Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Pairing: Riku/Sora
Rating: R, though for later chapters
A/N:/sighs/ A way over due update I am so, sorry, but at least I'm still working on it. That's something right/crickets/ err right.
Before you read the story I would like to clear up some confusion. When I started this fic back in 2004 CoM hadn't even come out and when it did and I played and finished the game I had almost written half of the story. That being said some of the new characters from CoM/ KH2 won't appear in any of the early chapters and only some will appear later on because they fit in perfectly with the plot. So please keep this in mind when reading later chapters it will help you understand why things are the way they are.
/Ch 9/
"You forgot me."
"You promised you would find me, but you didn't."
"You promised you would never forget me, but you did."
"You broke your promise, you forgot me."
The quiet accusations had been a part of Riku's reoccurring dream for a few nights; the guilt was slowly driving him crazy. But he tried to tell himself it was only a dream, nothing more. Riku tried to keep his eyes from closing in class; his sleep patterns had been nonexistent for the past few days.
"Okay have a good day and remember to at least gloss over chapter nine." Riku heard Michael call out.
Riku was glad he liked his psychology class or else he felt he would be in a lot of trouble, and they were studying his favorite nut, Freud. Students began filing out, but Riku lingered behind waiting for everyone to leave before approaching Michael and Sora who were gathering their things.
"You know?" Riku began. "If Freud had been half right about his theories we would be in so much trouble."
Both Sora and Michael looked up and began laughing at the same time, clearly agreeing with Riku.
"Yes I imagine we would be." Michael said as he finished gathering his materials.
"There is however much to be said about his not so crazy ideas."
Riku raised a brow thinking about Sora's statement.
"If you mean the Ego, Id and the superego, I think you need your head examined. I mean don't get me wrong to some extent I agree but ultimately it comes down to who you are as a person. To me that theory sounds more like Freud's way to excuse his own, irrational internal problems, than actual science."
It was a challenging statement, a challenge Sora took gladly.
"Perhaps but if it wasn't for Freud and his crazy theories where would psychology be today, psychics would be unemployed without dream analysis and where would poor Carl Jung be?"
"Trying to kill his father and bed his mother." Riku answered in a deadpan. Sora stared and laughed, he loved discussing something he knew with someone who appeared to enjoy it as much as he did.
For his part Riku felt a warm sensation spread throughout his body, knowing he was the one responsible for Sora's smile.
"Well gentlemen as much as I am enjoying this discussion I'm afraid I have another class to catch, so have fun and I'll see you both next class session."
Riku and Sora watched Michael leave, once he was out the door Riku turned to Sora.
"Lunch?" Riku asked hopefully as they began walking out of the room and down the hall.
"I would really much rather have lunch with you but I have class in about fifteen minutes. But you can walk with me if you'd like?"
Though feeling disappointed Riku nodded and followed Sora.
"How have you been?" Asked Riku.
Sora laughed and rubbed the back of his head in a tired motion. "Honestly. Terrible, I think I got two hours of sleep last night."
Riku winced and gave Sora an understanding smile. "I know the feeling."
"I almost regret taking so many classes though it's only for this semester. Next semester I'm definitely taking a lighter coursework." Sora said nodding his head.
Chuckling Riku smiled at Sora, wishing the reason for his sleep apnea was coursework rather than weird dreams.
"Plus I keep having these weir dreams."
Riku froze and turned slowly to Sora.
"I keep dreaming I'm giving a lecture to a bunch of old coots on the benefits of using hybrid cars as oppose jet planes, don't ask. When my friend Kairi runs in waving a pair of brightly colored SpongeBob underwear claiming they're my lucky ones and I shouldn't leave home without them." Sora finished and began laughing.
After hearing Sora's tale Riku smile and laughed. Though for a minute he thought Sora was having dreams like his own.
"I miss Kairi." Sora whispered in a somber tone.
"Where is she?" Riku asked feeling a little jelouse.
"She transferred to another school. I knew she was leaving since the beginning of the semester, but she's like my sister." Sora stated which made Riku relax. "You would have liked her."
They walked quietly Riku neither agreeing nor disagreeing with Sora. He had never met his friend Kairi, though he was sure that if she was Sora's friend then she was a great person, like Selphie.
"Selphie was telling me yesterday you guys met in math class." Sora stated returning back to his cheerful self.
"Yeah she's great, she immediately reminded me of my friend Tidus; remember him?" Riku asked.
"Yeah, the blond right?"
Riku nodded. "Yes that's him. They get along great. They both talk so much, though, sometimes I think they're competing to see which one can out talk the other." Sora laughed.
"That sounds like Selphie. So you and your friends decided to come here together or did you guys meet here?"
Riku shook his head and bit the inside of his lip.
"No. Squall, Tidus and I have been friends since we were in diapers. It seems like we've been friends for ever, we had the same teachers most of the same classes. Though, going to the same university was a coincidence, well not for Tidus and Squall they're both studying to become M.D's. I'm here for psychology."
Sora nodded, seeming to be absorbing all the information.
"So this is you guy's first year?" Sora asked and missed the slight frown on Riku's face.
"It's my first year, their second." Riku answered.
"Huh? I thought you were the same age?"
"We are," Riku shrugged. "I just sort of need to be held back a year."
Stopping in front of a classroom door to what Riku assumed was Sora's next class, he smiled at Sora knowing the question was coming and he tried not to sound strange. Sora was after all a psychology major and he could probably pick up on behavior and mood changes easily.
"Why is that?" Sora asked standing close to Riku looking up at him as if it was the most important thing in the world. And that was the problem Sora had always made him feel that way; as if he was the only one in the world who mattered.
"Sora! Just the person I wanted to see. Can you see me before class starts?" Sora smiled at the person who had just saved Riku from having to talk about his accident. Sora nodded to his professor and turned back to Riku and gave him an apologetic look.
"Sorry, tell you what though tomorrow lunch at one?" Sora said looking hopefully at Riku waiting for an answer. As if Riku could ever deny him anything.
"You bet." Riku answered.
Sora beamed, Riku looked startled. Sora had been genuinely excited about having lunch with him, the thought made him smile as he walked down the hall.
Exiting the building through a side door Riku stepped out into a sunny but crisp afternoon and he wondered how much longer the warm weather would last before it gave way to a much chillier fall, not long he suspected.
Cutting through the grass he reached a sidewalk and ahead of him spotted Squall's familiar form. Riku felt a pang in his chest, he needed to talk to Squall and sort out the mess they had made a few days ago. Riku picked up his pace to catch up to Squall.
Once he was behind Squall he stepped to the side and fell into to step with his friend. Squall gave him a look out of the corner of his eyes but said nothing.
"Can we talk?" Riku asked.
"Last time we did that, it didn't go over well." Squall replied still looking ahead.
Bowing his head Riku knew it was true but their little fight hadn't been entirely his fault. "I know, but that doesn't mean we can't try again. Unless of course, you don't want to." Riku asked in a hushed voice.
Out of the corner of his eye, Squall, saw Riku reach up and start fumbling with the chain of his necklace through his shirt, something he only did when he was nervous. Squall sighed and shook his head. "That's not what I want. I'll meet you out here after my class."
Riku nodded in agreement and stopped walking, watching as Squall began his ascend to what Riku assumed was his class. When Riku could no longer see Squall he turned and walked away, burying his hands in his pockets.
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After grabbing something to eat and making small talk with some of his fellow class mates he had run into, Riku decided to head for the Library to do some work and to kill time. He still had an hour left until he met up with Squall.
In the library he headed to the right and up the stairs to the second floor where the study area was. There were tables all throughout the library, groups of people working together filling the room with quiet murmurs. This area was too loud for Riku's taste, fortunately, the second floor also had an area specifically reserved for just doing quiet work not group work, Riku headed for that area.
Rows of tables were illuminated by the sun coming through the wall to ceiling windows. The windows stretched from the back tables running to the side, Riku walked towards one of the empty side tables, pausing a second to look outside. That side of the building over looked one of the university's man made pond, which was also surrounded by willow trees near its bank.
Riku could see a class standing around the edge of the pond with measuring equipment and charts in their hands. Probably a science class, Riku assumed.
Turning away from the sight he sat down, placing his back pack on the table top and began taking out his book and notebook. His mind however wasn't too much on his work; his thoughts kept drifting back to the impending conversation with Squall.
Out of his peripheral vision he caught movement and he turned to see a familiar girl approach. She was smiling at him as she stopped by his table.
"Hi. It's Riku right?" He nodded. "I'm Michelle we have Physiology together." Michelle explained, though Riku had recognized her.
"Hi Michelle, What's up?"
"Well I was sitting over there," She pointed to a now empty table, "trying to understand this case study, when I saw you were here with your psych book and I thought I'd come over and see if you were having more success than I am."
Michelle smiled and shrugged. "I don't know maybe you can help shed some light on this." She finished giving Riku a hopeful look.
Glad to have a distraction from his current thoughts Riku smiled. "Sure pull up a chair. Though I have to say I'm not exactly great."
"Are you kidding" Michelle exclaimed pulling out a chair sitting down. "Beside Sora I think you're the only one who can keep up with Michael."
"Thanks but since I am majoring in Psychology I think it would be sad if I couldn't keep up with the class." Riku explained trying to fight down the blush he felt coming.
"So will you help me?"
Riku nodded and Michelle seemed to relax. "Thank you, I mean I went to ask Michael for help but he said he would be at meetings all week and he said to talk to Sora but."
She said with a shrug leaving her sentence unfinished.
"You don't like Sora?" Riku asked trying not to sound too protective or defensive at her tone of voice. Riku waited for an answered as he pointedly ignored her eyes afraid she would see the annoyance he was feeling towards her.
Michelle's eyes went wide and she shook her head. "Oh no it's not that at all. It's just he is a genius, he's only nineteen years old. When I was his age three years ago do you know what I was doing?" She asked rhetorically.
"I Was back packing through Europe with the guise of trying to find myself when, really, all I wanted to do was get as far away from my parents as I could to get as wasted as I possibly could. And Sora he may as well be teaching the class it's intimidating really." Michelle finished tapping her pencil up and down.
"Wow." Was Riku's unintelligent reply.
She laughed. "Yeah that's generally the usual reaction. So you see I don't dislike Sora, he's just intimidating. And I guess the rumors about him don't help much not that I ever believed any of them."
Riku's brow creased in a frown. "Rumors? What kind of rumors?"
Michelle shrugged now wearing a frown of her own. "Just the stupid kind that envious people make up." She paused and seemed to be thinking about her choice of words. "Sora is very smart, I've even heard people call him a prodigy, but some people would rather interpret his intelligence and grades as to him sleeping with the professor, having some type of nepotism or him being a test subject which made him smart."
"Are you kidding?" Riku asked thinking how ridiculous the accusations were. Michelle shook her head and looked out the window.
"It was the first rumor that stuck the longest."
"Now I know you're just pulling my leg" Riku said his voice sounding amused though uncertainty had crept into the pit of his stomach. Even though he felt like he knew Sora, the reality was he didn't know him at all. He had no idea what Sora's life had been like before him.
"At the time those rumors started there was a professor who Sora was helping. This professor was doing some experiments that were considered unethical and he was fired. Sora seemed devastated but he was never blamed or associated at all with what the professor was doing." Michelle explained.
"What kind of experiments?" Riku asked his mouth going dry his mind not on his question but contemplating the possibility of the accusations against Sora.
Michelle looked uncomfortable. "In all honesty no one really knows, the board members and the department chairs were very hush, hush, and it was scary how virtually none of this leaked out to the media. But when you live in close quarters like these even with thousands of people, it's like a tight knit community where there is no privacy." She frowned.
"I guess someone leaked out that what was so unethical about his experiments was that they were using human subjects, or so the rumors say. They were using orphan children, who were brought to the university hospital for one reason or another."
Riku was silent as he processed what he had just been told. Michelle shrugged and pulled her book closer to herself.
"No one really knows if it's true or not." She shrugged. Riku nodded.
"What happened to his research to the children?" Riku asked curious to know what had happened.
"The research was, allegedly, destroyed. The children; none of them remember ever meeting the professor or ever having seen him. That's why he was only fired instead of having had a harsher reprimand. And all the rumors became just rumors and eventually people blew it off." Michelle said.
"How long ago did this, allegedly, happen?"
"Five years ago."
Riku frowned. "That means Sora was only fourteen." He stated, now doubting all of the rumors made about his friend.
"Yeah that's why people still remember him because he was so young. And that's why people jumped to the conclusion that Sora's presence with the professor was because he was being sexually exploited. No one wanted to believe differently." Michelle smiled ruefully.
"As it turned out Sora was just a young genius, truly aiding the professor with his legitimate work. Don't you remember? It was all over the news; didn't you watch any of it?" Michelle asked.
"No ,I" Riku shook his head slowly. "I was in a coma."
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After that odd conversation which left Riku with a lot of curiosity, they delved into their assignments. Awhile later, Michelle left saying she had another class, Riku nodded and explained he needed to meet with someone soon.
As they parted Riku walked to the science buildings to wait for Squall. He tried to get the story Michelle had just told him out of his head, but he couldn't it was too bizarre. Riku, however, didn't have time to wonder too much on the subject as Squall joined him and silently they began to walk with no place in mind.
"What I said," Riku began pushing all previous thoughts from his mind aside and deciding it was up to him to start this particular conversation.
"The things I said were uncalled for and I do appreciate that you care about me enough to worry, but I don't understand the reason." Riku finished and looked at Squall who was merely staring ahead, Riku sighed and continued.
"And it's my fault isn't it? You and Tidus have been like brothers to me and I have kept things from both of you."
Finally Squall nodded, indicating Riku should continue.
"Squall, before I say anything I want you to listen to me; really listen." With a minute frown Squall nodded. Riku took a deep breath before continuing and sat down on a nearby bench, Squall following suit.
"You were right. I have never stopped believing that Sora is real. I lied to my parents to the doctors and to you and Tidus."
"Riku," Squall began but closed his mouth waiting for Riku to finish.
"I, Sora holds a very dear place in my heart and even though he may not be real in our world he is very real to me and I'm not ready to let him go yet." Riku paused lowering his head. "I'm not sure I ever will," he finished in a near whisper.
"What about the real Sora?" Squall finally asked. "Are you sure you're not trying to find your Sora in him?"
Riku looked down at the ground and then locked eyes with Squall. "No, not anymore." Riku answered.
"I like Sora for who he is, not because he may or may not remind me of someone who is best left as a memory." Riku explained and though he still felt an ache in his heart when admitting his Sora may not have, ever, been real; it was dull.
"Riku as long as you're not harming yourself by wanting to find this Sora I'm behind you. I do worry for you, but like you pointed out it's not really my place." Squall admitted. Riku was about to protest but Squall was not finished talking.
"Just know that you are my brother, regardless of blood and if it is in my power to do so I won't let you get hurt." He paused. "Yesterday I came on too strong and I apologize. If it's Sora this Sora you want to be with; then be with him"
"Squall." Riku whispered.
"And as for what you said before about lying to everyone; Tidus and I know you better than anyone, we knew. We were just waiting for you to be ready to tell us." Squall smiled and sighed. "I know there are things we don't tell each other, I understand that, but know that regardless I'll always be there for you."
Riku nodded feeling an overwhelming feeling of warmth fill his heart. Squall stood up and began to walk away.
"Squall." Riku called and Squall stopped half turning to face Riku. "I love you."
Squall's face softened and his lips pulled up into a smile, 'I love you too.' It was such a soft reply Riku read Squall's lips rather than heard the words.
A shadow was cast over them and they looked up to see a dripping wet, grinning Tidus standing in front of them with his arms crossed over his chest. With a small hop Tidus wedge himself between his two friends placing each arm around his friends shoulders making their clothes wet.
"You kissed and made up," He paused, "expect for the kiss part that would just be weird."
"Tidus." Squall warned.
"Why are you wet?" Riku asked.
"Polo practice." Tidus explained bringing his hands back to himself. "So you guys did talk right."
Before anyone could say anything the squishy sound of soaked shoes reached their ears as an equally soaked Wakka stopped in front of them.
"Tidus," he began out of breath "coach just found what we did in the freshmen changing room."
Tidus's response was to smile as he reclined further on the bench, "So what, he has no proof it was us."
Squall sighed as if saying what did he do now and Riku wondered what kind of trouble Tidus would be getting into.
"Yeah you can say that after you wash the blood from your hands." Wakka smirked as he ran in the direction of his dorm room. Tidus's eyes went wide with fear before he shot up from the bench.
"Hey wait up." Tidus yelled starting to make his way towards Wakka who had stopped to wait for Tidus to catch up.
"What did you do Tidus?" Riku called out.
"I'll tell you later" Tidus replied as he waved good bye showing one brightly colored red hand palm.
Riku smiled as he watched his friend leave. Squall sighed and shook his head looking in the same direction.
"What's wrong?" Riku asked recognizing Squall sigh as one of concern rather than irritation.
"He needs to prioritize. If he wants to become a doctor he needs to pour his entire self into his studies, his grades are already suffering because his Water Polo practices and meets monopolize too much of his time." Squall explained.
"Maybe being a doctor isn't what he really wants." Riku reasoned as he looked up at the sky. Squall nodded.
"If that's the case, he should be trying to figure out what he wants instead of socializing with people who don't give a damn about what he does with his life as long as he's there to pull childish pranks." Squall all but sneered.
A smiled formed on Riku's lips. "Leonhart are you jealous?" Riku teased.
Squall gave him an icy glare. "Of that red-headed jock, hardly." He said with barely concealed disgust.
Riku's smile became wider, he had actually been referring to being left out of the prank pulling, but decided it was wiser not to tell Squall. Though Riku wondered why Squall assumed he was talking about Wakka, who was usually saving Tidus's ass more often than not. Which meant his theory was correct Squall was jealous, Riku just didn't know for what reason.
Freud would definitely have a field day with his friends. He would probably deduce Squall's comment as Squall having repressed feelings for Tidus. The thought almost made him laugh out loud.
Dismissing the thoughts from his mind he put his arm around Squall slightly damp shoulder, courtesy of Tidus, and said, "You are such a mother hen."
For his comment Riku won himself one of Squall's famous irritated "fuck off" looks. Squall stood and walked away calling over his shoulder, "I'll see you later."
Riku chuckled, his gaze still turned towards the sky and suddenly all felt right with the world again.
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Cardel: Is this story ever going to be not confusing?
Jin: Eventually, probably towards the very end.
Demak: Which won't happen unless you write, type, post and update.
Cardel:/taking notes/ Write, type what was the other one?
Jin: lulz! Oh that's sad /laughs/
Cardel: Hey I just finished a grueling semester, leave me alone or I'll go be emo in the corner for the rest of the summer, while ignoring you and your ridiculous demands for angst.
Jin: And the difference from now would be?
Cardel: I'll write anything Demak wants.
Demak:/happy/ yay! Fluff
Jin: Bring it on.
Cardel: And I'll play the Sound of Music soundtrack and put it on repeat.
Jin/shrieks/ AHHH THE HORROR, THE HORRO/ded/
Cardel: Sorry about that, now the part where Riku talks about Freud, that's just me pulling
Sh-t out of me ass, I took one semester of psych and I'm so not an expert. Also I'm having some trouble with a minor part of the fic, originally the second paring was Wakka/Tidus but now, somehow, I don't know how /looks accusingly at Deamk/
Demak/whistles innocently/
Cardel: Squall/Tidus has sort of written itself in, but I can fix it without affecting any of the plot, since it's just a side paring and not the main paring, but I would really like to know what you guys think. Wakka/Tidus or Squall/Tidus? I'm completely impartial I like them both equally.
Demak/pokes Jin with a stick/ should I give him a phoenix down?
Cardel/sighs/ well I still need him so I can finish other projects, so go ahead.
Demak: Oh sure after I give him a little make over.
Cardel: err what are you doing?
Demak: You know how Jin makes fun of me because I'm a guy with pink hair/pulls out pink hair dye/ lulz beware of my wrath!!
Cardel: Umm you're supposed to be my fluff muse.
Demak; Not today /hums row, row, row your boat, while coloring Jin's hair/
Cardel: note to self, don't pass out near Demak. Umm so I hope you lovely readers still remember this fic and let me know what you think.