon him.

Duo was shocked to find that Heero seemed very happy that he was there, pressed up against him. Heero's reaction caused his own.

"H-Heero…" Duo stuttered. He felt the need growing deep within him.

"Shh." Heero coaxed him, holding onto Duo tightly. "Just hold still. Now is not the time." Duo took shallow breaths and tried to reign in his emotions.

"Later." Heero whispered hoarsely in his ear, not just a statement but also a promise. Duo nodded and they both lay still till their blood pressure returned to normal and they could just lay there, wrapped around each other.

Quatre bolted up in his sleep and looked around wildly.

"Duo!" He struggled to get out of bed, unaware that he was actually fighting against Trowa's arms around his waist where they'd been snaked. Trowa had woken when Quatre had moved abruptly and now he was trying to get Quatre's attention before he bounded out of bed.

"I should be at the door! What happened?" Quatre asked the darkness, trying and straining his eyes to see something. Behind him Trowa got up on his knees, letting the covers slide off him and he pulled Quatre up to him and bent over him so that he wholly encompassed the blonde.

"Quatre." His voice was quiet, but it seemed to echo around the room with the same force as Quatre's frantic cries and he was so close to Quatre's ear that it was impossible for the Arabian not to hear him. Not only that but the moment Quatre felt the body against his he recognized him. Not just feel, but the smell and the memory.

Quatre went still and knew where he was, but not why he was awake. "Wh-what happened?" He asked as he felt his heart calming down and his muscles relaxing.

"You tell me." Trowa whispered quietly, Quatre shivered as the words vibrated along his spine with Trowa this close.

"I don't know, I guess I forgot that you were back, I wanted to get up and go check on Duo. I thought he was alone in that room…still…still screaming." Quatre said, his voice placid, but the feeling behind it making Trowa's heart ache for his lover.

"Heero is with him." Trowa assured his small captive.

"I remember, I mean, I know." Quatre nodded, trying to keep himself together.

"Everything's ok, I'm right here." Trowa told him, assuring Quatre that he really was there and wasn't about to disappear.

Quatre hugged Trowa's arms tightly to him. He cringed when his arm gave a twinge of protest. He whimpered, not really meaning to, but unable to hold it back, not now that everything was finally as it should be.

Trowa turned Quatre around and lay him down against his own stomach, so that he cradled Quatre and sat leaning his back against the headboard. He picked up Quatre's hand and gently laid kisses against his fingers. Then his palm, then tracing his tongue in a hot line along Quatre's veins.

Quatre felt a tremor running along his body. He leaned back into Trowa and breathed in the smell of fresh skin, he could see the bright green numbers of the clock from where he was. They'd gone to bed not that long ago, after sharing a hot shower Trowa had rewrapped his arm and they'd climbed into bed and fallen asleep almost instantly.

"Tr-Trowa?" Quarter asked in a whisper.

"Hm?" Trowa asked, preoccupied with the sweet taste of Quatre's skin.

"Do you think…" He trailed off, afraid to ask what was on his mind, even now.

"What is it?" Trowa asked, taking his lips away from Quatre's hot, hot skin and forcing himself to pay attention. He could tell this was important.

"Do you think Duo will ever…" Again he couldn't finish his thought.

"Do I think Duo will ever return to the way he was? If he'll ever recover completely and things will return to the way they were?" Trowa finished the thought for him, forcing the unsaid words out into the air and into reality. Making them all the more ominous.

"Y-yeah." Quatre said, admitting it to himself that he needed to hear the answer out loud, whatever it was.

"No." Trowa said, bluntly. He felt Quatre sag against him, trembling. "I don't think anyone ever really recovers. Duo will just learn to live with who he is now. What the drugs have done to him, the effect the scars will have on his life from this day on. He'll have to learn to accept the way things will be now."

Quarter nodded.

"But I think he will accomplish that at the very least, if not exceed all of out expectations. He's proven in the past that he is capable of so much more than anyone might guess of him. And I think that now that he and Heero have come to terms with their feelings for each other, he will have that much more help." Trowa absently brushed his hand through Quatre's hair, loving the feel of the lightness between his fingers.

"I think so too." Quatre felt better, he settled back into Trowa, comfortable fitting there like he'd always had and always would.

"But it will be hard." Trowa warned him. "Possibly harder even than these past few days. Probably harder than anything Duo has ever had to go through before."

When light peeked around the heavy curtains something woke Heero. He was still spooning Duo; the covers wrapped tightly around them and Duo's hair pushed to the side and draped along the pillows.

Heero held still, comfortable where he was a reluctant for the day to begin if it meant he had to move. He brushed stay hairs off of Duo's shoulders and away from his face. The skin was so soft. Even the scars were like silk beneath his fingers, shiny and pink in the morning light. The room forever trapped in twilight with the curtains drawn.

It was then that Heero realized what had woken him. Duo was laying perfectly still, but his breathing had become wheezy and labored. His chest rose and fell faster and faster, as if Duo was having trouble getting oxygen from the air.

Heero acted fast, he unfolded himself from around Duo and drew back the heavy quilt, leaving Duo's bottom half covered, but getting even that little weight off of his chest. He rolled Duo onto his back and quickly took his pulse. Duo's heart beat was irregular and fast. His temperature was rising again and breathing was becoming increasingly difficult for him.

Heero was reluctant to wake him in case Duo panicked and made it worse, but eventually the problem itself would wake Duo. Heero made a quick decision, he yelled for Quatre's servants and picked up Duo into his lap, he set his arms securely around Duo and spoke into his ear.

"Duo, wake up, I need you to breathe." Duo came awake just as Heero had thought he would. Duo jerked and tried to squirm out of Heero's arms; he gasped for air and couldn't catch his breath.

"Duo, slow down, you're going to lose consciousness." Heero ordered. Duo stopped trying to push Heero's hands away, but he couldn't stop his body from fighting completely. Duo's lungs burned and he tried to gulp down air that was readily available, but it didn't seem to make it all the way down his throat.

Gill was the first one to come in, he rushed over to Heero's side and looked down at Duo whose eyes were wide with panic and begging, pleading for air that everyone else seemed to be taking in so easily.

"Keep holding him down." Gill said and started ordering the maid who'd been hired with medical experience as they came to the door. He got Duo an oxygen tank with a mask and someone brought a sedative.

"Why a sedative? Have you tried Methadone?" Heero asked as the mask was secured to Duo's face.

"The doctors said that Methadone and LAAM wouldn't work, they don't know why, but that we shouldn't try them." Gill explained as he pierced the skin of Duo's arm at the bend of his elbow. "The sedative helped before in the hospital though, the doctor said something about the heart rate."
And it was only moments till Duo's breathing became regular again, his heartbeat slowed and his eyes drooped. He looked up at Heero and stared at him while Gill continued to talk.

"For some reason, all usual methods for addiction treatment, at least the pharmaceutical are not working with the withdrawal from the H.G.L.'s." Gill explained. "And the symptoms follow no consistent pattern. Duo is showing symptoms associated with abuse of Opioids, CNS depressants, and stimulants. The drug has doctors baffled."

"Duo, can you hear me?" Heero asked as he tried to digest all that Gill had just told him. Duo nodded slowly and kept looking up at him, his hands were clutching at Heero tightly while he lay there and concentrated on breathing. It was if he thought that Heero might be a hallucination or that he might just disappear. Heero guess that he probably wasn't far off, according to Quatre Duo had been going through the worst of it while he and Trowa had been gone. Heero hated that he'd promised Duo he'd be there for him and then left at the first call.

Trowa and Quatre came into the room, Quatre was still in his pajamas and Trowa was freshly dressed with his hair still drying from his shower.

"What happened?" Quatre asked, panic starting to seep into his voice.

"Repertory depression." Gill answered, checking the level of the oxygen and then turning to Master Quatre. "He should be in the hospital, in a addiction treatment center where they can help him properly."

Heero's eyes widened at the servants audacity, he'd never heard anyone talk to Quatre like that who wasn't his equal in everyway.

"Gill!" Quatre seemed just as shocked by the outburst. "Gill you can't possibly understand how fragile this situation really is, you're missing the point."

Heero looked down at Duo who had gripped him with panicked fingers when he'd heard Gill's words. His eyes were screaming in alarm that couldn't find a voice to use, telling him very plainly that a treatment center was out of the question.

"And what is this point that I am missing that is so plain to everyone else here?" Gill asked in anger that had his fists balled at his sides.

"Duo is a Gundam Pilot." Heero said from the bed.

"Everyone keeps say that, I understand, but surely that really doesn't make you so different that-" Gill started to protest but Heero cut him off.

"Yes. It does make us that different Gill. Someone waking us up the wrong way in the morning could get them dead if we're not careful. Everyone of us. Duo can't go to a treatment center because the only way we know that no one will die is if we are the ones helping him. You witnessed how Duo was after only a few days, what he did to Quatre, his best friend. Can you imagine what would happen if we put him in a center where other drug addicts are just as high strung and with employees who are either volunteers or doctors."

Gill paled, he looked at Duo who was currently helpless in Heero's arms. He still couldn't see that Duo was far from helpless, even in his current state. But he was starting to. Heero sighed and shook his head.

"Has Duo been eating?" He asked as he gently laid Duo down against the pillow that hadn't fallen off the bed yet and stood and fetched his cloths from the bathroom.

"No, we tried to get him to at least some jello, but that didn't go over so well." Quatre said.

"He bit me!" Gill protested.

"You're lucky that's all he did. You got off with a warning." Trowa said quietly from the doorframe.

Gill didn't look convinced, but everyone else in the room knew that Trowa was absolutely right. As far gone as Duo had been, he'd still known enough about what was going on around him to curb his actions. That meant that things could still get worse, which made the muscles between Heero's shoulder blades tighten.

"Get some more, we'll try again." Heero said as he helped Duo get his black shorts on and picked up the bedding that had been knocked to the floor.

Gill left to get the jello and Heero turned his gaze to Quatre.

"I know, I know." Quatre said, rubbing his eyes with his hand in exasperation.

"If you know, then why is he still here?" Heero asked.

"Because, despite his attitude, he was the only one strong enough to help me hold Duo down and I've known him for years. He's usually not like this." Quatre protested.

"He thinks Duo is psychotic and should be hospitalized and is upset that we can't see that." Trowa voiced. Heero nodded, he'd seen that in Gill too.

"If could just understand that…" Quatre couldn't' find the words he needed.

"As long as he does his job properly with less back talk, its fine." Heero said, letting it go. "But if he does anything that hampers Duo's progress, he's out." Quatre nodded, understanding that Heero meant out. Not just fired, but out, as in no one ever heard from him again. Trowa took Quatre to their room so he could start his day and Heero took the jello from Gill when he came back.

"He has been unable to hold down even liquids. There were intravenous supplements delivered this morning." Gill said, he'd recovered on his trip to the kitchen and was back to suppressing his better judgment and just doing his job again.

"Bring one up." Heero nodded and then dismissed Gill from his mind, turning to Duo. "Ready?" He asked.

Duo nodded and let Heero help him sit up. He didn't talk, didn't really look at Heero, but he took the spoon and started to eat some of the jello. He ate silently and just enjoyed the feeling of the cold gelatin cooling his sore throat. He finished the small bowl over to Heero. He sat there for a minute with Heero watching him closely, both waiting to see if the liquid would stay down.

"I think…" Duo started to say, and then felt the muscles in his stomach twitch. "Scratch that." He said quickly and scrambled off the bed and for the bathroom. Heero followed him and held his long hair back as Duo threw up the jello. Duo's throat bled so that much of the jello came up tainted red. The lime jello looked even worse with the red in it and made Duo dry heave.

Heero rubbed his back in soothing circles, trying to help the muscles relax long enough to give Duo time to breathe. Duo finally stopped and sat back and fell into Heero's arms.

"Sorry." Duo mumbled.

"We'll just have to give you an IV." Heero said quietly as he helped Duo back to bed. Duo didn't have time to feel sorry for himself as he lost consciousness as soon as he was in bed. Heero had Gill help him set up the IV and he set the needle in the back of Duo's hand with a piece of tape.

Heero sat on the edge of the bed watching Duo; he was still like that an hour later when Trowa knocked softly on the door.

"There is food, you need to eat." Trowa told him. Heero nodded, confirming that he hadn't eaten anything since the day before when they'd arrived.

"I will watch him and I will send someone for you if he wakes." Trowa offered, knowing there was no other option unless they sent food up to him. Even then, he might refuse on the grounds that he would not eat in front of Duo who could not even hold down liquids.

"Thank you." Heero said as he stood and stretched his muscles. He gave Trowa a look before leaving, a question in his eyes. He eyed Trowa for a moment, not as a friend, but as a potential enemy.

"I hold no grudge for Duo's actions during his withdrawal, I have seen many in this state before, I understand that he did not truly intend Quatre harm." Trowa reassured him. Heero nodded once and left, his suspicions gone.

Trowa took a seat in the chair that had been brought back in, he turned on the dim lamp against the growing darkness in the room as the sun moved from one side of the mansion to the other. He pulled out a book and began to read, his senses aware of Duo's breathing, his movement and his conscious state.

Trowa had been sitting for only a few minutes when Duo's breathing changed. Trowa instantly put down the book and stood over Duo and waited. He listened as Duo's breathing quickened and then became shallow. Trowa put his hand to Duo's throat and felt the pulse at his jugular. It was speeding up and the beats were moving towards irregularity. Trowa picked up the mask to the oxygen tank and turned it on; he placed the mask over Duo's mouth and nose but did not secure it.

Trowa placed one broad hand over Duo's chest, just below his last rib and on the diaphragm. He gave a firm and abrupt push that shoved all the air in Duo's lungs out and his eyes flew open as he took in a big gasp of pure oxygen from the tank.

Duo looked up in surprise at Trowa as his breathing was suddenly normal again, but with no knowledge that it started to regress in his sleep.

"Heero is downstairs eating lunch." Trowa answered Duo's unasked question. Duo nodded and finally noticed that there was a mask over his face being held in place by Trowa.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice muffled by the thick plastic.

"You almost stopped breathing again." Trowa said calmly.

"You didn't call for Heero?" Duo asked, knowing that if Trowa had, it wouldn't have been one green eye looking down at him when he woke.

"No. I gave your lungs a quick impact that forced out all the old air you were holding in, it seemed to work." Trowa said and finally took the mask away, satisfied that Duo didn't need it anymore.

"What if it hadn't?" Duo asked, not bothering to sit up again, he just wanted to lay as still as possible. And truthfully his throat couldn't take much more of this conversation. He'd have to stop soon, but not yet, he wanted to know.

"Then I would have called for Heero along with a servant with the sedative they used last time." Trowa said easily.

"Risky." Duo said in a whisper, trying to minimize the use of his voice box.

"And it worked; now you won't need a sedative every time." Trowa gave him a smirk that was half hidden by his long bangs. Duo smiled back.

"Just remember to breathe." Trowa told him. Duo nodded and drifted back to sleep as Trowa took up reading again. When Heero came back he turned over the chair and left Duo to him.

Heero would later find out what happened and be very angry with Trowa, but the next two times Duo had trouble breathing, it was Heero who helped him get the carbon dioxide out of his lungs and the oxygen in.

Duo thanked Trowa; he was surprised to find out that Trowa liked needles about as much as he did. He also apologized to Quatre and each of the three men took turns sitting with Duo so that Heero did not exhaust himself as he seemed prone to.

Doctors were brought back in, including a new man called Dr. Draki, a tall man with bright honey eyes and long brown hair. Dr. Draki was a specialist in behavioral counseling for addicts. He'd been brought in on a five hour flight and talked to Duo once a week. He also talked with Heero, Quatre and Trowa and brought them in sometimes for a group meeting with Duo.

Duo was able to hold down liquid in thirteen days and solid food in three weeks. He didn't bite anyone anymore and Gill began to warm up to him with each passing day. It helped that Duo was able to talk more and more as his throat healed.

But his next big step came when a month had gone by and Dr. Draki suggested something new. A shared counseling session with someone who wasn't present in the house all the time, one of Dr. Draki's other patients, Aski.