disclaimer: even after 36 chapters, i STILL don't own it :-(

Chapter 36

I awoke feeling like a whole new person. When I opened my eyes, everything looked different. It was like someone had adjusted the brightness control on a TV. Everything was clearer, and I could see for miles. I listened. I could hear everything better. I could hear the whisper of the leaves blowing on the trees. I could hear a bug crawling on the bed next to me. And I could hear the Cullens talking.

As I sat up, I felt something odd on my hands. I looked down and saw a cast on my wrist, and bandages on each of my fingers. Carlisle must've somehow put them on me during my transformation. I couldn't help but smile—they really cared about me.

Remembering something from my transformation, I looked over to the corner where the person had been sitting. I wanted to see who had been sitting with me the whole time. But I noticed that the so-called "person" was actually just some clothes draped over a chair. I walked over to the clothes, but stopped halfway there. I felt so different. It was like I was floating, not walking. I grinned and continued to walk towards the chair.

There was a note on the chair. It was from Alice, telling me that these were some new clothes she had bought for me. I put them on, and then walked over to Alice's closet. I opened it and looked in her full length mirror. When I saw my reflection, I gasped.

The girl staring back at me was gorgeous. Her brown hair was naturally curly, and fell just below her shoulders. She had full lips but, like the rest of her skin, they were very white. I reached out to touch the mirror, and noticed that the girl did the same. With a gasp, it fully registered with me that the girl staring back at me was me. I looked down at my hand as it met the glass of the mirror. Something looked different. With another gasp, I realized that my scars—my horrible, ugly scars—were almost invisible. If you looked closely you could still see them, but they weren't as prominent as they had been before. I almost shrieked with glee.

I looked back up at the mirror, and gasped when I saw my eyes. I had become so accustomed to the topaz color of the Cullens' eyes, that it came as a shock when I saw the deep red color mine were. I knew, of course, that my eyes would be red, but it still surprised me none the less.

I tore my eyes away from the face of the beautiful woman in the mirror, and looked at the rest of my reflection. I gasped, again, when I saw my body. I had curves. I turned in a circle, and was in awe by what I saw. The shirt Alice bought me made perfect accented my new cleavage. The jeans she bought made my butt look, for lack of a better word, cute. I couldn't suppress a laugh. My laugh sounded so different—it was a tinkling, musical laugh, just like Alice's.

I heard the Cullens talking again, so I closed the closed door and made my way out of Alice and Jasper's room.

I got outside the room, and looked down the hallway. I couldn't see anybody anywhere. I headed for the stairs, but before I could reach them, I was thrown back onto the ground.

"BELLA!!!" the person who had knocked me down yelled. I realized it was Alice. "OH MY GOSH BELLA YOU'RE ALIVE AND YOU'RE AWAKE AND YOU'RE NOT IN PAIN ANYMORE! OH MY GOSH, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL!"

"Alice! Please let me—" I stopped talking. My voice sounded different. It sounded...velvety. Almost seductive. "…get up…" I finished, marveling at my new voice. Alice got off me, but as I stood up, she hugged me. I knew that if I would've been human, this hug would've crushed me. But now that I was a vampire...

Oh my gosh. I'm a vampire.

"I'M A VAMPIRE!!!" I yelled excitedly into the air. Alice hugged me again and we both jumped up and down, excited.

A moment later, the rest of the Cullen family joined us upstairs. Well, not all of them.

I realized that Edward was still not here. I looked around for him, and then, not finding him, I ran past the Cullens and down the stairs. I had to find him. I ran out of the house, but stopped when I reached outside. I realized that I had run from Alice's room to outside in only one second.

I racked my brain for where Edward would be. The meadow was my first guess. I took off running in what I thought was the direction of the meadow. I realized that I was going completely in the wrong direction. I changed my course and ran the other way.

Eventually, I did find the meadow. But Edward was not there.

I sat back down on the ground, dejectedly. I laid down in the grass, and looked up at the sky. It was a gloomy day, and a dark, gray cloud covered the sky. Exactly my feelings right now.

Why wasn't he here? He told me he would stay by my side. That he would be there for me forever. But he was gone. I thought that he would at least be there when I woke up. I thought that seeing me in pain was just hard for him, so he couldn't watch me during my transformation. But not seeing him when I woke up—that hurt. Doesn't he know how much I need him?

I don't know how long I laid there. After a while, I heard footsteps approaching me. I didn't turn around.

"Bella...?" a male voiced asked. He sounded very surprised, and even a little bit sad and angry.

I turned around, and my face lit up with joy.

"Edward!" I yelled. I didn't care if he hadn't been there for me. He was here now. He was back. I ran over to him and hugged him. He hugged me back, but it wasn't right. I broke away from him, and saw that he looked sad too.

"What's wrong?" I asked him. He looked at me, and sighed.

"Nothing," he replied.

"Edward…" I said, knowing that he wasn't being truthful. He looked at the ground.

"How could I do this to you?" he asked. I walked over to him and put my hand on his cheek. As I did, he gasped.

"What?" I asked him. He reached up, and put his hand on mine. His eyes showed some emotion that I couldn't completely make out. "Edward…?" I asked. His eyes met mine. Then he reached up and put his hands on the side of my face. He seemed to get even sadder after doing this. "What is it?" I asked again.

"You're cold…" he whispered. "I made you…cold…"

"Edward…" I whispered. He took his hands off the side of my face. He turned away from me, and walked towards the other end of the meadow. I chased after him, and was by his side in less than a second.

"Edward…I want this…" I whispered. He turned around, startled to see me next to him.

"Bella…how could I do this to you? How could I let you turn into this...this monster! You could have had a happy life. A normal life. But I took that chance away from you. I should've just—" he stopped quickly, and looked away from me.

I realized what he was going to say. "You should've just...let me die...?" He didn't look up at me.

Those words hurt even more than the fact that he hadn't been there for me. He would have rather let me die than have me by his side right now.

He didn't want me. It was just like when he left. He now realized that we were going to be together forever—that I was going to be with him forever. Always around. An eternal nuisance. He realized that there would be no way to get rid of me.

I turned away from him and began to walk away.

"Bella...I'm sorry..." he whispered. I turned around to face him.

"Are you?" I asked. "Are you really? Or do you think it would be better if I was just out of your life. If I was gone—not your problem anymore. If I was just...dead. Dead and gone."

"Bella...I never said that..." he said. "I just...I can't believe I did this to you."

"You didn't do anything to me," I said, angrily. "Victoria did this. And it's what I wanted. Don't you see that?"

"How could you want to be a monster?" he asked. "How could you possibly want to be something to terrible?"

"Because I want to be with you, Edward," I said. "I want to be with you forever. For the rest of my life. And I thought you wanted me forever, too. But now I can see that you think that this whole thing is just a mistake."

I turned away from him. He grabbed my hand and pulled me back around.

"Bella..." he whispered. He reached up and put his hands on the side of my face. But he pulled away right as we touched. "How could I do this to you..." he muttered under his breath. But I heard.

"You can't get away with that muttering to yourself anymore, Edward," I said. "I can hear every word your saying."

Our eyes met. "I know," he whispered. "That's the problem..."

"The problem!?" I almost yelled. "Problem!? So you think that me being one of you is just a big problem now!? You think that the fact that we get to be together for all of eternity is a problem!? Well, excuse me for thinking that maybe, just maybe, that you loved me. Sorry for thinking that it would be a good thing for us to be together forever."

"Bella...I just..."

"I don't want to hear it!" I yelled. "I thought this would be a good thing," I said as our eyes met again. "But I realize now that it was just a mistake."

I turned away from him and bolted across the meadow.

"Where are you going!?" he yelled after me. I stopped, and turned back to look at him.

"Somewhere where I know the people will actually appreciate my presence," I said.

"Bella..."

"I'll be at your house if you need me," I said. I didn't have to yell. I knew he would hear.

And with that, I took off to meet the rest of my family.

-

As I walked into the Cullen's house, I was bombarded by Alice again. She hugged me again, and I tried to laugh. But it was an empty laugh. It had no life in it. Alice noticed.

"You saw Edward," she said. I nodded. She hugged me again. "That bastard..." she muttered under her breath. We broke apart and she said to me, "I had a vision of what happened between you two at the meadow. I'm so sorry, Bella. Come on, we'll deal with him later. Right now, you have to go talk to Carlisle." She led me upstairs, and in to Carlisle's study.

He politely smiled as I entered the room. "Hello, Bella," he said. "So, you're feeling alright now?" he asked. I nodded, but I did not smile. Carlisle noticed my sadness. "That's good…" he said gently. "Have you noticed anything different?" I nodded.

"Just the normal things that are different between vampires and humans," I said. My velvety, seductive voice had no life in it.

"So, everything looks clearer, you can see hear better, you can run faster..." he trailed off. I nodded.

A moment later, Jasper entered the room.

"Dad, I—" he stopped suddenly, and looked around the room. He saw me, and sighed. "Bella..." he said. I realized that he must feel how much pain I'm in right now. He walked over to me, and for the first time ever, he gave me a hug. "I'm sorry you're in so much pain," he whispered into my ear.

"Thanks," I whispered back. We pulled apart, and he laughed.

"It's good to actually be able to be around you," he said, grinning. I nodded, managing a half smile.

"I'll talk to you later, Dad," he said to Carlisle. He nodded at Alice, Carlisle, and I, and walked out of the office.

"So, Bella..." Carlisle said, but he was interrupted.

"Where's Bella?" someone downstairs asked.

"I'm in Carlisle's office," I said. I knew the person would hear me, I didn't have to yell. Carlisle looked at me, confused.

"Bella, why did you just say that?" he asked.

"Someone was wondering where I was," I said. Carlisle continued to look confused. "Didn't you hear them? They said, 'Where's Bella?'" He was looking at me like I was crazy. "Didn't…you…hear it…?" I asked. He shook his head, and I saw Alice looking at me like I was crazy. A moment later, Edward burst into Carlisle's office. He turned around to face me, and walked towards me.

"Bella…I'm so sorry," he said. He grabbed my hand and said, "I didn't mean to hurt you. She's so cold, and her skin is so white. And her eyes are bright red. She looks so different...but so beautiful..."

I looked at the ground. "Compliments aren't going to make up for what you said..." I whispered. I looked up at him, and he looked confused.

"What?" he asked. Carlisle looked at me, confused as well.

"You just said…but…wait…huh…?" I said I looked at Carlisle, and then back at Edward. "You just said that I looked different, but still beautiful. And then I said something in reply to that…"

"He didn't say that, Bella," Carlisle said. I whipped my head around to look at him.

"Yes he did," I insisted. "I heard it!"

"Bella, I don't think he said that..." Alice said in agreement. I looked around at all of them, and they were all looking at me like I was crazy.

"No," Edward said, a look of comprehension coming on his face. "I thought it!" I turned to look at Carlisle.

"I can hear thoughts?!" I asked, excited, all my anger with Edward temporarily forgotten. Carlisle didn't answer me. "Carlisle…?" I asked a few moments later.

"No…I don't think you can hear thoughts," he said. "I was just thinking something to you, but you obviously didn't hear it."

I was confused. "Then…what…?"

"I think you can hear Edward's thoughts…" he said. I looked at Edward.

"Why only my thoughts?" he asked.

"Well, you take your human qualities into your life as a vampire. One of Bella's main human 'qualities' was her love for you, Edward," he said. I looked down at the ground, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward do the same. My love for him. If only I could know that he still had the same feelings for me.

"So, now you are both connected in a way. But, I think we should test it first." I tried to push my anger and sadness out of my head for a while. I couldn't let my feeling distract me right now. Carlisle walked over to Edward, and whispered something in his ear. Edward nodded, and then looked at me.

I didn't hear anything.

"Um…what's supposed to be happening here?" I asked. Carlisle looked like he understood something.

"Bella, I think your power is that you and Edward can have conversations in your mind," he said, in awe. "You can hear when Edward is thinking something about you. Like, when he was looking for you, you could hear it. I think it has to be something about you, not just anything. Like, just now, I told Edward to think about anything besides you. And you didn't hear it. Does that make any sense?"

I nodded.

"Wow…" Alice said. Carlisle nodded in agreement.

"Let's just try one more thing…" he said. He whispered something else into Edward's ear. He nodded, and then turned to look at me again.

"Bella...I'm so sorry...I shouldn't have left you alone during your transformation. It's just...I couldn't bear to see you in so much pain..." he said. Except his lips weren't moving.

"Oh…Edward…" I said. "I—"

"Wait," Carlisle said. He walked over to me, and whispered something into my ear.

"Bella," he said, "I want you to think this. And don't just think it, but think it to Edward. Pretend you are talking to him, but don't say the words. Think the words." I nodded.

I know it was hard for you, Edward. I just…I just wish you could've gotten past that. I needed you. But you weren't there.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said. His lips didn't move again—he thought it.

I…I know it was hard. But, you can't just turn away every time I am in pain. I need you to be there, like I would be there for you.

I'm sorry. I was horrible. And I didn't make it any better in the meadow. You're just so...different. You're not the same human Bella I came to love.

So, are you saying you can't love me anymore, just because I'm not the same clumsy, human Bella? Now that we can finally be together forever? I realized how sappy this conversation sounded—like something straight from a cheesy chick flick.

Bella...I will never stop loving you. When I was growing up, love was more than just two people who enjoy each other's company. It was something everlasting. I love you, Bella. There may be times when it seems like I'm not there—but I always will be. I'll always love you.

I love you too, Edward. So, so, much.

I walked over to him, and hugged him. And this hug felt right.

The four of us left Carlisle's office, and met the rest of the family downstairs. They all looked overjoyed to see Edward and me together.

We explained to them about my power. Everybody looked just as awestruck as we had.

And then I decided I had to face something that I didn't want to face. As long as I had Edward by my side, I was pretty sure I would face it. "Um…Charlie…" was all I said. Everyone became quiet, and looked sad.

Esme eventually spoke up. "You're dead, Bella," she whispered gently. "You and Edward both. Your bodies were found on the side of the road together, along with your truck. We made it seem like you got in a car accident. Charlie is…" she couldn't finish. I realized how hard this must be for her, having lost a child of her own. She knew how much pain Charlie must be in right now.

Carlisle walked over to comfort Esme. I turned away from everyone.

I would never see Charlie again. Charlie or Renee. Charlie, Renee, or Jake. They all thought I was dead.

And, technically, I was.

Alice's POV

I knew that, if she could've, Bella would have been crying right now. Just like we all had been before.

Carlisle had talked to all of us about the crying. He said that, since the only bodily fluid we had in our system is venom, that we had cried venom tears. It was something that he had never heard of before. He had multiple theories. One was that the reason he had cried was because of Jasper. He had such control over our emotions, and he must have put so much of his sadness into us that it was what Carlisle called "emotion overload." And that caused us to cry.

Another one of his theories was that Bella dying was just such an emotional thing for all of us. That maybe if vampires had an extreme burst of one emotion, it could bring out the human characteristics in us. Like, if we had extreme embarrassment, then maybe we would actually blush.

Personally, I thought it was just a miracle.

I looked back over at Bella. She was in so much pain. She lost her mother and father today.

"Charlie…Renee…" she whispered. She began to fall onto the ground, but Edward caught her. He walked over to the couch and sat down, and pulled Bella into his lap. She rested her head on his shoulder, and Edward wrapped his arms around her. Just like Carlisle had done to Esme three days ago.

Bella's old life was over. But her new life—a life with us, as a vampire—was just beginning.

So this is the last REAL chapter. The next one is the epilogue. Ya.

Hehe.

Please review!!!

-danielle-