Disclaimer:We do not own Sailor Moon, House, the U.S. Constitution, Fruits Basket, Jimmy Buffet, Legally Blonde, the Dixie Chicks, or Da Pimp Hand (which is the sole property of our pimp, who shall remain nameless).

After the fiasco with the bear was finished, they all returned to class. It was only a moment later that Principal Beryl called Ami to her office. "Ami, come to my office." Her voice boomed loudly over the school intercom and every Ami in the school promptly stood at attention by her desk and began marching to the hallway.

When they all arrived, Principal Beryl looked outside her office and shouted, "What the hell? Aren't you all supposed to be smarter than this! You know which Ami I want!" And she pointed to the blue-haired girl who was Sailor Mercury's secret identity.

Ami nodded and rolled up her sleeves to display "the guns" and yelled, "Yeah, fools. You all's be immitatin'."

"Ami!" the overbearing principal shouted. "Quit dat be showin' off in front of da homies, and get in dis here office 'fore I toss you da pimp hand!"

Ami squeaked and scampered into the office frightfully, "Yes, sir!" Once they sat down, however, and the door was shut, Ami made yet another snide comment about how low-cut Principal Beryl's shirt was and mentioned something about hating Clinic work.

Beryl scoffed back something about years worth of over due paperwork before leaning back in her desk chair, "You know, Ms. Mizuno, I could be livin' off sponge cake, watchin' the sun bake," she paused in a manner that seemed awkward in the middle of a monologue before continuing, "all of the tourists covered with oil. But NO! I woke up at the ass crack of dawn, I took a shower, had my coffee, watched the Today Show and I came to work. Because I have obligations, dammit. I have responsibilities. And I'm not about to give those up. I am not ABOUT to let someone take my life, liberty, and right to happiness away from me. Oh NO SIREE, not I!" She yelled passionately and turned to Ami, beady eyes blood-shot and worn, pointed nose twitching intuitively, and the candelabra cast an eerie glow upon her face as she spoke, "And now I ask you Ami..." She paused again, "WHY?"

Ami's eyebrow twitched in the typical way of anime characters, and she stared with the raised eyebrow still twitching. Beryl groaned and asked, "What the hell is that?"

Ami cleared her throat and replied, "Oh, just another little seizure. I get them every now and then when I'm wondering why idiots are talking to me. Why, what?"

"WHY," Beryl punctuated with the word with a stapler, "WHY," she repeated unnecessarily, "WHY did we spend that beautiful night together, and then you NEVER CALLED ME!"

"Umm...I'm sorry?" Ami said, looking confused.

"So, what?" Beryl went on. "That's it? Well, fine! I've spent too many hours crying over you!" And she reached over the desk, slapping her hard across the cheek.

Ami looked dazed and confused as suddenly two girls approached her chair and asked her out looking impressed.

Suddenly, a tall man with long silver hair burst through the door and proclaimed, "Ah, but isn't this a heartrending scene! Two lovers, torn apart at the seams! My, how tragique!"

Ami glared hard at the random man and said, "Dude, you're in the wrong anime."

Ayame looked around with much confusion and realized that he wasn't in Shigure's house, giving his heartfelt speech to Yuki and Tohru. "Oh, my!" he said, eyes wide in surprise. "Forgive me! That speech wasn't meant for you! Carry on!"

Completely dismissing the intrusion, Ami rushed from her seat and around the desk and kneeled by Beryl's swivelly computer chair and took her hand in her own. She looked up, eyes filled with tears and said, "You're right. I didn't call you. I was afraid! Afraid of everything! Afraid of monsters! Afraid of dark places! You see, I need... WIDE OPEN SPACES...!"

Beryl, though intrigued and slightly placated, slapped her again and said, "You idiot! Don't you know it's taboo to sing Dixie Chicks? They INSULTED our PRESIDENT to FOREIGNERS! Nobody, but NOBODY, takes advice from their lyrics anymore!"

But Ami shook her head sternly, and said, "I know it's taboo, but it's true! I just had to say it, and there I did! And while I'm at it, I kicked a puppy on the way to school this morning. There! Aren't you shocked! I'm a horrible, horrible person!" She began to slap herself muttering, "Whore, whore, whore..."

Beryl took her hand to make her stop and put the other hand gently to her cheek. "Ami," she said, pausing dramatically again. "You may be a whore...but the important thing is that you're MY whore."

Ami and Beryl fell under the desk in a tangle of passionfruit and moans when suddenly-- Sailor Uranus slammed open the office door and screamed, "STEP AWAY FROM HER! STEP AWAY FROM MY BABY GIRL YOU SOCIAL SECURITY SUCKING WHORE!"

They paused momentarily to look up, and when the overzealous blonde with the butch haircut realized her mistake, she looked exceptionally embarrassed. "Oh! Whoops! I...I thought you were Michiru...I-I...Well, continue, anyway."

And they did. On into lunchtime. And then they smoked a cigarette. And it was good.