Chapter 20: Sick Of Me

Three days later

"You gonna' be OK by yourself?" Tracker asked as he tossed his leather coat over his shoulders.

Emma smiled and handed him his sunglasses. "I'll be fine," she reassured him for about the sixth time that morning. "You've got food…a TV…I'm set for the day."

Tracker nodded and sighed before sliding onto his bike. "I just wish you'd have went to register for classes with Tory."

Emma wrinkled her nose. "And how do you expect me to do that? I'm a runaway, remember?"

"No…you're seventeen. You'll be eighteen in what? Six months?"

She shook her head. "Six weeks. I'll be a senior next year…well, I would've been…"

"No shit?" he asked in disbelief.

She grinned. "No shit."

"Holy hell! Well, I guess time flies, doesn't it?" he asked absently as he kick started his bike. "I'll be home from work at 4:30!" he yelled over the noisy engine.

Emma merely nodded and turned to walk back up the steps. Tracker watched to make sure she was safely inside before putting the bike in gear and easing the throttle to get the bike moving. He didn't like leaving her there by herself.

'She's almost eighteen!' his mind chided. 'She's nearly an adult! She can take care of herself!' Another voice broke in…one he didn't like… 'Oh, yeah. Like she's handled herself so great so far!'

"Oh, shut up!" he muttered to himself as he pulled onto the pavement and kicked the throttle up higher, speeding down the street.

Emma closed the door behind her and locked it, knowing that Tracker would flip if he had to come back for something and found the door unlocked. She sat heavily on the couch and dropped her head into her hands, finally able to take stock in what had happened three days before.

"I tried to make them stop! I screamed! Tracker, I swear I screamed and begged!" she sobbed into his chest. "But they wouldn't! They just kept laughing and hitting me…"

"You're safe, Emma. It's OK…"

"It's not! It'll never be OK! Don't you get it! I hear them laughing all the time! I hear them saying to hold me down…hold my legs…and…and…and when one was finished…"

"You don't have to-"

Emma continued as if she hadn't heard him. "When one would finish with me…the next one would…"

Emma lifted her head and wiped the fresh tears from her eyes. "How fucking pathetic am I?" she whispered to herself. How could she have spilled her guts like that to Tracker Cameron of all people? How could she have told him about all that…how they took turns on her…made her beg and scream for them to stop…only to laugh and hit her harder. When she'd finally, blissfully been hit hard enough to knock her out, only to come to and find one of them standing over her…

"Emma! It's me! What-"

"Get away from me! Please! I won't tell! Just…please don't hurt me anymore!"

"I'm not going to hurt you. Just let me help."

"Please stop!"

Sirens filled the air, only to be drowned out by Emma's frightened wails.

She sighed and stood up, walking to the closet and grabbing her jacket. She dug into the pocket to find the small plastic bag that she'd hidden within. She'd told herself that she wouldn't use it…but now she knew she would. The memories of that day were too much. She felt dirty and disgusted all over again, and she needed something that would help her forget.

Sean stood at the train station, shifting his bag uncomfortably as he stared at the ticket in his other hand. A one way ticket to Alberta, Canada. He'd been released this morning, and after a quick walk through of the trailer, had decided that his only chance for healing was to get away from here…away from the memories.

"You killed that kid hoping to get a piece of ass off that little slut, didn't you?"

"No!" Sean shouted at his father.

His fist swung out blindly, connecting with Sean's temple and sending him crashing to the floor. "You're nothing but a murdering, whoring little shit!"

"Stop it! Please! Don't hurt him!" he could hear his mother faintly cry right before the cracking sound of the back of his father's hand connecting with his mother's cheek, sending her crashing partially on top of Sean, who'd been trying to stand. They both landed on the floor again with a thud.

"And you! You're always sticking up for him! What the hell does the boy have to do before you realize he's garbage?"

Sean shook his head quickly to clear the memory. There had to be a good memory in his mind somewhere!

"Emma, I'm sorry for everything I put you through last year. Everything."

"It's forgotten. Ancient history. Maybe we should get you out of here."

"We've got one more stop to make."

Why in the hell had he made that last stop? Why hadn't he just handed Jay the keys and let him drive the whole lot of them, including himself, back to Toronto…away from here?

He leaned against a post, wondering what everyone was doing now. He smiled at the thought of Jay and Alex. They were probably partying in the ravine…as usual. And Emma? Emma was probably leading an environmental meeting, forcing Manny to help, as usual, right this moment. He chuckled to himself. Emma…Little Miss Save The World…God! He missed her. Someday…someday he was going to do something big with his life…prove to her that he was worthy of her love and understanding. Someday he would find a way to make up for everything he'd done wrong to her in the past. He had to. Even if she'd said it was all forgiven…in his mind, nothing had been set right. Not yet. But it would be.

Emma stared at the bag in her palm…memories of her last night with Aaron floating through her mind. How she'd cried…how he'd hit her…how Sean had loved her…

'Wait!' her mind did a double take. She sighed and stared harder at the baggy. Why was Sean always popping into her mind? He hadn't been there in a year…hadn't seen what she'd done to herself and those she loved. Why was she thinking of him now?

'You think he'd want you doing this shit to yourself?' Emma sighed and tossed the baggy on the table. She turned away and went into the makeshift bedroom that Tracker had set up for her. She dug through her small bag until she'd found the tiny light blue tank top and worn denim short shorts that she'd brought. After putting them on, she ran a brush quickly through her hair and pulled it up into a loose ponytail.

Turning, she went back into the living room and began looking around. The place wasn't too bad, as his mother had been keeping up on most of the housecleaning. Still…there were a few things she could help out with. After all, this was her temporary home, and it was high time she stopped pissing and moaning about her past and did something constructive.

Three hours later, Tracker unlocked the door. 'I'm just here for lunch…not here to check up on her,' his mind keptchattering. What he saw made him drop his keys. His eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared.

"Emma Christine Nelson! Get your ass in here!"

"Tracker?" came the reply. He heard her small feet tapping on the linoleum as she hurried into the room. His eyes swept over her as she entered with a worried frown etched across her face. "What is it? What's wrong? I thought you weren't supposed to be here for-"

His anger returned quickly, like a flash fire. He pointed at the bag on the table. "What the fuck is this shit? I thought you said you were here to clean out?"

"I…I am! I mean…I thought of doing…I wanted…" she stammered.

"Get your shit and get out!"

"Wh-What?"

"You heard me! I don't want that shit in my house! Do you want them to take Tory's baby?"

"I didn't-"

"What the fuck are you thinking?" he shouted. "Do you have any idea what that shit will do to you?"

Tears dripped from Emma's chin. "Yeah…firsthand!" she mumbled as she turned and grabbed the bag. "And that's why I didn't use!" She turned to go to her room.

Tracker sighed. "Emma, wait!" he called out. She stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Swear you didn't use?"

Emma nodded. "I swear on my eyes, Track."

"How can I be so sure you won't use?" he asked.

Emma returned to him and took his hand. "C'mon."

"Huh?"

"Just come with me," she said, tugging at him. He followed as she led him to the bathroom. She handed him the small baggy.

"What the hell do you want me to do with this?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Flush it." She saw his look of confusion and sighed again. "Open the bag…dump the contents in the toilet…then flush said toilet…"

He rolled his eyes, trying to hide a smirk. "Smart ass," he mumbled as he did what she said.

Sean shifted uncomfortably as the train pulled up. Why was this so hard?

"Sir, we won't be leaving again for half an hour," the conductor said as Sean handed him his ticket. "They are making a minor repair."

Sean sighed and nodded, taking his ticket back. His stomach grumbled with nervousness, and he decided to grab a bite to eat. As he walked away, thoughts of Emma filled his head.

"Sean? Can you hand me that last flier?"

"Yeah…just a sec," he mumbled as he picked up the roll of tape laying on top of it. "Ummm…Em? You spelled 'environment' wrong."

"What?" she asked, walking over. She stared at the poster for a moment before slamming her fist on the table. "Stupid Manny! She made this one up!"

"Emma," he chuckled. "Chill. It's an easy fix."

"Still…she knew that this had to be perfect!" She sighed as Sean corrected the poster. "Ever since she went into 'looking good mode', she acts like she doesn't care!"

Sean shrugged. "She's growing up." He smiled at her arched brow and gave it a quick kiss to smooth it a bit. "Em…she's just experimenting. She's trying something new."

"Like looks are so important!" she huffed as Sean held the paper against the wall.

He watched her out of the corner of his eye while she carefully taped each corner. "Em…it's different for her. She's not happy being cute. She's not like you."

A blush crept up her cheeks. "Are you saying I'm cute?" she asked.

He chuckled and grabbed her, wrestling with her teasingly. "Shut up!" he laughed.

"I can't do this!" Sean mumbled to himself. "I can't go there and pretend-"

"Can I help you, Sir?"

Sean jumped and looked around in surprise. He had inadvertently walked to the ticket counter. He sighed and looked around. "I…I…"

"Yes?" the thin, balding man asked impatiently.

Sean swallowed hard and cleared his throat. "I need to return my ticket please."

Tracker and Emma sat on the couch with their bowls of Fruit Loops. "Your mom's gonna' flip if she catches us, you know," Emma mumbled between bites.

Tracker shrugged. "What she don't know won't hurt her."

Emma rolled her eyes and shoved another spoonful into her mouth. "Thanks."

"For what?" he asked in confusion.

"For believing me. For being willing to give me a chance," her eyes raised skyward as she thought for a moment. "Ummm…for feeding me Fruit Loops in the middle of the afternoon…"

Tracker chuckled. "Shut up, you nut," he said as he pulled a piece from his bowl and tossed it at her, bouncing it off her nose.

"Hey! No food fights on the couch," she laughed as she tossed one back.

"Who's gonna' stop me?" Another Fruit Loop soared through the air, landing neatly in her hair.

"Oh, you are so in for it!" she laughed and set her bowl down. "It is so on!"

Tracker laughed and barely set his bowl down before Emma soared through the air and tackled him. He tried to catch his breath. "Stop it, Em! No tickling! No fair."

Emma's hands stilled. Her eyes widened in a mixture of surprise and pain. "What's wrong?" he asked trying to sit up. "Did I scare you? I'm sor-"

Emma shook her head violently. "No…it's just…you sounded like…like Sean when you said that."

Tracker sighed and pulled her close. "You miss him, huh?" Emma nodded against his chest. "You'll see him again."

She shook her head again. "I don't want to! I…he shouldn't have left! It's his fault I'm like this!" Emma said, even though she knew in her heart it wasn't.

"Emma…I don't know…I mean…I feel sort of conflicted here." He sighed. "He…loves you. You know that, right?"

Emma nodded sadly. "Yeah…and he still left. What's that say about me? I'm forgettable."

Tracker shook his head and tipped her chin to look in her eyes. "You know that's not true. Hell, I thought about you a lot when you guys split…and we never even…" he sighed, realizing he'd said more than he'd wanted. He watched her eyes as recognition floated through them. He sighed. "Hell! Fine…Emma…if you were a few years older…and not my brother's girl…"

Before he could finish, Emma's lips met his softly. His mind screamed to push her away, but his hands betrayed him as he pulled her closer and let his tongue roam across her bottom lip softly.