I'm sitting outside on the balcony looking out at the beautiful city. I've missed this city. It's so beautiful at night. I wipe away the tears dripping down my cheeks. I've been out here for awhile thinking. Thinking about everything. How I really don't deserve Chandler, his love, or anyone else's for that matter. Apparently during Chandler's business trip to California he was one of three people who actually showed up. He was promoted, given a raise and moved back to New York. This apartment is so beautiful. It's big and has a beautiful kitchen. Everything is so sophisticated and neat. Earlier tonight, after I got of out of the hospital, Ross and Rachel threw me a party at the apartment Chandler and I used to live in. They kept it the same. Apparently a lot of people care about me. I saw so many people. I mean I saw people who I didn't think I'd ever see again. And by that I meant ex boyfriends. Pete Becker and Richard Burke. Pete and Richard of all people. My parents were there, my mom was actually really sweet to me. My friends and family, everyone. But there was only one person in that room I wanted to be with, and that was the guy standing by my side, holding my hand, the entire night. He is so amazing. I did love seeing everyone though, it was really sweet. I don't understand how Chandler can love me. I'm the most selfish person in the world and he still loves me. I left him alone on Christmas. The time when you should be with friends and family. I should've been with my husband, but I was selfish and left him alone on Christmas. I wanted to see my family and friends, and didn't even think about him missing them too. I don't understand why he's not mad, or why he doesn't hate me. I wipe away some more tears dripping down my cheeks. I hear the sliding door open which makes me jump. "Hey, I didn't know you were out here." Chandler says with a smile.

"Sorry I couldn't sleep." He's so cute. He's wearing a plain white tee shirt, with sweat pants. His hair is a mess, but he's just adorable.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. This is your home too. " I look down at the cigarette and lighter in his hand. He still smokes. I'm not going to let that bother me anymore. Because smoker or not I still love him. "You ok?" He asks sitting down at the end of the lounge chair I'm sitting on. I nod my head and force a smile. "You're crying." He says getting closer as he sets his cigarette and lighter on the floor. "Honey what's wrong?" He asks wiping the tears away from my face with his fingers.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just happy to see you." I take his big hands and kiss them.

"Mon, why are you upset?"

"I'm not. I'm just happy to be home." Which is true. It's so great to not be hooked up to all of those machines.

"Ok." He kisses my cheek and I know that he knows that I'm lying. "Do you want me to go inside?"

"No." I smile and shake my head. "Stay, it's beautiful tonight."

"Yea it is." He smiles at me and kisses me. I move over on the lounge chair to give him room to sit by me. He wraps his strong arms around me and we just sit there looking at the city. That is another thing that has changed, Chandler's been going to the gym.

"Have fun at the party?" I ask playing with his fingers.

"Having fun whenever I'm with you." Chandler smiles and kisses the side of my head.

"Everybody was so sweet."

"They all love you. Nobody gave up on looking for you while you were missing. I mean everyone in that room helped look for you. Everyone has been so supportive. Pete offered a lot of money to anyone who could find you."

"I guess they would be writing that check to you." I turn and smile at him.

"I don't need the money, I just need you."

I smile even bigger. "So what are you doing out of bed?"

"Couldn't sleep. I come out here a lot in the middle of the night to think."

I laugh and give him a look. "You mean smoke."

"And that." He smiles.

"You know.. you can smoke if you want."

"What?"

"Yea, I know that's why you came out here, and I'm not going to let that bother me anymore. I'll love you either way."

He smiles and kisses my head. "You're amazing. I love you." He smiles and kisses my lips. He gets up and picks up the cigarette and lighter. I wish I would've waited to say that. It was nice and romantic and now his smoke is just going to ruin it. I watch him stand over the rail. He turns a little so I can see him. I smile at him and he smiles back. He drops the cigarette and lighter and climbs back onto the chair. "I love you." He kisses me.

"Chandler, what did you just do?"

"I quit smoking."

"What?" I smile. He's going to smoke when I go back to sleep.

"Yea. No more. I know you hate it, it's not worth it. I'm quitting, your happiness is all I want now. And smoking you don't like so I'm done. It's a waste of time. I mean I'd rather be with you than a cigarette."

I'm crying again! What is wrong with me. "I love you." I smile and pull him in for a long passionate kiss. As we pull away I begin to sob.

"Babe what's wrong?" Chandler asks pulling me into a big hug. "Honey it's ok. Shh.." He says rubbing my back. "It's ok." He kisses my hair and holds me tighter.

"I don't deserve you." I mumble into his shirt.

He lightly pushes me up and looks into my teary eyes. "What?"

"Why do you love me? Why do you still love me even though I hurt you? How can you love me?"

"How can I not love you? You didn't hurt me in anyway."

"I left! I was going to let you go to California alone on Christmas! I left you alone on Christmas! Why don't you hate me? I'm the most selfish person ever. What kind of wife does that? I should've gone with you to California. If I did, none of this would've happened. We would be happy, and I wouldn't have missed everything. If I only I was more patient! I hate myself, I'm so awful. I... I'm a horrible wife." Tears are rapidly rolling down my cheeks.

"No. No you're the most amazing person. Not an ounce of horrible in you babe. You want to know what kind of wife you are? You're the wife who dropped her entire life to move with her husband to a completely different state, the wife who gave up an amazing job opportunity to be with her husband, the wife who stood by her husband through everything, supported, and loved him. The wife who showed her husband nothing but love and respect even if he was the biggest jerk in the world. You're simply amazing. The most amazing person I know. I shouldn't have been mad at you for going to New York. I mean you hadn't seen your friends and family in a long time because of me, and I should've understood that. I should've been with you. I was stupid. If anything, I'm the one who doesn't deserve you."

"I love you so much." I whisper. "You don't even know Chandler." I really don't deserve this amazing man.

He pulls me back into his arms and whispers, "Baby I know."

I pull away and look into his eyes. "You're the most amazing man."

"Nobody is as amazing as you."

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a passionate kiss. Our kiss begins to heat up and he moves the kissing down to my neck. I run my fingers through his hair as I feel his lips on my neck. I feel his hands moving down my back, but he stops. I look into his eyes and he has stopped kissing me. "What's wrong?"

"I just... do you want to do this?"

I smile and kiss him. "I've been waiting a long time for this." I laugh. "Besides we're on a balcony, you've always wanted to do it on a balcony."

He smiles and kisses me. "Yea, but I want to make sure that you're ok with it."

"I'm more than ok with it."

He smiles and kisses me again. "Is your leg going to be ok?"

"It'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

I smile and kiss him. "I love you."

He smiles back at me and kisses me. "I love you more." He whispers and continues kissing me.

----------------------

I'm awaken by the sound of a very loud bird. Why am I hearing a very loud bird? What is it doing in my room? I slowly open my eyes. I'm outside... why... I look beside me and find Chandler smiling at me. "Morning beautiful." He smiles and kisses me. Oh yes.. I remember. One of the most amazing nights happened last night. Mmmhmm... amazing. One of our higher ranking nights I should think.

"Morning." I smile and touch his face.

He kisses me again. "Last night was amazing."

"Yes it was." I giggle. Boy was it amazing. We definitely need to do that again.

"I told you sex on the balcony would be fun." He says wrapping his arms tightly around me.

"Yea well.. I think we need to listen to you more often."

"I agree." He smiles and buries his head into my hair. I will never forget this feeling. "So are you feeling better?"

"Yes. Thank you." I kiss his cheek sweetly. I play with his hair for a while. "You know that I love you right."

"Yes, I do." He smiles and plants a kiss on my cheek. "And you know that I love you more than anything right?"

"I don't know... I mean it's not like you ever say it or anything." I smile joking. I don't move and wait for him to say something funny and sarcastic but he doesn't... maybe he didn't know I was joking. "I was... just kidding."

"I know that." He smiles and holds me tighter. "I love you."

"I love you." I smile and kiss his bare arm. "I could stay here forever."

"Me too. There's nowhere I'd rather be than right here with you."

I look up at him again and kiss him passionately.

"What was that?"

"Just wanted to let you know I love you."

He smiled and kissed my passionately. "I love you."

"Good." I smile and lay my head on his chest.

"Monica..."

"Yea?" I say closing my eyes.

"Promise me that if anything bothers you, you'll tell me. You scared me last night."

"Oh?"

"Yea, honey you know that none of this was your fault right?"

I look up at him and force a smile. "Sure." I climb out of the chair. "Come on, we have to get ready for breakfast."

Thanks for the reviews. Sorry for the delay lots of stuff going on this summer. I know this chapter was super long though. Hope you liked this. Please review!