Don't Panic

Happy Endings

Emma crushed her lettuce on her plate and jabbed at it with her fork.

"What's with all the anger?" Mary asked as she dropped her plate laden with two sandwiches, a salad, and two pudding cups onto their table with a forlorn expression.

"Not angry." Emma stabbed another piece of lettuce. "Just slightly frustrated."

"What about?" Mary asked as she unwrapped her first sandwich.

Emma shrugged. "Has Carter been a pain in my ass since day one?"

Marry took a large bite and tried to swallow before she responded. "Yep," she said as she choked down her bite. "And only even more so when he found you were the Chief's daughter."

Emma growled and pushed her empty plate away from her. "Have you been slipping me drugs lately?"

Mary shook her head. "No. Why?"

"I got a new place to live."

"That's good," Mary took another bite. "Does it have an elevator?"

Emma shook her head. "No, worse. It has a Carter."

Mary practically spit out her ham sandwich then she gulped down water to clear her breathing passage. "You're going to live with Carter?"

Emma sighed and her shoulders slumped. "Yeah," she breathed softly and ground her palms into her eye sockets. "I think I'm going insane."

"I think you are too," Mary agreed as she shook her head sadly. "What on earth would possess you to move in with an attendee?"

Emma looked back up at Mary, who was surrounded by various foods, and scowled. "Like you're one to talk. You live with Drake."

Mary shook her head calmly. "That's different. I'm dating Drake… you and Carter can't… you aren't… Are you?"

"Oh gross!" Emma stood quickly and her chair fell down behind her. She tried to ignore the eyes of the other doctors and patients as they turned upon the two girls to observe the commotion. "Did you just imply that I'm dating Carter?"

Mary made panicked shushing gestures and tried to indicate for Emma to pick up her chair and sit back down. "Of course I'm not saying that." She then pointed around the room and Emma remembered that they weren't alone; she picked back up her chair and sat down calmly. Mary leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially to Emma, "But is there something going on between you two?"

Emma leaned back into her chair looking pale and slightly frightened. "No," she said calmly although her face was swimming in panic. "Do people think there is?"

Mary shook her head. "No that was just me… being stupid, I guess."

"Does Carter think that?"

"No. NO!" Mary quickly responded. "That was just me… and possibly Drake mentioned it once, but… Oh you can't move in with Carter!"

Emma looked up calmly and smiled slightly. "As long as Carter knows it's only a situation of convenience I don't see how it matters. Plus, he has this cute little house with absolutely no stairs or elevators."

"Maybe Carter thinks it might mean more than that?" she asked trying desperately to beat around the bush, but forgetting that Emma wasn't the most perceptive of all people.

Emma shrugged and cocked her head to the side. "Trust me. Carter does not think that," she replied simply as she grabbed one of Mary's puddings.

"Hey that's mine!" Mary complained as Emma began spooning it into her mouth. "You stole my food!"

"Relax," Emma sighed as she took her first bite and grinned. "You have enough food for two."

"Dr. Woodhouse."

Emma thought she'd heard her name chasing her down the hallway and turned slowly to see who had called her. She didn't know any of the people that stood in the hallway she'd been walking through so she quickly turned back around. It must have just been someone calling for her father.

"Dr. Woodhouse!" the female voice rang through her ears again and she turned to see a tall brunette, with clicky heels, wavy hair, and a white coat, walking briskly down the hall.

Emma paused where she stood and watched the composed woman strut toward her, patient charts in hand, with a taunt smile. "Dr. Woodhouse, I'm your attendee for the day," she said calmly as she outstretched a hand for Emma to shake. "Dr Side."

"Oh?" Emma looked puzzled at the woman's freshly pedicured hands. "Oh! You're the neo-natal surgeon who just returned." Emma excitedly placed her hand in the woman's as Dr. Side smiled slightly.

"That's the one." She handed Emma a chart and suddenly seemed to relax ten-fold. "I don't know if Dr. Bide's told you yet, but you'll be working with me today. I'm a bit stumped on my case and Carter says you're his best intern so I thought you might be able to help me get reacquainted with this old place."

Emma smiled back and gratefully shuffled through the chart. "I'm no expert at neo-natal, like you, but I do practically live here."

Dr. Side smiled composedly. "I know the feeling; did my own internship here. Did you know that?"

"I didn't," Emma smiled back quickly then shoved her attention back to the chart. Carmen Wheeler. 31. 24 weeks along. Odd sensation in her abdomen.

"So what do you think?" Dr. Side asked smartly, after a short period of time, and her eyes shone as if she already knew the answer.

Emma handed her back the chart. "I think you want me to run a CT and an MRI."

Dr. Side smiled. "I think you're right."

"So I heard what you said about me," Emma smiled cockily at Carter while he stood waiting for the elevator to take him back down to the ICU. "I'm your best intern apparently."

Carter rolled his eyes and continued to stare straight at the elevator doors. "Don't get too excited. Have you met your competition?"

"Mary's an amazing doctor," Emma quickly pointed out as the doors slid open and Carter stepped inside. Emma hesitated and gripped her cup of coffee slightly tighter.

"That may be true, but I hardly get to work with Mary since Drake always snatches her up," he replied as she finally stepped into the elevator beside him.

Emma handed him Taylor's Blythe's chart. "Her BP's stable. As is her heart rate. I had an MRI done about an hour ago and it looked pretty clean. Well, at least not any worse."

"That's good. We can't allow the thing to grow."

Emma's shoulders slumped. She hated working with a girl that had literally accepted her fate. "Other than that I didn't see much I should do. I'm on natal today."

Carter finally looked at her instead of staring off into space as he'd been doing. "You're with Tiffany today?"

Emma looked at him, slightly confused by his quick change of disposition. "Yes?"

"Good." He turned his attention elsewhere once again. "Make sure you pay attention. She's an amazing doctor."

Emma rolled her eyes and snatched her chart back. "Great. Speaking of amazing, I move in this week! Are you totally excited?"

"I'd be more excited if you stopped speaking like a sorority girl," he replied morosely as he checked his watch. Man, the elevator seemed to be moving slowly today and he didn't know how much longer he could handle a confined space with the hospital's Barbie Doll.

She ignored him. "I was thinking, since you have a yard and everything, that maybe I could get a dog."

Carter scowled at her as the doors finally opened. "I thought the whole reason I let you move in was so you'd shut up about the whole dog thing."

Emma shook her head. "That was not in the agreement. All you said I had to do was call you Dr. Knight-"

"Which you still don't do."

Emma shook her head and practically sprinted to keep up with him as he took off down the hall. "Yes, but at least I don't call you 'Carter' anymore."

"Oh Emma. You're so good to me," he replied flatly.

Once again she ignored him. "Anyway I was thinking that a German Shepherd would be cute? What do you think?"

"Emma!" He turned, his eyes burning with frustration. "You might as well give up because you're not getting a dog."

"But I want the companionship that only a dog can offer," she whined back, ignoring his heightened layer of frustration.

"Fish have an attention span of six seconds," he supplied. "Maybe if you get one of them they won't get too bored to listen to you complain."

Emma growled and he walked away.

"Mrs. Wheeler, Mr. Wheeler," Tiffany Side said gently as she slowly pushed open the door to the patient's room and entered with Emma on her heels. "I'd like you to meet my intern on your case. This is doctor Woodhouse."

Emma smiled, trying to make herself seem even half as warm or nurturing as Dr. Side seemed to be.

Tiffany clicked through the machines, checking her fluids and the fetal heart monitor.

"Oh doctor! It's happening!" the patient, Mrs. Wheeler, cried as she clenched her arms around her bloated belly and squeezed her face to combat the urge to yelp.

"Woodhouse, check her diagnostics," Side quickly ordered as she grabbed an awaiting syringe and loaded it into the woman's abdomen. Mrs. Wheeler quickly calmed and smiled gratefully as Side pulled the needle from her skin. "Miracle drug isn't it?" she said smiling as the woman gave a reluctant smile and her husband quickly rushed to her side.

"What is it Doctor?" the husband asked pathetically as he rubbed his wife's shoulders to calm her breathing.

Dr. Side smiled pathetically and Emma awkwardly scribbled the stats onto her chart. "We think your baby is having seizures within the womb."

"What? Why?" Mrs. Wheeler asked quickly as she wrapped a protective arm over her swollen belly.

Tiffany shrugged pathetically. "That's what we're hoping to figure out."

"Do you think the baby will need some sort of surgery?" he asked quickly, his eyes locked into Tiffany's.

"I think your wife needs an MRI and a CT to know for sure if there is anything we even can do," she replied evenly. "I have to go, but Dr. Woodhouse will need to take your wife down to get her scans."

Tiffany quickly rushed from the room and Emma stood awkwardly in the watery gazes of the nervous couple. "I'm sure it'll all be okay, in the end," she replied quietly.

But she soon realized, after she'd taken Mrs. Wheeler down for her MRI, that she couldn't have been more wrong.

"It's a branch!" Emma practically shouted as she held up the scans in the face of Dr. Side. "The baby has a branching tumor that's growing faster than anything I've ever seen."

Tiffany quickly grabbed the scans from Emma and lit up the closest board she could find then shoved the scans into the latch.

"Oh shit," she growled as her eyes widened at the sight of the tumor before her. "Get Carter."

"Knock, knock?" Emma said as she pushed open the slightly ajar door to Taylor Blythe's room and smiled at the girl. Emma's visits had become routine over the last week and she was beginning to become used to the girl's sad smile every time Emma entered her room.

"Did you bring the goods?" Taylor asked, a slight smile playing at her lips.

Emma held up the pudding cup she'd recently snatched. "I stole it from Dr. Knight. Don't tell him."

Taylor quickly grabbed the Snack Pack and spoon and shoveled the long awaited pudding into her mouth. "Mm. Carter gets the swirly kind."

Emma smiled and pulled a chair up beside the girl's bed. "Don't you know? Carter is the best, and the best only eat the best kind of pudding."

Taylor smiled brightly. "Oh, don't I know."

"How was your consult with Dr. Frank?" Emma asked excitedly. "Isn't he cute?"

Taylor's eyes lit up and she nodded vigorously. "It was so great! He was touching my face and I was just sitting there about to melt."

"I hope I get to work with him soon," Emma replied practically swooning. Dr. Frank had been around the hospital for less than a week and already he had taken Carter's position as the most sought after doctor.

"I love his stubble. Carter's too. Guys my age never have stubble," Taylor said smiling wistfully as Emma made a face.

"You and your crush on Carter." Emma shook her head. "He's too full of himself to even think about anyone but himself, yet alone have a relationship."

Taylor smiled evilly. "That or just too consumed with his thoughts of another Doctor I know," she sang back.

"What?" Emma asked eagerly. "Do you know something I don't know?" Emma asked, leaning in with hopes of some new, juicy gossip that she could torment Carter with.

Taylor chuckled and shook her head. "I'm not saying a word if you're too oblivious to figure it out."

Emma scowled and pulled out Taylor's chart. "Now for the boring stuff: Been feeling nauseous?"

Taylor shook her head.

"Dizzy?"

"No," Taylor said as she continued to shake her head. "Nor have I been seeing spots, peeing irregularly, or any other of the same stupid questions you ask me every single day. I actually feel quite fine. Weak from living in this bed all day, but fine."

Emma nodded and checked off down the list. "That's good." She finished scribbling the exact same notes she makes everyday and reverted back to the topic she most wanted to know about. "So what were your suggestions from Dr. Frank?"

Taylor shrugged. "I have absolutely no clue. He mentioned something about 'minimal scarring' but I was a bit too distracted to pick up anything else. Plus, I don't see how it matters."

Emma sighed. They'd been through this before. "We may not be doing any surgery at the moment Taylor, but it's good to get these mundane things out of the way before the emergency starts; that way, when it finally does come time to take out that nasty tumor of yours, you don't have to worry about this stuff."

Taylor's shoulders slumped. "I just hate talking about all this depressing crap. Can we just go back to talking about Carter?"

Carter, Emma, and Tiffany all sidled into the room where Mrs. Wheeler and her husband sat in their separate corners staring off into space.

"Mrs. Wheeler?" Tiffany asked softly as she stepped forward to stand at the bedside of her patient. Mr. Wheeler quickly crossed the room and sat on the edge of his wife's bed and shoved his hand into hers. "We've made a diagnosis on your baby. He has a brain tumor, which is odd considering his age, but it can sometime happen if the cells in his brain don't develop at the same rate as the rest of his body."

Carter then took his cue with a pointed glance from Tiffany and stepped forward. "Mrs. Wheeler. Mr. Wheeler," he said politely. "I'm the attending neurosurgeon, and I just want you to know that your baby's condition will require immediate action."

Mr. Wheeler looked up at him with weepy eyes. "What do you have to do?"

Emma set down Mrs. Wheeler's chart at the hook on her bed. "Dr. Side will have to do an emergency C-section on your wife. Then Dr. Knight would have to perform a quick removal of the primary branches of the tumor in hopes that he can get in there without damaging you son's critical brain structure or his ability to develop. If we can do all this he would then have to be monitored for a period of 72 hours in hopes that his heart rate and brain function will keep up with the rest of his body because he will about three months premature." She tried to sound hopeful and ominous. She felt like the Grim Reaper.

Mr. Wheeler had tears streaming down his face. "And if you do all this what are the odds of my baby surviving?"

Carter turned to the couple, Mrs. Wheeler with her face devoid of any emotion, and Mr. Wheeler who was swimming in his own tears. "About one in 150. But if we don't do this surgery now you're son won't even live to be born."

Mrs. Wheeler scooted down farther into her bed and pulled the covers over her head while Mr. Wheeler stood. "Just do it. Do anything it will take to at least give him a shot."

Mrs. Wheeler lay motionless on her bed, her husband having left the room to hide his tears, and tried to ignore the clutter of the intern as she poked about on the machines checking her stats.

"Is my baby going to die?" she asked Emma while staring up at the ceiling and trying to press the burning sensation in her eyes to the back of her mind.

Emma turned from the fetal heart monitor and looked down at the woman. She was surprised that Mrs. Wheeler hadn't broken down in tears like her husband. Emma couldn't imagine facing the death of anyone close to her, yet alone the person growing inside of her.

"I really don't know," Emma replied honestly. "But if there was anyone who could save your baby it's Doctors Knight and Side."

"Do you say that because you work with them?" she asked morosely as she continued to stare at the ceiling.

"No. I say that because if it were my baby I wouldn't trust anyone but them."

"Mary!" Emma hissed across the darkness of the on-call room. "Mary, are you in here?"

"Emma?" she heard Mary ask groggily from one of the beds. "What are you doing?"

"Can I lie down?" Emma whispered as she lay on the bed beside Mary. "All the others were taken."

"What's wrong?" Mary asked as she tired to scoot over.

"I think that woman's baby is going to die and there's nothing I can do to save it," Emma replied sadly as she curled into a ball and accidentally kicked Mary in the shin.

"People die, Em," Mary whispered back.

"I know, but lately it seems as though everyone is dying. Neuro is so freaking heartless. Taylor is dying. Mrs. Wheeler's baby is dying. George's patients in the ICU are dying."

"George's patients are always dying. That have George for their doctor," Mary replied.

"You know I'm in here right?" they heard George ask from across the darkness of the room.

Emma ignored him. "I'm just thinking about switching specialties. How do you think I'd be at plastics?"

"Horrible," they heard Allen mutter from somewhere in the room.

"I'm just thinking that Neuro is just so… so hard!" Emma muttered, trying to be quieter.

"Emma. You can't switch specialties because… you were born to work Neuro." Mary sat up. "If I had a baby," she paused, "I wouldn't trust anyone but you and Carter to operate on it."

Emma sat up too. "Hey! That's exactly what I said to Mrs. Wheeler about Carter."

"Would you two shut up?" they heard a voice that was too much like Carter's for it to have not been him, interrupt them. "Emma, we have a big surgery in less than two hours and I need some freaking sleep!"

Emma peeled her bloody latex gloves off her hands. The surgery had been a success. Carter had gotten most of the tumor and Tiffany's c-section had gone beautifully. But now the crucial bit began. The part they had no control over.

The waiting part.

Emma pressed her finger delicately into the chest of the miniscule being. Its arms were no bigger than her earrings and it' chest wasn't much bigger.

She checked the baby's crucial stats. It still had a weak heart rate and had yet to open its eyes or move. It just seemed like this helpless little animal that struggled for every breath.

"He's not going to make it is he?" Mrs. Wheeler asked bluntly as she wheeled into the room with her wheelchair. "Look at him. He's so helpless," she said trying to repress an overwhelming sob.

Emma closed the contained plastic box. "Mrs. Wheeler it's not even close to being over. It hasn't even been a day yet."

"I can't even look at him," she sighed although she was fazing into the box. "Jeremy wants to name him but I just can't bring myself to doing it. We could still lose him."

"You could also still keep him."

Mrs. Wheeler looked up at Emma as if she'd just realized she was in the room.

"I think you should name him Mrs. Wheeler. I think it might be good for you," Emma pointed out as she set the air compressor. "They say that sometimes if a baby just remembers that's it's loved it can pull through."

"So what should I do?" she asked helplessly.

Emma smiled sadly. "Talk to him."

Emma watched through the window as Mrs. Wheeler passionately talked to the helpless form that was her baby. She tried to smile. She tried to watch the light in the woman's eyes as a beacon of hope but she felt the overwhelming sadness that maybe she'd given her false hope. Maybe she too was having trouble facing the fact that that baby might die.

"You okay?" Carter asked as he pressed his back against the wall beside the window had been gazing through.

"Is that bay going to die?" Emma asked breaking her eyes away from the child to look at Carter.

He shrugged. "You know that I don't know."

"It's really not fair. That baby is pure and good and already something so evil has consumed it."

"Sometimes bad things happen, Emma," Carter replied staring straight at her.

His gaze was intimidating and intense and she immediately broke contact and looked back through her window. "She'll never even get to know him. She'll never even get to learn those silly little quirks about him. She'll never get to fight with him. He's her son. How can someone just take that away from her?"

Carter thought fleetingly of placing a hand lightly on her shoulder, but then thought better of it. "You don't know that. Maybe she will get all those things."

Emma shook her head.

"Are you really thinking about plastics?" Carter asked. "Because Mary's right. You're a natural and Neuro. It's in your blood."

Emma shrugged. "I don't know what I want. This is just so hard. It's just so… devastating."

"But sometimes it's good," he amended. "Sometimes the baby lives and nothing beats that feeling."

It was quiet for a few minutes.

"Sometimes there are happy endings," Emma finished for him with a small smile.

Emma popped her head around the corner into the small room.

"Dr. Woodhouse?" Mrs. Wheeler said with a smile plastered across her face and her eyes glowing. She held out the bundle in her arms and smiled even wider. "I'd like for you to meet little Carter Wheeler," she said and Emma peered into the blanket at the little bay with its eyes wide open. "We named him after the doctor that saved his life."

Emma handed Taylor another pudding cup and fell heavily into her normal chair. "So how are you feeling today?" she asked bluntly, not even bothering to pull out Taylor's chart and make notes.

"Great. You seem tired though," Taylor replied eyeing up Emma's tousled hair and pale face.

"Tired and confused."

"A great combination," Taylor replied.

Emma had no response. No end to their conversation.

"You really shouldn't worry so much, Em. Your ending will someday be happy."

Emma sighed. How did she know that's exactly what she hoped for and exactly what she doubted most?

Sitting in a room with a girl that was just a corner away from her own death, one question jammed itself into her head: In a world full of misery why do only some get to be happy?

She picked up the last box and handed it to Carter.

"Last one?" he asked and she nodded.

He took the box from her and started out of her old apartment. With one last look, she swung the door closed behind her and followed Carter down the stairs. She was finally walking down those damn stairs for the last time.

She couldn't think of any ending that would've made her happier.

Not much to say. :)

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