It's not as bad as it sounds. Well, actually, I guess it kind of is.

Recommended Soundtrack: Stacy's Mom -- Fountains of Wayne

Disclaimer: I don't feel like it this time.

Chapter 13 - Pip Discovers Shower. Damien Discovers Pip.

"Stacy's Mom has got it going on, she's all I want, and I've waited for so long! Stacy can't you see? You're just not the girl for me...I know it might be wrong, but I'm in love with Stacy's Mom!"

Pip stared at his friend in annoyance, for Damien was singing as if he was singing to Pip himself. And Pip was most certainly not a Stacy...or a girl...and he didn't even have a mother to speak of. And Damien was hugging Pip in quite a peculiar way, with one arm around Pip's shoulders and the other hand in a somewhat suggestive place on Pip's chest. Pip couldn't deny that he liked the attention, but...this was kind of weird. Damien was being queer. Not in the gay way, but in the strange way! I mean queer like British people say it, not like American people say it! Then again, Damien in such a position with another boy was quite gay, Pip had to admit to himself.

"Stacy, do you remember when I mowed your lawn?"

"No."

"Your mom came out with just a towel o-o-o-o-on! I could tell she liked me from the way she stared, and the way she said 'You missed a spot over there-ere-ere-ere-ere!' I know that you think it's just a fantasy, but since your Dad walked out your Mom could use a guy like me!"

Pip pulled away from his annoying best friend and walked into the bathroom. "I am going to take a shower..."

"Oh, c'mon, don't be so put out about me choosing your Mom over you," Damien said playfully.

"My mother is dead."

With that, Pip shut (swooshed) the bathroom door shut and proceeded to get ready for his shower. The showers on The Whimsical (for that was the name of the ship) were quite like normal Earth Showers. You know what a normal Earth Shower looks like. However, Damien's house didn't have a normal Earth Shower, and before that Pip had showered in the school locker rooms, so a normal Earth Shower was amazing to Pip. "I wonder why they don't have more of these on Earth?" he wondered to himself as he actually was able to lock the glass doors. "Damien's shower is weird, in the bath tub, why don't they just have a shower and a bath tub? Oh, but that might cost more. Who knows!"

For a person like you or I, who has probably been in a Hotel before, this shower would be much like a Hotel Shower, not just any old Earth Shower. There were even those little soaps and shampoos, that really don't work that well but that Hotels still see fit to put into all of the bathrooms, that have little slogans about the Sun and how the Sun has been infused into the formula to make your skin Bright As The Sun. Pip found these slogans quite tempting, and so, he washed as hard as he could with the Sun to make his skin Bright As The Sun, for he wanted to be as Bright As The Sun.

For five minutes, as Pip was washing himself (and we won't go into those particular details...), Pip imagined himself being so Bright when he got out of the bathroom that he blinded Damien. Damien then started yelling about how Bright it was and how it hurt his mind, much like mayonnaise or any other white object did. Damien screamed quite a bit about how much pain it caused throughout this episode. Pip amused himself with this scene which he had created for a good five minutes until he came across a not-so-very-amusing bruise on his torso. A bruise that hurt just as bad as it did when he undergone the process of getting it when touched.

Pip was then reminded of why he had stowed away in the first place. He had wanted to escape those horrible bullies. His black eye had disappeared within an hour of receiving it, but, there were many a bruise that had not yet healed, and, Pip noticed, he had a few cuts and scrapes that might possibly turn into scars. He examined himself all over, and, since he was no so much pressed for time like he usually was when he was bathing, he was able to note that he had quite a few scars, and many of them he couldn't even remember which beating they were from. He had too many beatings to remember any of them personally, except for the one he had just suffered less than a week before.

I look disgusting, Pip mused. I can't believe I look this bad! I need some of that scar-removing treatment that I saw on a commercial just a few days ago...or else, I look like...like...something with a lot of ugly scars! Pip couldn't think of something quite ugly enough to compare his ugliness to. Except for maybe Cartman. Ok, so all these scars make me look like Cartman! Nah...Cartman's not even as bad as me without the scars. Erm...Barbara Streisand? Nah, same.

Pip sighed and gave up on thinking of something more disgusting than himself, got out of the shower, and wrapped a towel around his lower body. He didn't know how, but he had gotten extremely lucky, for Peter (being a clean freak...who'd have guessed?) had brought an extra toothbrush and given it to the poor British boy, who was without clothes and toiletries, for he had stowed away inside of a suitcase, and was therefore without anything.

Pip was in the process of putting the toothpaste on the brush when all of a sudden the door swooshed! open. Pip started, and dropped his toothbrush into the metallic sink.

"W-what are you doing?!?" he yelled at Damien.

"Oh, you're still in here, are you? I was just going to take a piss, but I can wait -- hey, what's that on your stomach?"

Pip looked down and saw that his bruises (and there was quite a number of them) were in plain sight of anyone who happened to be looking. And Damien just happened to be looking. "Erm...it's a...uhm..."

"Did you get beat up??" Damien did sound awful concerned. But Pip couldn't let Damien know he'd really gotten beat up, Damien would think he was even weaker than he already thought he was.

"N-no...it's just my skin pigment," said Pip. Oh, what a God-awful lie.

"Oh bullshit!" Damien said with a glare. He strode over to Pip and clasped his shoulders (his bare shoulders, may I remind you), and looked into Pip's eyes somewhat menacingly. "I don't like being lied to, Pip," he said, sounding very angry. Pip gulped.

"W-well...if you must know...I just tripped at school before we left, is all..." Pip hit himself mentally. The lie had came out of it's own accord, Pip hadn't even meant to say it! What am I becoming??? Have I become a dishonest liar? Oh Dear God I hope not...er, wait, I shouldn't pray, that just annoys You God, so uhm...sorry...

Damien squeezed Pip's (bare) shoulders with his (soft and delicate and oh-so-wonderful) fingers. "Pip, I'll tell you once more. I don't like being lied to. Especially not by you; you're you! You don't lie! Pip, c'mon, who did this to you?"

"Just...well, I don't think I quite remember their names..." Pip said half-truthfully.

Damien clutched Pip's (bare) shoulders in an even more painful grasp. Pip wondered whether Damien would leave new bruises on him. "Goddammit Pip, tell me who it was!"

Pip squeaked. "W-well...I remember the names of the bullies who didn't do this to me...but, Joe Gargery just put an iguana in my shoe, and Stan's gang just poured orange juice down my shirt! Seriously! This other boy, who I can't remember the name of, he tripped me, and then I just got stepped on! Seriously! I don't remember his name! I'm sorry!" Pip feared Damien's wrath, for though he'd never seen it or been victim of it, he surely could imagine it.

Pip was then let go of. "Goddammit..." Damien muttered. "You're so tiny, I should've been there to protect you...to think, the one day I wasn't there they all decided to gang up on you..."

"I'm pretty sure that that's the reason they ganged up on me," Pip mumbled, looking down at his feet. Of course, being beaten up was now the last thing on his mind. For, it had just occured to him that he was naked (albeit, with a towel on, of course), in a room, all alone, with Damien. Pip instantly thought of Cartman to make any indecent thoughts leave his mind. I am having too many indecent thoughts about him, it's not right, he'd be so disgusted if he ever even suspected...I am a pervert...I deserve to rot in Adam's Hell...

"What does that mean?"

"Erm..." Pip had to think a minute to remember what he'd last said. "Oh, I mean, that it's because you weren't there that they ganged up on me...you know, I'm used to it, because it happened quite often before you came along...more than thirty times..." Pip said, making a reference to Damien's comment to Sarah back when they were boarding The Whimsical.

"What?? How many times??" Damien was just really concerned, Pip decided. And his concern was making him angry. But he was still concerned, no matter how angry he sounded. And he sounds very angry...

"Well...I don't quite know," said Pip. "It's happened so many times, and I've never thought it important enough to keep count of, that I seriously haven't a clue. Oh, don't be mad..." he said softly. "I really don't know..."

Pip expected Damien to start yelling about how he'd destroy those horrible villians as soon as they got back to Earth. However, Pip didn't hear anything, but rather felt himself being wrapped up in something warm. And that warm thing just happened to be Damien. I'm being hugged...

"Damn it all, if you're not the nicest person I've ever met! Why do they want to beat you up anyways? You didn't do anything to them!"

"On the contrary," said Pip ashamedly (for he really was ashamed of the statement he was about to make), "I existed. Is that not reason enough?"

"What?" Pip wished he could see Damien's face, but they were too close together for Pip to look up at it. "That is the stupidest reason -- that's not even a reason! It's a good thing that you exist! Damn, I'm going to kill them all if we get back to Earth!"

"If we get back!?!?" Pip asked worriedly. (Mind you, they are still hugging).

"Oh, I meant when," Damien amended. "WHEN we get back. We're not in any danger of being trapped forever in Adam's Hell...definitely not...nope..."

Pip shivered in Damien's arms. (Yes, they are still hugging). "Well...now that I know that uplifting piece of information..."

They stood in that position for a few more minutes, Damien muttering random curses under his breath, Pip just standing in somewhat of a stupor. Pip had only ever been hugged twice in his life, and both times were within the time he'd known Damien. Once, by Damien's father, and the other by the pick-pocket from that time so long ago when Pip hadn't even been that great friends with the dark boy. And since the pick-pockets hug was more like a crush-your-lungs-so-you-won't-notice-me-stick-my-hand-into-your-pocket type hug, he'd only been really hugged once.

And this hug lasted for a lot longer.

This is probably the best feeling I've ever felt, Pip decided. It was the warmest, most comforting thing he had ever experienced. Pip wondered to himself why it felt so right to be in another boy's arms, for God was supposed to hate homosexuals. But Damien...oh, there was no way anything could be righter than being in Damien's arms at that exact moment. It was as if all of his troubles and past worries were washed away, like dirt and grime was washed away by the shower.

Of course, at the peak moment of this wonderful embrace, Pip just had to slip on some water that he'd dripped onto the cold metallic floor. He just had to fall out of the warmth and onto his arse onto this cold metallic floor that was earlier mentioned. And, his towel just had to decide to fly off. Leaving him most open in front of his friend. And the type of open that I mean is the naked-as-the-day-he-was-born type open.

They were both stunned. Quite stunned. All was quiet for around thirty seconds or so. Pip, in his daze, wondered why Damien didn't look away...Pip then came to his senses and grabbed his towel, covering himself, and yelled at Damien to "Get out!!!". Damien instantly complied, saying something along the lines of, "I need to go jack off to a lesbian playboy now...cause I'm straight..." as if he needed to confirm his straightness, and promptly left the bathroom.

Pip shakily stood up and tied his towel as tight as it would tie around his waist. "I...oh my goodness...I don't think I shall ever forget that..." he muttered as he went back to the sink to brush his teeth. He brushed for a good five minutes, still in somewhat of a daze, before he realized he'd been brushing for far too long and spit. He put on the acne cream that Damien used constantly, and then pulled on his clothes, feeling more than a little bit mortified by the earlier experience. Oh my goodness...this is quite...disturbing... thought Pip, for, when it came down to it, he didn't really mind what happened all that much.

So, for the next week or so, Pip and Damien avoided each other like the plague. Oh, I do despise that saying. We avoided each other like a cheesy poof avoids Cartman! So, for the next week, Pip and Damien avoided each other like a cheesy poof avoids Cartman. Pip could not evade Damien's gaze anymore than he did already. Damien strayed as far to the edge of the DoubleplusEmperorSized bed every night, as if afraid of Pip raping him. Not that I could ever do that...I'm much too scrawny...and I'd never do that anyway!!! Duh!!

Then, they were friends again. Just like that. Pip didn't really want to avoid Damien anymore, and Damien seemed to just forget that the whole episode happened. And, like it had never happened, Damien was speaking to Pip like a normal person again.

Pip sometimes wondered how the Power of Friendship could overcome something as humiliating as what had happened between them. But, it did, and Pip was most thankful for it, because he had been very lonely when Damien refused to speak with him.

"Damien, how much longer will it be until we arrive to this planet?" Pip asked one night as they were lying in bed.

"Uhm...probably a lot longer. We've been gone for about two weeks and we've barely made it five lightyears," Damien replied. Pip nodded, though in the darkness, Damien surely couldn't see him.

"So...how many lightyears is it to this planet?"

"A lot more than five," Damien responded vaguely.

"Ah..." It was quiet for the next few minutes. Pip figured that Damien had fallen asleep.

But, Damien decided to ask him something then. "Pip, why do you leave the bed every night after I fall asleep?"

Pip jerked. How had Damien figured that out? Pip was always awake long before Damien was. "Well...er..."

"I mean, I don't really care if you have random wet dreams or anything," Damien remarked in a seemingly innocent manner.

"N-no! I don't have any wet dreams!!" Pip defended. I just have wet thoughts...AGH! NO I DON'T!!

"Okay, whatever Pip, but you know you can stay on the bed the whole night," Damien said with an air of one who knows something that you don't think that they know. Pip just nodded, fully disconcerted with the comment Damien had just made. I most certainly don't have any wet anythings about anybody, including Damien! I don't! Seriously! Pip wondered just how low he had sunk to have to try and convince himself of something that he knew was most certainly as true as the fact that his parents were dead.

So, this chapter is like my favorite chapter.

Haha.

Forgive me.

So, it doesn't go much into furthering the plot, but it was some good pointless fluff for all you fluff-loving people like myself.

Heehee.

Review it yo.