Disclaimer: Ok, wait a minute. Hold up. You're telling me that you believed my LIES this whole time? When I was telling you that I owned South Park? You believed that I really did own SpongeBob and Post-It Notes and Wisconsin and all that crap along with South Park? Man, you're a freakin loser.

Epilogue - Are Epilogues Supposed To Have Titles?

It took all of Pip's effort not to cry as he stood in front of the pearly gates. He looked over at Peter, who was back to his normal job, for reassurance. Peter just shrugged and clicked a button, and the gates opened.

Pip was going into Heaven.

Not that he was going to stay in Heaven. Who would want to be there anyways, with all the Mormons running about? He was only going to be here for a little while.

Pip walked along the golden paved roads, watching unattentively as people in sweatervests and floor-length skirts traversed the roads, holding needles, thread, glue, buttons, and other various craft making equipment. They all stared when he walked by -- Pip did not look like your average Heaven citizen.

"Uhm, excuse me...excuse me, miss, could you...sir, please..." Pip tried to grab the attention of the Mormon's, but they all seemed to think he was evil or something, and stayed as far out of his range as possible.

Pip had conveniently forgotten to ask Peter for directions to his destination. Now he was stuck, lost and alone in Heaven.

That is, until he saw a sign, pointing him directly where he needed to go.

When Pip saw the large marble building, he knew immediately that this was what he had come to find. This was the building he was supposed to enter. There was a large queue of people outside, all seeming to be waiting to enter. Pip put himself in line, sighing dejectedly, seeing as he now had to wait for quite a long while to get inside.

So, it seemed like a miracle when a loud, booming voice said, "Pip Pirrup? God would like to see you now."

Pip squeaked and felt himself turn red when all of the others waiting in line started to glare at him when he was able to walk right inside without having to wait. This doesn't feel right, I shouldn't be allowed in first like this, it's unfair... Pip then came to the conclusion that God did not want him to taint Heaven for any longer than necessary, so he had to be talked to before all of the other clean and pristine Mormons.

Pip could barely stop shaking as he walked up to the front desk. An angel with blonde curls was the one who was apparently on duty. He sported a name tag with the name of Gabriel on the front of his robes. "Ah, Pip Pirrup? Yes, yes..." Gabriel filled out a quick form and handed it to Pip. "Up the hall, to the right, up the stairs, through the big double doors. Give this to the man in the booth outside. Have a nice day and enjoy your talk with God!"

Pip tried again and again to quell his fear, but he was just too afraid. What if God like...curses me?! I am such an abomination, what if He decides I'm too disgusting to even be forgiven? I surely am, surely God would forgive me if I were anyone else, but I'm not...

Pip saw the man in the booth, right outside of the enormous doors, and handed him the paper. "Uhm...may, may I go in?" Pip asked timidly.

"Not yet," the man snapped. He punched a few things into the computer, and then pressed another button. The doors flung open.

Pip wondered if God would send him to the Hell that Satan had concocted for Adam. But surely that wouldn't be enough punishment...

As soon as Pip had walked in, the doors shut, leaving Pip alone in a grand hall of marble. He walked forward, seeing that at the end of the hall was a great circular room with a desk. Pip gasped. God is sitting at that desk. Pip stopped walking, and tried to make himself stop hyperventilating. But he couldn't. He just kept breathing and breathing and breathing, until a cold wind passed over him, making him stop breathing entirely.

"I think it would be wise for you to calm down," said a voice. The voice washed over Pip like a bath, cleansing him and warming his bones. The voice was nothing like any voice Pip had ever heard; there was no accent, no tone, no...anything. It was like nothing. A voice made out of nothing.

The cold wind seemed to pick Pip up and pull him into the main area. Pip gasped again as he saw the desk up-close. Behind the desk was a creature that Pip had definitely not been expecting. It seemed to be a half hippo, half monkey hybrid of some sort. Pip wondered how something with such a wonderful voice could have such an ugly body.

"Now Pip, I think that that is a quite rude thing of you to think," God tutted amusedly. Pip sharply inhaled.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean, I mean, I'm sorry!" Pip fumbled around with his words, not quite able to get what he meant out. Oh, this is just like me, to make a fool out of myself before I've even said a word...

God suddenly transformed, into a Man, a Man with long silvery robes and so much hair on His head that Pip could only just see his eyes. "This is what I normally am," God explained. "But, I just love to see what people think when they see my cat-hippo-monkey hybrid form." God chuckled. "So, Pip, there was something important that you needed to see me about?"

Pip closed his eyes for a second. Okay Pip, you can do this, all you have to do is open your mouth and say the words...

"Well, if I were you, I'd open your mouth and say the words," God remarked casually. Pip squeaked and ducked his head. This whole visit is going horribly wrong!

"Pip, please don't be so down on yourself," God sighed.

Pip finally got up his courage. "G-God?" he asked.

"Yes?"

"I...I was, uhm, hoping that maybe You could, well...forgive me," Pip muttered.

"For?"

"For uhm, for...for being gay..." Pip whispered. He half-expected God to start yelling, to kick him out, to say that there was no chance a horrible nuisance like him would ever gain His forgiveness.

"Why on Earth would I need to forgive you for that?" God asked.

"Because, it says in the Bible - " Pip was cut off.

"It says in the Bible, 'A man shall not lie with another man as with a woman'." God sighed. "Everyone took this to mean that a man and a man can't lie together, but that's not what it meant it all! It just means that two men and a woman cannot lie at the same time! See, a man shall not lie with a man as with a woman? That doesn't mean that they can't lie together, it means that a man and a man cannot lie together if a woman is there too! The only reason I even said this was because I wanted the ancestry to be as accurate as possible, and if a woman got pregnant while sleeping with two men...well, who is the father? It would mess everything up. But everyone took this to mean that you cannot be gay!"

Pip dared to hope. "So, uhm, You're saying..."

"Yes, it's perfectly fine to be gay! Why would I create something just to condemn them right as soon as they're born!" God laughed. "There are less gays though, because I wanted to make sure that humans were still reproducing with a male and a female -- if too many people were gay, than the whole species would die out...but if everyone were straight, I think that the world would spring to over-population much too quickly. So, homosexuality is actually quite important, if people want to live on Earth for much longer."

Pip was positively beaming. "So it's okay that Damien and I are together!"

"Absolutely," God said, smiling down at Pip. "Now, was there anything else you wanted to say to Me?"

"Oh, I...I also wanted to apologize for praying so much," Pip mumbled. "I hadn't realized I was being such a burden for praying all the time! I'm really sorry!"

God frowned, his eyebrows furrowing quite angrily. "Pip, I NEVER want to hear you say that again. Do you hear Me?"

"I, yes, I - "

"NEVER apologize for praying. NEVER."

Pip wondered what he could possibly say then, since he WAS really sorry for praying so much. "But God, I was such a burden, You needed to save Your strength up for Adam and I prayed so much, You were probably getting so annoyed with me, just wishing I would shut my mouth!"

And then Pip realized that he had just back-talked God Himself, and immediately started apologizing copiously for that too.

"STOP!" God thundered. Pip shrunk down, feeling very much like an idiot for actually making God angry with him.

"I'm not mad at you, Pip," God said, much softer this time. "It will never be wrong for you to pray to Me, Pip. Remember this. I do not CARE if My energy should be focused somewhere else. I want more than anything to help My children. And you, Pip, are My child. And I want nothing more than to see you happy. Please stop being sorry. I never was getting annoyed with you, not once."

Pip wondered if God did the whole 'gotcha!' thing, and if He was about to say, "You just got punked!" or something like that. Pip was sure that this was too good to be true!

"Pip, let me tell you a story; something I've never told anyone else."

Pip was sure that there was no way that God would ever tell him something that He'd never told anyone else.

"I am going to tell you the miracle I performed that caused Adam to find Me."

Pip gasped. "Sir, God, Sir, I...You can't possibly tell me something like that, there is no reason for me to know," Pip babbled.

"Pip! Oh, My...this is worse than I thought..." God muttered. "I waited too long...I waited too long to do my miracle..."

Pip was sure it would have been too forward to ask why He'd waited too long, especially since he was probably not going to be told the story...

"No, I am still going to tell you the story," God reassured him. "Okay. Well, my miracle, Pip...I created a snake."

Pip cocked his eyebrow. "I, uh, not to sound condescending, but what reason could You possibly have to create a snake?"

God smiled in a way that told Pip that He surely knew something that he did not. "Ah, Pip. There was a very good reason for it, actually. A few horrible, mean boys decided to pull a terrible trick with it."

"You created a snake so that someone could be humiliated with it!?" Pip could not help his outburst -- he knew what it felt like to be humiliated, and the fact that God Himself helped someone do it...

"Ah, Pip, you are misled. You think I did it to hurt someone on purpose...no, no, no. I did it to help someone...someone who had never been helped before in his entire life."

"How does humiliating someone help someone!? I have never been helped by any of the humiliatiing things done to me! NEVER!"

"Are you so sure?"

Pip was seething. This could not be the God that everyone loved so much. There was no way that God Himself could be so horrible, so awful, so nasty, so -

"Pip, what are we going to do with you?" asked the burly, red-haired man. "You always cause such problems at this school!"

Pip sat quietly in the blue plastic chair, not quite understanding what he had done wrong. "Mr. Withers, in all kindness, they put a snake in my shoe..."

"Wait...You say You created a snake?"

God nodded.

Pip thought back to that day. When he had gotten in trouble with Mr. Withers, Mr. Withers and Ms. Keen had assigned him to see Damien around the school.

"If it wasn't for that snake, I would never have gotten in trouble that morning!" Pip said excitedly. "If I hadn't gotten in trouble, than I would never have even met Damien! He was in one of my classes, but he didn't sit close to me or anything. It was all because I had been the one forced to show him around..." Pip suddenly realized that God had risked His life, His sanity, His everything for Pip. "You risked Adam finding You for...for me?" Pip whispered.

God smiled kindly. "Pip, some things...some things are just worth it. You, the most miserable person in the world, and you still believed in Me. I couldn't possibly just let you stay so miserable when there was a chance, a small chance, that I could save you. I'm God, I'm supposed to be saving people, right? I was so ashamed of Myself, of not being able to be there for My children...I had to save you, Pip. I had to."

God walked up to Pip and pressed His hands around Pip's. "Pip. You are the single most selfless person who has ever lived, I believe, besides Jesus of course. I couldn't just leave you unrewarded, miserable, when you were doing exactly what I wanted you to do!"

Pip felt light, like he could fly away. "Oh my God!"

"Pip, keep being a good son. I will try to be a good Father if you continue to be a wonderful child."

Pip nodded vigorously. "Of course, God! I'll do anything You ask me, I'll be a good child, I promise!"

God smiled. "Now, if my All-Seeing Eye thing is correct, I think Damien is missing you a little bit..."

Pip blushed. "Er..."

"You'd better run along. We'll talk soon. Don't worry."

Pip stumbled back out of the room, barely able to believe he had survived.

Thank You God...

By the way Pip, I forgot to tell you, God's voice echoed in Pip's head. You don't suck. Not in the slightest.

THE TRUE REAL END.

So. What did you guys think? Good ending? Bad ending? I thought it was actually a pretty good ending, to be honest. I think I actually pulled off the epilogue pretty well.

Ok. Amazement time.

HOLY FUCKING CHRIST! Did I seriously get such a positive response for this story?? SERIOUSLY?? I have never even written a story before! This was my first chaptered story EVER that I've finished! I never thought I'd finish, I mean, look at chapter 5, I almost DIDN'T. But I finished!

It's all thanks to my wonderful reviewers. Seriously. What's the point of finishing a story if no one likes it? And apparently, a lot of people really liked my story. I am so happy. This is like, my first real big accomplishment. I've finished some songs, I've finished some one-shots, but an entire story? I've never done that. I've never done THIS.

So yeah. Society's Cavity left the funniest reviews ever, I sometimes wrote chapters just to see what she thought of it. Haha. Funny stuff. I love her.

Oh yeah, I wrote a poem! I wrote it before I even started this story I think, but I really like it, so I am going to share it with you real fast:

A beautiful angel, a menacing demon
One is pure, the other a heathen
But coming together they create something new
A child is born, a paradox through and through
Inside his conscience purity resides
But a roaring flame inhabits his eyes
His mind never knows which way to go
Good or bad? He's confused and alone
He wants to fit in, so he hurts someone else
But his conscience reminds him of the trouble that tells
He wants to be naughty, he wants to be nice
He's paying his mother and father's price
He can't go to Heaven, he can't go to Hell
So he stays on the Earth, unaccepted as well
Will anyone love him? Probably not...
The outcasted Brit boy is all that he's got

It's about Damien. And his mom is the heathen one, lol, not Satan. Satan is the pure one.

Anyways. Thanks you guys so much. I am going to bed now. It's 3 in the fucking morning.