Hi! This story is not exactly very popular, I can see, because I've only gotten about 4 reviews...it would be greatly appreciated if you reviewed, even if you flame, because then the flame will at least show up as another review lol. Also, I'm still being funny, but definitely not like the first chapter. It's just, this whole story was meant to be an angst, so making it funny is rather difficult. Well, on the first chapter it wasn't, but now it is. I apologize, even though so few of you read it so no one really cares lol.

Warning: Language, later there will be Christian faith dissing and there will also be slash later but I don't know why that would have to be a warning in such a slashy fandom lol.

Disclaimer: Yes, I completely own South Park, just like I completely own Converse, The Gap, and Darigold. If you thought I didn't own South Park because I'm just a lowly fanfiction writer, you were WRONG! Muahaha!

Chapter 3 – The Toils of Friendship

Many people take their friendships for granted because they don't realize just how difficult it is to be a friend. They've had friends for so long that it's sort of just a habit to them, and they don't even realize that a good friendship takes a lot of work. Well, in reality, someone who's had friends since kindergarten has had a lot of practice. It's like someone who's taken piano lessons; the piano is an extremely hard instrument to play, but when you practice enough, it's not hard for the person who took the lessons. But Pip had never had a friend before. And Pip didn't have the slightest idea how to go about being a good friend.

Pip and Damien had one class together, right after lunch. During class, Pip usually sat off in a corner by himself, doing the work assigned and then reading or something. But, this was his class with Damien. Was he supposed to go over to Damien and strike up a conversation, or was it more polite to wait until Damien talked to him? When the teacher asks the class to pair up with people, should he ask Damien to be his partner, or were they not good enough friends to be partners yet? Pip didn't even know why Damien wanted to be his friend. Pip was sure that if any of the other boys screwed Damien over, he could give them a beating from hell. Pip wondered if Damien just wanted to screw him over.

It's not like Pip wasn't used to that or anything...

Pip stared out the window, miserable thoughts running through his head. Damien hadn't said a word to him since lunch. Class was already halfway over, and Damien hadn't even strayed from his seat. I guess he just doesn't really want to talk to me, Pip reasoned. Pip decided that that made good enough sense, since he wasn't an incredibly interesting person to talk to. Pip wasn't just sad that Damien wasn't speaking to him though, he was also afraid of when Damien WOULD speak to him. Pip didn't want to mess up and say the wrong thing, now did he? And was he supposed to ask Damien for his phone number or anything? Of course, Pip didn't even have a phone, so it didn't really matter.

The whole class passed and Damien had not said a word to Pip. Pip sighed as the bell rang, expecting Damien to immediately leave to his next class since Pip had already shown him where it was. Pip, of course, is not the brightest crayon in the box and expects pretty stupid things sometimes. Damien immediately walked over to Pip's desk and sighed mournfully.

"I hate my seat partner," Damien said, flames apparent in his eyes.

"Who?" Pip had been keeping a close eye on Damien throughout the period and paid no attention to his seat partner.

"Bebe Stevens," he said with a shudder of disgust. "She seems to think I'm "smexy". I don't even know what the hell that means!"

"Er...neither do I..." Pip responded, trying to put his two cents into the conversation.

"Ugh. Anyway, I'm getting as far away from that whore as possible...I really hope she's not in any more of my classes."

"Oh...well, goodbye then," Pip said, not knowing if there was a special goodbye you were supposed to say to friends.

Damien high-tailed it out of there, leaving Pip standing next to his desk with his bag not even half-packed. Pip stuffed his math book and binder into his bag and proceeded to his next class.

It was funny, really. Pip was not a troubled child. He was naturally well-behaved, being brought up in an environment where he was told to be nice to everyone no matter what they did. And yet Pip had close to the most office referrals out of the whole tenth grade. He had been sent to the office 87 times since the beginning of the year, not including when he got sent down during his last period.

"But Mr. Withers...I don't really understand what I did..."

Mr. Withers gave a heaving sigh. "You've been down here TWICE today Pip! What the hell is your problem? Do French people have a tendency to be complete misfits and trouble makers?"

"I'm not French..."

Mr. Withers ignored the poor boy, choosing instead to sigh again. He put both hands on the desk and supported himself. His red hair and mustache quivered slightly, Pip noted with amusement. "Pip, something is wrong with you. You can't keep yourself out of trouble and people are starting to notice! I have the school board hounding down on me to have better students and better office records, and you're completely blowing it for me! Now, Frenchie, tell me why it is that you were being a distraction in Mr. Sanders classroom?"

"I answered the question on the overheard projector wrong...and then Mr. Sanders sent me here."

"I don't believe you! French people are liars, all of them!"

"I'm not -"

"Pip, you need to shape up your act before I suspend you! I am the vice principal and counselor; I have the power to do that."

Pip gasped slightly. Suspended? How could he ever be suspended? Pip was such a good kid, why did they think he was horrible? "Mr. Withers, I don't really think I'm a bad -"

"Pip, you're French, you're a bad kid."

"GODDAMMIT I AM NOT FRENCH!" Pip yelled, finally having lost it. "Why does everybody think I'm French! I am British, Goddammit!"

Mr. Withers looked shocked for a moment. But, it was only for a moment. As soon as he got over the fact that Pip had actually stood up to him, he gave Pip after-school detention for the rest of the week, and the week after. "That's what you get for being French," Mrs. Keen said as Pip walked out of the office, looking sullen. Pip expelled a sad sigh, heading in the direction of the detention room.

Detention was..awful. Pip wasn't a stranger to detention, no, but there were just so many bullies in detention this time. They all decided Pip was their personal punching bag for the rest of the time, and Mrs. Tyrese didn't even look up from her Readers Digest once. Pip tried to make as little noise as possible, knowing that they usually used his screaming as an excuse to punch him harder, but it didn't really make a huge difference anyway.

The next day Pip got in trouble during his third period. He had been reading Oliver Twist when Mrs. Landers was busy droning on about the Civil War. He got sent to the office for the 89th time, and Mr. Withers gave him a long talking to about how he needed to control his French desire to be a bad hat. "I'm sorry, Mr. Withers. I'll try to not to let it happen again." Pip decided he was done talking back to Mr. Withers. He didn't want more trouble than he already had.

"Pip, where's your lunch?" Damien asked as he fell into a chair next to Pip in the lunch room.

"Oh, I just misplaced my money, that's all," Pip said with a sigh. He fished his book from his backpack, expecting to have to read all lunch.

"Uh...well..." Damien appeared to be struggling to say something. Pip glanced over.

"Are you okay?"

"Here!" Damien shoved some sort of sandwich over to Pip. "I hate mayonnaise. It's too white." Damien looked angry that he had to forfeit his lunch because Pip had been a forgetful little bitch.

"Er...that's okay. I'm not that hungry."

"I don't care about your hunger, I just hate mayonnaise!"

Pip reluctantly took the sandwich. "But...it's my fault I didn't bring my lunch money, not yours. You shouldn't have to give me any of your lunch..."

"Goddammit Pip take the goddamned fucking sandwich!"

Pip squeaked and hastily pulled the sandwich to his chest. "I'm sorry, I took it!"

"That's better." Damien dug into his macaroni salad with much zest. "Well, go on, I didn't poison it!" Damien snapped. Pip rapidly de-plastic-ed the sandwich and took a rushed bite.

"It's very good...I thank you very much..."

Damien rolled his eyes.

Pip bit his lip and stared at the sandwich. This was one of the only presents he'd ever received in his life. But, Pip thought in a panic, he didn't have any type of gift to give Damien in return. What would Damien think of him receiving a present and not giving one in return? "Damien...I'm dreadfully sorry, but I'm too poor to get you a return gift to show my thanks..."

"Pip, it's a sandwich. Get over yourself. You don't need to get me a stupid "return gift to show your thanks", you know. I don't really care. I hate mayonnaise, it's not like I was giving it to you out of the goodness of my heart."

Pip muttered something inaudible.

"What was that? Speak up when you talk, for God's sake!"

"I said, this is the nicest thing anyone has done for me..."

Damien raised his eyebrow. "Well, if you're gonna get all emotional I'll take it back."

"No! I mean...er...sorry..." Pip took another small bite of his wonderful meal. "I...uh...well..."

"Pip, you know you suck, right?"

"Yes, I'm very aware of that..."

"And you know you're a girly pussy, right?"

"I guess I do now..." Pip touched his hair self-consciously. Did he look that much like a girl? His clothing was a bit feminine, he guessed he had to admit. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry, just be sad," Damien said with an evil chuckle. "Anyway, what my point is is that you are the absolute opposite of me, the epitome of coolness, bravery, and manliness."

"Go on...?" Pip was sure Damien was going to contradict what he just said with something nice about him.

"Well, that's all I really wanted to say," Damien with a chuckle. "I just felt like pointing out your faults and making me feel better about myself. Thanks, ol' buddy!" Damien said while clapping Pip on the shoulder. Pip couldn't help it; he burst out laughing.

"Damien, you...you are the rudest chap I've ever known!"

"Yeah, be honored that you know me."

And Pip was honored. Because Damien, the epitome "coolness, bravery, and manliness", actually chose Pip over popularity. "Damien, I don't think you're right in the head," Pip pointed out.

"And why is that?"

"You are choosing ME over popularity...why is that? I'm small and insignificant and everybody else hates me. There's nothing special about me."

"Well, you're British. If you were French, I'd hate you. But you're not French, so it's all good!"

Pip shook his head. "No Damien...I don't think you understand the gravity of your situation..."

"My...situation? Pip, I'm not pregnant, contrary to the popular opinion." Damien laughed at his own little joke.

"Well...Damien, nobody is ever gonna like you except for me, because you are hanging out with me. It'll ruin your whole life!"

"Pip, I don't know how many times you've told me this, but I think one time was enough for me to "understand the gravity of my situation". Pip, I don't like them. They're assholes. They've been assholes since I met them back in the third grade, and they always will be assholes."

"You met them in the THIRD GRADE?"

"Yeah, my dad had some death match with Jesus..."

Pip's eyes widened in recognition. So this was why Damien had looked so damn familiar! "You're DAMIEN! The Son of Satan! The one who made me into a human firework!"

Damien's eyes widened as well, and then he burst into laughter. "That was fucking hilarious! Oh, you should've seen the look on Eric's face when I blew you into the sky! He looked like a giant Cheesy Poof had come to his front door and said "Eat me Cartman! Oh, eat me!"! Ha ha! You were a great firework."

"I...I guess I was a splendid firework..."

The two friends burst into laughter.

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Wow. Third Chapter done. I am a quick writer, I must say! Or, I just have no life. Yeah, probably the latter. Anyway, please review, because I really want reviews. I'm going to cook some Mac n' Cheese with the flames I get, so feel free to flame!

Kenny's SpaceCadet will give a free copy of her very own Mrs. Landers type song to anyone who reviews! Here's an excerpt:

Gay is when you're happy, and happiness is sweet

And Johnny's really happy when he's beating off his

Meet your friend Nikkita, she really is a sap

But you'll come to appreciate her when she's sitting on your

Laps around the water will keep you very thin

But don't get any other liquids dripping down your

Chin –

And I'm not going to tell you the rest. It's really, REALLY long...anyway, if any of you want it I can send it to you, but you have to tell me in a REVIEW.

I doubt anyone will want it, but it really is funny if you sing it out loud lol. Uh...review?