A/N thanks for the reviews, keep them coming. This is the longest chapter that I have ever written in all of my stories and I hope it's to your liking. I am down to two choices for Willow to be shipped with in this one and I hope there will be a couple of twists that you didn't see coming in chapter 9 or 10. No updates for a week as I need to get my other story moving again.
Chapter Five
That next afternoon was quiet on the home front. Classes resumed as scheduled, those who worked outside the headquarters were going to or returning from work and those in charge of things were heavy at work researching the events that needed tending to. "Will," Buffy said and entered her office. "I wanted to talk to you a minute," Buffy waited for a signal from her friend to continue and got it via a nod of Willow's head. "First, I wanted to tell you how proud I am of Dawnie. She's really taken on a big role here and done a great job. I want to thank you for helping her along with this. The main thing I want is to ask you about arranging some sort of memorial service for Angel and Spike."
Willow lifted her gaze to her friend. She had been so busy over the last few days that she had not even bothered to see how Buffy was handling all of this. "Buffy I'm so sorry that I neglected to talk to you about all this." Willow rose from her desk and hugged her friend. "Of course we can have some sort of memorial for them but, seeing as we didn't know about it when she passed, Cordy needs to be included."
Buffy's eyes widened, she had no idea that Cordelia was gone also. She stood motionless as her brain tried to process the information. "What happened and why weren't we called?"
"She appeared to Angel in the form of a hologram and helped him get himself moving in the right direction and then died in her sleep. Apparently the only way to stop that being that overtook her body was to kill her or put her in a coma and so they chose the latter. The visions she was getting were causing her brain damage but she kept on going and then was tricked into going to this higher plane. She ended up being a hero after all." Willow said, as a tear trickled down her face. The death of Cordelia Chase had clearly affected her more then the deaths of the two vampires.
"She certainly outgrew her high school self," Buffy said, as she too began to cry. "None of this is fair Willow and sometimes, I feel as if we're fighting a losing battle." A pang of guilt overtook Buffy for keeping the secret she was harboring about the blonde she and Faith had spotted the night before. She knew now more then ever, that she could not tell Willow the secret at this time. They were being faced with so much heartache at the moment that she would not allow Willow to gain false hopes and then have her heart ripped out once again.
Faith and Dani entered the room and quickly stepped back when they realized that they walked in on a moment of grief between the two friends. Faith's heart ached over the death of Angel but she kept her mask on. "We can come back," Dani offered and turned for the door.
"Faith," Buffy stopped both girls with her shaky voice. "Core is gone too."
Faith flinched visibly at Buffy's words. Cordy had secretly kept in contact with Faith throughout her prison stay. Everyone thought Angel was her main source to the outside world but that wasn't the case. He'd helped her more than anyone would ever know but Cordelia surprisingly reached out too. "I don't know what to say," the dark slayer muttered, as she turned for the door. "I need to be doing something about now." She quickly left the room, as the others looked after her.
"I'll go," Buffy said and rushed out of the room leaving Willow and Dani alone.
Dani pulled the sobbing redhead into a big hug, "I'm so sorry Willow. All the stories you told me about those people, I can't imagine what you are going through."
"I wonder how many of us will be alive this time next year." Willow said in a faint voice, as the tears fell harder. "Of what I call our main group, eight are gone and ten left. Three of them have the odds stacked against them but at this rate, they may outlive us all."
Dani racked her brain, she knew that Buffy's mom, the vengeance demon that she'd heard of, and Tara were most likely included in the deceased group but there were two names missing from her memory. She also couldn't figure out how the still living group was so high as she only could come up with seven names. "Jenny Calendar was a gypsy and Giles' girlfriend, Angelus killed her." Willow offered in way of an explanation. "Then there was Jonathan, he helped kill Tara and died at some point during the battle with the first. The others living are, Oz my ex werewolf boyfriend, Amy the witch who caused me a lot of trouble and Harmony Kendall. She was Core's best pal throughout most of their high school days."
"Oh that little Klan that always made fun of you?" Dani asked and poured she and Willow a drink.
"Yeah that's the one," Willow said, as she tried to compose herself. "I've got to tell Xander, this is gonna crush him."
"Let me get Dawn to do that Willow." Dani offered and wiped the remaining tears from the redhead's eyes. "I think you need a break from grading the class work too. I'll go get one of the other Watchers to do it." Dani rushed out of the room without giving Willow the chance to protest.
Willow sat alone for several minutes in her office trying to pull herself together. She felt as though she were losing her grip on reality. Her breathing became labored, palms started sweating and then the veins started to pop. "Oh Goddess, not now!" She shouted though in a whispered voice, as she ran for the building that housed the school and training facilities.
She moved so quickly that Dawn, who was comforting a sobbing Xander, barely saw her. "Willow!" Dawn shouted after her to no avail.
"I'll go after her," Kennedy said and got up from the table that she sat at with Dawn and Xander.
- - - - - - -
By the time Willow entered the basement, she was shaking so badly that she could hardly walk. The blonde vampire opened her eyes and saw that Willow was in a state worse than yesterday. "Willow?" Harmony questioned wishing she had another job besides helping the queen of the Sunnydale nerds.
"I want to make it all go away, all the dying and hurt, you have to help me." Willow spoke in a voice that was harsh and brisk.
As harmony struggled to figure out just what Willow meant by help, the redhead's eyes went black and showed no signs of turning green. "Damn it all to hell!" The blonde vampire shouted having registered what Willow meant. Though the prospect of helping dark magic Willow was tantalizing, the blonde ditz couldn't seize on this opportunity. She didn't know if it was out of respect to Cordelia, out of fear of the dark magic woman or just flat out that she didn't feel like it but she couldn't do it. Willow," Harmony started and placed her cold hand on Willow's overheated cheek. "Are you that coward that I knew you were in high school?"
Willow's anger showed clearly on her face. "Are you calling me a coward? Do you know what I'm capable of?"
"Yes, apparently running like a little high school geek." Harmony snapped back in her best Cordette tone. "It's fitting though," she pointed at Willow's jacket. "I'm a vampire and still have more fashionable clothes then those. You still shop at Wal-Mart I see."
While the evil-Willow wanted to end the miserable life of this undead shell that once housed the soul of the person that she loathed more than she once did Cordelia, another part of Willow was viewing things differently. She recalled the ribbing she took from the Cordettes and could hear Cordy saying the words that Harmony now spoke in the back of her mind. As the ribbing from the girls grew stronger until it swelled through her head like a balloon, Willow broke. She sank to her knees with emerald eyes and began to sob uncontrollably yet again.
The blonde vampire stood over Willow not knowing quite what to do from here. The anguish was written all over the face and in the body language of the once geeky redhead. Something was moving inside her though she didn't understand it. She too was recalling the Cordettes sauntering down the halls of Sunnydale high with their heads held high and stopping briefly to engage in a tongue lashing towards Willow and Xander. Times were much simpler then, much better to be frank. As occasionally happens with vampires, the blood tears began to fall down Harmony's face in remembrance of the life that was taken from her. This pained remembrance more often times then not, was what helped harden a vampire and made them more ruthless and evil. In the case of Harmony Kendall however, that didn't seem to be true. Or was it? "If she would have let me turn her, she would still be here and I believe with every belief that I have, she would not go all evil-y." Harmony stated, as she knelt down beside Willow.
"If I would have let you bite me, I wouldn't be hurting this bad." Willow mumbled then looked at the face of the blonde vampire. "Or maybe not. Who would have ever thought we would be doing this."
"You didn't have a choice in the biting," Harmony's features cleared slightly and she smiled. "If wolfie didn't come to your aid, you would have been a goner." Willow shrugged as Harmony continued. "I'll bet Cordy is out there somewhere having the last laugh." Harmony added and took a sharp intake of breath.
"Thank you, you sounded so much like Core that it took me back to the school days and it brought me out of the magic trip." Willow said, as the two women hugged.
"Nobody could do it like Delia and I." Harmony said proudly, as Kennedy came down the stairs.
"What the hell is going on here?" Kennedy roared and charged at the blonde vampire. Harmony pushed Willow aside and met Kennedy with a kick that sent her to the ground. Kennedy then kicked out and tripped the vampire up and was readying to pull a stake out as Buffy came running into the basement.
"Kennedy stop!" Buffy shouted and jerked the stake out of Kennedy's hand. "Leave us, we've got some things to discuss!"
"That's my girlfriend in a compromising position with a vampire! You do not tell me to leave until I get some answers!" Kennedy barked in no way showing fear of getting in Buffy's face.
"Compromising position with Willow Rosengeek, hardly!" Harmony shouted in the most disgusted tone that she could muster.
"You little bitch!" Kennedy shouted with venom in her voice, as she went after the vampire again.
"Stop!" Dawn shouted from the top of the stairs, having heard the shouts from the library. "What the…" she trailed off quickly after seeing the vampire standing between Buffy and Kennedy.
"Willow was nearly keeping watch on me, I am an evil vampire you know and she had this stupid human breakdown and that is all!" Harmony snapped in an effort to cover up her moment of humanity but Buffy saw the blood tear stain on the vampire's jacket.
"All of you get out now!" Buffy shouted and Kennedy begrudgingly listened. "Dawnie, go, I need to talk with Willow.
"Buffy in case you haven't noticed, you do not give me orders anymore!" Dawn shouted feeling a helpless concern for her friend and sister.
"Stop it and go!" Buffy barked again and Dawn huffed up the basement steps. "Now what's going on here and what is a vampire doing in this building?"
"She is how I found out about Angel and his crew dying. Of course it was then checked out and found to be true. She also gave me the little bit of information I gave you all yesterday." Willow offered in a weak tone of voice, as she simply hadn't the strength to fight with anyone else today. "She told me about Core and, well I came down here to talk to her and ended up having a breakdown."
"She is a vampire and is not welcome here! What is wrong with you Will?" Buffy snapped, clearly about to have a breakdown of her own with everything having piled up at once.
"Holier than thou slayer strikes again." Harmony muttered, as Buffy glared at her. "Just because you didn't decide that I could be here, or that I am not one of the vampires who you boinked, you get to say I can't be here? I heard all about your I am the law speeches during the battle with the first clear out in LA and frankly, they were laughable."
"You are not sticking around here so Willow can use bad judgment and get half of us killed! You are probably working for the other side!" Buffy yelled and lunged at the vampire who reminded her too much of the high school version of Cordelia.
A shocked look quickly replaced the angered look on Buffy's face when Faith came out of nowhere and grabbed her arm thus halting her attempted assault. "B, let it go for now. Red and D have been in charge of this place from day one so let them make the decisions. I agree that she needs watched but fang kept her on in his last days for a reason."
"She doesn't have a soul Faith! Without a Soul, Spike tried to rape me, they don't care what they do! Don't you understand?" Buffy's facial expression clouded and the tears began to fall as she spoke.
"Wait a minute slayer!" Harmony barked, as she stood back up. "You and Spike did the deed for months, you led him on and you damn well know it! He reacted more violently because he did not have a soul yes but he was not totally at fault! Spike and I had our problems and we fought over you more than once because he couldn't understand that you weren't important enough to kill at the time. I will not stand here and allow you to blame everything on him when the two of you worked things out in the end! He sacrificed himself for you ingrates and when it doesn't suit your needs, you tare him back down!"
Shocked faces were around the room as Willow, Buffy, Faith and a newly entered Xander listened to the vampire who made more sense at that moment then she probably ever had in her life. "I've got to go and don't come running to me when she screws you all over!" Buffy hissed and left the room.
- - - - - - -
Buffy sat at the park late at night. She figured Willow had probably sent people out looking for her but didn't care. Her world was falling apart at the seams and she couldn't stop it. Tears fell like a river down her cheeks, as the blonde she'd spotted with Faith walked up to her. "Miss, are you all right?" Tracy asked in a timid voice. She had not meant to spy but could clearly see that the woman was in a shambles.
Buffy jerked herself out of pity mode for a few seconds and decided to capitalize on this opportunity. "I've lost a few good friends recently. I don't know if you heard on the news about the tragedy in LA and then the caving in of an entire town?"
Tracy had seen clips on the news about the ruckus in California over the last several months. "Yes," she confirmed. "I heard it was pretty bad but luckily most of the residents had got out of the town before it caved in. I heard about the LA tragedy also where nearly an entire law firm or something was killed."
"Well a few people very close to me were involved in the LA tragedy and my home town was Sunnydale California, the town that caved in on itself." Buffy looked in the woman's eyes for some sort of sign but got none.
"It's a little cold out here. If you would like to walk with me to my apartment I could make you some hot chocolate and would be happy to listen if you need to vent." Tracy offered in a concerned tone.
"Deal," Buffy accepted the offer gladly. Even if this wasn't Tara, which she believed it very well could be, it was nice to talk with someone she might not know and wouldn't judge her for her shortcomings.
- - - - - - - -
Dawn sat in the dining room early that next afternoon. Buffy didn't come home last night and she was growing a little worried. All was quiet minus Andrew and one of the now powerless slayers off in the kitchen. "Hey D," Faith said and pulled out a chair. "What's up?"
"Buffy never showed up last night and I am just worried about her. Plus there is this memorial thingie we're doing tonight and I'm just so tired of being sad and hurt." Dawn hadn't meant to dump all that on the dark-haired beauty but it came spilling out. "I am trying hard to fit in here. I want to do good and help keep things running good as well as take my college classes, of which I have one in an hour, but it seems like I can't get any respect. I mean, I'm allowed to handle things and then, when it's not a good time for them, I'm tossed back aside like a kid again!"
Faith looked Dawn over and shook her head. "No D you're not a kid anymore for sure. I think you've seen too much to be classified as one plus you're a freshman in college now. I told B to let you guys make the decisions around here cause you been doing it from day one. That is one of the reasons she huffed outta here like that."
"You know Faith, I was just 16 when Buffy and mom died, I think I stopped being a kid then." The sorrow was evident on the youngest Summers' face, as Faith shuffled her feet. She was not very good at comforting distraught people and Dawn clearly was distraught. "If I didn't grow up then, I know I sure as heck did when I saw Tara's body lying there. You know, I sat with her till they came for her? I loved Tara so much, she always understood me and tried to help me."
Faith felt an overwhelming sense of guilt at the mention of Tara's name. She knew that, not so far from their home, Tara was possibly living clueless as to her surroundings. "Tara could make you feel all better huh?" Faith asked tentatively.
"She'd go in and make these funny shaped pancakes and we'd laugh and have a great time. Just the two of us many times." Dawn replied sadly.
"Yeah, well come with me then." Faith stood and headed into the kitchen where she proceeded to kick Andrew and the used to be slayer out. "Now, I don't know how to make funny shaped pancakes but I bet we can have fun with you trying to teach me."
Dawn smiled a real smile for the first time in a long time. "Thanks Faith," she said and gave the slayer a friendly kiss on the cheek.
- - - - - - -
Later that evening, Buffy decided to make an appearance. "Hey B, where have you been? Half the people here have been worried sick. Do you remember when you used to yell at me for this sort of thing?" Faith smirked at the blond slayer as she spoke.
"We need to talk before this memorial thing and then I need to get a quick shower also." Buffy said with urgency in her voice. "Listen, that girl, Tracy or Tara?" Faith nodded to indicate that she remembered and for Buffy to continue. "Well I was upset last night and she sorta bumped into me. She invited me back to her place so I could relax and talk. Well I had a good look around and she has family pictures from when she was a little girl on up to now. She knows nothing about witchcraft and didn't really believe in this demon stuff until she happened upon it with Dani the other night. I talked a lot about my best friend Willow and got nothing in her eyes but the stammer that Tara had is there and the tender-hearted behavior."
"So you don't think this is the girl that Red got all bent out of shape over?" Faith enquired as she lit a cigarette.
"I'm afraid to believe it is because there are so many differences. She invited me to dinner tomorrow night so I'm going to go and see what I come up with." Buffy said and stood up. "I've got to get a shower now."
"See if there is a scar on her chest." Faith offered with a hint of laughter in her voice.
"How on earth would you suggest that I do that?" Buffy asked incredulously.
"Well she's not so bad lookin' B and you need a good time." Faith chuckled and received a not so amused look from Buffy.
"Faith," Dani called to the dark slayer and gave Buffy a much-desired chance to get away.
"Yo," Faith said and stood up.
"You want to help me in the kitchen? After the memorial service they're going to have snacks and drinks and they want someone to set up a couple of tables. Everyone else seems busy and I don't want to bother Willow." Dani finished speaking and motioned to the kitchen. "I never thought to ask, are you doing all right with this?"
"Sure, fang was a friend of mine and queen C, well that's between me and C." Faith's eyes got a far off look in them momentarily. "Let's go get things ready."
As Faith and Dani got the tables of food and drinks ready, Xander and two of the other slayers got chairs, photos of the vampires, Anya and Cordy. They decided to add Anya into the service because they never took the time to properly say good-bye to the ex demon. Out of respect for the many slayers who had lost their lives in the last several months, they decided to add pictures of them to the collage. "Where's Buffy, Willow and Dawn?" Rona asked.
"I haven't seen them," Kennedy said wondering if her girlfriend was back in the basement with the vampire. She didn't tell anyone about the Tara look-alike because she feared what Willow would do and now Willow was hanging out with a vampire that she hated when the girl was human. Kennedy decided that something would be done about that very soon, as she headed down the stairs to look for Willow.
She didn't get very far because Willow, Dawn and the vampire were going up the stairs as she headed down them. "They're looking for you guys Willow. Are you all right?" Kennedy rushed to her girlfriend's side, placed a gentle kiss on her lips and put a protective arm around her.
"I'm fine thanks," Willow said, as Harmony smiled at Kennedy. She knew what the slayer was worried about and nobody played games as good as Harmony Kendall, minus her best friend, Cordelia Chase.
"If everyone would take your seats," Giles began in his formal British accent. "We can begin then celebrate their lives with this nice meal that Andrew and a few of the girls put together."
Kennedy stayed protectively by Willow's side during the eulogies of her deceased friends, her body language was not unnoticed by Dani. Buffy, Dawn, and Xander stayed in a huddle while Faith and Harmony kept to themselves. "The food is ready," Andrew called, as he wiped his eyes. He and Anya had grown close in a comical way before her death and he missed the ex demon tremendously. She had died to save his life and that was the most selfless act anyone had ever done for him. He kept recalling in the back of his mind how, even after she was stripped of her powers, she separated herself from humans by stating words like, "you humans." He shook his head not willing to entertain such thoughts.
As most of the attendees chattered on about their fallen friends and ate dinner, Willow slipped out of site. She was in no mood to celebrate the loss of her friends with food, conversation and drink. At least she didn't want to drink with the others, so chose a large bottle of wine and went into her office. She also wasn't in the mood for Kennedy's smothering behavior. It would have been nice if Kennedy were there for comfort but Willow knew she also was making a statement to everyone that Willow belonged to her. With Willow's relationship with Tara, no forced statements of belonging had to be made. Their love shown through like a brightly lit up star on a clear night. She was realizing that this was not the case with Kennedy who, for some reason, felt threatened by anyone who paid Willow any extra attention.
The wine was nearly gone more quickly than Willow had realized and she got up to leave the office. "There you are," Kennedy said with a smile. "I was looking for you to see if you were ready for bed. Dani is with Dawn, she's pretty upset and I don't know where Faith and Buffy are off to."
"I want to go for a walk first Kennedy." Willow didn't mean to sound so short but it is how her words came out. "I need to be alone for a bit. This memory lane stuff bummed me out more than I thought it would."
"Did it make you think of Tara?" Kennedy offered in as sincere a voice as she could muster. She was, indeed, growing very tired of all the reasons why Willow wouldn't go to their bed. All this talk about wanting to move on was proving to be false in Kennedy's mind.
"Not really, sorta but not to bad. It's just sad how we've lost so many and I just want some alone time to think and reflect on it all." Willow tried to form a smile but the angered look on Kennedy's face showed her that she really didn't have a reason to smile.
"You really need to get your facts straight," Kennedy yelled and shoved Willow. Willow raised a hand to magically deflect the shove but nothing happened. "Now you're just like the other slayers, powerless!" Kennedy barked in anger. She loved Willow but dealing with all her wishy-washiness was getting on the slayer's nerves.
She flew into a rage, totally not thinking of the consequences and pushed Willow back against the wall. "She may not have powers but mine are fine!" The blonde vampire surprised Kennedy with her speed, as she took her down with a sharp kick to the back of the knees.