Yo.
I'm finally updating.
Well, I actually just updated a little while ago...
Haha!
So, I'm actually updating soon!
Isn't this cool?

By the way...
I felt a bit angsty.
So...
There are some funny parts.
But there are A LOT of angsty/fluffy parts.
I felt like giving Damien a heart.
And there is a lot of dialogue.
Please don't shoot me!

(Haha...you know what is funny? Spelling "fluffy" with an "L". "fluffly". Dude. Fluffly should be my new word!)

Disclaimer: I own South Park. I also own Post-It Notes, Rubbermaid, and Eminem. Heehee smack that. (Also...I shall give a reward of some sort to anyone who can cite how many times the word "smack", in any form whatsoever, was used in this chapter besides the two times I've used it so far...haha )

Chapter 7 - Let's Walk

Pip didn't know where he was when he came to. All he knew was that he was really warm, and laying on something soft. It kind of felt like he was laying on a very large pillow or something...

He sat up, though it was difficult since whatever he was on was very bouncy. Wherever he was, it was dark, and he couldn't tell if he was in a room or if he was outside in the middle of nowhere! He knew he wasn't where he lived, because it was much too comfortable. He felt himself sink into the softness and he made a noise that was obviously one of pleasurable delight.

"Pip? Are you awake?" a familiar voice asked. Almost immediately after, a light was flipped on and Pip had to close his eyes, for they were sensitive to the light. Pip covered his eyes and moaned in agony. Damien laughed at him, not offering a word of comfort.

"W-where am I?" Pip asked.

"If you weren't such a wuss, you would open your eyes and see that we're in my room," Damien replied, and Pip could even hear the smile in his voice. He cautiously opened his eyes and Damien's dark figure came into focus. He sat up on the comfortable object, and stared at his only friend smirk at him.

"Uhm...what am I on?"

"Uhm...probably crack," Damien mused. "...hmm..."

"No!" Pip protested. "I meant, what am I laying on??"

"My bed...dipshit."

Ah. So this was what a bed felt like.

"Why am I here?" The last thing Pip remembered was eating Chinese food and listening to Sarah flirt endlessly with the dark son of Satan. "D-Did you drug me??" Pip let himself fall back on the squishy bed and covered his mouth, smacking himself mentally. Oh, what a stupid thing to say! He really did suck, didn't he?

"Yes Pip. I drugged you. It's been my plan all along, really, you know that? I never wanted to be friends with you, I just wanted to drug you. And after drugging you, I planned to drop you into a ditch. Whoops, looks like you foiled my plan. Darn! Why did you wake up? I think I'll have to drug you more now."

Pip actually giggled a little bit. He could easily hear the sarcasm in Damien's voice, and knew that what Damien had just said was quite obviously not true, and kind of obnoxious... "Sorry, that was a stupid idea. Seriously though, why am I here?"

"You fainted, dumbass. After my dad explained to you that he was best friends with Jesus, you just kind of...dropped. Right into your soup, by the way." Damien laughed, like it had been a most delightful experience.

"Oh...okay...I'll go now, don't worry!" Pip stood up, caught his balance, and then headed for the door. Quaff, the evil red-eyed duck, was staring at him evilly.

"Dude, it's like 11:30. Why don't you just stay here?"

"Tomorrow we have school..."

"So? We go to the same school..." Damien shrugged. "But whatever, if you want to go wander the dark streets of South Park to get to your house at 11:30 at night, it's no skin off my nose."

Pip squirmed uncomfortably. "Uh...I mean, I don't have to stay, I really have no money, so...right."

Damien rolled his eyes, and wrapped his arm around Pip's shoulder. "Pip...Pip, Pip, Pip, Pip, Pip...don't you get it? I don't want money from you..."

Pip just smacked Damien's arm off. "Stop it...I guess I'm sleeping on the floor?"

"DING DING DING! We have a winner! How does it feel to be a winner, Pip?"

Pip shrugged. "Uhm...well...uh...we should go to sleep now..."

"You can't seriously say that you want to sleep after you've been sleeping for like 5 1/2 hours, can you?"

"Well, I'll do whatever you want to do," Pip said. "I mean, you've been awake for a long time, and need some sleep too..."

Damien just laughed, raising his eyebrows at Pip's first statement, but just shook his head instead of making a witty comeback. "You seriously think I'd go to bed this early? I stay up 'til 4 on early nights. You have much to learn, young padawan."

Damien and Pip had been awake until around three, until Pip passed out yet again, right into a bowl of Cheetos. When Pip woke up for school, he was not in a school mood at all. He was tired, grumpy, and wanted to just stay at Damien's house forever.

And of course, when he said that to himself, he smacked himself. He couldn't be thinking things like that!

"Pip-squeak, you don't look so good," Damien said, walking back into the room from having a shower. He was clad only in a fluffy yellow towel. Pip pretended not to notice his utter nakedness. "You've got a little orange on your face...I think it's from the Cheetos."

Pip rubbed his cheek, but of course, as always when you can't see your own face, you can't wipe in the right place.

"No, a little to the right...no, your other right! Up...no, not that high...oh fuck this," Damien grumbled, and walked up to Pip and rubbed the orange off for him. Pip wouldn't have pegged Damien to have soft fingers, but holy fuck he had soft fingers! Damien's hands were like pillows, padded and feathery, but firm in a soft way. Pip knew he wasn't making any sense...but it's not like he didn't have an excuse! Damien had just rubbed his face with those exotically soft fingers of his. Pip squeaked and turned around. He could feel his face heating up in embarrassment.

"Ooh...did that turn you on Pip?" Damien asked, in quite a sultry voice. Pip shook his head violently.

"D-Damien...you're...you're...ugh!" Pip fumbled around for his hat, completely mortified.

That hadn't turned him on...had it?

About a half an hour later, they got ready to be going to school. Pip usually walked, but Damien rode the bus. "C'mon Pip, we're gonna miss the bus!"

Pip shook his head. "What bus driver do you have?"

"Mrs. Kilfrench. Why?"

Pip shrunk. This was just his luck. "She uhm...doesn't exactly like me...and she doesn't let me on the bus...so...uhm...I'll just walk, you take the bus..."

Damien cocked his eyebrows. "Why would she force you off the bus? I don't think the school district allows that..."

"The school district doesn't care about me, Damien..." Pip muttered.

"Well, I'm going to force her to let you on the bus!" Damien said, and punched the air in a determined fashion.

"Damien, seriously, it doesn't matter," Pip murmured, more to the ground than anything else. But, Damien wouldn't go for that, and grabbed Pip's arm in a very tight/painful grip and dragged him to the bus.

"Good morning Damien," Mrs. Kilfrench said to the dark young man as he walked up the steps. Pip was next in line, and tried to be as small as possible so that Mrs. Kilfrench wouldn't recognize him.

Luck was not on Pip's side, it seemed.

"Frenchie! Get the hell off my bus! I don't like stupid French pieces of crap!"

Pip was going to relent, just get off the bus, and walk to school. But Damien started yelling at Mrs. Kilfrench.

"Hey! He has just as much right to be on this bus as me! I'll report you if you don't let him on!"

Mrs. Kilfrench snorted. "Do you think he hasn't already tried that? The schoolboard doesn't care about stupid French faggots, you know that?"

The next thing Pip knew, he was walking side by side with Damien down the street to school. "Erm...Damien...if I may say so, that was stupid of you."

"No you may not say so."

Pip sighed. "I could have walked by myself..."

"No you couldn't have."

Pip stared off to the side. "Damien...I am so very sorry...all I've been doing is making things hard for you..." Pip knocked his knuckles together. He and Butters must have spent too much time together, it seemed, because Pip had picked up a lot of the blonde boy's habits.

"Pip, it's my choice to hang out with you. If I'm getting fucked over, it's completely my fault, not yours."

Pip wouldn't stand for it. "Damien! I'm sorry for raising my voice, but you are being a complete numbskull, and I can't take it! I'm an outcast, and I have no redeeming qualities whatsoever, and all I do is cause you pain! Why don't you understand?? I'll never have anything to give back to you! NOTHING!" Pip had stopped walking by now. His head was low, and his whole body felt small. "I can't give you back money, and I can't give you back not money either! I'd probably contaminate you! You need to go. Before I completely fuck you up..."

It was completely silent. Pip figured that he'd finally gotten across to Damien, and Damien had left. Pip's shoulders sagged. Why can't I just be a normal person? Why can't I just be like everything that Damien needs? Why can't I be perfect?

"Pip..."

Pip's whole head shot up. He had thought Damien was gone! "Why are you still here??"

Damien started to laugh then. It started out as a soft, small laugh, but it escalated, and soon Damien was bent over so far that his head touched his knees. Pip's shoulders shrank, as he figured he was being completely made fun of.

"Pip...Pip, Pip, Pip, Pip, Pip..." Damien said, repeating his mantra from that morning after finally regaining composure. "Man, I know you're modest but...dude. That's taking it a bit far, don't you think? You're completely dissing yourself. Oh, I find this all extremely amusing because in a normal situation, you would be saying that I was the bad one, and that I am going to fuck you up." Damien grew serious. "Pip, if you don't want to hang around me, I completely understand..."

Pip was about to rebutt Damien's statement and say that of course he still wanted to hang out with Damien! But Pip knew it was in Damien's best interest to not be friends anymore. "I...you're right. I don't want to hang out with you anymore."

Damien looked stunned. Had he not expected this? Pip just looked down at the ground and started walking.

"Wait a second! Phillip Pirrup, you come back here!"

Pip gulped and turned around. He knew that Damien surely wanted to kick the crap out of him now. "Erm..." Pip couldn't even get an apology out, his throat was so tight.

"What the fuck did I do? I don't understand! I have the right to fucking know what the fuck I did!"

Pip just shook his head. "You wouldn't understand!"

Damien closed the distance between them in one lengthy stride. "Yes I would! Tell me, so I can at least apologize properly!"

"You're being an idiot!" Pip cried. "Okay? You're being an idiot! It's me! You just won't understand how miserable I'm making you!"

"I think I have the right to decide whether I'm happy or not, hmm?"

"You aren't happy and you know that!"

The next thing Pip knew the top of his head was stinging and his hat had literally been knocked off of his head from the force of Damien's blow. Had Damien just smacked him upside the head? Yes, he had. Pip prepared himself for what would probably be a very painful beating from the only son of Satan. Pip couldn't help the tears that crept up into his eyes. All he tried to do was make other people's lives more enjoyable, but it didn't seem to matter. He was cursed, literally, utterly, cursed. No matter how much he tried to be a good person, he ended up being bad. No matter how much he tried to heal, he only ended up hurting. No matter how much he tried to be a reliable friend to Damien, he knew he only ended up being a fucktard.

"I'm sorry..." he muttered to Damien, completely humiliated. I wish I wasn't such a fucking queertard...then maybe Damien would want to hang out with me...then maybe other people would want to hang out with me...maybe then I wouldn't fuck up every good thing I ever had with my presence alone...

"Pip, let me get this through your head. By the way, your head is the thing that I just smacked really hard. I think I am old enough that I can choose who my friends are. And I also think I'm old enough to decide whether my friends are gaytards or not. And you want to know something? I don't think you're a gaytard at all. Sure, you're not the strongest willed person out there, and sure you're not the most muscular, buffest man that ever set foot on this Earth. Or in Hell. But Pip, I am the epitome of coolness. And you, my friend, were chosen by me, whether you agree with it or not. If I choose you, then you are completely worthy. Because I am the epitome of coolness. You're not. So you don't get to choose my friends for me. Okay?"

Pip's head was hanging low still though. "I just...everything you could have, you don't have. Everything you want to have, you can't have. Everyone fun to hang out with doesn't hang out with you. Everytime you want to do anything cool, you can't do it. And it's all my fault! You couldn't even have a proper party if you wanted, because I'm here next to you basically saying 'If you come anywhere near Damien, you'll become a freak just like he became, because I'm here'. Damien, I just want you to be happy...and if being friends with me stops you from being happy...than I don't want to be friends anymore..."

All was silent.

And then Damien spoke up.

"Pip, you are the nicest person I have ever met," Damien remarked, very casually.

Pip's head shot up in confusion. "No I'm not! Whatever are you talking about?"

Damien laughed, one of his hands on his hip while the other hung straight down. Something about his pose made him look even cooler than he already had, his black hair in a somewhat emo style, covering his right eye. "Pip...I am not an idiot. I know, just by the way you light up everytime I'm near, that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you."

Pip denied it, but he knew that it was completely true. Being friends with Damien was the best thing that had ever happened to him...

"And yet...for my sake, you are willing to give up the best thing that's ever happened to you to make me happy. You are willing to make yourself miserable for me! In fact, I bet if I asked you to go jump in front of a bus because it would make me happy, you'd do it. You'd probably do that for anyone, actually. Everything you do, you do it for someone else. You've forgotten that there is a Pip Pirrup on this planet because all you think about is helping other people. Can't you see Pip? You're not horrible, you're not nothing. You are, by far, the best person I've ever met. And that goes for everyone I've met all over the world, in both Heaven and Hell, in America as well as India. You are so much nicer than any human has been in so long. And that's why I chose to be friends with you and not with that prick Cartman. I know that after high school is over, you're still going to be my friend. I know you're someone I can trust with anything, someone who will do anything for me, and someone who is truly the best friend I could ever have. Okay? I don't know what I've done to make you think I didn't want to be friends with you, but I do. Okay??"

Pip was struck speechless. He couldn't say anything, he couldn't move, he could barely breathe! He was positive he was dreaming. But...this wasn't a dream...Damien had really just said that to him...

Damien appeared to be somewhat flustered over his whole little speech. "So...yeah. We should go to school now..."

"I...yeah..."

And, once again, Pip found himself walking side-by-side down the street to school.

Yeah.

Way more angsty-ish whatever than it needed to be.

But hey, it was fun to write!

This is a Christmas present (a day late) to everyone who has reviewed.

ESPECIALLY Society's Cavity.