Super Smash Soccer!
By Hoogiman
Disclaimer: (do people even care anymore?) All characters referenced are the property of not me.
V
(or alternatively, VX)
"Okay, after your several fulfilling practice games," explained Master Hand, floating onto the field, "You will now be playing in your first tournament!"
"Yay!" cheered Snake, Popo, Ness, Jigglypuff and Luigi.
"Wait?" said Nana angrily, "You've forced us to play a couple of games of soccer, why should we now play in a tournament?"
"Because," said Master Hand angrily, "Otherwise you'll end up like Yoshi."
Master Hand pointed to Yoshi's mutilated body on the side of the field, his head on the side as it was decapitated. There was blood sprawling everywhere, seeping onto the pitch and Yoshi had a blue fountain pen in his left hand.
"You mean we'll get a fountain pen?" said Jigglypuff excitedly.
"That too, but you'll also be dead!" said Master Hand.
"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Snake.
"That's not a good thing," said Luigi angrily, "You'll be dead!"
"Oh," said Snake.
Mushroom Cup Qualifier
July 24, 2007-07-24
Writing Club vs Team Goodie Two-Shoes
The match started.
"This is the team that beat us so badly last time!" said Ness angrily, "This time we're going to show them-"
Link took the ball with his foot, ran up the pitch and kicked the ball into the back of the net.
Writing Club: 0 Team Goodie Two-Shoes: 1
"I didn't even get to finish my motivational speech!" said Ness angrily.
"Well too bad," said Link, sticking out his tongue.
Due to the Arctic-like conditions on the soccer field, Link's tongue froze and he fell over.
Link died.
"Haha," laughed Ness, sticking out his tongue.
Due to the Arctic-like conditions on the soccer field, Ness's tongue froze and he fell over.
Ness died.
"Darn it," said Ness angrily.
"Why are we in the Arctic anyway?" said Luigi angrily, "What kind of ground choice is this?"
"Hey!" said Master Hand angrily, "We paid a lot of money to get this state of the art ground! And if you want to go around and tell me-"
"There's no lines," said Luigi angrily, "And the goals on their side don't even have any openings!"
"Shut up," said Master Hand, pulling Luigi's tongue.
Luigi's tongue froze and he died.
"Yay! You did something good for once!" cheered Nana.
"I've done many good things!" said Snake angrily, "I've donated to charity!"
"I was talking about Master Hand," said Nana.
"Oh," said Snake.
Nobody noticing, Jigglypuff took the ball and kicked it into the opposition's
goal.
"Yay!" cheered the people who were still alive on Jigglypuff's team.
Writing Club: 1 Team Goodie Two-Shoes: 1
"I'm going to do a celebratory dance!" said Jigglypuff, trying to rip off her shirt but instead pulling off the skin on her face.
"Ow!" screamed Jigglypuff, bleeding, "The lack of skin on my face is painful!"
"Hahaha," said Zelda, sticking out her tongue.
…
Snake dug a hole in the ice below them and drowned Zelda.
Zelda died.
"Haha," said Jigglypuff, sticking out her tongue.
Jigglypuff's already bleeding body froze and died. A large ice cube formed around Jigglypuff.
"At least I can't lose any more blood!" said Jigglypuff.
The blood in the ice cube continued to fill up and Jigglypuff choked on her own blood.
"Maybe if I swallow my blood…" thought Jigglypuff to herself.
Jigglypuff realised she was already swallowing on her blood and was choking on it.
"Nuue!" said Jigglypuff, dying.
"Come on!" said Meta Knight, determined, "We can beat these guys!"
Luigi's defensive goal was harpooned by a whaling boat.
"Yay!" said Luigi's team.
"I have a secret weapon, Snake!" boasted Jigglypuff, suddenly unfrozen from the gigantic block of ice she was in several moments before.
"What? Duct tape?" said Snake excitedly.
"Nope!" said Jigglypuff happily.
"What? Duct tape?" said Snake excitedly.
"Nope!" said Jigglypuff happily.
"What? Duct tape?" said Snake excitedly.
"Yes!" said Jigglypuff.
Jigglypuff was out of duct tape, due to the cold conditions (which made it disintegrate somehow).
"Oh," said Jigglypuff, disappointed, "I guess I'll just have to use this rifle then as our secret weapon."
"A rifle?" said Snake excitedly.
Snake took the rifle and shot everyone in the feet, including his own teammates.
The referee stared, shocked.
"Uh… that's got to be a red car-"
Snake picked up the referee with one hand and pulled him up to his face, gnashing his teeth in an intimidating manner.
"I guess you guys win by default seeing that your team still has one standing up player, and they don't!" said the referee nervously.
"Yay!" cheered Luigi's team.
Writing Club advances to the second round!
"Are you going to put me down now?" chuckled the referee nervously.
Snake kept on glaring angrily at the referee, still holding him up with one hand in the air.
Snake bit off the referee's head.
Everyone stare in shock.
"Do you want to do a dance now?" said Mario to the dead referee, wearing a pink flower suit.
The referee did not respond, as he was dead.
"Do you want to do a dance now?" said Mario to the dead referee, wearing a pink flower suit.
The referee did not respond, as he was dead.
"Oh," said Mario.
The End
A List?!
Writing Club: 1, Team Goodie-Two-Shoes: 6
Writing Club: 2 Team Koopa: 1
Writing Club: 1 Some Old English People: 1
Writing Club: 4 Some Nerds: 0
Writing Club: 1, Team Goodie-Two-Shoes: 1 (win by default!)
Leading Goalscorers:
Jigglypuff: 2 (1 own goal)
Luigi: 2
Nana: 2
Snake: 1
Ness: 1
The Wind: 1
Popo: 0
Epic. (or in Latvian: Frog.)