Super Smash Soccer!
By Hoogiman
Disclaimer: (do people even care anymore?) All characters referenced are the property of not me.
III
(or alternatively, IIIIIIIV)
"Your next opponent," said Master Hand, "…is some random old British guys we've found!"
"Woo, I guess?" said Nana, confused.
The referee blew his whistle to start the game.
"Hold on a second!" said a man to the referee, "We must have our usual formalities of an introduction to each player!"
"Um… you go first, I guess?" said Luigi, confused.
"I am the captain, Professor Twidlick and I am leftback!" said Professor Twidlick.
"Leftback where?" said Jigglypuff.
"This is Sir Montgomery Hughes," said Professor Twidlick, who was wearing a suit. "He is rightback."
"Rightback where?" asked Jigglypuff.
"This is the Doctor, and he is the stopper," said Professor Twidlick.
"Stopper of what?" asked Jigglypuff.
"This is Professor James Farrel-Davies," said the man, "And he is striker."
…
"Shut up and start playing some football already!" said Snake angrily, snapping the man's arm bone in half.
Match Three
July 20, 2007-07-20
Writing Club vs Some Old English People
The referee blew his whistle.
A man in proper business attire kicked the ball forwards, and the man next to him kicked it back to another man in the suit. The man kicked the ball back to the goalkeeper, who kicked the ball back to the two people at the front. With Luigi's team staring dumbfounded, the man kicked the ball half a metre so another man could kick the ball to another man in a suit who kicked the ball back to the goalkeeper.
"Um…" said Nana impatiently, "Are they like, going to try to score or something?"
The British people kept on passing in the same tired circle.
"Apparently not," said Ness.
"Maybe we should like," said Luigi, standing stationary like every single other player, "Intercept the ball or something."
"Yeah…" said Popo, still, "Maybe we should."
They didn't. The British people kept on passing the ball repetitively.
"We need a strategy," said Luigi.
"Let's eat them," said Snake.
"Yeah!" said Nana, handing out steak knives.
"Woah, woah, woah," said Luigi angrily, "We're not eating anybody! Cannibalism is disgusting and I would never deem such behaviours acc-"
The other team scored.
"Cut the fat guy up," said Luigi.
Writing Club: 0 Some Old English People: 1
Snake tackled the fat guy to the ground. Jigglypuff picked up her steak knife and started to cut at the man's skin.
"I didn't really mean that!" said Luigi angrily.
Jigglypuff, Ness, Snake, Popo and Nana started to feast on the man's limbs.
"Okay! You can stop now!" said Luigi angrily.
They continued to eat.
"You're eating a human!" said Luigi angrily.
Everybody gagged in disgust.
"Snake," said Nana angrily, "When you told us we'd eat someone, you didn't tell us that we'd eat someone as in a person!"
"Sorry," said Snake.
The English, who were now staring at a body were distracted.
Jigglypuff took the ball, waddled along with it (the ball was bigger than her) and then punted it into the goal.
Writing Club: 1 Some Old English People: 1
"Yay!" cheered the rest of the team between their gagging.
The referee blew his whistle for full time.
"Look," said Professor Twidlick angrily, walking up to Luigi and his team. "I am appalled and ashamed to play such a despicable and dirty team as yours!"
"Well, I guess the dirty bit's right," said Nana, forcing Popo to eat the mud on the ground.
"I wish that you will be banished and banned by the-"
"Let's eat them," said Snake.
They ate him.
"You just ate another body!" said Luigi angrily.
Everybody started to gag.
"Stop doing that!" said Luigi, angrily. "You don't have to keep-"
"There's another body of a British guy!" said Snake, pointing to a dead guy, "Let's eat him!"
They ate him.
"You just ate another body!" said Luigi hysterically. "Stop eating bodies!"
Everybody started to gag.
…
"Do you want to do a dance now?" said Mario, wearing a pink flower suit.
"Yes!" said Luigi.
They danced a lot.
"Look! A body!" said Snake, pointing to Mario.
"I'm not-a…"
They ate Mario.
"You ate my brother!" cried Luigi, "How could you, you sick, unsympathetic-"
"Do you want to do a dance now?" said Mario, wearing a pink flower suit.
"Yes!" said Luigi.
They danced a lot.
The End
A List?!
Writing Club: 1, Team Goodie-Two-Shoes: 6
Writing Club: 2 Team Koopa: 1
Writing Club: 1 Some Old English People: 1
Leading Goalscorers:
Luigi: 1
Snake: 1
Nana: 1
Jigglypuff: 1 (1 own goal)
Popo: 0
Ness: 0
Epic.