Disclaimer: "I get the idea that a few people may have noticed we broke into Gringotts."

(An: I promise, no spoilers in this chapter. The only thing you will find out from me is Harry's seventeenth birthday present- which, I swear, is a Mark Evans (meaning it's mentioned once and never again). The first half of this chapter would probably be the summer after third year, and the second, sometime after sixth year.)

"How come you guys never tease Ginny?"

"Because Mum defends Ginny, she's our sister, she's more likely to cry, she's our sister-"

"I'm your brother!"

"As are Charlie and Bill and Percy-"

"Perfect Percy."

"We tease him a lot, Ron."

"I'm not looking for fairness, I'm looking for a bit of a break. Ginny is really obvious with her crush on Harry! I-"

"Admit that I have a thing for Miss Granger the size of the Hogwarts lake?"

"That I would love to wrap my arms around her like the giant squid that inhabits said lake?"

"Adore serenading her like the merpeople of selfsame said lake?"

"I DO NOT-"

"Fancy Hermione, we know, we know."

"Which one of you's Fred today?"

"Me. Why?"

"So I can punch you."

"Ickle Ronniekins thinks he can punch me!"

"Good luck catching him, Ronniekins."

"Okay, whatever. Look, I just want you guys to lay off a little, okay? It's driving me nuts."

"Which is exactly our responsibility as your brother, dear Ronniekins-"

"And exactly why we cannot 'lay off'."

"Don't try the dignified act with me, Fred-"

"George!"

"Sorry, George- It won't work. You're about as dignified as a-"

"It'd do you well to not finish that sentence, brother dear. We've got you backed up against a wall, and unlike Fred, you're not fast."

"…All right, whatever."

"Aw, look at that, George, he's sulking."

"I think we may have struck a nerve, Fred."

"Don't you two have someone else to annoy? Perfect Percy's home."

"A flash of hope! See it die!"

"At least Percy's not in denial about Miss Clearwater."

"I am not in denial!"

"Sure you're not… Cleopatra."

"Would you two bugger off!"

"All right, all right, brother dear-"

"But don't come to us when next you want to talk about Miss Granger."

"Why on earth would I come to you two? You're about as likely to help me as the ghoul!"

"…He's got us there, Fred."

O-o-O-o-O

"Hey, Ron, over here!"

"I'm not interested in testing any of your products, thank you very much."

"Lookit him. He's so grumpy."

"Might it have something to do with the fact that Hermione has just arrived here to stay?"

"More likely the Puking Pastille you put in my soup!"

"Ah, yes, that."

"That's one that never gets old, eh, George?"

"Of course not, Fred."

"Look, what do you two want? Because if making fun of me is all, I have-"

"Stuff to do, we know, we know."

"We just figured that-"

"What with Miss Granger newly arrived at our humble home-"

"You'd want a little help."

"I've told you a thousand times-!"

"Put a sock in it, eh, little brother?"

"Don't make us reconsider, Ronniekins."

"I want you to reconsider if it means you'll leave me alone."

"…Well, then, Fred, I guess he'll never know our secret."

"Nope, poor lad."

"…Secret?"

"Oh, but you're not interested. We understand. You don't want to know how to make Miss Granger-"

"She of the lovely bushy hair and big brown eyes-"

"Yes, her- Miss Granger just fall right into your arms."

"…If it's a love potion, I'm not interested."

"We would never resort to such base methods!"

"…Not unless it was April, that is."

"Shush, George! It's not a potion."

"No hoodwinking involved."

"We don't recommend love potions where real attraction is involved anyway."

"REAL­-"

"It's no use denying it any longer, Ronniekins."

"We're family. You can trust us."

"I can- no, I bloody well can't! It'd be your idea of a grand joke to- to-"

"Accidentally let slip that you might-"

"Just slightly-"

"Fancy Hermione?"

"QUIET!"

"There's no point in being quiet, brother dear. Everyone else in the family already knows."

"Frankly, we're surprised Mum hasn't started choosing a color scheme for the wedding."

"…Okay, look, what do you want? Seriously."

"Come closer, Ron."

"If any of the female members of the family saw us with this…"

"Well, we'd probably find ourselves on the receiving end of one long-"

"Ear-splitting-"

"Lecture… not to mention a Bat-Bogey Hex."

"…A book?"

"Yes, Ron, a book. Believe it or not, they aren't all useless."

"Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches? …You're right, Mum and Ginny would kill you."

"You, now."

"…Huh?"

"It's yours, little brother. And before you ask-"

"It's not a trick."

"We're doing this from the kindness of our hearts."

"Besides, Ronniekins… you're really awful with women."

"Um… thanks."

"You know, George, I think that's the only thing we've said to him that Ron hasn't tried to contradict."

"Well, it's true."

"You don't have to rub it in!"

"Yes we do!"

"And does it actually work? …I'll take those smirks as a yes."

"Good luck, little brother."

"Oh, and please-"

"Don't snog Miss Granger in front of us."

"From what Ginny's said, you were bad enough with Lavender."

"I- …Fine, just leave. I've got reading to do, anyway."

O-o-O-o-O

"So, Hermione, how are you and Ron getting on?"

"Oh, for goodness' sake, not you too, Harry."

"What? I just wanted to know if-"

"We're not… we're not dating, if that's what you're trying to imply!"

"Well, I just thought-"

"Ron was just being nice for once in his life, Harry! …Come to think of it, he's been a lot more charming lately… it's very strange."

"Oh, I wonder why…"

"…Harry, why on earth are you grinning like that?"

(This chapter was written mostly to address my curiousity about why Fred and George, who are usually really nasty to Ron, would give him a book with advice about the ladies. …Also, because I wanted to write about Hermione reacting to Ron's sudden flair. So, um…. Review!)