Author's Note: The next chapter is the grand tamale for this really ridiculous story. This particular installment contains more boys kissing, so if you don't appreciate that, then I wouldn't read. Thanks for sticking it out with some very old silliness!
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Chapter Five: Shall We Dance?
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Sirius twitched in his sleep, his hands trying to push away invisible enemies. "No..." he quietly whined with frustration, "James, shut up...would you rather I never told you? It's not my fault Moon..ergh..arnd...arghy..." With that, his speech became incoherent--but the voice of James still haunted his dreams.
"You're what Padfoot?" snorted the voice. "Yeah right...you're too popular with the ladies, you could never be...especially with Lupin!" This James was different. The laughter that followed was strange, yet Sirius knew he had heard it somewhere before. James's face began to change, and suddenly it was Snape standing in front of him, taunting him. "Aw, ickle Sirius Black has gotten himself a boyfriend...how cute..." Snape grinned, and a malicious look crossed his face. He began to laugh again, surrounding Sirius with echoed taunts as he raised his wand.
"Oh, just sod off already you great greasy bat." Both Sirius and Snape turned, looking for the source of the voice. Standing off to the side, his arms folded casually and leaning against a wall was one Remus J. Lupin. "Hello," he said cheerfully, "go on then, Snape. Run off and cry to little Regulus." Then, before Sirius's astonished eyes, Severus Snape burst into tears and fled from the room.
"Sirius, I really don't know what in the blazes you're dreaming about, but you'll miss breakfast and Remus just returned from it complaining about those disgusting pastries that you love so much but the house elves hardly ever make." Sirius cracked his eyes open and half-glared at James Potter, who was poking him in the side casually as he spoke. "I know you got to bed late, I talked to Patricia, but really, Remus has been up for nearly two hours now, and we're thinking of having a swing dance competition."
Sirius groaned and rolled over, hiding underneath the covers. "More incentive not to get up. I'll live without the pastries for a month." His stomach rumbled, and he heard the beginnings of Moony's ever popular jazz records. He sat up abruptly. "I'm going to breakfast," he announced, and started for the staircase leading to the common room.
Blaring music attacked him as he entered the room. He hesitated for a moment, afraid of being forced to dance, but mustered as much confidence as he could before crossing the floor to where Remus stood. Sirius saw the question sparkling impishly in the werewolf's eyes before anything was said. "No," Sirius said sharply, before the question could be uttered, "I will not dance with you...well, yet..." The surprise at his friend's agreeing to dance was evident in Lupin's expression, but Sirius plowed on. "I...had a dream, and I want to talk to you about it. It's not just the dream, it's everything, and I don't know...but what I'm really asking is can I talk to you about it over breakfast and I won't even eat any of those pastries but will you come?" He then realized that he was rambling (as often happened when he was nervous), and quickly snapped his mouth shut.
The current song came to an end as Remus gave a mildly flabbergasted "Um, sure...I suppose." With that, Sirius proceeded to drag him out of the common room, and didn't let go until the two practically ran into the Great Hall. "Sirius, let go!" he exclaimed as they sat down. "What is all this about?"
Sirius fidgeted for a moment before he shoved one of the green pastries in his mouth, despite the earlier promise. He blushed as he looked at the plate, but glanced up at met the werewolf's eyes. "Whoops...sorry about that Moony. I won't eat any more." He proved this by serving himself a hefty portion of scrambled eggs before speaking again. "I want to tell people about...you know...but I'm afraid that no one will believe us--well, me at least. I know when I told Lily it sounded like a joke, but it just goes to show that no one will believe it! And I had a dream...Prongs wouldn't believe me, and Snape was..." He trailed off again, and took a bite of the eggs. A smile flickered on his lips for a moment as he continued, "But you were there...you told Snape to shove off and he ran away crying. Then James woke me up." Sirius put down the fork, and studied Lupin's face for a reaction.
If he wasn't mistaken, Remus looked very concerned and thoughtful about his dream. "Wait..." he furrowed his eyebrows. "Did I really make Snape cry?" So, yes, he was mistaken.
"Remus!" Sirius exclaimed in exasperation. The use of his first name, at least, seemed to catch the werewolf's attention somewhat. "I know this all seems stupid, but really, how are we supposed to tell James without him thinking it's some huge joke? He basically assumes everything that comes out of my mouth can't be trusted anyway."
This time he was sure that Lupin was taking him seriously. "I reckon we'll just have to sit him down and tell him without you acting like an idiot, Sirius," he said. "And when he doesn't believe us, just explain it a few more times. I'm sure Peter will be easy enough to convince. He knows more than he lets on, I think."
The scrambled eggs continued to get cold as the fork lay on the table, forgotten. "I am not an idiot," stated Sirius indignantly. "It'd be sort of nice to tell Peter first, since we probably wouldn't need to tell him half a dozen times. Wonder if Patricia suspects anyth--oh, no..." he trailed off, starting at the doors.
Peter had come in, and was making a beeline for the two. He approached the table, and was oblivious to the sudden silence that had come between the two other boys. "Hi! You won't believe what's going on in the common room! James is dancing! With Lily! She's pretty good! They want you two to come back!" His tirade of exclamations was over whelming, but he finally noticed the silence mixed with the bewildered looks of Lupin and Sirius. "So...how are you two? How was last night's studying?"
After a few moments without a word from either of the two, Lupin finally took a deep breath. He stole a quick glance at Sirius, who nodded in silent acquiescence. "Well, actually Peter, it was quite...enlightening..." He hesitated, much to the surprise of Sirius. Was even the great Remus Lupin nervous? Was his confidence as solid as it appeared to be?
"How exactly is Herbology enlightening?" Peter asked, curiosity written across his face. Lupin looked to be formulating the perfect response to this question, but he never got to use it. "Patricia suspects that the two of you spent...uh...more time snogging than studying," he added, looking slightly embarrassed at mentioning such an idea.
There was a short awkward silence before Sirius started laughing. Lupin shook his head. "All the worrying, and Peter's the one to bring it up." He paused and cleared his throat. "Well, Peter, I'm here to inform you that Patricia's suspicions were very correct. Although Sirius and I suspect that the two of you don't spend all your time together just talking."
A furious blush spread across Peter's face. "Well, um, those suspicions are also correct." They all grinned knowingly at each other before Peter stood up, his hands on the tabletop. "When you finish breakfast come back to the common room to dance. James insists that he and Lily have competition."
With that, Peter left the Great Hall, and a stunned Lupin and Sirius stayed behind. They tolerated the awkward silence for a fraction of a moment before breaking out into peals of laughter, and it was Sirius who spoke first. "That was too easy. Who would have thought old Wormtail would be so understanding?!"
Lupin grinned back, and nodded. "Yeah, I wonder how Patricia figured it out, though…I mean, it's not exactly as if we were the most obvious people before last night. Even now we're not…" He looked thoughtfully at the pile of green pastries before continuing, "I can't say I'm going to mind helping you to dismantle that ladies man reputation, though."
Nearly knocking over a pitcher of orange juice, Sirius reached across the table and grabbed another pastry. He defiantly shoved it into his mouth, while the Marauder spark gleamed impishly in his eye. "What do you say we take one of the secret passages back, and we can start dismantling it there?"
A look crossed Lupin's face that clearly read, "If there were anything at all in my mouth right now I would choke to death." Then, an even more impish look crossed his face. "How can dismantling take place if it's not done in front of people properly?" he winked.
"Well, Moony, really, if you want McGonagall coming over and giving us a detention, then go right ahead, but I thought you had a sense of propriety. Prefect duties over snogging duties." His face went entirely deadpan, and pretended to push a pair of reading glasses up his nose. "Really, you three, I can't do that, I'll lose my Prefect duties, and James, you're Head Boy, you shouldn't be agreeing to it either..."
Lupin rolled his eyes. "All right, if you don't want to dismantle your reputation in front of others, I can completely understand. Really though, using a secret passage is against school rules as well, so if you didn't want to do anything at all, you could have just said it outright..." he trailed off, with a heavy sigh.
An imitation sigh escaped Sirius's lips as well, and he stared at Remus with a fixed determination. "I suppose your reputation needs a little dismantling too." The werewolf looked confused for a brief moment, before he was snatched away by Sirius, dragging him out just as he had been dragged in. "What do you say about the passage off the second floor corridor?" he asked as they went down the hall, and up a flight of stairs. "Only James and Peter know about that one, so we're definitely safe."
No reply came from Lupin at first, as the question had been rhetorical. He laughed in defeat, and allowed himself to be pulled behind the statue of Frederick the Flamboyant. Sirius let go of Lupin, and pulled out his wand to open the passage after checking to make sure Filch was nowhere to be seen. It opened, and Sirius gave a little half-bow, as if to say "After you!" The werewolf grinned, and lit his wand as the opening behind them sealed itself.
The passage was a bit wider than most, and the stone was fairly smooth. Lupin leaned casually against it, and looked across at Sirius, a mere two feet away. He raised his eyebrows. "So…I suppose my reputation had been destroyed a bit, and I guess it's your turn now."
Sirius grinned, "I suppose it is." He leaned forward, and into Lupin, which instantly made Remus very glad that he was leaning against a wall because of the feeling that his knees were slowly giving out. "Hey Moony..." he breathed, their mouths almost brushing.
"...What?" Lupin asked weakly. Although he prided himself on being a very strong individual, there was just no denying that he had significantly less experience in this area than Sirius. He could clearly call at least ten incidents to mind of Sirius sneaking off to snog some girl...and there his mind went, nervously wandering when he wouldn't let his mouth do it for him.
"I was just thinking..." he paused, and Lupin thought very faintly that he was going to do something stupid like swoon, "...should we really leave Lily and James waiting for us in the common room?"
The werewolf blinked in surprise as he studied Sirius's face in the dim light of their wands. A small part of him wanted to say "No," but he knew he didn't really want to back out of it, and summoned what courage he could-despite his weak knees. "Of course we should," he murmured. He wanted to move, but Sirius had him pinned against the wall. "And anyway, I need to decide if I'm going to dismantle all of your reputation-the women part and the snogging part-or just the women part."
The shadows flickered slightly on the walls as Sirius smiled to himself. He was in his element now. He knew how to snog the ladies right and left; he could make them, laugh, cry, sigh, or simply want more. He liked to think his talents would apply to his best friend as well. "Don't you dare try to dismantle all of my reputation…" With that said, he closed the remaining space between their lips.
Lupin closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation. Their kisses from earlier had been brief and simple, but this was more. There was no denying that Sirius was an expert snogger, but for some reason, Lupin's fears seemed to dissolve. He moved his hands to Sirius's shoulders, and pushed him away for a moment. "I wouldn't dare destroy this part of your precious reputation."
"Remus, shut up, you're ruining the moment," Sirius grinned, before leaning into him again. This time, he was more than happy to oblige, and tangle his hands in Sirius's hair as he backed further into the wall. Sirius distinctly made a sound that was very similar to a growl, and Lupin half opened his eyes in amusement.
Apparently, though, this was a common occurrence for Sirius. Feeling more and more like a girl, his hands fell to fasten tightly around Sirius's neck, as his face was cupped by a pair of hands. His thoughts drifted as mouths inched opens and tongues explored, to moments such as when he and Sirius had written James a letter and signed it Love, Peter, or the time he had returned to the dormitory late one night only to find Sirius awake and anxious to know if he was all right.
Lupin had just started thinking something very stupid along the lines of, Well, this is nice, when Sirius stumbled, and the kiss broke. Concerned, Remus was going to ask if he was all right, but didn't get the chance. "Weak knees," Sirius laughed rather breathlessly, and then, "I thought you didn't do this sort of thing often."
The light from the wands glittered in the werewolf's eyes and he laughed in response. "I don't…it's part of my reputation. Though I do think I should be the one doing the growling, as I'm the wolf and all." He savored the look of curiosity and surprise that crossed the other boy's face, and used the collar on Sirius's shirt to pull him closer again. Their lips met again, briefly, before Sirius pulled away again.
An intensity filled Sirius's eyes as he looked at Remus, and he grinned slightly. "I think we can arrange that." He pushed the werewolf against the wall again, and began to kiss him with renewed energy, breaking away now and then to leave trails of kisses along his jaw line.
Uninvited, a low growl managed to escape Lupin's mouth. He pulled away, but just far enough so that their lips almost touched. He smiled, and murmured, "I suppose you were right."
"Oh? You suppose I was right?" Sirius grinned against Remus's lips. "Well, then, I suppose we should make that affirmative, wouldn't you agree?"
Lupin didn't have the chance (or the wits, really) to squeak out a "yes" before they were kissing again, this time with a strange sort of urgency. There was only so much more time before Peter and James would set off looking for them, and only so much time before they would think to check the passageways that absolutely nobody else knew about, and really...
He stopped Sirius again, this time as robes were being shed. "Sirius, really," Remus said. "We have friends waiting, and, well, we're in a dark passageway..."
The light flickered, in an ironic reminder that the passage was not in fact dark. Sirius glanced at them for a moment, and then raised an eyebrow at the werewolf as he looked back, as if to point out the obviousness of the light. "It's not that dark," he said. "And don't worry so much about Jamesey and Peter…keep your shirt on, Remus." He then realized the error of his comment at he studied Lupin's bare chest. "Or, keep you pants on I suppose. At least they're still on."
A mixture of a snort and a sigh emerged from Remus as he pondered the last comment. "I suppose you're right…but my pants are staying on, thanks very much. So do you want to go back or not?" He looked into Sirius's eyes for a moment, surprised at their intensity. There was a pause. "Well?"
Sirius half-smiled as he responded, "Well, whether or not we go, I'm at least giving you a hickey to rival Lily's."
Remus stared at him, one eyebrow raised. It was his look of ultimate disapproval, when he wasn't actually going to take the initiative to stop whatever was going to happen. "You wouldn't dare," he hissed. Sirius grinned.
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Lily and James had just put on a third record when Sirius and Lupin returned to the common room. Sirius with a wide grin on his face, greeted the both of them. "Are we ready to get this competition underway?" he asked.
"Excuse me for a minute," Lupin said, bowing his head and dashing up the stairs to the boy's dormitories. James looked at his best friend questioningly, but Sirius merely shook with silent laughter.
A moment later, Lupin poked his head around the corner, his robes strategically positioned to hide the glaring red mark on his neck. Sirius fell down in a fit of laughter as he noticed the werewolf, but said nothing. The best part of it all was how Lupin hadn't actually resisted Sirius until he remembered Lily's mad dash to Madam Pomfrey earlier. Lupin turned a somewhat deeper shade of scarlet as he sucked up his courage, and called down, "Lily…can you come up here for a moment? It's…an…um…surprise…for Prongs. No one else come up."
Before anyone could question the werewolf's less that convincing excuse, Sirius spoke up. "Go on, Lily. Trust me, the surprise will be excellent. James won't know what's hit him!"
Lily's curious expression was evident, and she went upstairs with a skeptical "Sure…" as everyone else in the common room turned to look at James. She entered the room, only to find a very nervous Remus Lupin pacing around the room. "Well? What is it? Is really about Ja-" she stopped mid-sentence, in a feeble attempt to stifle her laughter. "Where did that come from?" she exclaimed as he pulled down the collar of his robes. "I certainly hope it wasn't James who did that!"
He smiled, and shook his head. "No...don't worry, I assure you that Prongs is quite intent on giving hickeys to only one person." Lily snickered. "Rather, I was hoping that you could help me tell first how to get rid of it, and second, explain it to James. Maybe he won't think it's so much of a joke then."
Now, Lily prided herself on being very smart and very perceptive, but she was more than a little confused by Lupin's behavior. "Exactly what about this situation would James think you were joking about? If you're asking me to get him to not make fun of you, then I'm afraid that's an impossibility..."
Remus laughed. "No, I've resigned myself to the teasing. Asking you to stop that would be like asking you to convince him to quit the Quidditch team." He paused, and appeared to be struggling with how he wanted to phrase his next statement. "It's more of a request to help convince him that who gave me...uh...this, is not a joke."
The music wafted upstairs as Lily tried in vain to hide her confusion. As she did, her hand plunged into the pocket of her robes for something, and came up with a small container, which she handed to Lupin. "Here. I sort of…borrowed…this from Madam Pomfrey earlier. It'll take about an hour for the full effect to appear." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ears, and looked into the werewolf's eyes. "But why would James be so surprised that some girl gave you a hickey? It's not that strange, you know."
"That's just the point," he said. "It…wasn't a girl. And it wasn't a joke when he gave it to me." He paused for a moment, remembering that Lily was supposedly there to find out about a surprise for James. "Surprise," he remarked, as he opened the container of cream.
"Merlin's beard!" Lily exclaimed, as a small grin flickered on her face. Logic had begun to take its effect, and her green eyes widened. It was obvious that the werewolf was nervous, so she chose her words carefully. "It's perfectly all right, you know, so don't be worried about that. And I think I know who it is. He wasn't joking when I left this morning, was he?"
"I always knew you were a smart girl," Lupin replied, grinning shyly and out of relief at the same time. There was a short pause in the conversation before he spoke again. "You think James will be all right with this?"
She put a hand on his shoulder, and he looked a little nervously into her focused stare. "Of course he'll be all right with it. He's one of your best friends in the world. Besides, he's told me that, well, that you have a secret he can't tell me about. It's something big, I know it is, but I figure that if he trusts you with that, then he'll be completely fine with this." A smile formed on her face. "Anyway, if he's not, I'll give him a bit of persuasion."
Then, Lily walked to the door and opened it, poking her head out. "James!" she called. "Come up here! We've prepared your surprise." She was silent, and Remus could hear James muffled voice. "Yes, bring Sirius up as well!" Another pause. "Well just pick the needle up! Honestly!" She pulled back into the room and smiled at Lupin reassuringly. "Think happy thoughts," she suggested with a wink.
The music stopped with a screech, and soon the other two boys came upstairs – Sirius chewing his bottom lip, and James looking a bit bewildered. James sauntered over to Lily and slipped his hand into hers. Sirius leaned against the wall next to Lupin, searching Lily's face for any sign of how much Lupin had told her already. The snogging euphoria was beginning to wear off, but it was still enough too keep him from being too nervous that one of his best friends was about to find out he was in love with one of his other best friends. He caught the werewolf's eye for a moment, before turning to James. "So…" he began, with amazing eloquence.
"So?" asked James, as he searched the room in an attempt to figure out if any part of his "surprise" was hiding anywhere. "I hope I'm going to like this surprise, seeing as I stopped the music for this."
Lupin pressed his palm to his forehead and looked at the ground, trying to figure out what to say-for once, there was no logical answer. It was painfully obvious that James still didn't realize that something major was going on. Nonetheless, he decided the direct way was best. "James…Sirius and I have something to tell you. Last night wasn't just studying." He looked at Sirius for encouragement, as well as to see how fast he should go in telling James. Before he could say any more, though, Sirius opened his mouth to speak.
"I suppose it's best to be blunt about this," he stated, straightening up. "Come here." James stepped forward, still completely unaware of exactly what his "surprise" was. He grabbed Prongs by the shoulders and looked straight at him. "This may come as a bit of a shock," he said, his insides broiling but his inner Marauder cackling. "But-" he leaned forward and planted a kiss on James's lips "-that's what Moony and I were doing last night."
Remus was torn between laughing, and burning away from embarrassment. Lily, however, had no such dilemma. She leaned against a nearby bedpost and wrapped her arms around herself, snorts and giggles escaping in rapid succession. "Sirius!" Lupin exclaimed.
"What?" Sirius asked, much more relaxed, although James still had a sort of glazed and confused look written across his face. "We didn't want him to laugh it off as a joke, right? What else was I supposed to do?" He turned back to James, and nudged him. "Hey, mate, you all right there?"
"Um…yes. I suppose." He sat down on one of the beds, though, and stared at the two boys with a look of shock. "It…was a surprise, certainly." He continued to stare somewhat blankly, as the wheels in his head struggled to process everything that had just happened into something coherent.
Meanwhile, the werewolf tried to fight the smile on his face, as well as his deepening blush. "Sirius, that was very rude of you. It's supposed to be me you're kissing, not James."
"Well, Remus, I suppose we can arrange that!" exclaimed Sirius. He walked towards Lupin, and pulled him close for another kiss. "Hope you're not after any more hickeys, though."
"Never again," Lupin assured him. "They're absolutely horrid."
Peter walked into the room, and every head turned to look at him. He saw Lily, looking very amused, and rubbing James's back. James himself, was staring in slight disbelief at Sirius and Remus, who were still in a half-embrace. "Ah, so they've told you then," he smiled, reaching for the small bouquet of flowers on his bedside table. "I was wondering."
"You knew? You know? You..." James trailed off, then set his glasses in his lap and proceeded to rub his eyes with his palms. "What are the flowers for?" he finally asked, when he seemed to be able to string words together again. "A big date? With a girl?"
"No, actually I'm meeting a rather attractive Slytherin boy for lunch later on." He chuckled as James's mouth dropped open, and grinned sheepishly as he continued, "Yes, it's a she. Her name is-"
"PATRICIA!" burst out Sirius, unable to contain his excitement any longer. "Peter snogs not hippogriffs, but Patricia Wamps!" He let go of Remus, and collapsed onto the floor in a fit of laughter – for the umpteenth time that day.
James began to shake his head, and he looked at the other three Marauders. "You three are such…such…" He trailed off, before beginning again. "Well, it certainly was a surprise…Peter's actually snogging a girl on a regular basis, my two other best friends are snogging each other. Are there any more surprises?"
"Well, actually..." Lily started, but she ended up dissolving into a fit of giggles before she could drum anything else up. James tackled her onto the bed, and soon a very mature wrestling match had broken out between the four Marauders and Lily Evans.
They all lay on the floor, panting and grinning at each other afterwards. Peter sat up suddenly with a squeak, grabbed the flowers and dashed out. Sirius began chuckling again at the thought of Peter having an actual girlfriend.
Finally, James sat up and sighed. "You know, I should have suspected," he shook his head. "I should have seen it. Very obvious." Sirius cocked his head as if to ask why. "The love letter," he said. "Sirius, you turned about seven different colors in the span of ten seconds when Remus joked that he never knew you felt that way about him. And then...Quidditch practice. I've never seen you that jittery and anxious to study for anything. Then there was the letter that your brother sent you, why, he's caught on, hasn't he?" By this time both Sirius and Lupin were staring at him in shock. It appeared that James Potter was certainly not unaware of his surroundings.
Sirius blinked, and stared in James in shock. "Wow, Prongs…good job on that." He sat up as well, and scooted closer to Lupin, as if he was in need of some sort of emotional support. It was obviously still something of a touchy subject, but he nodded his head. "Yes…Regulus did catch on. And Snape. And I'm not sure what to do about it." He picked at a spot in the rug on the floor, and continued, "The bizarre thing is that I burned the letter he sent me about it, wrote 'Shove off,' and sent it back to him-but he hasn't done anything about it. It's…strange."
James looked into his friends eyes, and saw that there was true concern there. Almost nothing could rattle Sirius, so obviously he was worried that Regulus or Snape would try to do something. "So…what do you want to do about it?"
Lupin smiled, and grabbed Sirius's hand away from the rug. "Well, there's only one answer to that…we're going to need the talents of all Marauders to give them the hell they deserve. Any ideas, Prongs?"
A wicked grin made its way across James's face. "Do I have any ideas? Does the great James Potter have any ideas that could possibly humiliate the enemies of the Marauders in every way possible? I have lists on the subject, Remus my friend. You could write a novel." With that, he actually reached under his bed and pulled out a sheet of parchment. "Idea number one..."