Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing at all. I'm talking nothing-nothing. Nothing in this whole world nothing. Nothing as in 'if it weren't for my mom and dad I'd be sleeping in a box' nothing. Nothing as in 'I'd have to steal the box b/c I don't own one' nothing. NOTHING!!!
A/N- Oh yeah- FINALLY got out of my two reviews per chapter rut: Chapter Four got…(drum roll please)… THREE!!! YAY!! Much love to everyone who reviewed!! Please keep it up… maybe this chapter will get four?
BEST FRIEND'S GIRLChapter Five: Patrol Time…
For an entire week, Lily watched him. She would stare at him in class, memorizing his every movement. She felt a bit like a deranged stalker, but she couldn't help herself. She was learning more about him every minute. For instance, he wasn't nearly as saintly as many thought he was when it came to schoolwork. He was always sneaking bits of chocolate in Professor Flitwick's class; he was always sneaking bits of chocolate in general. Dark chocolate, white chocolate, chocolate-covered caramels… Lily was beginning to think that he was a bit of a chocolate freak. Also, when he appeared to be taking notes, he was usually doodling or writing to Sirius and Peter; he seemed to be avoiding James. Lily supposed that was her fault, and she felt immensely guilty for that.
Then again, she also felt immensely annoyed. There was a reason why she had resorted to spying on Remus- he hadn't spoken to her since that day in the library. Literally, he had not said a word to her since, "Don't tell him", and that had been eight days ago! Really. It wasn't as if she had attacked him, or something- he had kissed her too, hadn't he? And now he was ignoring her completely. Lily wasn't going to let him get away with this for much longer. She was pretty pissed off. At least, she was until she looked at him. Every time she saw him, brushing his shaggy hair out of his eyes, or reading, or laughing, all of her anger seemed to melt away.
---
For an entire week, Remus tried really hard not to watch her. He wanted to, of course- he wanted to see her, wanted to talk to her, and really, really, really wanted to kiss her again.
He had come dangerously close to doing so, many times, and it had always been out of guilt that he didn't. It was times like those when Remus wished he were one of the bad guys. You know, the dangerous, dark ones, who didn't care about hurting their best friends. The ones who didn't need a best friend. Sadly, Remus was not one of those guys: his ever-present conscious wouldn't allow it. It occurred to him, miserably, that by trying to spare James' feelings, he was probably crushing Lily. Hurting Lily- that was the last thing he wanted, which was another reason why he hadn't spoken to her. Since he had never actually thought that Lily had feelings for him, he had never considered the problems that would arise if he did. Now he had two reasons why he needed to stay away from Lily- his best mate was in love with her, and he was a WEREWOLF! This thought caused him to worry- he had never given much thought to having a girlfriend and how his 'furry little problem' might affect her. He winced, imagining kissing Lily, and suddenly turning into a monster- he could bite her… eat her alive… he shook his head, trying to remove these terrifying images. No, he couldn't put her in danger like that, he just couldn't.
She wouldn't make it easy for him, he knew, and he couldn't avoid her for much longer- it was their night to patrol.
---
The two sixth-year prefects met at eleven, in the Gryffindor Common Room, as they always did. She was waiting for him as he walked down the stairs, a hand on her hip and a most expectant look on her face.
Whatever Lily was expecting, though, it didn't come. Remus said, "Hello," in his usual polite tone of voice, but he said it to the portrait of Godric Gryffindor above her head.
"Hi?" Lily said, a bit impatient, "How've you been?"
"Fine." He answered shortly. "You?"
"Good… haven't spoken to you in awhile." She pointed out significantly, wondering how she could be more obvious.
"Only about a week," he replied, seemingly nonchalant. Well, technically eight days, seven hours, and twenty three minutes, he thought, but who's counting, really?
Lily was, but since he had chosen not to say that last bit out loud, she simply said, "I s'pose we should start patrolling then."
Remus nodded curtly, and they made their way out of the portrait hole, both knowing that this was bound to be a long, awkward night.
---
Though neither of them were particularly gifted in the art of Divination, they were extremely accurate in their predictions. After about an hour and a half, they had covered he first six floors, snatched several stragglers to detention, and managed not to speak to or look at each other.
"We should probably check for couples now," Remus muttered, concentrating on the floor, "You know… snogging in the astronomy tower."
"Or the library." Lily didn't mean to say it, she honestly didn't… but she had never been very good at controlling her words, especially when a Marauder was involved.
Remus was silent. Even though Lily vaguely regretted saying anything and hadn't really expected him to say much back, this made her angry.
"Aren't you going to say anything?" she asked him furiously.
"What is there to say?" he mumbled, still refusing to look at her.
"WHAT'S THERE TO SAY? GOD, REMUS! I ALWAYS THOUGHT PERHAPS YOU WERE LESS THICK- HEADED THAN MOST MEMBERS OF THE MALE PERSUASION, BUT I GUESS I WAS WRONG!" She yelled, glaring daggers at him.
"Lily, I…" he cut himself off, not saying anything else for several minutes. Lily was also quiet, but she could never stay silent for long.
"So that's it then," she asked, shaking with anger, "You kiss me, and then nothing? No relationship, no talking about a relationship? I mean, I can't say I blame you… you got a good snog out of me already, so why attach yourself emotionally? I mean, you know I'm not the type of girl who would sleep with you, so you got all that you were going to get, is that it? I must say, I expected better of you. I thought that was typical of Black, or maybe even James- but I wouldn't have thought that you were the sort. Perhaps I'm not as good a judge of character as I thought."
"Lily, I'm not that kind of guy, you know I'm not! It's not like that, I just-" he started to explain, but Lily cut him off this time.
"You just what? You just decided not to talk to me anymore? Or you know, even look at me? Was it that bad?" she cried, her anger lessening slightly and turning to desperate sadness.
"Of course not, Lily." He said, staying calm, "But I don't think… I don't think we could have a relationship. It wouldn't work out, okay?"
"Why the hell not?" she asked loudly. Remus winced. Despite her short temper, Lily very rarely used profanity, and the raise in volume indicated that all of her anger was back.
"Because…" He said quietly, "Because it's too complicated. It's too- It just wouldn't work."
"Why not?! We kissed!"
"Yeah, we kissed, but that's all. It was just a kiss, Lily." Remus immediately regretted saying this. Slowly, he raised his eyes to look at Lily for the first time all evening. He was expecting her to scream, but instead she looked more like she was about to cry, or like she had just been slapped in the face. She was silent.
"It was my first kiss," Lily said quietly, sounding close to tears, "And I thought it was perfect. It was one of the best moments of my life." She paused for a moment, and then added in a whisper, "Thanks for letting me know that it meant nothing to you."
She looked him straight in the eye, her emerald green gaze penetrating him. She seemed to be daring him to contradict her, and at the same time desperately hoping that he would. Remus had never seen a pair of eyes look simultaneously so angry, defiant, and profoundly hurt.
She didn't say anything else, deciding that she had been hurt and humiliated enough for one evening. As they handed out detention to the students who they found snogging in the astronomy tower, Lily was silent. She looked more miserable every moment, Remus noticed, but he didn't blame her. He blamed himself, and that blame was pretty well placed. Lily felt a bit closer to tears with every couple she found.
Finally, they were done, and they reached the Common Room in silence. Just as Lily was starting up the stairs, Remus grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.
There was a single tear resting on Lily's cheek.
Feeling worse than ever, Remus reached out and gently wiped it away. He allowed his thumb to rest there for a moment, as he looked into Lily's eyes, hating the hurt he found there- hurt that he had caused.
"It meant everything to me." He whispered to her, removing his thumb, "don't ever forget that." And with those words, he bounded up the stairs, leaving Lily once again.