The limos had gotten to the airport and the 13 unsuspecting contestants were taken to their home for the next 3 months.
Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Draco were in the 1st limo, Parvati, Lavender, Dean, and Seamus were in the 2nd limo, and Crabbe, Goyle, & the teachers were in the 3rd limo.
Ron- These things are so cool, there's even glowing boxes! Harry look, a sponge and a star fish doing a happy little jig!
Harry and Ron sat and laughed at Spongebob and Patrick. Hermione had gone back to reading, and Draco was writing out his last will.
Me- Dave the producer!
Dave- (off screen) what? You are supposed to be hosting the show!
Me- I know, but why does he think he going to die?
Dave- How the hell should I know? Just pay attention to hosting the show!
Me- Fine Grumpy Gus, but for the record you made a rhyme!
Dave- Oy…
Back in the limo
Draco- Well let's see. Everything I own is left to my family, Crabbe and Goyle can have all my books, and everything I ever inherit will be left to the Slytherin house… especially Professor Snape.
Me- OOOOKKKKK, I think someone has an obsession problem. (Looks at the camera once again) By the way to all you people watching out there, I can see in all three limos, well actually (pauses and counts on fingers) all five of the limos, because they have a lot of stuff!
Dave- You don't have to watch the extra limos! Nothing is going to happen to them!
Me- Well you never know, there might be limo luggage thieves around!
(Eventually the limos arrive at the house. They had been a half hour late because first they got lost then they got stuck in traffic.)
Ron (still overly excited) - This house is so big! It's almost as big as Hogwarts!
Harry, Dean, & Seamus- I know!
Parvati- Nah, I've seen bigger…
Lavender- Definitely, did you see the house on Real World in New Orleans!
Hermione- Of course! That Danny was very hot, it's too bad he's gay.
Three girls and Professor McGonagall- (sighs longingly)
Three girls- OO
Hermione- You watch Real world?
Prof. M. - Of course! I only eat, sleep, and breathe MTV!
Three girls- ¬¬
Me- Geez… what a loser! VH1 is where it's at!
Ron (yelling loudly) - Stop talking and lets go in! (Runs but crashes into the locked door)
Sirius- (from inside his house next door) Shut up down there! I'm trying to meditate!
Harry- Hi godfather Sirius!
Sirius (looking down) - Hi godson Harry!
Harry-
All- (shocked and confused)
Me- (opens the door) Oh how rude of me! Let me try again! (Runs back inside and opens the door again) It's show time people! I am the host Keri!
All- (still shocked and confused)
Me- Say hello!
All- Hello host Keri!
Me- Awww that's better! So anyway, here's the scoop. You've all been selected to participate in a new TV show called 'THE MANSION!' (Dramatic music plays)
All- Errrrrrrrrr…
Me- Yay! Don't you love that? The point is… you all have to stay at this house for the next three months to see who will stay sane even though they will be seeing the exact same people every single day. At the end of the three months, whoever is still here will win $50,000 gallons!
Ron- Yippy! I won't be poor anymore!
Me- Ron, it's not that simple
Ron- Oh… hey wait! How do you know my name?
Me- I'm special and I know everything! But anyway, you will all have group puzzles that you have to complete; only sometimes, most of the time I forget to do that. The dumb director left it up to me to figure out the puzzles even though we have a million completely capable writers! I'm not very reliable…
Dave- (from inside) you can say that again!
Me- (yells inside the house) nobody asked you! (Looks back at the shocked contestants) My friend and co-host Tina will also be around most of the time too. If I forget the puzzle, she'll probably make it up… (Yells inside the house again) Tina! Hey Tina! Come on! Stop eating all the cheesy poofs!
Dave (from inside the house) - what do you want now?
Me- Is your name Tina? I wasn't calling you, you bucket head!
Dave- Don't get an attitude with me!
Me- Grrrrrrrr…
Tina- (chewing and running at the same time) Mmmph mmph mmph mmph! (She runs out the door but Draco sticks out his foot and Tina ends up tripping over it)
Me- Draco that was not nice! $5,000 gallons taken away from your pot!
All- (laughs)
Me- (looks at Tina on the ground) Are you ok?
Tina- I am a little hitslepuffed, but I'm A'OK! (Stands up)
All- Errrrrrrrrr….
Tina- Wow they're not very glibbermigginious are they?
Me- Apparently not
There is complete silence
Me- Well, err, do you people want to take the tour?
All- Yes!
Me- Ok, please buddy up! We don't want any of you getting lost! I will not be liable for lost people!
Ron- Harry, buddy with me!
Harry- OK best buddy!
Draco- Professor Snape! Buddy with me!
Snape- OK, favorite student!
You get the idea, buddies go with buddies. Parvati goes with Lavender, Dean goes with Seamus, Prof. M. goes with Dumbledore, and Crabbe goes with Goyle
Hermione- Miss host Keri?
Me- Please Hermione, just call me Keri.
Hermione- Um, ok, I have no buddy
Me- It's ok sweetie, you're so smart that you don't even need a buddy!
Hermione- Hooray!
So they take the tour of house, well most of it, and then they reach the backyard
Ron- Look at all this cool stuff! A pool and a Jacuzzi and a… (Gets cut off)
Seamus- …And a trampoline and a big people's swing set!
While the guys go off and play, the girls just stand and look around
Me- Ummmmm, what do you want?
Parvati- Well, aren't there any hot guy butlers with no shirts that work here?
Me- Are you kidding?
Hermione, Lavender, Parvati, Prof. M. and Tina- Boooooo!
Tina- I did not sign up for this pooot sauce!
Me- Of course there are!
All the girls- Yaaaaaay!
Me (looks around to make sure the boys aren't being bad) – Holy crap! Dean, don't do that!
Dean (trying to knock Ron off the trampoline)- Why not?
Me- Well number one, Ron could get hurt, and I lurve him!
Tina- I weetwah him too!
Ron- Err thanks?
Me- Number two, I don't think your account can get you out of Azkaban, after you kill someone!
Dean- (shudders)
Sirius (from out the window) - Hey! No talk about that place while I am next door!
Me- Sorry! And number three (whispers to Dean) I don't think anything like that is supposed to happen until episode 7
Dean- Oh ok, sorry Ron!
Ron- That's ok!
Me- Well I'm glad everyone's happy… now go inside! We will be taping the first episode in about 2 hours so make sure you look your best!
Tina- Yes yes, no schnitzels on you!
All- OO