I am in a rap phase. Hahah. You know the song Glamorous by Fergie? I actually LIKE that song. And there's this other song, My Band by Eminem, I like that song right now too. And of course, I like Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T's, even though that's not rap...I am just completely into the hits right now, ever since my 3 week long trip. My 12 year old cousin brainwashed me. AHHH. Except, I think that My Band is an old song. I don't know. Is it? "These chicks don't even know the name of my band, but they're all on me like they wanna hold hands," bahahhahaha.
Party Like A Rockstar is the most annoying song ever though. I don't know why it's on my iPod. Really! I don't! And I don't know why I'm listening to it and not skipping it at this very moment...really...
Oh yeah, this is the last chapter. :D
Disclaimer: I own the world, baby. The whole fucking world. South Park is included in that little mix, by the way.
Chapter 17 - You Can Stand Under My Umbrella
The first day back in school was quite difficult for Pip, because Damien had decided that he didn't quite enjoy learning, and didn't want to go. Pip didn't hold it against him, however, even though Damien knew how bad Pip got beat up when he wasn't around. Pip had concluded that he wasn't worth it anyways, so it didn't matter. It was better for Damien to be happy then for Pip to be safe.
It had only taken one day back after over a year gone for the American kids to be back into their normal routine from before Damien had arrived. Pip was tripped in the halls, beat up during lunch, and covered in food at any time possible. And, of course, Pip got his first three office calls.
"Pip! It's your first day back from God-knows-where and you're already causing trouble!" Mr. Withers had said the first time.
"Pip! It's the second time you've gotten in trouble in one day! Your bad habits obviously haven't gotten any better!" Mr. Withers had said the second time.
Mr. Withers didn't even speak to Pip the third time. He just gave Pip a mop and motioned towards the bathrooms.
Finally, the bell rang, and Pip trudged sullenly on "home". Damien would be there, and everything would feel all right again. Damien would always be there when he got home from school, so there was no reason to be miserable over the bad day. Hell, he'd lived through about sixteen years of them before Damien had come along.
"Hello, Pip," an ornery and oh-so familiar voice rang out, breaking through Pip's optimistic thoughts. Pip stopped in his tracks as he realized that Cartman was standing in front of him, blocking the sidewalk with his fat ass.
Pip jumped a bit, realizing that Stan and Kyle were now on each side of him, and he looked over his shoulder for an instant and found Kenny. I'm boxed in!
"How does it feel to be back, Pip?" Cartman continued in his ugly and fat way. "How does it feel to know that your little boyfriend doesn't care enough about you to be around to protect you?"
Pip gulped. "He-he's not my boyfriend!" Pip finally managed to say.
The rest of the quartet closed in on him. Kenny stood behind him close enough for Pip to feel his breath on his neck. Stan and Kyle each grabbed an arm. He was officially trapped now. Cartman closed in, finally leaving Pip with absolutely no where to go.
"G-get away from me," Pip whispered.
"You think you can take on us?" Kyle asked.
"Heh, he couldn't take us on if he wanted to Kyle," Stan said maliciously.
"Yeah, face it Kyle -- Pip sucks. No, he doesn't just suck...Pip really sucks!" Cartman said equally as maliciously, if not moreso, than his "friend".
And because of this small insulting interlude, none of them were ready when Pip wrenched his arms from their grips and punched Cartman right on the nose. Everything seemed to stand still for a second. There were no chirping birds, no blowing wind. Everything was dead silent. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, Cartman started to bawl.
Cartman then started running as fast as his piggy little legs could carry him in the opposite direction. The rest of the gang followed behind him, yelling random curses and yells about how much of a pussy he was. Pip breathed heavily.
Did I just punch Cartman in the nose? Did I really just stand up to myself completely?
And he hadn't gotten beaten up more for it. In fact, he had saved himself a beating entirely.
Pip walked back home - I mean, to Damien's house...heh - in deep thought. Half of him was proud of himself for standing up for himself. The other half was scared of the wrath Cartman would return with.
The afraid half won over Pip's mindframe, and he was constantly looking over his shoulder on the way home. Cartman was going to come back for sure, there was no way he was not going to exert his revenge soon. And it would be exactly like before Damien came along.
I wonder what Damien will say? Pip wondered to himself. Would it be better to just keep this whole thing quiet? Or would he be proud of me? I think he might be happy...but then, he might then decide I'm strong enough to protect myself and then he'll leave and then he won't like me anymore!!!
Pip was thinking irrationally, and he was fully aware of it.
The house was deathly silent when Pip walked inside. Usually there was some sort of commotion going on; Satan and John were "talking", Sarah and her friends were watching the Tyra Banks show, Damien was playing Ratchet and Clank on his PS-5 (not yet released). But none of those things were going on today.
"Is anyone home?" Pip asked, albeit kind of quietly. Maybe they all decided to go out to eat and I was conveniently not told about it... It seemed like something that would happen to him. He was left out a lot.
Pip heard a small voice from the living room, and realized that the whole family must have been having one of those secret meetings that they always had had before the whole Adam thing. Pip sighed; next he would be told that Moses was sueing God for making him build the Ark.
The voice cut itself off as soon as Pip got within a close enough range to actually be able to decipher what was being said. Pip walked into the room, and everyone was sitting in whatever place that they could be comfortable.
"What's going on?" Pip asked wearily. "I'm not going to find out about how Abraham wasn't really Isaac's father and how the Jews are going to be kicked out of Israel, so we need to save them, am I?"
Damien was the only one who laughed, and even then, it wasn't a very enthusiastic laugh. It was more of a "heh".
"No, actually, uhm...we're having a party tonight," Satan mumbled.
"Are Cain and Abel invited?" Pip asked.
"Well, actually, yes, they are. But they have to be kept 500 feet away from each other at all times," Mary said, cradling her baby that she had been pregnant with before they had even begun the whole Adam escapade. Mary had named the new child Levi, because she was hoping for him to be good with numbers when he grew up.
"Oh...ok," Pip mumbled. "Would you like me to stay out of the house for this then?"
"Of course not silly!" Satan exclaimed fervently. "You're absolutely invited!"
Sarah didn't look very happy with this.
"Well, uhm...ok..." Pip said. Then, he just walked out of the room and up to Damien's room. He threw his bag onto the floor and sullenly stared. He didn't know why he was in such a bad mood. Maybe it was because he had had to go to school and deal with everyone who hated him while Damien was at home planning a party. Pip kicked the dresser with all the force he could muster. "Aw shit..." he whispered; he had kicked it so hard it had left a dent. His foot was in major pain, but that wasn't why he was 'aw shit'-ing. He was 'aw shit'-ing because he had just noticeably ruined something of Damien's.
Damien then walked in, and asked what the fuck that huge bang was?
"I just kicked your dresser really hard," Pip muttered.
"Why?!"
"I don't know!" Pip protested. "I just don't feel good!"
Damien took one look at the dresser and said, "Pip, you've got one strong leg. Well, actually, I bet they're both equally strong...not that I'd ever get to find out or anything!"
Getto find out? Does he want me to kick him really hard or something? And then Pip realized that Damien had meant something completely different...
"Anyways, how was school?" Damien asked concernedly.
"Well, it sucked, and then at the end of school, Cartman, Stan, Kyle and Kenny cornered me on the sidewalk," Pip remarked casually.
"What?" Damien said darkly.
"Oh, but don't worry or anything!" Pip protested. "I punched Cartman really hard in the nose!"
"Haha. Very funny."
"No, I did!"
Damien's eyes widened the slightest fraction of an inch, and then a big smile broke out on his face. "Pip, that's great! I bet Cartman won't come near you again for a long time!"
Pip smiled. "Oh, but it wouldn't matter anyways, because I know that you'd be here to protect me even if I couldn't protect myself," Pip said, assured in his belief that Damien would always, always be there.
"Oh. Well, about that..." Damien began, but was then cut off by Satan calling them downstairs to help set up the party decorations. "Never mind. I'll tell you tomorrow."
By the time 7:30 rolled around, the party was in full-swing. It wasn't like a teenagers party, it was more like a formal dinner party. Pip was enjoying eating all of the finger sandwiches and had even snatched a couple glasses of wine.
"Attention all party people!" said a man's voice. Pip looked up to the front of the room and saw Sampson, with Delilah hanging off of his arm, slightly drunk. "I would like to make a toast to my good friend Jesus! He's always been there when I needed my sins to be forgiven. Plus, he gave me really cool hair. Anyways, what I wanted to do was congratulate him on defeating that bastard Adam!" The room erupted into cheers. "He and his little posse have made it possible for the Earth to be happy again, for God to actually spend time with humans without being assassinated. I'm just so glad that he's coming home now, Heaven was getting a little boring without him, right Gabriel?" Sampson looked over at the archangel, who grinned while holding up his white wine. "Anyways, let us make a toast - to holiness! Oh, and to Mary's new baby Levi, who I'll actually get to spend some time with now , eh?"
Pip's head was spinning. Jesus and Mary were leaving? The whole room was cheering, like it was a good thing that Jesus and Mary were leaving. But, if Jesus AND Mary were leaving, then Sarah was leaving also. And if Jesus was leaving, then it was almost certain that Satan was leaving, and if Satan was leaving, then DAMIEN was leaving...either to Heaven or to Hell, it didn't really matter one way or the other, he was leaving, Pip was being left alone like he had been so many times before...
Damien rushed up to him through the crowd as Pip tried to walk to the door. "Pip wait, listen, I need to explain!"
"No, no, it's fine, you don't even need to say it, I'll leave, really, you don't need to worry about kicking me out, please don't feel guilty or anything," Pip murmuring as he made his way to the door. "It's not like I'm like a part of your family or anything," he whispered, tears collecting in his eyes.
"No, Pip!"
But Pip was out of the door and running before Damien had a chance to say a word. Pip was running in an all-too familiar direction.
I've been abandoned... Pip thought to himself as he ran. I've been ditched, I'm being left behind, I'm unwanted, I'm not important enough to stay behind for...what did I expect anyways though? That they'd actually stay in this Godforsaken town any longer than they had to? I didn't think so.
Pip finally stopped running when he reached his destination. His box. He had decided, sub-consciously, whilst running, that he would live in his box like he had been before. He walked down the alleyway to where he used to live. Something was different though. Everything was in a different place. And there were two large refrigerator boxes here now... "What the..."
All of a sudden, a guy came out of each large fridge box. One of them was tall with scraggly hair, while the other one was bald and quite short. Pip gasped.
"Who the hell are you?" the tall one asked in a gruff voice. "Looking for some stuff? Well, we don't got any, I just sold the last of my shipment to some fat kid named Crapman or something like that..."
"N-no, I was just..."
The short one had a lecherous grin on his face. "You were just looking for some cash, weren't you? I'm sure with a cute little body like yours it's easy to make a few extra bucks, if you know what I mean," he said, chuckling in a very creepy old pervert way.
"No!"
The two hobos started advancing on him now. Pip was backing up as fast as he could, but they latched onto his arms before he could make a break. "You think you can escape from us, you stupid whore?" the scraggly haired one growled, right into Pip's face. His breath smelled like rotting onions mixed with skunk.
"Yeah, you're ours for good now," the bald one said, chuckling.
Pip struggled, but they had a good hold of him. His eyes started welling up with tears.
And then, suddenly, the most cliche thing happened: Damien came and kicked them both hard in the nuts. Both men screamed and ran off in the opposite direction as fast as they possibly could.
Pip fell limply to the ground.
"Hey, I thought you said that you could protect yourself now," Damien said with a little chuckle while hoisting Pip up by his arms. Only his chuckle was actually comforting, unlike the creepy bald man's had been.
"S-sorry," Pip whispered. As soon as he was standing, he clung as hard as he could to Damien's shirt.
"Don't be," Damien whispered back just as quietly. Damien's arms wrapped around Pip's shoulders protectively. "You should be sorry you ran away from me though...do you really want to leave me that bad?"
"No..." Pip mumbled.
"Well, if you had stayed a little bit longer, you might have been able to let me ask you if you wanted to come to Hell with my Dad and John and me," Damien muttered.
Pip was caught VERY off-guard by this question. Damien seemed to take this as hesitation.
"I mean, of course, it would make you dead and all, but Jesus could easily resurrect you anytime if you decided you didn't want to stay or something! And...you'd get a big King-sized bed...and you'd never get cold..."
Pip laughed out loud at the last thing that Damien had said. "I suppose I wouldn't...but...do you really have room for me?"
"Of course there's room for you Pip, it's Hell, there's room for every non-Morman that's ever been alive," Damien replied dryly.
"Oh...right...sorry...well, uhm, I mean, if you really want me to come..." Pip was unsure if Damien was doing this because he really wanted Pip to come and live with him or because he was guilty for leaving Pip on Earth and wanted to appease his own conscience.
"Of course I do...God, Pip..." Damien's arms wrapped, if possible, tighter around the blond Brit. Pip liked this feeling. He was warm, more thoroughly warm than any blanket could ever make him. Pip hesitantly wrapped his arms around Damien to get them out of the uncomfortable position of being squished between their two bodies. Pip almost expected Damien to push him away then, saying something about how this was "so fucking gay, you're such a fag Pip," or something.
But he didn't. His arms stayed securely around Pip, in fact, more likely tightening than loosening.
Pip decided that everything was right with the world.
THE EN-
And then, Pip got a hard-on.
Pip felt it right when it began, and he tried to pull away from Damien before he felt it too. Shit shit shit shit NO!!! This isn't supposed to be happening! I am not supposed to be getting hard for my best -- psh, my ONLY -- friend in the whole world!
However, Pip was not quite fast enough.
"Pip, what is that I feel?" Damien asked teasingly. Pip thought he sounding a bit ridiculing, but it might have just been his imagination.
"Uh...I was just uhm, thinking, about a girl, YEAH, a really really hot girl," Pip managed to sputter out.
"Right, you were thinking about a hot girl when we're in the middle of a tight and steamy embrace after I just asked you to come live with me in Hell..."
Pip pulled out of Damien's arms completely now. "No, it's not what you think! I didn't even mean to! It just happened, and I swear that I didn't mean for it to happen! I've just been having these weird thoughts, but I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please let me come with you, I promise it'll never ever happen again!" Pip was desperate now. My feelings are ruining everything!
"Well, what if I want it to happen again?"
The next thing Pip knew, Damien's lips were on top of his. Damien's. Lips. He was being kissed by Damien.
Damien pulled away and rested his head on Pip's shoulder. "Have I not been making it completely, utterly obvious that I want you, Pip? Have you seriously not figured it out?"
"No...I mean, yes...I mean, I haven't figured it out!"
Damien laughed. "Well, then I'll just tell you straight out Pip -- I want you as much as my Dad wants John. I want you as much as Jesus wants Mary. I want you as much as Sarah wants me. I want you Pip. To be mine. Forever."
"For-forever?!"
"I'd try to have you longer than that, but it's a little bit impossible," Damien remarked dryly.
"I-I...but...you...me...what???"
Damien lifted his head and looked into Pip's eyes intensely. "You. I want to have you. Will you have me?"
Pip could barely make his head move in the appropriate direction. But he managed to nod. And as soon as he did, Damien's lips (his LIPS) were back to Pip's.
Damien broke away again and leaned his head onto Pip's shoulders, pushing him into the brick wall. "We're leaving tomorrow," he murmured. "Are you ready to go to Hell?"
"Yes...am I ever!"
The Real Actual This Is Really It Except For The Epilogue End
Yeah, there's an epilogue.
Read that too please :D
"You're part of my entity, if for infinity...because when the sun shines we'll shine together, told you I'll be here forever, said I'll always be a friend, told you I'ma stick it out til the end..."
Sorry, I could not think of a good chapter title to save my life. But now you can always think of Umbrella as Pip and Damien's theme song... hehe