Chapter 7: Losing My Grip

(Takes place one month later)

"Why, Emma Nelson! I think you have completely lost your mind!" Alex laughed as Emma came out of the bathroom. Her now henna red hair was still wet.

Emma laughed and kissed Alex's cheek. "Can't a girl make a change?"

Alex nodded. "Jay's gonna' flip. You know that, right?"

Emma frowned. "Why would he care?"

Alex gaped at her for a moment. Her mouth snapped shut, forming a frown. "I thought you two were a thing now."

Emma's frown deepened. "What would make you think that?" she asked as she flopped onto the couch and lit a cigarette. She handed it to Alex and lit another for herself. Alex sat next to her.

"Gee…you spend every moment that you're not here with him…"

Emma rolled her eyes and laughed. "Lexi, Jay's not an option." She shrugged. "For once in my life…I don't think I could…" her eyes dropped to her cigarette. She stared at her chipped purple nail polish and sighed before looking up at Alex again. "For once, the urge for male…errr…companionship is gone."

Alex sighed and pushed a piece of henna colored hair behind the other girl's ear. "Emma…just give it time, OK?"

Emma shrugged. "Hey, Lex? When did you…when did you think you might…you know…like girls?"

Alex frowned, deep in thought. Emma studied the small crease in Alex's brow. She always got that crease when she was seriously thinking. "I don't know," she finally muttered. "I don't think it was ever like, a big realization or anything. Why?"

Emma dropped her gaze back to her fingernails. "No reason. I just…I get the gay thing. I get the straight thing. I just…I'm not real clear on the whole bisexual thing."

Alex laughed and flicked her cigarette into the ashtray before taking another hit. "Hon…that makes two of us. I just know that a chick sort of gets what another chick likes, but…" she grinned. "God! Sometimes being with a guy is just…I can't even explain it. It's sort of like candy. I just have to have a chocolate bar."

Emma laughed and threw a pillow at her friend. "I'll bet Jay would love to be compared to a Snicker's bar!"

Alex shrugged. "Why wouldn't he? Sweet and satisfying?"

Sean was lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling when Shanna plopped next to him. He looked at her and smiled. "Hey. What's up?"

"Not much. Wanna' go for a walk?"

Sean chuckled. Since he and Shanna were considered low risk patients, meaning they'd both passed a battery of tests that said they weren't a threat to themselves or others, they were now allowed to walk around the yard. They had been taking at least one walk a day for the last two weeks, and Sean secretly relished them. They would walk around and he'd listen as she pointed out birds, naming each one. Sometimes they'd stroll along the edge of a small wooded area and her whole face would light up. She'd gasp happily as a stray chipmunk or squirrel would flit through the woods and scurry up a tree. She'd kneel down and happily smell the flowers.

Shanna was a lot like Emma. She was so smart and sensitive, but she had this tough edge about her that only Sean could break through. But mostly, Sean knew that Emma, as well as Shanna, could break down his walls and make him feel like he was under a microscope. If Emma were still a part of his life, that aspect of Shanna would annoy him, but Emma wasn't…and Shanna sort of made up for that. Not completely, but as much as possible.

He smiled at Shanna. "Get you skinny ass off my leg, and let's go for a walk."

Shanna squealed happily and jumped up clapping, making Sean laugh. He rolled his eyes. "Geez! Don't piss yourself," he teased. "It's just a walk!"

"Maybe to you…but to me, it's a walk with my most favoritist person in the world!"

Sean laughed again at her use of the word 'favoritist' and stood up next to her. "Let's go sign out."

Shanna nodded and they walked to the nurse's station. As they walked out the front door, Shanna grinned and whispered. "I've got a surprise for you."

"Oh, yeah? Shanny…are you stealing pudding from the caf again? I told you…that shit's gonna' make me fat!"

"Oh, please!" she laughed and rolled her eyes. "You know you're hot, so quit playin'. Besides…that's not my surprise. And I'm not telling, so just shut up and come on." She sprinted across the yard towards the wooded area.

Sean laughed and chased Shanna. For the first time since he'd left Toronto, he'd found a reason to laugh.

Sean's legs faltered a bit as a thought occurred to him. Did he love Shanna? He pushed the thought aside as he caught up to the thin girl and caught her by wrapping his arms around her small waist. "Slow down, Girl!" he panted, trying to catch his breath from sprinting. "You forget…I couldn't walk for nearly a week."

Shanna laughed and shook free from his embrace. She took his hand. "Shut up and come on. We don't have all day! You know that old bat Batey will come looking for us if we're gone longer than an hour."

Sean nodded and let her drag him to the edge of the woods. "I found something in here the other day…"

"Were you strolling around with another guy behind my back?" he teased.

Shanna turned to him once they were out of sight and frowned. "No. Why would you think that?"

Sean rolled his eyes. "I was teasing."

She nodded. "Good." She turned back to him and pushed him against a tree. Her mouth found his and he pulled her closer. She moaned softly against his lips, running her fingers underneath his shirt, caressing the lines of each muscle. He trembled.

"So…this is your surprise? A kiss?"

She smiled and shook her head as she pulled his shirt over his head. Soon, her lips found his again and she began placing tiny kisses along his jaw, down his neck…and slowly worked her way down to his waist.

"Shanny!" Sean whispered in startled surprise as she slid his sweats down his legs.

"Emma…why are you asking all this stuff?" Alex asked Emma with a frown. "This is worse than twenty questions!"

Emma shrugged. "I don't know. Just making conversation, I guess."

Alex laughed. "Well…don't. You're not gay…and I doubt you're bi…so I wouldn't worry too much about it."

"I'm not worried," Emma protested.

"Well…then what exactly are you?"

Emma shrugged and went to the bookshelf. She frowned. "Lexi! Where's Shakespeare?"

Alex shrugged and stood up. "Chill. I put 'him' in the other room when I knew the cops were coming. It just seemed out of place amid the stack your nature magazines, Jay's car manuals, and my junk. I figured if it was on the desk, they'd think we were studying.

Emma frowned, trying to count back. "Has it really been that long since we partook?"

Alex laughed. "Nope. Remember two weeks ago, Jay brought some of his."

"Oh! Oh, yeah. So…got any plans today?"

Alex laughed. "I sure do. I plan on reading some Shakespeare."

Emma grinned and went to grab the book. "That's my girl!"

Sean's knees began to weaken. He plunged his hands deeply into Shanna's hair. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back against the tree moaning softly.

Shanna chuckled softly, making Sean gasp at the sensation. His hands tightened in her hair and she moaned as she began moving her head faster.

"Shanny!" Sean whispered as if in pain. His hands slid to her shoulders and he pulled her up to him. "What do you…I mean…" He sighed sadly and sat down on the soft grass, ignoring his nudity. He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't want to hurt you. I don't know if I'm…if I'll ever be able to move past her."

Shanna nodded as she sat next to him. "I miss Jake…"

Sean frowned. "Jake? Isn't he your old roommate?"

Shanna blushed and nodded. "Yeah. We…ummm…we sort of…" She sighed. "We were both sort of…hurting and lonely. We hooked up." She shrugged. "We made each other happy."

"So…I'm sort of like Jake to you?"

Shanna sighed sadly. "No! I…maybe," she admitted. "But…you once said that I remind you of Emma. Why…why can't we be what the other needs? Is that so…is it wrong?"

Sean shrugged. "Probably." He watched her face fall. He sighed sadly and lifted her chin. "Don't cry," he whispered as his lips met hers. His hand drifted down her body and she trembled and moaned softly against his lips. Soon, they were falling back on the soft grass together as Sean's hand gently slid slowly up her shirt and cupped her breast, making her gasp.

"OK, Lexi. Truth or dare?" Emma murmured as she took another sip of her can of beer. She burped softly and both girls laughed.

"Ummm…truth."

Emma thought for a moment. "Who was the best sex you ever had?" Emma asked bluntly.

"Hmmm…Jay, obviously." She shrugged and rolled her eyes. "That's too obvious. Hell, look at the shit he put me through…and I keep going back for more."

Emma frowned. "Sort of like me and Sean…without the sex, though. Bobviously."

Alex snorted with laughter as her head fell back on the couch. "You said 'bobviously'.

"Did I?" Emma laughed when Alex nodded.

"OK…your turn. Truth or dare?"

"Truth," Emma said with a nod.

"OK…same question."

Emma opened her mouth to speak then snapped it closed with a frown. She did it again then asked Alex. "What question?" making Alex squeal with laughter.

"Stop! I'm gonna' piss myself!"

Emma rolled her eyes. "Gross! Ew! No…seriously. I forgot the question."

"Best sex…who?"

Emma frowned. "Ummm…hasn't been that great, really. Any of it."

Alex paled a bit. "Sorry."

Emma shrugged and smiled. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Who do you think is the hottest guy…and hottest girl…at Degrassi? You know, since you like both and all."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Have you seen the guys at Degrassi? Hell…Jay and Sean were the best, but…they're gone, so…" she frowned, deep in thought. "Brooks. I'd say Jimmy Brooks. What about you?"

"Jimmy's cute, but so is Craig, I guess. Now…hottest girl."

Alex smirked. "Me!"

Emma rolled her eyes and laughed. "Cheater!"

Alex sighed. "I don't know…you…and maybe Paige…Manny would be cute, but she's a bitch."

Emma's laughter rose to a howl. Suddenly, she stopped and frowned. "Did you just say you thought I was hot?"

Alex playfully shoved Emma. "Don't let it go to your head, Cause Girl! It's not like there's a lot of choices there!"

Emma shoved her back. "Gee…aren't we picky!"

Alex nodded. "Damn straight! OK…truth or dare."

"Let's make it interesting. Dare."

"OK…I dare you to…" Alex went and grabbed the phone and phone book. She opened it to the yellow pages and smirked at Emma. "OK…I'll dial the number and you say…" she leaned over to whisper in Emma's ear. Emma laughed and nodded. Alex dialed a number.

Emma waited for the person to answer. When they did, she smirked. "Hi. You don't know me…but I know you, and I think you're really hot. I want to come to your house and screw you until-"

"Emma Nelson?"

Emma paled. She looked at Alex in horror. "Tracker!" Alex's jaw dropped in shock as Emma hung up the phone, her cheeks flaming in embarrassment. "Shit!" she mumbled softly.

"Oh, hell, Emma! I didn't realize that Tracker worked at that place!" Her face crumbled, and she burst into laughter. She tried to breathe deeply to hold it back, but it came out in snorts and snickers. "I…I for…forgot…never thought…you know…Tracker's in Al…Alberta."

Emma suddenly burst into hysterics. "Your turn! Truth or dare?"

"What the hell? You had the balls to take one. Dare."

"I dare you to call Manny and try to get her all hot and bothered."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Too easy! Manny, that is. You know…easy sleazy…"

Emma smirked. "Nice and easy!" She chuckled. "Now…do it." She handed Alex the phone.

"Manny? Manny Santos?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you wearing?"

"Who is this?"

Alex smirked at Emma. "I'll ask the questions."

Manny sighed. "Fine. I'll play along. I'm wearing my red halter top with my black leather mini."

Alex smiled. She made a moaning sound. "Sounds sexy. Have you ever let your boyfriend push that little skirt up and run his tongue up and down…"Alex continued murmuring softly. Her grin widened, obviously getting a kick out of Manny's reaction. Her voice dropped to a seductive whisper. "I could have you moaning and writhing…"

When Alex hung up, she burst into laughter. "That little skank was diddling herself when I hung up!" She frowned at Emma. "What?"

Emma leaned forward and began kissing Alex. "I want that…what you said to Manny…" she whispered. She kissed Alex deeper, moaning as Alex slipped her tongue into Emma's mouth and pulled her back over her as she lay back on the floor.

Sean lay back on the soft earth, clinging to Shanna's naked hips as she moved over him. She whispered his name over and over and Sean relished in her soft voice. She leaned forward, kissing him softly as she began slowing her movements.

"Oh…" she whimpered as his lips found a small breast and he lifted himself against her pelvis. "Don't…Sean…don't stop!"

Sean groaned and rolled her underneath his body. Her whimpering grew louder as his pace quickened and he covered his lips roughly with hers as she cried out and wrapped her legs around him and arched herself. Her nails dug into his back and her body began to tense. She pulled him tightly to her, forcing him to stop.

"What's wrong?" he whispered, frowning as he tried to catch his breath.

"I'm…I want this to last," she whispered as her body began to slowly relax. Soon, she was moving beneath him again and he smiled softly, pressing himself into her as she whimpered his name again and again.

After a few minutes, her body began to tense again. He groaned as her pace quickened and her cries begged him not to stop. He began moving with her and his lips found hers as his thumb found its target and began moving in rough circles. Their cries were stifled by the others' mouths as they fell over the edge.

Emma's fingers were tangled in Alex's hair as the brunette kissed the other girl's belly button. She chuckled softly as Emma gasped. Her lips moved lower and Emma cried out.

Alex moved back over Emma, looking her in the eye as her finger moved to the spot where her tongue had recently vacated. "Are you…are you sure you want this?" Alex whispered softly.

Emma pulled the other girl's face to hers and kissed her roughly. Alex took that as a 'yes' and began placing small, wet kisses along Emma's jaw and working her way down.

Emma was soon writhing under Alex and moaning softly as her hips rocked softly to Alex's searching lips. Soon, Emma was lost. Alex replaced her mouth with her finger once again and knelt over Emma, kissing her softly. She watched Emma's reaction, smiling as Emma cried out.

When it was over, they lay next to each other and stared at the ceiling. "Alex?"

"Hmmm?"

"Uhhh…that was…uhhh…"

Alex laughed and hugged her. "Told you that you weren't gay or bi."

Emma frowned. "How'd you…know?"

Alex shrugged and sat up, searching for her clothes. "You…when you orgasmed…you sort of…" Alex sighed and chuckled. "You called out for Sean."

Emma frowned as her cheeks reddened. She swallowed back tears and shook her head in confusion. "But…I love you…"

Alex laughed and tossed Emma's shirt at her playfully. "Yeah. As a friend. Which is cool because that whole live-in lover thing is way overrated…not to mention weird." She stood up and laughed. "It's cool, Emma. Don't worry. It's not like I'm going to freak and kick you out just because of this. I was just trying to prove my point is all."

Emma sighed and nodded as she dressed. She stood up and hugged her friend. "Thanks."

Alex laughed, but frowned in confusion. "For what?"

"You know…not getting freaked by my weirdness lately."

Alex laughed. "Geez, Green Peace! You act like no teenage girl has ever wondered before! Now…are you ordering the pizza or am I?"

Emma smiled. "How about I order…and we make Jay pick it up?"

Alex laughed. "Sounds like a plan!" She tossed her arm casually over Emma's shoulders as they headed into the kitchen. "See? You're learning. You make the man do all the grunt work!"

They laughed and Alex grabbed a couple of cans of beer out of the fridge while Emma ordered pizza.

Sean fell over Shanna and she stroked the nape of his neck softly. "That was…wow!" she whispered with a chuckle as his lips found her neck.

"Mmmm…" was all he could manage.

He felt her arm move as she lifted her arm to glance at her watch. "Oh, no!" she gasped, pushing at Sean.

"What?" he asked as he leaned on his elbow to look in her face.

"We have like…two minutes to get dressed and presentable before the old bat comes looking for us!"

They rushed to get dressed and Shanna was giggling. "Shit!" she muttered nervously. "I can't find my bra!"

"Were you wearing one?" Sean asked absently as he slid his sweats quickly over his legs.

"Of course I was! I'm not Manny, for crying out loud!"

Sean laughed and shook his head as he began sifting through the leaves for Shanna's bra. He'd nearly forgotten about telling Shanna about his secret distaste for the new and improved Manny Santos. "Calm down. Just put your shirt on just in case she finds us.

"Oh, pickle shits!" she grumbled as she put on her shirt just as Sean found her bra.

He started to hand it to her when they heard footsteps crackling the dry leaves. He shoved the bra in his pocket and knelt down, giving Shanna a look to let her know she should do the same. "What kind of bird did you say that is?" he asked, loudly enough that he could be heard without being too obvious.

"Oh! Ummm…" she stammered, trying to catch sight of a bird to name. "Just a Ruby crested wood pecker. It's weird, though. I thought…I thought they were indigenous to North America."

"Mr. Cameron? Miss Tifton? Why are you so far back in the woods?" Ms. Batey asked suspiciously.

Sean stood up, trying not to be intimidated by the woman's formidable six foot, two hundred eighty six pound frame. He looked up at her and shrugged nonchalantly. "Bird watching."

"And you can't do that from out there?" she asked, hooking her thumb in the direction of the edge of the wooded area.

He shrugged again. "Not really. Not if we want to see the cool birds."

The nurse sighed and rolled her eyes. "You two and your damned wild life!" she grumbled, turning back the way she came. Sean and Shanna shared a secret smirk that held relief. "Well, Mr. Cameron, you've wasted about ten minutes of your brother's time-"

"What? Track's here?"

The nurse nodded. "Yes. I looked high and low for you, but-"

Sean dashed past the nurse, calling over his shoulder. "Sorry, Shanny, but I really need to go. He came all the way from Alberta to visit me."

"That's cool!" she called back.

When Sean was out of sight, the nurse spun angrily on Shanna, startling the small girl. "I know what your game is, young lady. And as soon as I catch you at it…your sorry little behind is going home!"

Shanna swallowed hard as fear filled her at the thought of going home to her mother…and her mother's boyfriend. "I don't know…" she whispered nervously. She cleared her throat to speak more clearly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

The nurse smirked and shrugged. "I've seen kids like you come in here and play crazy just to get away from their responsibilities. Well…I'll catch you. And when I do…"

Shanna rushed past the nurse, dropping her head to hide her tears. "You don't know me! You don't know shit about me you fat, ugly, gargantuan bitch!" she shouted as she ran as hard as she could.

She ran into the hospital and quickly signed herself back in. On her way back to her room, she was staring so hard at the floor, she didn't see him until she'd ran straight into him.

"Woah! You OK, Miss?" the tall, lanky man with bleached hair asked.

Shanna looked up into his face and smiled as nicely as she could muster. Her eyes locked onto his bleached goatee, trying to pick something to focus on. "Sure. Never better. And you?"

He chuckled. "I'm good."

She suddenly giggled nervously. "I've never seen you here before. Are you new? I'm Shanna, by the way."

The man smiled. "Tracker. I'm just visiting."

Her smile faded as her eyes swept over his body, making him frown. "Oh…too bad. We could've had some fun," she murmured softly.

Tracker frowned. "What are you? Like fourteen?"

She shook her head. "No…but it's nice to know I look young for my age," she said, flashing him a toothy smile.

Sean walked up behind Shanna and smiled at Tracker. "Hey, Man! I see you've met my roomy."

Tracker frowned. "You're roomed with a chick?" he asked in surprise.

Sean smiled. "Long story."

Shanna giggled. "Oh, Sean! You can tell your brother!" She turned back to Tracker. "I'm a dyke."

Tracker nodded. "Yeah…OK…Sean, can we talk? I don't have much time, and that Batey bitch is being a hard ass about my time limit."

Sean nodded. "Sure. Let's go to the caf. It's lunchtime anyway, and I'm starved. See you around, Shanny?"

She laughed. "Of course! We sort of live together, don't we?"

He nodded absently as he followed Tracker down the hall. Shanna sighed sadly and went into her room. She frowned in surprise. "Charlie? What are you doing in here?"

"Whoop-whoop!"

Shanna laughed and sat on her bed. He sat next to her. "So, Whoopy…what's up?"

He turned to face her, the childlike face suddenly becoming devious. "Saw something."

"Oh, yeah? What'd you see?"

He leaned closer and whispered in her ear. "I saw you fucking Sean," he murmured and Shanna gasped at the realization that he had just dropped another wall from his façade.

"Charlie," she whispered sharply. "You're faking?"

He smirked and nodded, hopping off the bed. "Now we both know a secret," he mumbled as he walked to the door. Just before he walked out, he turned with a smile and pressed his finger to his lips. "Shhh!"

He hurried out the door and ran down the hall shrieking, "Whoop-whoop!"