Cold Feet

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Dom could only flee when he was told Kel was acting oddly. With her in his mind, in ways he'd never imagined she would be when he first read letters describing her, from Neal, he couldn't even face her name. Or Meathead apparently!

He was cursing himself as he ran into the mess for a midday meal. Sitting and eating with a distracted look on his face his men were startled. The dreaming, love struck look on his face was one thing as he slept, but Dom without an interest in food? Now that was a sign he was in deep, they figured. They'd never actually seen it before, but since nothing seemed to be worrying him….

None of Kel's friends paid very much attention to the tall man with light brown hair and hazel eyes whom wore the badge of fief Mindelan. He paid them no heed either; his social group paid no attention to soldiers and young knights.

When Dom left he was so full of pent up energy he had no idea what he wanted to do. How could he see Kel? After realizing that the emotions he'd always had for her, and seeing her last night, and then all night in his dreams… He couldn't! And yet he was her escort tonight.

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Kel grabbed her bathing gear as she stopped off in her room and requested of her young servant and groomsman, Tobe, that he fetch her something to eat. She was off to the baths to get cleaned up before she got into the blue concoction. No need to spoil it with dirt.

Lazing in the hot bath, the dirt and stress soaking away Kel felt her sadness escalate. Here in the hot water she felt so alone. The bathhouse was empty but for her. Any of the other women who had to get ready, but for Buri, wouldn't need quite as much time since they weren't part of the wedding party.

Her eyes slipping closed she meditated on her disappointments of the past days. Dom was at the center of all of it. He hadn't been there to greet her, hadn't come to visit her later or to share jokes. The sergeant had passed up sitting at her table at breakfast and been nowhere in her sights since.

All she'd wanted of him was companionship. 'That's not true. I would like more but didn't even hope for it.' What she wanted was love, and he was someone she had always been attracted to. His mischievous blue eyes, his wide grin, the dark hair and nose that was so reminiscent of Neal's. He was definitely easy on the eyes, and a good friend. The sort of person she loved.

And she couldn't even have him as a friend it seemed. He was definitely avoiding her. The foul mood began to return. Normally meditation calmed her mood, but having thought about the situation she became angry and hurt. It would take a great deal of effort to push away the mood tonight.

The door opened and closed into the room. Opening her eyes she saw Buri come in and find her own copper tub to sit in. "Well, well, getting ready for my wedding I see? Had lunch yet?" Kel shook her head.

"Then you'd better hurry up and eat. I will be at your room in half an hour."

Kel sat up straight in the tub, a lock of hair falling in her face covered in lather. "My—"

"I can't very well kick Raoul out of his own room so that we can get dolled up, Kel," Buri reminded her. As Kel ducked her head underwater to finish cleansing herself Buri shook her head, noting that the sadness she'd seen in Kel the day before had only increased. Buri really hoped that her and Raoul's plan worked; Kel was drowning in something other than water.

Kel didn't see her glance though, but climbed out of the tub, dried out her chin-length hair to an extent and slipped into breeches and shirt before hurrying towards her room to eat.

When Buri arrived Tobe let her in before slipping out the door, telling her that Kel would be out in a moment, probably. She was using teeth cleaner. Buri also noticed that Tobe was taking out a half-eaten tray.

The seamstress came by and delivered the gowns, all fitted, and then the two warrior-women proceeded to help each other get ready. Kel's eyes lit up at seeing Buri's dress, the traditional ivory color, but very untraditional. Buri did not like dresses nearly so much as Kel did. So Buri had begged Lalasa to make sure the dress left plenty of room for movement and wasn't too decorated.

The dress made the stocky commander look graceful and a little bit taller. It was elegant and beautiful and Kel could only hope that someday she would make as beautiful a bride. Then the glow in her eyes died. She'd never be a bride; she had chosen a warriors life and only now fully felt the effects of the choice.

With Cleon she'd known they couldn't marry, that he was betrothed. And she hadn't loved him, not like this. She'd missed him, felt jealous that he might forget her for a dimpled girl, but never…Looking back she realized she only liked him once she knew that he liked her, once he'd exposed her to kissing. It had been the desire to love that she had loved then. Now she still wanted that, but it was by no means something that sprung up because Dom liked her. No this time it might just be real.

Kel quietly slipped into her own dress, which had no petticoats or bustle since she had no patience for them, as Lalasa well knew. The top of the light blue and sapphire ribbon confection wasn't much to her liking though, although it was flattering. The back of the dress laced up, like a corset and the dress was ribbed like one with soft light blue silk draped over it and as sleeves. She dourly thought it might be the most gorgeous dress she'd ever wear.

And somebody who had ignored her all day was escorting her. As the two women prepared for the wedding ceremony, Kel and Buri putting on rice powder and lining their eyes and mildly coloring their lips, and doing their hair, the two talked of things. Kel tried to keep the atmosphere light, not letting her dark thoughts mar the day. She had no reason to.

"Kel? Do you think I made a mistake, giving up the Riders?" Kel looked at the shorter woman. "It's just, what if something happens and I'm left alone?"

Buri knew Raoul so well, she knew that he loved her. Her cold feet had nothing to do with that. It had to do with war. She knew that he could be lost at any time. Kel knew that as well, knew that marrying in the middle of a war was not the easiest choice to make. That was why she'd chosen not to take a lover until after she'd defeated Blayce-too busy, too much risk of death. But now her personal goals were over.

Kel smiled a bit at the woman. "Anything might happen. What do you want to happen? That's what you have to work for. Fear should not stop you from anything," she said paraphrasing a Yamani proverb for her K'mir friend.

"You're right, Kel. I hoped you'd see it my way."

Kel looked up in surprise. "I thought ---" Buri chuckled, "No, I just wanted to see if you agreed with my decision. I wasn't worried; I'm old enough to know when I'm right! You ought to take your own advice though," she commented as she turned around.

Buri was beautiful, but still looked like the warrior she was. Smiling at the younger woman she left the room. "See you. I've got to get to the waiting room. Your escort should be along soon. After all, we've primped for hours, everyone else should be about ready for the show to begin."

Buri left, and left Kel standing in front of the mirror, staring at herself. She didn't think her transformation was nearly as complete as Buri's had been. She looked like a knight in a dress, not very effeminate. All those hours of sweeping her hair back with a sapphire ribbon through it, of cleaning the dirt out from under her nails, of figuring out how to lace up the ribbons of her slippers. (The laces went up her leg instead of a hosiery.) Nothing had been fun about getting ready.

A knock sounded on her door and her belly plummeted and her heart raced. That had to be Dom at the door. She felt eager to see him, despite her anger at him.