Oh, oh.
And you want to know what's even better with my whole bad break up?
She never even liked me.
She only pretended to.
It's been over two months and I am trying so hard to let this fucking thing go.
It was 6 days.

6 fucking days.

Back in February.
I should so be over her by now.
But I can't stop thinking about her.
About her beautiful, fucking, absolutely AMAZING eyes.
Oh, if you could see her eyes.
Oh my gosh.
And her smile, when she really smiles, it's like...
It makes my chest burn just thinking about it.

She is the most beautiful girl in the whole entire world.
She's prettier than any celebrity, than any Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood, than any SuperModel, than ANY of your friends.
This girl is the most beautiful girl who has ever lived.

Ok.
I am done ranting about her now.
God.
Gotta let her go.

(S H E H A T E S M E)

Disclaimer: Uhmhmm. Yep. I own this wonderful show. I also own Suave, Honda, and SpongeBob SquarePants. It is too possible to own square pants. You narrow-minded freak.

Chapter 15 - Hot Pink Handcuffs

Pip was in The Room. He had recently dubbed it The Room because it was where he and Damien slept. It was his and Damien's bedroom. However, Pip, being somewhat unconfident about himself and his place in the world, did not know whether it would be too forward of him to say that he was in his room, and to say he was in Damien's room would sound idiotic, because it was his room too! So, Pip just called it The Room. And this is where he was at. He was playing PinBall on the laptop that had somehow gotten brought along, even though no one in the "family" really liked the computer. Pip had sarcastically asked if he could have it, and surprisingly, he had not been denied.

"NO!" he screamed. For the PinBall game had, once again, thwarted his attempt at a high score. And it wasn't even Pip's fault; the ball had gone in that one special place where you can't save it no matter how hard you try. Pip sulked for a moment and then pressed F2 in order for a new game to start. "I will beat 4,267,000. I swear it! Even if it takes a while, I'll stay right here until I see that...High Score!"

Suddenly, the intercom buzzed on. Normally, this would not have scared Pip, except that he didn't even know that the ship had an intercom until now.

"Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, come to the Bridge. That means you Pip, since you're the only one not here," said Sarah. Or rather, said the Intercom, in Sarah's voice, if you really prefer to get technical about it.

Pip sighed and closed his game. That 4,267,000 would have to wait.

"SILENCIO!"

Pip wondered what had caused Sarah to burst out like that. Because no one had been talking. In fact, it had been very quiet, too quiet.

"We weren't talking, dipshit," Damien muttered.

"Oh, but I could hear Pip's traitorous thoughts!"

You're an ugly fat whore.

"I HEARD THAT!"

I mean, you're beautiful, absolutely beautiful!

"I can still hear you, Pip." There was an angry edge to her voice.

No you can't.

"Ok, ok, quiet down now please," Jesus said, with his trademark open-arm display. "Now, we have a lot to discuss about our infiltration of Adam's lair."

Pip was suddenly brought back to reality. That this was not some vacation. That they were here to actually bring down a bad guy, that people could actually get hurt.

"Actually, I've got a perfect idea!" Sarah piped up. "Let's make Pip do it all!"

Pip wondered in his head if they would actually like the idea. Something told him that it would be easier for them to send in some nobody to die than to send in a family member to die. Uh oh...

"Sarah!" Mary said indignantly. "All of your horrible remarks are going to make Pip want to commit suicide!"

"Good. Then he will infiltrate for us!"

Pip didn't bother mentioning that he failed even at suicide.

Damien threw something. Pip didn't see what it was, but when it hit Sarah square in the forehead, she screamed. Did he do that for me?? Oh my, he couldn't have...I mean, not to Sarah, that was horrible, he'd never do something like that for me, no, never...I mean, she's not even being that rude...is she?

"No, no, Sarah. Even if we were horrible people, we couldn't do that. We need more than one person for this plan to work," Jesus explained.

Sarah crossed her arms with a huff. "Well...he should do the hardest part."

There were six audible sighs throughout the Bridge.

Jesus decided to pointedly ignore the terrible remark from Sarah. "Ok team! There are two main objectives. The first is -"

"What's the first one?" Sarah asked.

Satan whispered something in John's ear.

Jesus pointedly ignored her some more. "Like I was saying, the first is to subdue Adam and Lily."

"How the hell are we supposed to do that?" Damien asked. "They're only about the strongest beings in the Universe next to you, Dad, and God."

Jesus smirked triumphantly and produced two pairs of handcuffs from nowhere. Not any normal han cuffs either. These looked like they were made out of thick plastic. They had a little electronic pad on each band. They were probably at least twice the size of normal human handcuffs. And, to top that all off, they were Hot Pink.

"Jesus, those so do not match your robe," Satan helpfully pointed out.

"No, no, no! These aren't meant for me! These are for Adam and Lily."

"That color also doesn't match Adam's eyes at all," Satan added.

"I DON'T CARE IF IT MATCHES!!!" Jesus yelled, while tugging at the hair on top of his head. His lips moved silently, as if counting to ten in his head. Finally, he calmed down. "Ok. These are NOT a fashion statement of any kind. I don't care if it looks bad with Adam's eyes, or Adam's belt, or Adam's earlobe. These are the most powerful handcuffs that I could forge without using any of Dad's miracles. They will subdue Adam and Lily effectively...but only for about fifteen minutes."

"What's the point of that?" Peter asked, quietly.

"Well. The point is that we need to keep them down while we set the bomb."

Pip wondered how the fuck this plan was supposed to work.

"What??"

"Bomb?"

Jesus chuckled, as if he expected people to get confused. "Ok, so it's not really a bomb. It's more like a...well, it doesn't really have a name. We can call it a bio-bomb, I guess, except it doesn't kill every living thing. Instead, it traps every living thing in the hell that Satan created. This hell is basically a fenced off part of Hell, where Adam cannot ever escape. It's a cheap rip-off of Adam's Hell, but hey, it works."

"So, wait. Lemme get this straight," Damien muttered. "We are going to paralyze Adam and Lily and then plant a bomb that will trap them in this hell place that Dad created?"

"Exactly!" Jesus clapped his hands as if to congratulate Damien for being so intelligent. "It's a very simple plan when it comes down to it. It would be amazingly easy to execute also, except that there are henchmen. And this bomb is not overly complicated, so they will be able to defuse it in around seven minutes tops. So, we need to set the bomb for four minutes, at the longest. Any longer, and they could possibly defuse it. However, four minutes does not give one much time to escape this place. Plus, I am sure the henchmen will make it difficult to escape. This is the hardest part. One of us has to get inside, plant the 'bio-bomb' in the direct center of the base, and then make it out in less than four minutes. Because if you are caught by this bomb...you are not escaping."

Pip felt dizzy just thinking about how dangerous that would be.

"I volunteer," Sarah said.

If there were crickets in outer space, you would surely be hearing them making their cricket-like sounds.

"Why is everyone staring at me? I volunteer! I volunteer that Pip should do it."

Pip wondered why he wasn't surprised in the slightest.

"Now, now, Sarah, you can't do that," Mary admonished.

Everyone looked around at each other, fear apparent in all of their eyes. Pip wondered what Damien would do if one of the people in this room were to be trapped indefinitely in his own father's made-up hell. Surely they are much more important than I am...I cannot possibly be selfish enough to not go just because I am afraid for my own life...it's not like I'm important or anything.

"I will go," Pip said quietly.

Everyone stared at him.

"No Pip, you can't do that," Damien said fearfully.

"Y-yeah...I can...I mean, I can run fast, I won't mess it up!" Pip said with a slight stutter.

"That's not what I'm worried about Pip!"

Pip wondered if Damien was actually worried about him. No, he couldn't be...I'm imagining things.

"I can do it," Pip said, more firmly this time. "I swear. I'll do it right! I'll make sure it is planted in the right place, I swear!"

Pip knew that every single person in the room was glad that he had elected to go. They would all much rather it be him than them.

"Ok. Pip, if you really want to, you can do this part," Jesus obliged. "I am going to send 3 of you, with guns, to Adam and Lily to incapacitate them. The guns are merely there so that you can cause them slight pain while trying to force the cuffs over their wrists. Which three of us are going to go?"

Damien and Satan were the only two that raised their hands. Jesus sighed, then raised his hand too. "Ok. Us three will make sure Adam and Lily are paralyzed."

Pip took a deep breath.

"Ok, Pip. We are going to have walkie talkies. We are all going to enter the base at the same time. However, you are NOT going to plant the bomb until I give you the signal that Adam and Lily are subdued. As soon as they are unable to possibly escape or defuse the bomb, you can plant it. And then try to make it out."

Try to make it out. Yeah.

Pip looked around at his fellow shipmates and saw the unease settling on all of their faces. He knew they were all a lot more nervous about this than he was. Death had never scared Pip that much. He had never had anything to lose.

One night. One night was all that separated Pip from his certain death. One night was all that stood between The Whimsical and Adam. One night. One long, dreadful night.

Pip thought he might throw up.

Pip thought better of it though, since he was in bed, and did not want to have to suffer the embarrassment of puking all over Damien.

"Pip, are you absolutely sure you want to do this? You don't have to. You really don't."

"I know I don't have to," Pip snapped. He was in a terrible state of wanting to puke. Nervous twitches accompanied his shaky breaths. He didn't want to do this. But he had to. For everyone else.

"Well jeez, sorry for being concerned about your welfare," Damien muttered, rolling over onto his side, facing away from Pip. Pip instantly felt guilty.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you Damien..." Pip whispered. "I really didn't..."

Damien rolled back over. "I know you didn't...you're just scared. Hell, if you weren't scared, something would be way wrong with you."

Pip nodded. "Yeah...I just...want to puke..."

He was instantly pushed off of the bed.

Pip's head thunked against the metallic floor somewhat uncomfortably. "Ow..." he muttered. "That kinda hurt, Damien!"

"Jesus fuck are you okay?!?" Damien exclaimed. He sounded horrified. Pip looked up onto the bed confusedly.

"Uhm, I'm fine..." he said timidly, wondering if he was stupid to not be in deep huge pain or something.

"DId you hear how loud you hit the ground?!?" Damien sounded extremely worried. He crawled over the bed to the edge to get a closer look at Pip. "Christ, I could have given you a concussion!"

Pip did not understand. It hadn't hurt very badly at all. "Oh, it must have sounded worse than it was, it didn't hurt very much at all! Don't worry!"

Damien offered his hand out to help Pip back onto the bed. "Ok, you sure you're okay Pip-squeak?"

Pip found himself unable to reply, seeing as his hands were within the soft, strong grip of Damien. And Damien's hands felt better than Pip remembered.

"Pip?!?"

"Oh, oh, sorry, I just spaced off there, I'm fine!" Pip immediately yanked his hands away from Damien once he was safely on the bed. "Seriously, don't worry about me," he muttered shortly while curling up under the blankets.

There was a slightly awkward silence for a bit. Damien seemed to be somewhat offended, and Pip was just too damn tired to care. Pip was drifting, almost completely into oblivion. Dreamland was coming closer and closer (although Pip was afraid of what scary nightmares Dreamland would bring).

And then Pip vomited, all over his pillow.

Yeah, I didn't like this one so much.

But I really want to get to the last two chapters.

Haha.

They're going to be pretty good, I think.

By the way, if my estimate is correct, there are 3 chapters left.

I think.

Possibly 4, but most likely 3.

Anyways, yeah, please review?

I would love you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever times infinity + 45489438094832094809328409832094823942834 times 489380984509850943850943850943809!