Charlie reluctantly followed his brother inside. He wanted more time to figure out what he wanted to tell Don. There had to be a perfect choice, a reason that would benefit both in the situation. But what was he going to choose? How would he know which one was the best option?
Slowly he came up to his brother and sat beside his chair at the table. He tried to take advantage of the few extra moments to think of what to tell Don as his brother went into the kitchen to heat up leftovers. On the one hand, it made sense because he wouldn't be lying to his brother. Don would get a better understanding about how difficult it had been in the beginning for his family to live with knowing how much danger Don faced.
But what if Don didn't see it that way? What if he figured that Charlie was just saying it to make Don feel guilty? That was not his intention. It never had been, but he could understand why Don would see it that way. He couldn't imagine having such a fight with his brother about it. He didn't want that to happen, so he figured he shouldn't risk bringing it up. But his gut kept telling him to tell Don.
Hearing the ding of the microwave, Charlie expected his brother's entrance again. Don came walking back in with a beer and a plate of that night's dinner of steak and a baked potato. As usual, Don had smothered his steak in sauce, while Charlie never even put so much as salt on his.
Don sat down after placing his food in front of him. He picked at the food for a minute, then gave up and looked at his brother.
"I... I don't really know what went on this morning, but I need to talk about it with you. Buddy, I need you to explain. I've been an agent for well over ten years now. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I've been oblivious to your worrying, but I never seemed to think it was as bad as you made it out to be. I can't believe I haven't seen it before, but now that you've brought it up, I can't just pretend like it was the way it had been before. I took Dad, Mom, and you into consideration when I decided I wanted to be an FBI agent, but I didn't think it would be too hard on you or I never would have done it."
"That's not true. You were born to be an agent. It's what you had to do."
"Please, Buddy. I need to understand. What do you worry about? What goes on when I'm not around?"
Charlie swallowed hard and his Adam's apple bobbed. It seemed as if Don was basically asking him to tell him about what went on when Don first got shot. Is that what it meant? Was he supposed to tell Don?
"There, um... there was a time when things got really bad, when you first got shot." Charlie felt the emotions threaten to overtake him, so he paused to fight it away.
"What happened?" Don asked gently. His eyes took in his brother's every expression. He could see Charlie was taking everything into account, and he realized that he was the main thing he was factoring in.
"After you left, Mom... she just broke down. Dad was the only one who showed some strength, but even he was struggling with it. Mom begged him to stop you, to make you quit your job. She couldn't stand you being in harm's way. She wanted you home, safe with her. Dad refused. He was the only one who understood at the time that this would be the worst experience for us, but it would get better later. Mom was so... so upset. She hit Dad."
Don could barely register that. His mother had never raised her hand to anyone. He had never seen her strike another human. She wasn't violent. She was gentle and compassionate. Never did Margaret Eppes get that upset with someone.
"That bad, huh?" Don whispered, feeling his own emotions coming on strong. He bowed his head, staring at his hands. What did it mean? What was he supposed to do?
Charlie paused, wondering if he should stop the story there. "It gets worse."
Don lifted his head and looked at his brother. He took a deep breath, preparing himself for the worst since he thought what he had heard was already bad enough. "Go on."
With his brother's permission, Charlie now continued. "Remember when I called you, about as soon as you got home after leaving?"
Don searched his memory for that and vaguely remembered it.
"Yes."
"And then I called a lot after that? You stopped answering after so long." Charlie chuckled softly, realizing he must have been such a pest. "Well, it was for my own sanity, really. I... I had to hear from you. I had to know you were okay. After I found out you got shot, I just couldn't live with not knowing how you were. I just saw you getting shot in any day-to-day life. Your job seemed like war to me, and knowing that, I was afraid you'd get shot down. I was terrified... to the point where I was having panic attacks. I didn't have any until you stopped answering your calls.
"Looking back now, I don't blame you for not answering. It was taking precious time out of your day. I shouldn't have been bothering you so much."
"Don't apologize," Don said softly, shaking his head.
"Well, um, I just was so afraid you were going to get hurt that it put a physical strain on my health. I couldn't eat right, I couldn't think of anything else. Finally... Mom and Dad took me to therapy."
Don stared at Charlie as those words sunk in. Therapy? Had it really been that bad? He could hardly imagine anyone getting so worked up over him. He wasn't that important was he? He and Charlie hadn't even been that close back then.
"I was okay after about a month. I finally came to grips with your job and was able to keep myself from calling you every day. It was hard though because I was still afraid, but I found ways to keep my mind off it. I went back to a 'normal' life. Sure, I was scared to death with the next phone call that you'd been hurt, but it wasn't until a couple years later that that happened. Like I said earlier, after the first decade you start to get used to it."
Don was still trying to process the fact that he was that important to his brother that he was having panic attacks over him, he had to go to therapy because of him. Had he really caused that much of a strain on his brother? Even though at the time getting away from Charlie seemed nice, Don was still close enough to his brother that he wouldn't allow that to happen. He would have made more of an effort in contacting him. He would have sent him letters, emails, reassuring him that he was all right... and they would have had a serious discussion about it. Don could have made it all right on his own. He wouldn't have had to have some therapist do it. Together, the Eppes brothers could have worked it out together. Imagining his little brother fighting it out alone made Don sick to his stomach with guilt.
"I... I'm so sorry, Buddy."
"Don't apologize, Don... please. I didn't mean for that when I told you. That wasn't my intention. You wanted to understand how hard it was. To me, that was the perfect example. I'm not saying it's that hard all the time, but that's how it started out. Now, it's... it's better because I have an understanding of what goes on in your job. I know you're not in danger 24/7, like I seemed to think. It's also worse in ways since I know what you are up against that is worse than guns. But I'm okay, Don, really. I know Dad is too. We just like it a lot more when we know where you are, when you're with us. It makes us stop worrying, and it's nice to have that break in between the worry."
Charlie may not have wanted Don to feel guilty, but he did. He didn't mean to cause his family worry or pain. Knowing all the times he could have come home, caused his family a little less worry, made Don feel even worse. It bothered him mostly about his mother. He hadn't gotten a chance to apologize to her about it and during her life when he was an agent, he hadn't come home nearly as often as he did now. If he hadn't spent those last few months with her, he didn't know how he'd live with himself. She had deserved better.
"Mom understood, Don," Charlie said quietly, as though reading his brother's thoughts.
Don looked into Charlie's eyes, looking for some sign that he was lying. In ways he wanted him to be because he didn't deserve to be let off the hook that easy, but it seemed he was. Charlie didn't lie easily. Sure, he had managed to lie about Carl and Jake, but this was different. This wasn't something to lie about.
"I hope you're right," Don whispered quietly.
"I know I am, Don." Charlie reached out and laid his hand on his brother's arm, trying to show his brother that he was there for him and that he wouldn't lie to him... at least over something like that.
"I am sorry, Buddy. I know you didn't mean to make me feel guilty or anything, but I do. I wish I had known. I'm so sorry you had to go through therapy because of me... Am I really that important to you?"
Charlie laughed at the absurdness of his brother's question.
"Take a second and ask yourself the same question. If I was in danger every day, what would happen to you?"
Don thought for only a second before knowing exactly what he would do. He gave his brother a timid smile. "I would worry my ass off and probably panic."
"Exactly." Charlie smiled at his brother, hoping he got the point now.
"We would do it for each other, no matter which one of us it was. You were just the lucky one who got to be worried about, rather than one of the ones who got to worry. It's okay, Don. Really."
Realizing how hard it was for his modest brother to admit that he had missed him and worried so much about him, Don had to sit back and look at his brother. Charlie never ceased to amaze him. He knew that his brother must have fought with himself about telling him. If he hadn't told him in over ten years, there had to be some doubt about whether he should tell Don or not. Understanding the hardness of that choice, Don smiled proudly at his brother.
"What?" Charlie asked, sick of being under his brother's scrutinizing gaze.
"I don't get you."
Charlie shook his head. "Well, that's been apparent for thirty years."
Don chuckled softly. "No, I mean I don't get how you find it in yourself every time to choose something that will benefit everyone; and a lot of times it benefits everyone except you. You knew that I could have gotten mad about you not telling me about you going to therapy. You knew that you could have been hurt if I got mad at you about it. Yet you still told me and made the right choice. I don't get you. I don't understand how you can do it."
Charlie shrugged sheepishly. "I just try to do whatever...feels right, I guess."
"Well, you're always dead on, Brother."
Charlie smiled at his brother and looked down at the plate in front of Don.
"You didn't get to eat a thing."
Don smiled widely. "I ate something before I got here."
"What? Then how come you bothered to heat that up? You just wasted good food!"
"Well, I needed time to think first. I had to get my thoughts in order."
Charlie nodded. "Yeah, I guess that helped me, too. I needed a little more time, too."
"See? So what's the fuss?"
"The fuss is, young man, that you just wasted food that starving children who haven't been adopted by Angelina Jolie would enjoy," Alan said as he walked into the room.
Charlie laughed out and Don could barely contain his smile, though he knew his father was somehow managing to be serious.
"I didn't know you were so informed on the latest gossip, Dad," Charlie got out through the laughter.
"Hush, that wasn't the point. I wasn't trying to be funny."
"Well, it was, Dad," Don put in.
"Fine, it was hilarious. You'd better take that plate with you to your apartment. You should eat it there."
"Aw, man," Don complained, though a wink to his brother showed that he wasn't being serious.
Charlie couldn't speak the relief he felt that his brother wasn't mad at him. It was what he worried about the most. Knowing that he had nothing to fear now, he felt much better.
Then he remembered Jake wanted to kill him... maybe he had a little more to fear than he thought.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The time before Charlie was to meet Janet seemed to go by quickly. He knew he'd never be truly prepared to see her. He hoped he wouldn't have to worry about her, but he still kept his cell phone close by. He waited in front of CalSci for her to show up. Right on time, she was there.
Thankfully, for Charlie, Don was away at a crime scene so he wouldn't be stopping by CalSci. Charlie had planned to take Janet far away from there so he wouldn't see anyone he knew who would ask about her. He couldn't think of a way to explain to someone that she was the mother of the man he had killed.
"Hi, Dr. Eppes." Janet walked up to him with a smile on her face. Charlie realized she couldn't be any older than his father. How old had Carl been?
"Hi. Come with me. I know where we can go."
"Of course." Janet followed the professor, hoping her more submissive attitude would help affect his opinion of her. She wouldn't make demands, not today. This was about Carl.
He deserved to have his story told. She hated the look of hatred in the young man's eyes when she spoke of her son. Charles Eppes had good reason to hate him, but she wanted that to change.
Charlie opened the door of his car for the woman and let her in. Shutting the door for her, he then went to his side of the car and got in. He didn't know how to make conversation with this woman, so he was thankful when she started.
"I'm sorry that I have been so persistent with this. I take it you don't have any children?"
Charlie couldn't imagine that. What if he had? What would Carl have done to them? "No, I don't have any children."
"Well, then I suppose it is hard for you to understand. See, I know my son. He was never a bad boy until he was kidnapped. You can imagine how it affected all of us. Rarely parents are lucky enough that if their child is kidnapped that they get them back."
"It's not that rare," Charlie put in, defending the FBI. He had worked on kidnapping cases before. They had all been safely returned.
"Of course." Janet wouldn't argue with him, but she had done her research at the time. She probably shouldn't have because she had lost hope waiting on Carl to be returned to her. "Anyway, it made Carl even more dear to us."
"I'm sure." Charlie tried to keep the bitter and angry tone out of his voice. This was Carl's mother. She hadn't been the one who had actually hurt him, threatened him and his family. Still, she was responsible for bringing him into the world.
"Apparently all the love we gave him didn't work. He was distant, cold. He never said something happened while he was kidnapped, though I assumed something had. He was fifteen at the time. Before, he was kind, gentle. He was too shy to talk to anyone at his school really. He didn't even have any friends. He tried to hang around his brother, but Todd was one of the popular students. He couldn't be seen with his little brother, you know."
Charlie nodded. He did know what that was like. Don wasn't necessarily the most popular student in their high school, but he had been the star of the baseball team and led his team to many wins. Charlie had been too young for high school with no one his age and no friends. He had been a lost, terrified little boy and his beloved older brother spent a minimal amount of time with him. All Charlie had wanted was to be around someone he knew, someone he trusted. But Don convinced him to stay away. Charlie shook his head. He wasn't in high school any more. Don wasn't like that any more. He tried to concentrate on Janet's words.
"I think Carl accepted that. He didn't seem bitter or anything by it. But later, he seemed really spiteful toward his brother. After he was kidnapped, he became friends with Jake. His father and I encouraged them because we wanted Carl to have a friend. We didn't realize it was going to turn into such a lasting relationship.
"Jake was always... different. He got Carl into trouble a lot at first, but then he rubbed off on Carl so that Carl was getting Jake in trouble, too. I didn't know what to make of it, but they were inseparable. We couldn't tell them they couldn't be friends anymore.
"After high school, Carl didn't want to go to school anymore. Being an adult, my husband and I knew we couldn't stop him. I'm still not quite sure what my son did. He and Jake went into business together for a while. I don't know what for. Then Carl just started living off welfare. He and Jake were still friends.
"Meanwhile, my son Todd got married to a lovely woman named Lana while he was working as a coast guard. Around the time Lana was due to give birth to their first child, Todd was reported missing."
Janet stopped to get a tissue out of her pocket. She daintily wiped her eyes and blew her nose before continuing.
"Anyway, they never found his body... until a few months ago."
"You do know what happened, don't you?" Charlie asked her.
Janet blinked at him. "What do you mean?"
Charlie sighed as he pulled the car into the parking lot of the oceanfront restaurant he'd driven them to. He had a feeling she didn't know by the way she talked about Carl and Todd. She seemed to be very praising of both. How was he supposed to break this news to her?
"What is it?" she asked, concerned. What did this man know about her sons that she didn't?
"While Carl was kidnapped, Todd was kidnapped, too. Todd had a chance to save Carl, but he chose not to. That's why Carl killed him."
Janet stared blankly at Charlie for several moments before breathing a short, relieved sigh. "Is that all? My, I thought you were going to tell me something serious."
Coming not a moment too soon, Charlie's cell phone rang. He had told Larry to call him at 3:45 and he would say something that didn't make sense. It was an escape route, in case he needed it.
"Hello... Yeah, Don... Really?... Okay, I'll be there soon. Bye," Charlie's end of the conversation sounded.
He turned to Janet with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, but I have to cut this short. Maybe we can meet again some other time?"
"That would be fine."
"Um, where can I take you?"
"The bus station would be fine. I was dropped off at CalSci, so I can head straight home."
"Oh, okay. Well, again, I'm sorry."
Charlie was more than happy when Janet was out of his car. He just couldn't understand that woman. She knew about her sons? And she was okay with it? He was starting to think a restraining order sounded more and more appealing. He wasn't sure if he could talk to this woman any longer. He thought her son was bad. But if she was okay with her son killing his brother, who knew what kind of trouble she would be for him?
You know, I should just shut up about when I can update, shouldn't I? It's probably getting on your nerves! This quarter does seem more relaxed than last but with the holiday and 5 assignments that needed done, I just didn't have enough time to get this done before a week went by. I'm so sorry about that.
ATTENTION BONES FANS: (as in the TV show) I would like to discuss an idea for this story that happened on Bones. If you have any free time, review or send me a message if you're willing to help me with it. I want to know if you think it would be a good idea for this story or not. I'll make sure you saw the episode I'm talking about first, then we can discuss it later. Any help is greatly appreciated!
Thanks!