Well...hello all. squeals I was – and still am – trying to break my unhealthy addiction to fanfiction dot net. Lol. But, I couldn't help but read my reviews again, for no reason other than I couldn't remember them all. And...well, the reviews from Society's Cavity and AthEnA1999 made me feel...good and bad at the same time. They made me feel good that I am so loved, but bad that I am depriving you guys of what is apparently one of your favorite stories. And, well, I admit that this story is intensely fun to write and I think I might finish this and THEN try and continue to break my addiction. Lol. Anyways...sorry to keep you waiting so long, since it's been since late June since I've given you an actual chapter. laughs hesitantly If any of you guys are still following this story, then thank you very much!
Disclaimer: Yeah I like totally own South Park, like I so totally own Wings, Applebee's, and your mom. Yeah, she's in my top 8 on Myspace.
P.S. I don't know if Paris Hilton's favorite limousine is pink or not. But it might be. In fact, it probably is if she has a pink one.
Chapter 5 – A Splendid Firework
"So, are we walking?" Pip asked Damien, who had begun to walk away from the statue.
"No, we're taking Paris Hilton's favorite limousine. It's bright pink and has PLENTY of space in it so her "friends" have room while they fuck her. Oh, and you're going in the trunk. You'll fit, I'm sure, but we can always cut off your legs if you don't..." Damien looked thoughtful for a second, apparently pondering this new idea.
Pip gave a small sigh. "I take that as a yes, we are walking." Pip ran up next to Damien, who had a very fast pace since he had such long legs. "You walk fast!"
"No, you're just slow."
Pip accepted it, instead of fighting back. "Um...okay, I'm slow, will you please wait for me?" Pip said to Damien's ever-shrinking back. Damien came to a dead stop and Pip heard him sigh. When Pip caught up with him ten seconds later, Damien asked, "Could you walk ANY slower?"
"I could, but I don't really want to..."
"What do you want, a piggy-back ride?" Damien snapped.
"No..." Pip practically ran when Damien started up again. "I'm sorry, but I am extremely scrawny and cannot walk much quicker, but I can try to run!"
"Then do that," Damien said nonchalantly. Pip spent the next five minutes half-running, half-skipping to keep up with Damien. Pip realized during that time that Damien really DID have extremely long legs and was very tall. Pip felt smaller than he normally felt when he was walking/running/skipping next to Damien.
Pip was in the middle of executing a complicated skip/gallop/trot when his arm was grabbed by someone behind him. Pip twisted around and came face-to-face with a fat older man with a grin lighting up his face. "Kevin!" The man then proceeded to wrap Pip in a bear hug. "Kevin, it's been SO long! I can't believe it's you! I thought you were in the army?"
Pip was squashed too far into the man's torso to respond that he wasn't the Kevin that this man seemed to think he was.
"Fag, get off him. He's not Kevin, your boyfriend," came the voice of the ever-polite Damien. The old man loosened his grip and let Pip go. He then studied Pip's features and his glad expression faded into a sad frown.
"Oh...you're not Kevin! Jesus, I am SO sorry! I thought you were my son!" Pip didn't think he bore any resemblance to the old man, so he probably didn't bear any resemblance to his son.
"Oh, it's alright sir...I'm sorry for the rudeness of my friend," Pip said with a gesture to Damien. "He's just..." Pip sought his mind for the right word to describe Damien. "He's just rude," Pip finally came up with lamely.
The man laughed. "You sure have a way with words, young man. I hope you have a fantastic night! I''m sure I'll see my Kal-er, Kevin soon!" The fat man gave Pip a small clap on the shoulder and walked off in the other direction. Pip smiled.
"He was very kind," Pip deduced. "I haven't seen him around before though. Oh well, let's continue onward to the show!"
Damien looked slightly nauseous. "Er...I think I'm going to puke..."
"Are you quite alright?"
"I will be...I just need a favor..." Damien breathed out in a whisper. Pip was somewhat worried, since Damien had been fine a few seconds ago.
"What do you need?"
"I need you to SHUT UP AND STOP TALKING IN THAT DAMN BRITISH ACCENT!" Damien yelled, not appearing to be actually ill at all.
Pip bit his lip. "I'm terribly sorry but there isn't anything I can do about my British accent..."
"Then be quiet, you sound like a pompous brat," Damien said while making a puking hand motion.
"But you know I am certainly not a pompous brat..."
Damien heaved a huge, irritated sigh. "Pip, could you please just be quiet for five minutes?" He sounded quite exasperated.
"Er...right-o..." Pip said and proceeded to keep his mouth zipped tightly until they got to the theatre.
"Pip, what are you doing?" Damien asked as they arrived.
Pip had stopped walking completely and was staring longingly at the theatre. "Well I just...wait...I am going in..." Pip laughed nervously. "Normally I can't go in so...well...I can't remember the last time I saw a real movie, if I ever have..."
Damien laughed a bit. "Man, you're deprived!" He slapped Pip on the back in an encouraging yet very painful manner and started walking up to the box office. "One ticket to "From the Gates of Hell"," he muttered to the ticket dude.
"$6.50," Ticket dude replied monotonously.
"Man, movies suck," Damien muttered. Pip then walked up to Ticket dude and asked the same question.
"$6.50," Ticket dude replied in the same fashion as before.
"Right-o, kind sir!" Pip said exuberantly as he dug around in his pocket for one of the ten dollar bills Damien had supplied him with. "Just a second..." Pip tried all his other pockets but it was to no avail. There was no cash. "Erm...I...my money just..."
"Save it for the court," Ticket dude said wearily. "No money, no ticket. Get out of here."
"But I could swear it's here!" Pip said with a sad whine in his voice as he searched his pockets again.
"Get out of here, dumb brat!"
Pip hung his head and walked away from the box office to Damien.
"Where's your ticket?"
"Well, you see, the thing is...I had the money, I'm certain of it...but it wasn't..."
Damien growled in such a way that Pip cringed. Pip just knew Damien was gonna get pissed, very pissed. Pip feared for his life.
"That damn army man's father! He pick-pocketed you! Oh, that damn man is gonna get it if I ever see him again! That was MY twenty bucks! I knew I shouldn't have trusted you with it, something just had to happen to it!"
"I'm sorry..." Pip muttered, staring intently to the ground. "Just go and enjoy the movie without me..."
Pip actually heard Damien roll his eyes. "Pip, stop it." He sighed. "It was only twenty bucks...I mean, I can always whore you out and make twice, if not three times as much money. Or four times, you know, cuz you're so cute." Damien thrust ten more dollars into Pip's hands. "Go and buy a ticket, NOW."
Pip scurried back to the box office and hurriedly bought a ticket. "Here's your change," he mumbled embarrassedly as he handed Damien tree-fiddy. Damien smirked and led the way to theatre number 7 with a confident swagger that made Pip so jealous. Pip had always wanted to be like that, but he knew he'd get sent to the office or beaten up or something if he even attempted to try.
When they got in, Damien immediately said, "We have to sit in front! It hurts your eyes the most, it's the best!" Damien had a boyish grin lighting up his face and Pip couldn't help but return the grin whole-heartedly.
Damien immediately chose the absolute middle seat, and Pip was left to wonder, how did he sit? All the chairs seemed to be...flat.
"What, are you planning to sit on the floor?" Damien said. Pip was about to reply when Damien gasped and stood up loudly. "We forgot to get SNACKS!" Damien dragged Pip most painfully to the concession stand and ordered an X-tra large bucket of popcorn and the largest size Pepsi available for both of them. He then buttered the bucket so much that the sides were slightly soggy. He laughed a bit evilly and then made his way back to the theatre, Pip struggling to hold both of the large sodas.
"Dammit, we didn't get straws! Pip, you idiot!" Damien said and mock-glared at Pip once he had sat down and Pip was left standing up, not knowing what to do.
"Er...shall I go get some?"
"Nah, I'll just make one of your larger veins into a straw," Damien replied sarcastically. Pip ran back to the main lobby.
When he'd returned, it was in the middle of a preview for some movie Pip really had no desire to even know about. He handed Damien a straw and then awkwardly sat on the floor.
"Pip, what are you doing?" Damien asked, not bothering to keep quiet.
"I'm...a..."
"You're...a...dumb-ass!" Damien muttered. "Get on the chair, faggot..."
Pip squeaked a little and stood up. "Erm...how do I..."
Damien held the folded chair seat down so that Pip could sit. Pip sat, still feeling awkward as hell.
"Here, take your dumb soda," Damien said nonchalantly and handed him the gigantic container. The cup was so large that Pip's hands didn't fit all the way around it. Pip noted that Damien's hands did fit all the way...Pip set the drink off to the side and sighed. He really didn't like soda much. It made his nose burn.
As soon as the movie started, Pip wished he'd never came. It was a gory blood-fest of demons escaping hell and killing everyone on Earth, and then moving to take over heaven. And, of course, there'd been a love story mixed in between St. Paul and a demon named Corinthiana. Corinthiana wasn't evil, apparently. And those scenes were all heavy make-out sessions and sex scenes.
But, it wasn't the worst thing he'd seen in his life.
"Man, that was SWEET!" Damien said to the sky and punched the air with his fist as he and Pip were walking away from the theatre. "I expected Heaven to win, actually, but they twisted the story a bit, making it even cooler! And did you see Corinthiana's tits? Man, she's got a nice rack!"
Pip almost gagged.
"What, are you gay?" Damien then gave a small evil giggle. "You are, aren't you?"
Pip narrowed his eyes. "Well, I cannot say I rightfully know, since I have had no experience with the female sex at all..."
Damien laughed loudly to the quiet South Park streets. "You don't have to have experience with a girl to know she's hot, like Corinthiana! Yeah, and the angel who was played by Angelina Jolie was hot too. Angelina Jolie is SMOKING!"
Pip just stared off to the ground on the other side of himself, not really wanting to let Damien know that he had not found Corinthiana OR Gerdenspur attractive in the least.
Before Damien could poke any more fun at Pip's obvious faggot-ness, a voice called from behind them. "Yo, Damien!" Damien and Pip both flipped around and saw the famous South Park gang of four making their way to them.
"Hey Damien! How is your boyfriend?" asked the fat one, Eric Cartman.
"Oh, he's perfectly fine thank you," Damien said with a smile that looked very convincing if it wasn't genuine.
"Hey, Damien, remember when you made Pip into a firework?" Kyle asked curiously.
"Well, I guess so."
"Well we have a proposal for you," Kyle went on. "We think that you'd be cool enough to hang out with us if you did that to Pip again! You know that that would be awesome, just like that movie you just saw!"
All four of the boys in front of Pip were grinning with anticipation. Pip didn't know what else to think but, why not give Damien a chance to be cool again? 'Damien lost his chance to be popular when he started to hang out with me...but maybe, just maybe, he could be cool if he does this!'
"Guys, I don't know..." Damien said with an uncertainty that Pip had never heard. Damien was always sure, always.
"Oh c'mon!"
"Yeah, stop being a wuss!"
Pip stepped up closer to Damien. "Damien...I'm sure you'll make me into a splendid firework..." Pip had reasoned that the only reason that Damien could possibly be uncertain was because he wasn't sure he'd make Pip into a cool enough firework for the boys.
"Goddammit!" Damien punched the closest one of the gang, who coincidentally was Kenny.
"Oh my God you killed Kenny!" yelled Stan.
"You bastard!" Kyle added his famous catch-phrase. "So, are you gonna make Pip into an awesome firework or not?" Kyle continued, as if nothing had happened.
"No! You guys are fucking assholes and I don't even want to be near you! You guys would screw me over and I know it! Pip would never do something like that to me, so I'd never do something like that to him!" Damien grabbed Pip's arm painfully and dragged him off, shouting obscenities at the top of his voice. Pip looked over his shoulder and saw Kyle standing with a wide mouthed look of surprise, Stan looking slightly guilty and Cartman jumping up and down on Kenny to release his anger.
After they had walked for around five minutes – Pip's arm still painfully lodged in Damien's hand – Pip got the courage to speak up. "You shouldn't have done that," he stated in monotone. Damien immediately came to a standstill and let go of Pip, who fell to the ground at the suddenness.
"What, now you're gonna get all ungrateful on me?" Damien yelled. "I saved your sorry ass and all you can say is "you shouldn't have done that"? What the fuck is your problem?"
Pip stood up, but kept his face planted to the ground. "You made everyone mad..."
"So?"
"If you had done it, they'd have been happy to have to epitome of coolness or whatever as their friend and you would be happy because then you would have a lot of friends and be popular and...and...everyone would have been happy and you didn't do it..."
Damien brought his fist down on the top of Pip's head, making him see stars. "GODDAMMIT WHY DON'T YOU GET IT? I DON'T WANT FRIENDS!"
Pip clutched his scalp and stepped back a little. "I'm sorry..." Obviously, if Damien didn't want friends then he didn't want Pip to be his friend either. Pip sighed and took another larger step back. "I just...I'll just...I'll go home now..." he whispered out, not trusting himself to not burst into tears. He had thought Damien actually LIKED hanging out with him...while Damien just didn't want friends at all...
"No Pip, that's not what I meant," Damien said with an exasperated sigh. "I do want friends...just not them..."
"Well that's stupid!" Pip blurted out and then covered his mouth, a horrified expression taking over his face.
"How so?"
"Well..." Pip sighed and bit his lip. "They're fun, and they like to do cool things, and they know how to be cool, and they're really nice -"
"Really nice? Are you out of your mind, Pip? They're the epitome of evil! They're like the Yankees!"
Pip shook his head. "Except for Cartman, they're all incredibly nice..." he muttered, and then added, "Except to me. Because I suck, you know?"
Damien frowned a little. "Pip, you're insane, you know that?" Damien just shook his head. "Look, buddy, wanna hang out at my house for a while?"
Pip thought hard, but then came to the conclusion that he had no money to do that. "I'm sorry, I really don't have any money to pay you so..."
"Huh? We weren't talking about money..." Damien said confusedly.
"Well...all the other boys have me pay if I want to come over...and the only money I have is at...home...and it's for my lunches..." Pip trailed off, very much wishing that he could be normal enough that he didn't have to pay to go to someone's house. Especially since he really wished he could hang out with Damien, since he had never before.
"Pip, you're demented! Why would you have to pay?"
"Well, since I have no coolness to speak of, I need to pay to make up for it," Pip replied, wondering why Damien didn't realize that. It had always been perfectly obvious and understandable to Pip.
Damien smirked. "Wanna pay me in a different way?" Damien seemed to make the perverted undertone in his voice completely obvious.
"Well...I don't..." Pip trailed off and stared intently at the ground, an embarrassed flush covering his face.
"Make dinner for me and my family," Damien said, catching Pip off-guard who had thought Damien was going to suggest something highly inappropriate.
"Er...um...I'm not very good at cooking," Pip muttered honestly, certain he wasn't going to be allowed over now.
"You couldn't be worse than my dad. For someone who's so accustomed to heat, he can't work an oven for shit!" Damien said with a laugh as he dragged Pip into the direction that had to be his house.
When they got there, Pip thought he might die.
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Er...I know I haven't updated in a real long time... sheepish grin And I know that you're all probably very irritated with me for that. Lol. Sorry. I realized I really do have a fun time writing this story and I felt like continuing it. Er...um...sorry that I had to stop for my own personal life. When you're an author, you're not really supposed to do that, even when you want to. I'm sorry. I truly am. I hope that people still want to read this...and possibly review for it...;)